Author's Note: This is just for fun. This story is in no way related to my other Inu-Yasha story, "Hear No Evil." Basis for this story comes from the fact that I obviously watch too much TV. Have any of you seen those commercials for AXE Effect body spray that is portrayed as able to make men irresistible? Yeah. Combine things like that with the mad mind of a fanfic authoress, and this is what you get.
Disclaimer: I own neither Inu-Yasha, or AXE Effect Body Spray or any related copyrighted material related to either.
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How Dirty Boys Get Clean
(or, Don't Give Your Demons Body Spray)
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It was summer. The sun was high overhead, gleaming bright as a jewel shard in the sky. Inu-Yasha shielded his eyes from its glaring brightness, frowning at the cloudless sky. It was hot. It had been hot for the past seven days, and it didn't show any signs of getting less hot. It was starting to make him very irritable, not to mention sweaty. Normally he would have preferred spending the entire accursed season of summer somewhere in the deep woods, or perhaps in the higher places of the mountains, where it was cooler. Even now, he knew of a cool spring near to the village that would provide relief from the heat.
But Kagome was due to return any moment, and so he had to sit by the sacred well and wait for her return. Before she had returned to her time (she had said something about needing to send in college applications, whatever those were), the heat had been making her rather irritable too. She had complained constantly about the things that the feudal area lacked, proper baths, electric fans, air conditioners. Inu-Yasha had obligingly found some ice to dump down the back of her shirt, but for some reason, she hadn't appreciated it much. He was still a little sore from the "Sit boy!" she had screamed at him. If he had known she would be so ungrateful, he would have saved the ice for himself. At least Kagome's outfit had short sleeves…
"Inu-Yasha!" Kagome's voice insistently broke into his thoughts.
Inu-Yasha peered down the well at Kagome. She stood on its dry bottom, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Well?" she demanded after a moment, when Inu-Yasha hadn't moved. "Aren't you going to help me out?"
"Yeah, yeah…" Inu-Yasha grumbled, helping to pull her out of the well. Human limitations were a continuous bafflement to him, sometimes. Despite their weaker bodies, surely strong girls like Kagome would be able to get out of the well by themselves.
"Phew," Kagome muttered as Inu-Yasha set her on firm ground. She pinched her nose, glowering at him. "For goodness sake, Inu-Yasha, when was the last time you took a bath? You smell all sweaty."
"Well maybe I wouldn't if I didn't have to sit in the sun waiting for you!" Inu-Yasha shot back. "What took you so long, anyway?"
"What are you talking about, I'm early!" Kagome retorted. "Now be nice, or you won't get the present I brought you. Now where are the others?"
Inu-Yasha made a vague gesture toward the woods, where Miroku, Sango and Shippo had opted to wait farther away, where there was shade. They had reasoned that Kagome would only need one person waiting by the well to help her out. And before Inu-Yasha had realized it, he had been elected for the job.
"Hey everybody!" Kagome called as she headed into the shady woods to join up with the others. "I'm back! I brought presents!"
"Yay, Kagome!" Shippô of course was the first to come running at the first mention of presents.
Kagome caught him in a hug, ruffling his hair. "Wow, you're getting so big, Shippô!"
"It's probably all the snacks you're feeding him," Miroku said, getting up from his seat to greet Kagome. "He's probably just getting fat."
Shippô stuck his tongue out at Miroku. Miroku obligingly returned the gesture.
"It's good to see you again," Sango greeted Kagome, smiling at her. "I hope you had time to enjoy some of those comforts of home you were missing."
"I did!" Kagome said with a wistful sigh. "I got all my work done, then went down to the temperature controlled mall. And I brought presents!" She dropped her backpack on the ground, digging through it for her gifts. She handed Shippô several bags of the snacks he liked and a new pack of crayons. Miroku received several… rather suggestive manga (Kagome never told him how much she blushed when making that purchase, but she figured he would enjoy them). Sango was delighted with the new outfits Kagome gave her.
"And this," Kagome said, plopping a long black canister into Inu-Yasha's hand, "is for you. Use it, you stink."
Inu-Yasha frowned at the item. "What is it?" He clicked his nails on the container, not understanding what she meant. Whatever it was, it didn't seem to do anything. It was an odd thing, a strange tube, and it sounded kind of hollow. Written in white on the side read AXE Effects Body Spray.
"Here." Kagome took it back, showing him how to work the spray. Inu-Yasha wrinkled his nose at the faint smell that came out. Kagome handed it back to him, then gave him a push toward the spring. "Now go WASH! Wash your clothes, wash your hair, wash everything."
"She's right, Inu-Yasha," Sango said, holding her nose. "You do smell. This heat isn't good for you. I never realized demons sweated so much."
"Yeah, you know, I thought dogs didn't sweat at all," Shippô said. "They just stuck their tongues out and panted or something."
"I am not a dog!" Inu-Yasha growled.
"No, but you still stink," Kagome said pointedly. "Go clean up. And then use that spray, it'll keep you from getting all stinky again."
"Keep Inu-Yasha from getting stinky?" Shippô laughed. "I thought you said you didn't have magic in your time!"
Inu-Yasha left, ignoring the sound of their laughter behind him. He didn't really think he smelled that bad. But if all the others thought so, maybe he did. He could use a good bath anyway; it would cool him off.
It did feel a lot better to peel off his heavy, hot garments and jump into the water. He didn't hurry, taking his time in leisurely washing every inch of himself, washing his hair out several times, until he was sure none of his friends could complain about him stinking anymore. Then he washed out his clothes, glad they were made of sturdy stuff, otherwise he would be washing holes in them. Then he hung his clothing on a tree branch, lounging on a large, flat rock until he was dried as well. He took a few cautious sniffs of himself, satisfied that he was stink-free.
He grabbed his dry clothing off the branch, then picked up the body spray Kagome had given him. He was a little hesitant about using it, knowing that so many demons had very acute senses of smell. But possibly the scent would disguise his own smell. And it would be nice to not get so smelly again. Following Kagome's instructions, Inu-Yasha sprayed the stuff all over himself. Several moments and a long sneezing fit later, he got dressed and headed back to his companions.
"See, that's so much better," Kagome pronounced when he returned. "Doesn't it feel nice to be all clean again? Mmm, and you smell good." She took a long sniff, looking dreamily at him.
"Yeah, you do," Sango agreed, moving closer and taking a deep breath of his smell. "You smell really good!"
"Er, yeah, thanks," Inu-Yasha muttered, a little confused as to why Sango seemed interested in getting so close to smell him. He pushed her a little away from him, only to have Kagome move up against him on his other side. She pulled the collar of his clothes to one side, all but burying her face against his neck to breathe in his scent.
"Kagome!" Inu-Yasha yelped, shoving her back. "What are you doing?"
Kagome pouted at him. "But you smell so gooood!" She curled closer to him, clinging to his clothing and taking deep breaths of his smell. Sango quickly imitated Kagome, clutching at Inu-Yasha.
"The girls are right," Miroku said, somewhat in awe. He moved up behind Inu-Yasha, breathing in the smell of his hair. "You smell incredible."
"All of you, get off me!" Inu-Yasha yelled at them, trying to push them away. None of them seemed to be listening, all far too interested in getting as close to him as possible, basking in his incredible smell. And he wasn't sure which of them (he'd probably bet on Miroku, but he didn't want to think on that too much), but somebody was groping him. This was way, way too weird. "Off! Get off!"
"Mmm, it smells nice!" Shippô proclaimed, latching on to Inu-Yasha's leg and snuffling at the fabric of his pants. Kagome was pulling at the top of Inu-Yasha's clothing, trying to pull the cumbersome garments off. Both Sango and Miroku were trying to tug his pants down, trying to get their hands on bare skin.
That really was the last straw. There was no way Inu-Yasha was just going to stand here and let his friends molest him! Frantically, Inu-Yasha shoved them all away with force, shaking Shippô off his pant leg, and running for his life into the woods. He could hear them all behind him giving chase, pleading for him to come back and let them smell him. He was only glad that Kagome seemed too muddled to yell "sit!" at him. That would have slowed him down for sure, and then he would be caught. And then… well, he wasn't entirely certain what they wanted to do to him, but he had some idea, and he didn't like it. He had to get away from his friends as quickly as possible.
He ran until he could no longer hear them behind him. He paused, trying to catch their scents, to see if they were near, but all he got was a heavy whiff of the body spray, which sent him into another sneezing fit. He would just have to trust that they were far enough behind him to be unable to trace him. Though just because he couldn't smell them, didn't mean they couldn't smell him. And at the moment, he really did smell. He had to get this thrice-damned stuff off of himself!
Inu-Yasha ran on, thought at a somewhat slower pace, listening for the sound of running water. Finally he heard a waterfall nearby, and he sprinted to find its source. Maybe another good scrubbing would get the smell off of him. The waterfall wasn't large, splashing into a little fishing stream. Inu-Yasha knelt by the water, splashing water on his face and arms and scrubbing at them frantically.
"Hey mutt-face," an annoying familiar voice interrupted him. Kouga stood leaning against a tree, watching Inu-Yasha in amusement. "What are you doing? Kagome throw you out because you stink or something?"
"None of your business," Inu-Yasha muttered, sparing the wolf demon only a dark glare before he returned to the task at hand. "And I don't smell bad. At the moment, I know that for a fact."
"Well you sure smell like something," Kouga said, moving closer. "Whatever you've got on you, it carries for miles. I followed it here." He took a deep breath of Inu-Yasha's smell as he neared, a soft, dreamy smile crossing his face. Inu-Yasha watched him approach with some horror; Kagome had given him that same look just before she had attacked him.
"You stay away from me," Inu-Yasha commanded Kouga sharply.
Kouga ignored that, dropping to his knees beside Inu-Yasha, bringing his face in close and taking another deep breath. "Mmmm, you were right though. You don't smell bad. You smell really, really good."
Inu-Yasha yanked back before Kouga could grab him, leaping to his feet and backing away slowly. Kouga stood with fluid grace, his tail swishing behind him as he stalked closer. Inu-Yasha may have been able to out-run his human companions, but Kouga was a wolf demon with magically enhanced speed. It was going to be harder to escape this one.
"Um, Kouga, Kagome will probably be here soon. Why don't you just sit and wait for her, and I'll go this way, and…" Inu-Yasha realized he was babbling.
"Don't want Kagome," Kouga said, humming softly in pleasure as he took another breath of Inu-Yasha's smell. "Want you." His grin was a little malicious and very un-Kouga-like. He beckoned Inu-Yasha closer. "Come here."
Inu-Yasha ran for his life.
He could hear the sound of a whirlwind behind him as Kouga gave chase. He wasn't entirely certain he would be able to get away with his life (or his dignity, or innocence) intact, but he would be damned if he didn't give it a good try. There had to be somewhere that he could find sanctuary, somewhere where there would be no demons or humans to smell him, someplace where he could clean himself thoroughly, or at least wait until the damned scent had faded.
Unfortunately, the only place he could think of at the moment was dangerously near to his brother's territory. He would just have to pray that Sesshoumaru was not at home.
Inu-Yasha ran harder than he could ever remember running, until all sound faded behind him. He paused, leaning against one of the thick trees of the deep woods, listening hard for any sounds of pursuit. All he heard were birds singing in the distance, and luckily for him, none of the birds seemed to have any interest in the way he smelled. Inu-Yasha continued on, walking silently and warily, searching for any place he could bathe or hide out.
A twig snapped behind him. Inu-Yasha whirled around, groaning when he saw none other than his older brother Sesshoumaru watching him from the shadows. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at his little brother.
"It was something of a surprise to catch your scent so far into my territory, little brother," Sesshoumaru murmured, taking a step forward. "I am quite curious to know where you think you are going, or what you are running from." He took a deep breath, frowning slightly. "You smell quite peculiar today."
Inu-Yasha stumbled backward. "Get away, Sesshoumaru. It's not safe around me. Get away while you still can."
"I was thinking of saying the same to you," Sesshoumaru said. He walked forward purposefully. Whatever his little brother smelled of, it was terribly attractive. It was making it rather difficult to think. It was making him feel… rather deliciously predatory. "But though a chase might heighten the anticipation of catching you, I think we can dispense with such foreplay, hmm?"
Damn. Inu-Yasha had really been hoping to not get Sesshoumaru involved in all of this. He was getting really exhausted from running. He grasped for his sword, swiftly pulling out the Tetsaiga and holding it protectively in front of him. "I'm warning you," Inu-Yasha snarled. "Stay away from me. I just want to get this damned smell off, and then I'll be out of your territory. Don't make me hurt you."
"I didn't realize you were into such things," Sesshoumaru murmured. "But if you insist…" He withdrew his own sword, lunging at Inu-Yasha immediately.
Inu-Yasha fought back frantically. But Sesshoumaru had always been faster than him, and he seemed even more so now. Sesshoumaru fought almost as if he were in a dream, seeming vaguely amused by the whole thing, as if it were a sort of game. But it was not a game he seemed to want to play for very long, for in the end he made only a few swift moves to knock the sword from Inu-Yasha's hand, swiping his own sword at it to knock it out of Inu-Yasha's grip.
"That's better," Sesshoumaru murmured when Inu-Yasha was unarmed. He tossed his own sword off to the side as well, with careless disregard for what happened to either weapon. Right now he had far more interesting things to concern himself with. "Now come here."
Inu-Yasha ran. He didn't get very far, however, when Sesshoumaru grabbed the back of his clothing, dragging his little brother into his embrace. Sesshoumaru took a deep breath of Inu-Yasha's scent, breathing it in as if he couldn't get enough of it. His claws tugged insistently at Inu-Yasha's clothing, lightly slapping away Inu-Yasha's hands when they tried to stop him. Sesshoumaru ran his tongue over Inu-Yasha's neck and along his shoulder, finding that he tasted as good as he smelled.
Inu-Yasha groaned, struggling weakly in his brother's grasp. He took several shallow breaths, feeling his mind get a little cloudy. He felt a little weak all of a sudden, quite unable to do anything about Sesshoumaru's touches but enjoy them. Inu-Yasha was woozy and hot, and suddenly he realized with some amusement that something really did smell pretty good.
And as Sesshoumaru lay him down on the impromptu nest made of their clothing, that was the last coherent thought Inu-Yasha had.
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"Inu-Yasha!" Kagome called. "Where are you?"
She had the others had been searching for hours. They didn't remember very much of what had happened to drive Inu-Yasha off. Kagome's head still felt a little fuzzy, and whenever she tried to think back to earlier, her memories all blurred together in a muddy mess.
"Inu-Yasha!" she called again into the woods.
"Yeah, yeah," she finally heard Inu-Yasha reply. He wandered into the clearing, plopping down onto the ground and yawning hugely. "I'm here. You can quit yelling now."
"Where have you been? We've been searching everywhere for you!" Shippô demanded. "And… phew, you stink!"
"Ugh, you do!" Sango said, holding her nose. "What have you been rolling in?"
"I haven't been rolling in anything." Inu-Yasha combed some of the leaves and dirt of his hair.
"You're disgusting!" Kagome said. "Go take a bath. And here, I found this." She slammed the canister of AXE Effects Body Spray into his hand. "You really should keep better track of you stuff."
Inu-Yasha glared at the container, then threw it far into the woods. Kagome gawked at him, but Inu-Yasha ignored her as he went to find someplace to wash up.
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Sesshoumaru watched the little group from a distance, concealed in the shadows of the woods. He watched as Inu-Yasha tossed away the human girl's gift, then walk off. Silently, Sesshoumaru moved from his hiding place, collecting the black canister off the ground. Holding on to his prize, he went to find his little brother.
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The end.
That's it, that's all, there isn't any more.