The Barbie Girl World
An Inuyasha Fiction by StarFoxRocks
Chapter Eight: Burpin' Kitties!!!
Everyone was unusually bored... again... but it is different, after all, its everyone who's bored, not just Inuyasha. But he's always bored, so it makes no damn difference. Lay off me!
Suddenly, that one guy from Paper Mario 2... uh... the dude from the Glitz Pit... uuuuhh... Grubba! That's his name! The funny lookin' blue clubba guy... that's him... I'd provide a description, but it takes too much time. If you don't play Paper Mario 2, that's not my problem. I laugh in your face!
"Well, hello there!" Grubba yelled in a strange Texan accent. "You guys bored?"
"Wow! Amazing!" Inuyasha yelled. Everyone blinked.
"...well, howdy dang. Well, since you guys obviously are bored to a toot, how 'bout we all get into the fight ring and BRAAAAAAAAAAAAWL?!"
Miroku blinked. "What?"
"Fight to the death," Grubba summarized.
"Count me in!"
Sango nodded. "Yes, we must kill each other."
Kagome said, "We'll do it, but under some conditions. We have to put in the whole Inuyasha cast."
Grubba agreed. "Done!"
Everyone nodded, then ran off to get the other cast members. Grubba began to talk to himself.
"Whooooo-wee! Time for some fun! I can't believe I'm gonna rip off everyone like I did last time, using a big machine to kill everyone! Not kill as in rip apart, kill as in stun! In a killing way! Boy, do I make some witty sense! Whoop-dee-doo!"
He waited patiently in an impatient way. Soon, the whole Inuyasha cast arrived. The main characters, that is. I'm not showing people in only a few episodes... I laugh in your face.
"Is that all?" Grubba observed the small crowd. "You! Wolf Boy! What's yer name?"
Koga stepped forward. "I'm Koga. And that's Wolf Man!"
"Whatever, Wolf Boy," Grubba muttered. He turned and observed Kagura. "Well hot dawg on a stick! You're a fine female!"
"Don't make me curse you," Kagura muttered darkly.
"Whoa now! That was deep!" Grubba shouted. "How 'bout we talk 'bout... something... in my office. Please."
Kagura rolled her eyes. "Fine... it'd better be good, though."
They walked off.
"Office?" Kagome asked. "What office?"
Suddenly, a giant stadium appeared beside them.
"Wow! Magic!" claimed Shippo.
"There's no such thing as magic," Miroku pointed out. "Except for Monkry. It's sorta like Wizardry, but isn't."
"That makes perfect sense," Shippo said sarcastically.
Miroku began to take deep breaths of air. "Help! I'm drowning in sarcasm here!"
Shippo rolled his eyes.
"Really, I can't breath!" Miroku gasped.
"Stop that!" Shippo demanded.
Miroku drowned and died.
"...oh dear," Shippo gulped.
At that moment, Grubba and Kagura walked out from the Stadium entrance. Kagura had a strange smile on her face.
"What are you smiling at?" Sesshomaru said curiously.
"...nothing," was her response.
Grubba said cheerily, "Okay, we're nearly ready n'all, so why don't you all move yer buttocks over to- holy cow on a pogo stick! What in tarnation happened here?!"
He grimaced at the sight of the dead, drowned Miroku.
"Who did this?"
All eyes were laid on Shippo.
"Hey, where'd my eyes go?!" yelled Sango.
Shippo shook himself, so all the eyes on him fell off.
"Eew! Sticky!"
There was a loud rush and a struggle. But, somehow everyone was able to get their correct eyes in their correct sockets.
"Did you kill this 'ere monk?" inquired Grubba.
Shippo looked around frantically. "Um... no!"
"Okay then!" Grubba walked off.
"Wait!" yelled Naraku. "He killed him with his sarcasm!"
Grubba turned on Shippo. "THAT LITTLE LIAR! I'LL KILL 'IM!"
HE STRANGLED SHIPPO TO DEATH WITH HIS LARGE, SWEATY BLUE HANDS. tHEN HE-
"Yo... caps lock," Inuyasha muttered. "Aha! He turned it off! He knew I was gonna point out the caps lock, so he turned it off!"
NO I DIDN'T.
"Yes you did."
SHUT UP OR I'LL DELETE YOU FROM THIS FIC!
"Just turn off the damn caps lock!" demanded Koga.
FINE... jackasses.
Everybody celebrated, the jackasses.
"We're totally not donkeys," Rin said. "Right, Jaken?"
"Um... sure... I'm a goblin man!"
He danced to the tune of that Macho Man song. Everybody ganged up on him and kicked him... it hurt.
"Now now, save all that kickin' and gang bangin' for later!" Grubba broke up the fight. "Come along now, I'll show y'all to yer rooms in that there stadium! Come along!"
It was a while later. Suddenly, in the big field in the stadium, a fight ring appeared. Grubba climbed up the stairs on one side and grabbed a microphone.
"Alright, are we all ready to rumble!?"
A crowd appeared, consisting of many anime fanboys.
"w00t!"
"roxor my soxor!"
"i r t3h 1337"
"ownz0r!"
"rofl lol"
Grubba was confused. "What? Roffle? Is that Spanglish? Anyway, we've gathered here to watch all the Inuyasha characters beat the livin' daylights out of each other, mainly because we're idiotic fanboys who can't buy lives on ebay! Now who wants to see a rootin' tootin' fight!?"
Everyone cheered more n00bish remarks.
"w00t!"
"4w3sum d00d!!"
"7074lly 0wnz0r!"
"lmao"
Grubba blinked. "...right... anyway, here's our first awesome match – Koga versus Totosai!"
They both stepped onto the ring.
"Be gentle, okay? This is my first time," Totosai muttered.
"Get ready to... FIIIIIIGHT!" yelled Grubba. He stepped back as the bell rang.
Totosai raised his fists. "Okay... nice and easy..."
Koga slapped Totosai on the face. "Wolf slap!"
Totosai rubbed his jaw. "You did not just slap me..."
Koga slapped him again. "Wolf slap double!"
"Don't do that!" Totosai yelled.
"Wolf slap triple!"
Before he could slap him again, Totosai bit his arm.
"Ow! My arm! I'm gonna get cancer, like you, old man!"
Totosai looked quizzically at him. "Cancer? No, no, that's all wrong. I've got conspitation!"
Koga collapsed on the stage. The bell rang again.
"We have a winner!" Grubba yelled, stepping over to Totosai. "The GREEEEEEEAAAAAAT TOTOSAI!!!"
Everyone cheered... sorta.
"yeah!"
"you keeled Koga you rox!"
"stfu d00d koga rox mor than dum ould toto"
"u stfu!"
"omg dai!"
"Totosai, any remarks on your victory?" Grubba held the mic up to Totosai, who cleared his throat, and yelled:
"I totally smoked that bitch!"
"Did you see me? I totally smoked that bitch!"
Totosai was bragging in the minor league's room. Everyone kept giving him looks.
"Will you shut up already?" asked Inuyasha.
"But I smoked a girl dog!" Totosai protested. "Surely that means something!"
Koga muttered, "I'm a guy, you old coot."
"Yes, these are some nice eyes," Totosai looked around. "I'm going out to find a dog to smoke. I'll be back."
He walked out of the room.
"What a jerk," Kagome said. "He goes and kills Koga like that!"
Koga looked up. "What? I'm still here."
"I can still hear his voice on the wind," Jaken muttered sadly.
Koga stood. "I'm right here!"
Sesshomaru sniffed. "If I was gay, I would totally rape him."
"I'M STILL ALIV- EEEWW!"
Naraku glared. "Shut up, we're shunning you!"
Koga glared back. "Fine! I'll go where ever Totosai is going and... um... bang a dog, or something. With a gun."
He walked off.
Miroku yelled, "Anyone wanna buy my soul?!"
"I do!" called out Sesshomaru.
Miroku held up his sandal sole. "Five bucks."
Sesshomaru grabbed his wallet. "Damn!"
Koga was walking around, when he heard a voice outside of Grubba's office.
"I wonder who that is!" he wondered aloud.
Grubba's voice answered. "Um... nobodeh! Go away and bang that dog like you said you would! I know because I'm an evil ghost! GHOOOOSTY!"
Koga squealed. "No! There's a ghost stalking all the fighers! I must warn them!"
Suddenly, he was sucked into non-existance, where he got cancer and AIDs from hot wolf sex, even though there wasn't another wolf in sight, and that he didn't exist anymore.
Grubba's voice said, "Well I'll be danged... that actually worked!"
It was the next day. Inuyasha and Miroku were up on the stage with Grubba.
"'Ello, fanboys! Are we ready for another BRRAAAWL?!"
Everyone cheered their n00bish remarks. I would write them out, but I'm getting to tired of it, and I'm also lazy. Really lazy... or maybe I'm just tired. You know what, just leave me alone. I'm gonna go cry in the lonely corner of my room.
"Good!" Grubba yelled. "'Cause today we're gonna watch the Irritable Inuyasha versus Miroku the... Monk. The guy I somehow revived!"
Miroku blinked. "Miroku the Monk? Flashy!"
"Okay, ready? FIGHT!" screamed Grubba. The bell rang.
Inuyasha charged forward. "Eat my dust!"
Miroku readied his staff. "Never!"
Inuyasha ran in circles around Miroku. He was running so fast that dust began to form. Lots and lots of dust!!! Miroku began to gag.
"NOOOO! HOW IRONIC!"
He choked to death. The bell rang.
Grubba stepped forward, coughing. "We have a winner! The Irritable Inuyasha!"
Inuyasha looked at Grubba. "Irritable Inuyasha? You sayin' you've got a problem with my attitude?"
Grubba pushed Inuyasha back. "No, it fits you."
"Fits me?! Like clothing, or what?"
Grubba pushed him again.
"Don't push me!" yelled Inuyasha.
Grubba pushed him again. Inuyasha fell off the stage and was knocked out for a really bad reason in which I cannot bring myself to explain. Inuyasha's just a girlypants, okay?
"Well I'll be!" Grubba said. "I knocked him out! Looks like the real winner is... ME!"
Inuyasha woke up and found himself in the ventilation shaft. As he looked around, he heard Grubba's ghosty voice.
"Bwahaha! Now that I have beaten the Irritable Inuyasha and proclaimed myself Champion, even though I am the referee and therefore could be sued somehow for doing it, I shall rule the world with my soul-sucking machine!"
Drew Carey sang. "OH IDY IDY IDY IDY IDY IDY I-DY!!!"
Grubba laughed. "Whatever, Drew. Anyway, I probably would get sued, so now Kagura comes into my plans!"
Inuyasha wondered aloud. "Kagura?"
Grubba heard his mutter. "HUH?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! IS SOMEBODY UP THERE?!"
Inuyasha quickly decided to trick Grubba into thinking he was an animal. He responded as following: "BEEEEEELCH!"
Grubba blinked, then sighed.
"Well I'll be! It's just one of them burpin' kittens. Nothin' to worry about, come along Drew."
"OH IDY IDY IDY IDY IDY IDY I-DY!"
Grubba and Drew Carey left the room. Inuyasha jumped out of the vent by bursting through the grate that went to Grubba's office, making an unnecessary amount of noise.
"I've got to tell the others!"
He ran out of the office, past Grubba and Drew, and entered the minor league room.
"Omg! Grubba is evil! He attacked me and plans to make Kagura champion so he won't be sued!"
Kagome blinked. "What?"
Suddenly, the walls fell apart. Everything broke, forming a big dust cloud. When it cleared, only the stage was visible. Grubba was atop it.
"Well! You've gone and given the slip on me. That just toots my horn, mister! And for that, I shall kill y'all!"
Sango readied her boomerang. "Bring it on, bitch!"
Grubba blinked. "I believe you're the girl dog here, lady. And taste some of THIS!"
He suddenly turned into a large form of himself with red skin and funny green eyes, with white hair.
"Behold! MACHO MACHO GRUBBA! I SHALL OWNZERIZE ALL OF YOU!"
Sango threw her boomerang. Totosai threw a missile. Inuyasha threw a nuclear warhead. Sesshomaru threw an atomic bomb. The objects exploded.
Nobody got hurt, though, for a really gay reason. Everyone and everything was fine.
Drew Carey sang, "OH IDY IDY IDY IDY-"
Grubba stomped Drew flat. "GOD that is annoying!"
"What'll we do?" Kagome cried desperately.
Naraku stepped up. "Yo! Grub man! Your momma's like a flashlight; even 2 year olds can turn her on!"
Grubba glared. "Yeah? Your momma's like Home Depot – five cents a screw!"
"Your momma's face is so ugly, when she looked into the mirror she got cancer!" Naraku retaliated.
Grubba was taken aback. "Well, your momma's a respected member of the community!"
"Nobody talks about my mom like that, you evil jerk! Take this!"
He back-flipped, and during the process he broke his spine and died. There was an uneasy silence following.
"Uh... so, anyone else notice how Jude Law is in everything all of the sudden?" Kagome asked.
Macho Macho Grubba turned on her. "Ha! I'll give you some darn tootin' law!"
Kagura walked up beside him. "And I shall own you, with my newfound champion skills!"
Grubba was confused. "Wait just one moment, sister! I didn't give you the champion title yet!"
"That doesn't matter," Kagura muttered. "I proclaim myself champion now. Surrender or die, all of you fools!"
Grubba was outraged. "Now wait right this second, miss! That is treason, you yellow bellah!"
Kagura sliced and diced Grubba into chunky macho pieces with her fan dance.
"Nobody calls me yellow. I'm not from the Simpsons, damn it!"
"Yes you are," Jaken muttered.
"Liar!" Kagura pointed her fan Jaken.
Jaken rolled his eyes. "What are you gonna do? Bitch slap me with a fan? You pussy."
Kagura bitch slapped him with a fan. He died.
"How unexpected," Sango muttered. "Hey, where's my boomerang?!"
Kagura held it out. "Looking for this?"
Sango ran towards her. "Boomy!!"
Kagura stood aside and held out the boomerang. As Sango ran by, she raised her foot and tripped Sango, who fell, but was still able to get the boomerang. She hit her head on it, though, turning her in to her untimely death.
"Death by boomerang?" Inuyasha asked. "How sad."
"I know, it's totally depressing," Kagome muttered.
Inuyasha cried.
Kagura observed the remaining people: Inuyasha, Kagome, Sesshomaru, and Naraku.
"Looks like you'll all have to band together to stop me," she observed.
"We don't have to," Sesshomaru pointed out.
Kagura looked confused. "Huh?"
Naraku pointed. Kagura turned around to see a kitten behind her. It was a fluffy wuffy kitty.
"Awww... how cute!" she reached down to pet it.
Suddenly, the kitty let out a large burp. It was so large, bad, and stinky, that it tore off the skin of Kagura. She was soon nothing but a skeleton.
"Yay! I love kitties!" Inuyasha yelled.
But, the kitty was an eeeevil burping kitty. It was so evil, it decided to gather up evil Russian kitties and they took over the world. When everyone accused them of being communists, they took over Mars as well. Inuyasha was served as a virgin sacrifice to the evil kitty god, and the others... they kinda got away, I guess.
End of Chapter Eight