The Barbie Girl World

An Inuyasha Fiction by StarFoxRocks

Chapter Nine: The n00b Zombie Virus

Everyone was in a lively discussion. They were out somewhere in Barbie Girl World, where there were grasslands and bushes everywhere. They were all sitting on logs.

"So, have you played Halo?" Inuyasha asked.

"Do I have a halo?" Miroku asked. "Yes, I do."

"I'm talking about that one game, for the Xbox," Inuyasha muttered. "And I don't see any halo over your head, mister."

Kagome said, "I don't have an Xbox. I have an Xcube."

"Well, I have a GameBox!" yelled Sango. "What about you, Shippo?"

Shippo turned around. "Me? I have a GameBoyCubicleStation X9, and the first game for it – Grand Theft Auto: Antarctica!"

Miroku stood up from his sitting position. "omg! You lucky bastard! I wanted that game so badly!"

Shippo blinked. "But it's only for the GameBoyCubicleSation X9."

"Liar!" Miroku shouted. "It's also for the Portable Computer and the Z-Gage! Not to mention the Radio! Now gimmie that game copy!"

He lunged toward Shippo, who squealed and threw it to the right. It landed on the ground, next to somebody's feet.

"omg!" Shippo yelled loudly. "omgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!! Hey, you! Grab that for me, will you?"

The person had funny looking pale skin, like a zombie. Except his eyes were huge, and had little pupils in them.

"omfgroxelfors," the thing muttered.

"What?" Miroku was confused. "I'm sorry, I don't speak British."

The thing seemed offended at his remark. "WUT TEH ROFL DOFFLE!"

"Speak English," Sango requested.

The thing charged at Miroku.

"What do you want?!" he yelled in a panic.

The thing grabbed Miroku and grabbed him in the arm.

"OOOOOOOOOOOWWW!" he yelled with pain. "I think you fractured my spangliss!"

"Oh noes!" screamed Shippo. "That's bad! We need to get you to a hoSPITal!"

"That's not funny!" Miroku blinked with pain.

The thing, meanwhile, turned on Sango. "wtfbblsroflwhat!"

"What do you want?!" Kagome asked, even though Miroku had asked that and it provided no answer.

"I want monee. Right now," the thing answered.

Suddenly, a smart old Chinese man appeared and killed the thing with a fan.

Shippo blinked. "Who are you?"

The smart old Chinese guy said, "I am the Emperor of China."

"Are you Osama Bin Ladin?" asked Kagome.

"Yes!"

"No!" yelled Shippo. "You're mean! You're... uh... the guy who... erm... started the Nazis!"

"My History teacher didn't say that!" Kagome said. "That liar!"

"Wait!" The Emperor of China slash Osama Bin Ladin said. "I'm not really Osama. But I have a Hitler Oompa Loompa with me."

The orange Hitler Oompa Loompa jumped out of the Emperor's bag. "OOMPA, LOOMPA, OOMPADY DOO! I'VE GOT ANOTHER FACIST REMARK FOR YOU!"

A communist mutant from outer space flew in and abducted the Hitler Oompa Loompa. Nobody saw him until 2015, when he was illegally cloned through dust mites and pancakes.

"About time that happened," the Emperor of China said, checking his watch. "Look, just call me 'Emp' or 'Emperor' or something. But not 'Empy'. I hate that. It makes me sound like one of those ugly trolls."

Miroku was bleeding to death. "Did you call the medics yet?"

"Yeah, whatever," Emperor said. "Wait a minute! You were bitten!"

"What?" Inuyasha asked.

"These things are called n00b zombies," the Emperor explained. "When they bite you, you slowly become a bad grammar spewing smelly zombie machine! You must die!"

"Wait!" Kagome protested. "I have the freedom to go against your idea of killing him, even though there's no way to save him and he'll probably kill us if we take him with us! Give us a chance! We can save him, even though there isn't a way we know how to without medical professionals and hoSPITals!"

"Stop saying that!" Miroku yelled.

"There is no way to save him," Emperor stated. "You just said so yourself."

"Well, stop listening to me, damn it!"

Miroku was slumping against a log. "Hey, I'm getting kinda dizzy..."

"Shut up, the grownups are talking!" Kagome ordered. "Anyway... let's take him with us!"

"Fine..." Emperor muttered. "I shall agree to take him with us for no apparent reason, even though I am aware that once he is a flesh eating cannibal machine he will attempt and probably succeed in eating me and turning me into one of those things. Let's go."

They all stood up and walked off, except for Miroku, because he was dead. Shippo actually noticed, and hopped back to check on him.

"Hey, lazypants, get up!"

Miroku's eyes suddenly bulged. His flesh turned all pale and greasy, and his nails grew.

"Yuck!" Shippo yelled. "You need a tailor!"

Miroku ripped off Shippo's head with a single hand.

"omgfediquabo!"

"Where's Miroku?" Kagome asked.

"Where's Shippo?" Sango asked.

"Shut up," Emperor muttered.

"Why?" asked Kagome.

"Because you touch yourself at night," Emperor answered.

Kagome gasped. "HOW DID YOU KNOW!?"

"I didn't," Emperor replied. "You just told me."

"Um..." Kagome looked around. "No, I didn't."

"What are we gonna do?" Inuyasha asked.

"We must return to the cliff and fireplace where all the chapters usually take place," Emperor answered. "There it will be safe. But, out here, anything can happen!"

He yelled the following words as lightning struck Sango and set her on fire, while many bushes suddenly sprouted legs and devoured her.

"Holy crap!" Inuyasha cowered up against Emperor.

"Get off me..." the old Chinese guy said. "Hey! My name is Emperor!"

Inuyasha fell against Kagome.

"I want you inside me!" he said.

"WHAT?!" Kagome yelled, slapping him.

"Ow," Inuyasha rubbed his face. "Hey, what was that for?"

"For being a horny bastard! Cut it out!"

Inuyasha got confused. "What?"

A n00b zombie suddenly popped out of the ground.

"h4h4h4h4h4 j00 stup1d5," it roared like a ferocious fly. "1 h3v4 m1nd-c0n7r0ll3d j00!"

"What?" Inuyasha asked. "Sorry, I don't speak Mexican."

The n00b zombie took offense to his remark. "r4wr! 1 347 j00! Grrr!"

It charged towards Inuyasha.

"Don't insult Mexicans, they're cool!" yelled Kagome.

Emperor stepped in the way. "Stay back!"

The n00b zombie followed suit.

"Now do 10 push ups!" he commanded.

The n00b zombie obliged.

"Run!" Emperor yelled.

The n00b zombie ran away.

Inuyasha and Kagome looked awkwardly at each other.

"...how the hell did that work?" Inuyasha inquired.

"I've been watching Family Guy," Emperor explained. "Come on, let's go."

They bumped into Koga on the way.

"omg koga!" yelled Kagome. "You must come with us! n00b zombies are attacking!"

"Sure they are," Koga agreed. "But instead, I'm going to hit on you in the most perverted fashion while ignoring the fact that you're faced certain death in the face and are trying to protect my life, whilst I take advantage of your feelings and put them in the most completely wrong way."

"We can do that later!" Kagome shouted. "Look out! Here comes one now!"

Koga turned towards the n00b zombie behind him. "I shall take care of this vermin, and then demand that you have sex with me because I'm a man."

He raised his hand. "Let's see if this works!"

He poked the n00b zombie on the shoulder. Nothing happens.

"Damn it!" he began to poke harder. "Work! WOOOOORK! WOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRK!!!!"

The zombie reacted by biting off his finger. Koga raised his hand to look at the bloody stubs.

"Well, that's not good."

The n00b zombie then began to eat Koga, tackling him and rolling around on the floor atop him.

"Ow. Scream. Yell. Pain," Koga said as the zombie bit his neck. He looked up at the others. "Say, shouldn't you guys be ditching me and ignoring my cries for help?"

"Oh... yes!" Emperor said. He turned and ran away. So did Inuyasha and Kagome.

"You know what sucks the most?" Inuyasha asked. "I'll never be able to buy an Xcube now."

"Will you shut up?" Kagome rolled her eyes.

Inuyasha's mouth suddenly had a zipper, which zipped his mouth shut. He screamed muffled screams, gagging because using your nose to breath wasn't invented yet.

"Ignore him," Emperor said. "Just keep walking."

Inuyasha died. Kagome looked back.

"I said ignore him!" Emperor yelled. "Not me! If you look back again, I will jettison you!"

Kagome looked back at Inuyasha. Emperor jettisoned her.

"Oh, damn it," he muttered. "Now they're all dead. I failed to save them. My employers never should have relied upon a feeble old Chinese emperor to handle the job anyway."

He sat down and waited for his doom in the hands of a bunch of n00b zombies.

"Oh well! Where's my GameBoyCubicleStation X9?"

End of Chapter Nine