Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine.
A/N: After a bit of debate, I decided NOT to end the story so soon. I think I can go for a few more chapters, because I want to give this story the conclusion it deserves. As always, big thanks to all my readers who continually encourage me to keep going.
Chapter Nine
I was forced to squint as soon as I tried to open my eyes. Bright sunlight filtered into the room, the heavy curtains having been drawn back from the windows. I threw a hand across my face lethargically and twisted so that my back was to the windows. Sighing deeply, I drew the covers up over my shoulders and snuggled further into the softness of the bed in search of a return to sleep. It was only as I attempted to focus once again on sleep, that my senses naturally began to awaken and I slowly realized that several things were out of place.
As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt strangely disoriented. Walls existed in my room where there should have been none and my door had somehow managed to change its location over the course of the night. I sat up swiftly, rubbing my eyes and taking note that all my furniture had disappeared as well. In the sudden cold, I clutched the blankets to my chest and inhaled a scent that was clearly not my own. Gulping deeply, I slowly realized that I was alone in Erik's unfurnished and abandoned room. I suddenly felt quite small sitting there serenely, assailed by the memory of his lingering presence.
But where had he gone? I remembered how he had held me the night before, singing a soft a tune in my ear. Why had I not awoken with him beside me?
I made my way over to the door slowly, my feet chilled upon the cool floor. It was ajar, but only by a fraction so that I could dimly perceive a thin sliver of the room beyond it. Voices drifted out to me and I frowned when I discovered that Erik was not alone. From my position, all I could see was the angular form of the Persian seated wearily before the cluttered table. He was nursing a mug of tea, sipping it thoughtfully with a frown upon his lips.
"You must do what you think is right," Nadir was saying, his gaze fixed on a point beyond the scope of my view.
"You know that my judgment has not always been…clear," Erik returned quietly.
I frowned and strained to get a glimpse of him, daring to push the door open a crack further. Uncomfortable, I had the distinct feeling that I probably should not have been eavesdropping on their conversation.
Nadir took another swig of the tea and shrugged, "And you know my opinion on her."
I heard Erik sigh deeply; "Perhaps I should not have relented so easily last night. She clearly still cares for the boy."
"Clearly," Nadir muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Nadir lifted an eyebrow, "Of course she still cares for him how could she not? But it was to you that she ran; to you that she came with her troubles."
"That doesn't mean a thing," Erik returned. "What if the only thing she desires from me is protection? She knows I will help her willingly, but she may not wish to give me anything in return." I heard him shuffling papers nervously at what was probably the piano, "What if she betrays me again, Nadir? I don't think I can live through that twice in a single lifetime."
Dear God, he still didn't trust me!
"As soon as she is safe, she will leave me at the first convenient moment. I know she will, and all will be as it was before."
Each word was the additional thrust of an icicle into my heart. I crouched by the door on shaking feet, my knees beginning to grow weak. What would it take to make him believe me? What would it take to remove all fear and doubt from his heart?
"You don't know that," Nadir suggested quietly.
"Don't I?" Erik's tone was slightly harsher than before. "She kissed me last night and then begged me to stop! Why, Nadir? Why?"
Nadir shrugged innocently, seemingly unmoved by Erik's angry tone. "Women are strange creatures and I don't pretend to understand them. Sometimes it is better to let them have their whims."
"Their whims?" Erik echoed disbelievingly. "I am tired of all her whims! Yet, why do I give in to her time and again? I'm never myself around her and I hate that feeling of not knowing who I am!"
"And who are you, Erik?" Nadir inquired quietly.
"How should I know?" Erik yelled suddenly, and I heard him slam an unforgiving palm against the soft keys of the piano. A shriek of dissonance emerged from the instrument and he snarled back at the Persian, "Why don't you tell me since you seem to know so much about everything else?"
Nadir's eyes narrowed, "Watch your temper. You asked for my advice and I was simply giving it."
I blinked at Nadir's berating words, for it sounded for all the world like he were chastising a shrill child.
Erik did not relent in his sudden rage, "How the hell am I supposed to know who I am when I don't even know when my own birthday is? Certainly an amusing question, daroga."
Nadir stretched his legs wearily and laid his teacup aside on the table. "I suppose you have a point," he admitted slowly. "Then try asking yourself who you are to other people. Perhaps that would be a more valid question."
"Who am I to other people?" The anger once again began to dissipate from Erik's voice, "That is something that I do not enjoy dwelling upon either."
I saw Nadir was staring at Erik pointedly and could only imagine the exasperated expression upon the masked face of his friend. How long had these two known each other, anyway? Nadir was the only man whom I could ever recall giving orders to Erik without being punjabbed instantly.
"Well?" Nadir asked, raising an eyebrow.
"What an intriguing exercise," Erik told him dryly. "I killed your son, daroga. What am I to you, then?"
I managed to stifle a cry of dismay before I gave away my position. Had he really? Sweet lord above, had Erik killed Nadir's child?
Nadir flinched and looked away, but he was not angry. "Nature is a cruel goddess…" he whispered, and I was sure the words were not his own.
For the first time, Erik came into my line of vision. He reached for the curtains behind Nadir and slowly drew them closed, throwing the room into a ghostly shade hidden from the bright sun. "She certainly is," he agreed softly, his hand touching the material of the mask upon his face.
Nadir stood quietly, his sleek form slumping heavily in the shadows; "You loved the boy and did what I could not. That does not justify or excuse a thing, but you still mean much to me." He paused and then added, "Even if you are an infidel."
At the last phrase, Erik laughed quietly. He began to sort the last remaining articles upon the table, which was now nearly empty. "You have an odd taste in company, my friend," he remarked.
Nadir snorted and rose to allow Erik space to gather his things. "When are you leaving?"
"As soon as…as soon as Christine is ready," he replied quietly. "If she still wishes to go with me."
"You will stay with her?"
"I will take her only as far as Sweden. After that, it is her choice. Until then…"
"You will distance yourself," Nadir put in. I saw him shake his head sorrowfully, "Erik, you must confront her -."
"About what?" Erik turned and glared at the Persian. "Every touch she gives me is a precious gift to be cherished; every rare kiss a jewel unlike any other. I would never do anything to risk that."
Even in the dim light of the room, I could see that Nadir frowned. "Risk what? She has told you that she loves you unconditionally!"
"She has told me much," Erik replied quietly. "No, daroga, I will keep my distance. It is better that I do so."
I felt the sobs begin to gather in my chest, for it seemed that the closer to him I tried to be, the farther away he retreated.
Nadir voiced my worst fears aloud. "You still don't trust her," he marveled disbelievingly. "The woman even invited you into her bed!"
"A pity that our interpretations of such an invitation seem to differ," the other shot back. "All she would let me do was to hold her! She constantly tempts and leaves sweet promises of more, but she never gives anything at all!"
Attempting to be patient, Nadir continued, "Christine is a woman of honor; as much as you hate to hear it, she loved Raoul. It seems that it wasn't meant to be between the two of them, but she will still mourn that loss. They were childhood friends, and such bonds are not easily broken. Have you not considered that perhaps the Comte suffers as much as you do now?"
"Don't you dare liken me to that pathetic boy," Erik warned.
"She needs her time to mourn," Nadir went on as if Erik had not spoken. "And as one who loves her in turn, you must respect that."
"I will respect it by staying away before she hurts me again as well."
Nadir threw his hand down upon the table, causing me to jump in my hiding place. I drew on deep breaths to calm myself, startled by his sudden anger. "You stupid lump of bones!" He shouted out the words, and thinking the insult too mild, added additional offensive words in what I assumed to be his native tongue. I saw Erik glare with irritation, but Nadir went on in French once more, "Good Allah, both of you suffer from misunderstandings! You must speak plainly, you idiot! Would you rather live out the rest of your ghastly life in misery, than simply talk to her?"
"Daroga -," there was a distinct warning in Erik's tone, but Nadir furiously ignored it.
"Have you never considered that you confuse her as well, Erik?" Nadir continued to glare and his anger did not lessen. "You hold and kiss her tenderly one day, yet at the next moment you behave almost as if the two of you were strangers. Stop pitying yourself and talk to her!"
"Because she !"
Nadir shook his head, "No, don't blame it on Christine alone! Both of you are at fault!"
Defeated, Erik threw himself back into the chair wearily and propped his chin up in his hands. "It's no use, daroga. I know you're right, but if she doesn't love and trust me now, then she never will. I don't even know if I can ever trust her again."
Nadir leaned against the wall and crossed his arms; "It's worth the risk, isn't it?"
"Is it? I hardly know. You wouldn't happen to have any morphine, would you, Nadir?" Erik looked up hopefully at the Persian, who made a grimace in turn.
"I thought you gave that up years ago."
"I did. Now I need it again to ensure I don't do something to Christine that I'll regret."
"I refuse to see you recklessly waste your life away on drugs again," Nadir shook his head. "What do you want, Erik? Do you know what you want?"
"Morphine," Erik muttered stubbornly.
Nadir scowled, "What do you want from Christine? If you could speak to her without fear of losing her, what would you say?"
"I asked you for your advice, not these futile exercises."
"What would you say?" Nadir repeated obstinately, his voice low and demanding now. "If you answer my question, I will let you be."
Erik groaned and looked at the floor, clasping his hands over his head now so that his face was completely hidden. I shifted in my position uncomfortably, feeling guilty for eavesdropping on what was an intimate conversation clearly not meant for my ears. The prudent course of action would have been for me to withdraw silently, but still I lingered, drawn by my curiosity.
"What would you say?" Nadir repeated quietly, still standing by the wall.
"There are many things I would say," Erik murmured hesitantly. "If only I possessed the courage, I would ask her to be my wife. I would ask her to perhaps give me children and to stay with me in a place that we could call our own and no one else's. I desire the same things as any other man, and all my life I have been denied them." He looked away from the floor wearily and up at Nadir, "There is so much more, but what is the point when I will never have the courage to face her?"
Nadir sighed just as tiredly and rubbed at his eyes. "Erik - ."
"Last night she asked me to hold her, but today she will only flit away from my touch as she always does," Erik interrupted. "If I spoke to her plainly, she would merely give me that lost wide-eyed look and turn from me completely. It will be as last time, and I will lose everything and more."
"You know, I never took you for a fool," Nadir commented, beginning to walk across the room. He moved outside my view, but I heard him open the door and pause to say, "That is, until now."
My eyes widened, but I saw that Erik did not move a muscle at Nadir's comment. He continued to sit before the table impassively, his hands clasped thoughtfully beneath his chin. Finally he spoke, "I believe you have business to attend to, daroga." It was as plain a dismissal as he would give the Persian.
"You imbecile," were Nadir's last words before I heard the door slam behind him.
I watched Erik hunch tiredly in the chair and found myself unable to turn away. When he finally moved, it was to crawl to his knees before the curtained windows, clasping his hands together before his heart as a suppliant might. His lips began to move in some ancient Latin prayer, so soft that I almost missed it.
Then he spoke again, and this time I understood. "Forgive me, Father," he whispered, staring up at some unseen point. "How does one say it? Yes, I have sinned. But you already knew that, didn't you? Will you listen to a child who has ignored you for so many long years? Can I even call myself yours when Lucifer has so clearly branded his mark upon my face?"
He had stopped his speech momentarily, frowning in the dark and looking back down. I almost drew back from my hiding place, worried that he would see me. Still, he did not chance to look in my direction, and I allowed myself a shallow breath.
"Will you hear the words of this wandering child?" He went on, smiling with a hint of what one might call irony; "You must hear me, for even your angels turn to me at the mere sound of my voice. I could have the world with this one gift that you have given me; yes, I could control any creature to my utter delight… Yet I do not. Why did you see fit to give me a heart, you cruel God? Why did you find it necessary to give me this damned conscience and a thing called remorse that eats away at me with every passing day?
He stood up now, drawing the curtains apart slowly. "You should know that monsters ought to be deprived of such things. If you feel you must take every other thing from us, then at least let us be ignorant of the fact that we suffer! Let us not know what it is like to feel emotions! Let us remain naïve when it comes to things like love and hate!"
I crouched silently upon the ground, rendered motionless by his sudden prayer. The sunlight began to come back into the room, and soon he stood bathed in the cheery afternoon sunlight.
"For so long I believed that I did not care a whit for any member of the human race. I never even valued the friendship of the daroga, and the only creatures I ever truly loved were Sacha and Ayesha. A dog and a cat, you wicked God! Those were the only souls that you ever allowed to care for me in return. Why could I not have been content with the love of a dog and a cat? Why did you have to make me fall in love with one of your angels?"
My lip began to bleed, for I had bitten it unintentionally in my shock. What was he saying? How could he torture himself so when I was not even worthy of his love?
He placed a hand against the windowpane, staring absently at something outside. "I want nothing for myself I know that you ceased to care for me long ago. Only let Christine be happy, that's all I ask. Hear her prayers, for she is the fallen angel from heaven, cursed by my love. Let her be free from it! Let her find her happiness, far from me!" He laughed very suddenly in stark contrast to the rest of his words, "Damn you, Lord. Damn you for ever bringing me into this world. Why do I even bother to address you now when all my life you have deemed your ears too lofty to hear my prayers? Damn you!" He ended his speech with a desperate sob, the sound shocking to me, for I had only heard him weep once before.
I was torn between going to him, betraying that I had heard his every word, or returning quietly to bed and pretending as if it had never happened. I finally opted to feign sleep, for I knew that my presence would only anger him in all likelihood and send him even further from me when he knew that I had heard words he wished to keep secret.
And how I longed to escape the sting in that ethereal voice that did not belong on this Earth! I wanted to shut it out of my ears and to leave behind all of it.
I crept back underneath the covers, huddling beneath them and sinking into the softness of the bed. Shutting my eyes tightly, I nearly screamed out in pain. Would he never trust me? Would he never allow himself to love me again as he once had? I had been so hopeful the night before! I had truly believed he would never leave my side and might even one day consider giving me the life I had once believed Raoul might share with me.
Would he never forgive himself?
I waited for him to come back into the bedroom to wake me. Still, he did not come. I heard him moving around in the adjoining room, presumably collecting his things before departure. Then, his footsteps moved to the other door that led to the corridor, and I knew that he had left the set of apartments.
Sitting up swiftly, I rushed out of the bedroom, worried that he had decided to abandon me completely and leave for London without me. To my relief, I saw that not all his belongings were yet packed away, and I seated myself before the piano despondently. I experimented with a hesitant set of mournful notes, extracting an unpracticed sound from the instrument. Despite Erik's best efforts, I had never been gifted with the piano. At best I could only manage a simple melody, and even then with the use of the same two fingers throughout the entire piece.
A tentative knock at the door brought me swiftly to my feet. I ran to the door, fully expecting to see Erik standing there with his confession for me upon his lips but as soon as I flung open the door, all I saw was the timid face of a young maid bearing a tray. "You sent for breakfast, Madame?" She inquired, offering the tray up to me. "Where shall I set this?"
I stood back and allowed her into the apartment, frowning in my disappointment. The girl examined her surroundings critically, and I finally gestured for her to set her burden upon the piano. "There is fine," I told her, nodding my thanks.
The girl curtseyed and exited the room, shutting the door carefully. I was now left alone with my steaming rolls and tea. I sighed and went back to the piano bench, drawing the tray toward myself and taking an uncaring bite of a roll.
How accurately Nadir had assessed the situation! Erik and I suffered simply because we were unable to communicate with each other. I fell into a deeper depression as I thought, for I could not banish the words I killed your son from my mind. There was so much I did not know about Erik and if only he would teach me…!
If only he could stop condemning himself and allow himself to be happy at last. Nadir had been right; what fools we were!
Resolute, I rose once more and crossed over to the door. Fate had dictated that I hear his conversations with Nadir and the Lord, and by that same God, I was going to make him listen to me. Enough of these games!
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As it turned out, I did not have to journey far beyond the confines of Erik's apartments. I really had not possessed the slightest notion of how I was going to find him and so I set off in the comfortable direction of my own rooms, weaving through the corridors swiftly. Fate, it seemed, had decided to intervene once again, and as I turned a corner I ran straight into Erik and –
"Raoul!" I cried, shouting in panic.
Neither man turned to face me, for both stood adamantly in the hallway, staring at each other with blatant loathing in their eyes. Raoul had tensed and was clenching and unclenching his hands, breathing heavily through his nose with a fury that I had rarely seen him display. Erik, in contrast, had lost all the desperation and vulnerability of the moment before, and appeared completely calm and deadly, his head tilted ever so slightly with a cold and delighted smile lounging upon his lips. I knew that look, and I hated it.
Raoul finally deigned to address me, his eyes narrowed with hatred. "Christine," he returned slowly. "You could have told me, you know. I thought I asked you, and, well, it really wasn't your place to lie to me, now was it?" He flicked his attention back and forth between Erik and I, clearly assuming the worst.
"It's not what you think!" I quickly put in the hackneyed words before I realized how stupid I sounded.
"You must realize, that is rather difficult for me to believe," Raoul told me. "I come to fetch you from one of the most remote locations in all of England, and naturally I have to find him here." He gestured vaguely in Erik's direction; Erik, who still gazed lazily at Raoul as if waiting patiently for the time when he might kill him.
I shook my head fervently, "Believe what you want, but nothing has passed between us."
As soon as I said it, I wished I had not spoken the sentence. I was sure that Raoul missed it, but I did not fail to see the fleeting look of hurt that passed over Erik's otherwise placid features.
Raoul, however, snorted his disbelief and threw a hand in the air. "I don't really care anymore, Christine! I was willing to do what I could for you but now, what would be the point? How long have you lied to me, I wonder? I actually believed your words from yesterday! How stupid I've been!"
"Yes, incredibly stupid. You ought to be put on display at a museum," Erik addressed him, that little smile ever in place. "You never cease to amaze me with your idiocy, my dear Comte."
"Shut up, you! I could easily have you arrested! The famous Opera Ghost, finally under lock and key!"
"I'd like to see you try," Erik purred, crossing his arms indolently. "Really, I would."
Raoul started toward him, but I swiftly moved and placed myself between the two feuding men. "Stop it, both of you!" I made sure I had their attention and then looked at Raoul, "Please, let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain," Erik spoke from behind me. "He'll believe what he wants, and nothing you can say will change that."
I ignored him, "Raoul, listen carefully. I have to leave with Erik because my life is in danger. If I were to be with you, you would only come by ill fortune yourself. I must stay as far away from Paris as possible, so that neither of us comes to harm."
Raoul stared at me blankly.
"Don't you see?" I inquired desperately. "There are -."
"Bandits after your head?" Raoul finished for me. "Christine, you're a trained actress; surely you can concoct a more plausible excuse for your behavior and for," he dared to glance at Erik once more, "this thing."
This time Erik tried to step around me; "There; I fear that is the last of my patience. I will enjoy hearing your pleas for mercy at the hands of this thing, my dear Comte de Chagny."
On a sudden impulse and having no better idea in mind, I threw myself at Erik, tackling him from the front so that he stumbled back a step and was forced to grab my waist to prevent the two of us from falling. "Don't you dare!" I hissed at him, clutching at the lapels of his jacket so that he was forced to look at me. "Hold your temper!" I ordered, realizing too late that I had nearly repeated Nadir's words of earlier.
When I let go and turned back to Raoul, I could have sworn that Erik's hands lingered a little too long upon my waist, reluctantly relinquishing their hold on me.
"Raoul, I -," I began, but I was cut off.
He shook his head and remarked curtly, "I want nothing more to do with you, Christine. The sooner we finalize the divorce, the better. Let him," he gestured toward Erik vaguely, "partake in the joys of an unfaithful wife."
"I have done nothing to - ."
"Does it matter?" Raoul inquired perfectly reasonably. "It is not by chance that I find both of you here. I will still send you whatever you need, Christine, but I hope that I may never see you again."
I had not expected it to hurt this much. I had not expected the sudden cry that escaped my lungs and released my tears. "Raoul," I whispered raggedly, "Please, don't do this."
"Do what?" He snapped, looking at me with what could only be called disgust. "If you can, send someone to Paris to take care of your end of our settlement; I would rather not see you."
"Raoul - !"
He turned and tossed his last words back over his shoulder, "Pray that I never see either of you in Paris again."
I saw Erik twitch toward him, that hatred plain in his eyes. "Let me kill him, damn you," he hissed at me, even as I moved myself in front of him once more. "I will not allow something like that order me around."
"No!" I yelled, before I realized that I had raised my voice. I took a deep breath to calm myself and glared at him, "Leave Raoul alone."
Erik's gaze settled on me as soon as Raoul disappeared around a corner. He looked at me intensely for a moment, "Of course, you still care for him, don't you? Perhaps there is still time to make amends; I will not stop you."
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. I quickly collected my wits, however, and grabbed his hands urgently, "Of course I care! But where I belong is with you!"
He looked away and gently removed his hands from my grip, "You just said there was nothing between us, Christine."
"Forget what I said!" I cried out desperately. "I didn't -!" I was unable to finish the sentence, as my chest constricted painfully and I began to gasp for breath. I had spent too long in a corset and even slept in it, and now it had snatched the last of my breath from me in my urgency and desperation. I swayed, fighting for breath which I could not gain no matter how much I tried, and fell forward into darkness.
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The next time I opened my eyes, I was back in my own bed. I stared at the ceiling for a few moments, aware of the bruises which littered my middle and made every intake of breath painful. Still, someone had removed the corset and now I was able to breathe freely. When I glanced to my side, I saw that Adelle sat by me, holding my hand gently.
When she saw I was awake, her face brightened considerably and she smiled, "Christine! You had us all so worried!"
I glanced around the room, but saw no one else. I hid a sigh of disappointment, for I had half-expected Erik to be here once again. Now I saw that someone had almost finished the rest of my packing for me, and that the room stood nearly as bare as Erik's own.
Looking to Adelle, I motioned for her to help me sit up. She did so, her gentle hands supporting and mindful of the bruises on my body. "Damned corsets," I told her wearily, biting the inside of my cheek at the pain when I was upright. I looked at Adelle again, "Where's Erik?"
"Who?" She looked blank for a moment, and then her eyes cleared, "Oh, D'Artois! He's with Lady Barlow, I believe. I heard them arguing over something earlier, about a boy, I believe." Before I could respond, Adelle went on, "I don't pretend to understand anything that has passed within the past few days, Christine… But I merely wished to bid you good-bye before you left."
I looked at her curiously, "How could you know?"
She looked sad; "I saw the Comte in the hall earlier. Tell me, Christine, have you really left him? Don't you know the scandal that such an action will cause?"
I shrugged, "I don't plan on returning to Paris."
"Christine, you must!" Adelle sighed, "I'll miss your company among all these dreadful women!"
Smiling, I offered her an embrace and we sat like that for a moment. "Perhaps you can come visit me sometime," I told her softly.
"Where are you going?" She sniffled slightly, still holding me.
"Sweden, I think," I told her. "I was born there, you know."
We were interrupted by a knock on the door and the entry of a hassled-looking Peers. He bowed stiffly to us and then addressed me; "Comtesse, you are to be ready for departure within the hour."
I looked at the window and discovered that the sun had already begun to set. "Thank you," I told him.
"It'll be cold in Sweden," Adelle told me softly. "Are you sure you won't come stay with me in Paris for a time?"
I smiled, waiting for Peers to bow out so that I could dress. "I would love that, Adelle, but I could never bring such a burden down upon your head." I thought of something else, "Please, don't tell anyone where I'm going."
She frowned, but when Peers finally left, Adelle shook her head smilingly, "Of course."
I opened my mouth in order to inquire about the knowing smile, but Adelle giggled and began to help me up out of bed. "I won't stand in the way of love," she winked at me. "Just try not to lock this one out on a balcony naked."
Admittedly, I almost laughed aloud at the image. Still, I sobered quickly, for I no longer knew what it was that Erik and I shared. I was almost at the point of giving up with him, for he constantly made it more difficult for me to ever be honest.
Adelle helped me to dress, and although she protested, I shook my head firmly at the idea of a corset. I threw on a light dress instead, obscuring the fact that I wore no corset with the aid of a loose traveling cloak. By the time I was finally prepared, small groups of maids had intruded upon us once again and were carrying out my things.
While Adelle was walking me to the entrance hall, we were unexpectedly confronted by one of the young men from Lady Barlow's parties. His face was vaguely familiar, and I dimly recalled that this was Bert, Adelle's poet friend.
Upon seeing Adelle, Bert colored slightly and exclaimed, "Oh! I did not expect to see you, Adelle! I mean, Baroness!" He stumbled over his words, realizing too late that he had neglected to use the appropriate degree of formality. Noticing me, he blushed anew, "Comtesse, I, I -."
"It's quite all right," I told him kindly, steering Adelle on.
Adelle was now blushing prettily, and she mumbled an incoherent sentence.
"She'll see you later," I supplied helpfully to Bert, trying not to grin. The poor boy stood in the middle of the hall, utterly flustered with that frightened expression on his face well after we had retreated. Adelle was still bright red by the time we were out of sight, and I giggled at her expression, "Well!"
She put her hands over her flaming cheeks, "Oh, it's nothing, Christine! We're still just acquaintances! I swear it!"
"Oh, but for how long?" I asked innocently, adoring the bashful expression on her face.
By the time we reached the entrance hall, there was already a group of people gathered there. Among these were Meg and Nadir, arguing over in a corner with a small coachman. The other people were Erik and Lady Barlow, with Lucien playing in a corner with a poor dog that whined piteously for a bone which the boy was holding just out of its reach.
When Adelle and I reached the bottom of the staircase, I saw that Erik and Lady Barlow were still engaged in a heated discussion.
"…it's his choice," Erik was saying, gesturing at Lucien.
Lady Barlow crossed her arms over her generous chest, glaring at the man, "I don't pretend to like you anymore, D'Artois," she accused. "You have brought down an endless amount of trouble upon my roof. It was no easy matter explaining the death of that woman to the authorities!"
"I will be gone soon enough," Erik returned coolly. "With the boy, if he wishes to go."
The woman looked back at Lucien; "I have a responsibility to him now that his wretched excuse for a mother is dead. I am his only living relative now."
Lucien spoke up from his corner, not disturbed by the conversation in the least bit. "If you don't let me go, Grandmama, I will only run away."
Lady Barlow stared at the boy in irritation before she addressed Erik once more. "I regret we ever met," she mumbled. "I regret I ever allowed you to teach this innocent boy your wicked ways."
"Yes, well, let's not dwell," Erik muttered. When he saw me, he commented coldly, "It appears we are ready. Lucien, are you coming or not?"
"Coming!" Lucien exclaimed, running up to me and darting in a circle around me. "Christine, you took forever!" He then snatched up my hand and began to pull me along rather more energetically than I was prepared for. I stumbled after him, and he laughed, "This'll be sooooo much fun!"
Damned youthful vigor. Despite the fact that I had only lived through twenty-one summers, I felt older than Lady Barlow at the moment. Every one of my muscles screamed out in protest, but I said nothing and allowed Lucien to pull me along. At the door, I bid a swift good-bye to Meg, praying that I might see her again. I promised I would somehow contact her, if it was the last thing I did. She returned her quiet smile, and stepped back so that Nadir could say his farewells.
Erik hovered patiently by the door, Lucien skipping about at his side and continuing to torture the dog. Finally, I saw Erik wrench the bone out of the boy's hand and toss it at the wretched animal before he gave the boy a slight cuff for his behavior. Lucien pouted, but said nothing more and searched for alternate amusement.
Always a man of few words, Nadir bowed over my hand and then leaned forward suddenly. He whispered, "Best of luck, Comtesse. You'll need it."
I knew he did not refer to the price on my head. "Thank you, Nadir. We'll see each other again, won't we?"
"Of course," he nodded and then walked me over to the door where Erik stood waiting with a frown in place while he watched Lucien. He looked up at us and straightened when Nadir extracted several papers from the folds of his jacket. "Here," he handed them over to Erik, who examined them critically. "These will grant you passage to your destination; there will be a man waiting for you in London with the legal documents that you will need."
Erik frowned, "How will we know him?"
Nadir displayed a ring on his finger, "He will bear this mark. I am afraid you will have to trust my judgment on this. It's the best I can do, for I cannot meet you there myself. I still have the Comtesse's divorce to take care of in Paris."
I looked at him curiously, "You would do that for me?"
"It is not safe for you to be anywhere near Paris, and I wish to gather as much information on this Renois as I can," Nadir answered. "Don't worry, I shall find you both."
Erik was visibly tense as he said his farewells to Nadir, his manner brisk and distant. Both men probably still smoldered from their argument of earlier, although it was not my place to remark upon it. I stood off at a distance, keeping one eye on Lucien to make sure he did not start torturing the poor dog again. When we were finally ready, Peers opened the doors for us and we exited on to the moonlit terrace. The moon was exceptionally bright this night, its light so intense that one might almost have been able to read by it. The grounds fairly glowed, the light reflecting up off the snow.
A dark carriage waited for us outside, already burdened with the heavy weight of our things. The little coachman whom I had seen arguing with Nadir earlier skipped to his seat and gathered up the reins impatiently. Lucien clambered into the cab, and Erik handed me up without comment. As soon as we were all gathered, I heard the crack of a whip and the horses set off with their silent passengers. Lucien bounced up and down for a time and attempted to make conversation, inquiring exactly where it was that we were going and if there was candy in Sweden, before Erik snapped at him harshly to be quiet.
Lucien stared at Erik and then stuck out his tongue. Still, he was quiet and silence reigned for the better part of an hour while we made our way to the small train station. After a period of quiet, Lucien began to whine, "Are we almost there?"
"Shut up unless you wish to trot behind the carriage," Erik returned, staring out the window.
"There's no need to be so snappish," I murmured softly, speaking for the first time since we had left the mansion. The silence between us was awkward, but I had not been able to think of anything to say to him with Lucien present.
Erik glared at me, but I was saved from his retort when we did indeed clamber to a stop. Although it was dark, it was not yet past the hour for supper. With luck, we might be in London before midnight, for Lady Barlow did not live entirely too far off from the city.
Uncomfortably, the entire train ride was spent in silence. This was mostly due to the fact that Lucien skipped out of our apartment right away to explore the vast confines of the train, while Erik rose and excused himself soon after the boy left. I was left alone to my own devices, idly flipping through the pages of a book without really absorbing any information. I debated what I might say to him; what I might do to finally win him over. Even then, how would I ever know that I had convinced him? When would we ever be able to trust each other implicitly?
I leaned my face against the windowpane, watching the dark countryside fly by. The landscape began to change slowly, from entirely wild and rustic, to somewhat more civilized. More and more dark silhouettes of houses appeared, beginning to litter the scenery. Still, this was not enough to properly enthrall me, and so I was left alone for the most part with my thoughts for company.
Closing my eyes, I began to dwell on what Erik had said. I pondered what I would say if he ever asked me to marry him, although the idea seemed unlikely. I feared he would never ask; not with the way he had spoken earlier. But if he did, I would most certainly say yes. I knew I would if only he knew that! There was little question in my mind, for although I did not know everything about Erik, I knew that I could work through all the darkness in his past if only he would trust me with it.
He was too terrified of being hurt again; afraid that I would run the minute I heard his story in detail. I also understood that I was not perfect; indeed, I might flinch and be disgusted by certain elements of his life, but wasn't it worth the risk? It certainly was to me, and I did not understand why it was that he could not see that!
And what of children? I sighed shakily when the thought came upon me, but it was out of regret. How could I tell him that I was unable to have children without wounding him once more? What if his obstinate mind interpreted my words in entirely the wrong way and he assumed I simply balked at the thought of bearing his children?
I massaged my forehead wearily, resolving to find some sleep and respite from all these trials. Eventually I did indeed drift off to sleep and the next thing I saw was Lucien's face right in front of mine, demanding that I remove my lazy rear from the train. I yawned generously and stretched my arms, noticing that Erik regarded me silently from the threshold of the compartment.
He said nothing and drew up the hood of his cloak, obscuring the masked half of his face. Then he offered me his elbow, which I took without a word. We stepped off the train and into a waiting cab that moved off silently. Erik sat up above in conversation with the driver, and I remained with only Lucien for company. The boy bobbed up and down excitedly, peering out at the bright city streets, which were teeming with people even at this late hour. In the distance, I heard a clock mournfully strike the twelfth hour.
It was difficult for me to feel as thrilled about being in a city as Lucien obviously was. I had spent most of my life in Paris, and although I had never been in London, I was not very much disposed to care right now. The child was young and obviously overjoyed at the prospect of travel, and so I decided not to dampen his spirits.
When we finally came to a stop, it was on a more or less empty street. I looked out of the window and saw only a few people milling about at this late hour. Most of them were dressed richly, presumably returning from some type of entertainment. Many of the ladies wore rich furs and were laughing delightedly with their male companions, all in fine evening attire.
Without waiting, Lucien sprinted out the door and I clambered out without any further assistance. To my surprise I saw no sign of Erik, but the little coachman sidled up to us and said something in English. I looked to Lucien for explanation, who shrugged, "He says monsieur told us to wait here." He pointed up at the house, "I suppose that's where we're staying."
I took this opportunity to examine the small townhouse that we had stopped in front of, but the night was late and my eyes were unaccustomed to the dark. I also noticed that several of the passerby were examining me with critical eyes and whispering to each other, but by this point I was so accustomed to the actions of Raoul and his circles that I could ignore it. I realized belatedly that they were most likely remarking upon the fact that I wore no corset, and so I drew my own cloak over my front to obscure the fact that my dress hung loosely over my curves.
By the time Erik returned, I was thoroughly chilled to the bones and shivering in the street. Lucien continued to run in circles about the carriage, excitedly gawking at everything that he could. I finally grabbed him by the collar and ordered the boy to be still before he made someone dizzy. He obeyed, but nonetheless made a face at me.
I saw a faint light behind the front door of the house, and I blinked when I saw Erik emerge, in conversation with a pair of young Italians. The boys immediately darted down to where Lucien and I waited and promptly hefted our belongings back into the house.
The three of us followed the boys into the interior of the building. As soon as we were inside, Lucien ran off to begin his exploration of the house. I might have been more curious, had I not been so tired. In my exhausted state, all that I could remark upon were the scant furnishings of the place. It was apparent that no one took up permanent residence here and I looked to Erik for explanation.
"I stay here occasionally when I have business in London," was all he said, before he motioned me to follow him. On the upper landing, he opened a door to another sparsely-furnished room that held only a bed and a desk. "You can ask Lisette about a bath," he told me, moving aside to let the boys carry my things in.
"Lisette?" I asked blankly.
"The maid. She's somewhere around here."
My weary eyes quickly located the bed and all I wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep; I hated traveling for long periods of time. I allowed myself to balance on the edge of the mattress, removing my cloak in the sudden warmth.
Lucien returned and peered into my room, having looked at the rest of the house. "It's boring here," he declared. "I think I'll go and play outside."
I stood up quickly, "Lucien, no! Stay here!"
"Keep your skirts on," Lucien returned peevishly. "I'm just going to have some fun."
With that, the boy disappeared through the door and skipped off. I glanced at Erik helplessly, but he was once again saying something to the Italians, and did not look up from his task. "Well?" I inquired, interrupting him. When Erik continued to ignore me, I coughed loudly and went on, "Aren't you going to do anything about that?"
"About what?" He finally dismissed the boys, who shut the door on us.
I glared at him; "It's well past midnight and that boy is out there in a city doing God only knows what. You should keep a stricter watch on him! Boys his age should be safely abed by this hour, not gadding about in the dead of night without supervision!"
An amused smirk appeared on Erik's face. "What do you suggest I do? You know Lucien is his own master."
Instead, I shook my head firmly, "That boy needs to be taken in hand." I opened the door and looked at him expectantly, "Get out."
"What?" Erik blinked several times, surprised by my words.
"Get out; I want to take a bath," I explained coldly. "While I bathe, you go look for him."
He sighed, "Are you angry with me, Christine?"
"No, I just think you're utterly irresponsible. And I want to take a bath."
His features darkened in displeasure at my words; "Don't you dare presume to give me orders, my dear."
Although he was a good deal taller than me, I stood my ground. An unreasonable anger that had been brewing in me all day suddenly reared its head, and I exclaimed, "Out this instant! I am angry with you! Furious, in fact! Get out! Get out!" As he had not been expecting it, I managed to give him enough of a push so that he found himself on the other side of the door.
He put out a hand before I could shut it on him and scowled at me, "What's the meaning of this, Christine?"
"Unless you wish to see me gallivanting about the room completely naked, you'll leave," I hissed, pushing on the door stubbornly.
I saw him pale considerably at that, and he quickly withdrew his hold without further comment. With the loss of resistance, I fell forward against the door heavily, hitting my shoulder. Pain blossomed from the injury, and I shuddered when it coupled with my earlier bruises. After I recovered somewhat, I was able to ring for a maid and order the bath that I so desired now.
It half-amused me that I had sent Erik off almost at a sprint at the mere mention of indecency. At the same time, it also pained me, for it truly showed how strong the barrier between us still was. What would it take to break through those thick defenses of his?
Afterward, when I lay soaking in my bath, I continued to wonder about what I might say to him. I knew that I absolutely had to confront him now and to make this the ultimate confrontation so that we did not suffer any additional…misunderstandings.
Holding my breath, I plunged completely underwater and stayed there for as long as I could before I rose back to the surface, gasping for breath. By the time the water had begun to cool, I was already out and toweling myself down wearily. I regarded my naked form in the mirror, frowning because I believed I had become slightly more plump over the course of five years. I pinched myself experimentally in the stomach and then grimaced when I hit a bruise.
I slipped easily into a sheer nightgown that rested easily on my bruised frame. It was a relief to finally be out of my clothes that were uncomfortable even without the corset, and I crawled contentedly into bed. For almost half an hour, I attempted to force myself into sleep. I shifted this way and that, throwing my limbs into odd positions, trying to find a comfortable arrangement. In the end it was no use, for the memory of Erik's body twined around my own lingered until I could no longer even lie down.
Furious with myself, I went to the window and threw it open to admit the cold city air. Far below me, people still streamed along the streets, some of them obviously drunk, for their off-key singing drifted up to me. I stayed there for a while, but drowsiness still did not come.
I rang for the maid once again, and a sleepy Lisette appeared at my door. The girl was Italian as well, although she spoke flawless French and was able to understand me perfectly. Hoping that I did not sound desperate, I asked her about Erik's whereabouts.
Without making so much as a frown, the girl informed me that he was most likely in his room, and gave me directions. I thanked her and set off along the course that she had pointed out to me. As I was as bad as ever with direction, I knocked on six different doors before I finally hit upon the right one. It took several knocks, but at the last he finally answered.
"What?" Erik asked irritably, opening the door only a fraction. I quickly noted that he had changed into a slack Persian robe, and that his hair was still slightly wet. I almost smiled at the rather endearing picture he made, even in his irritation, but then I recovered myself and planted my hands on my hips firmly.
"Did you find Lucien?"
"No," he replied. "I wouldn't worry until morning; he knows his way around the city." I saw him run his gaze over my form, and I became rather self-conscious again as I realized just how slight the material was. I crossed my arms over my front as if shielding myself from the cold, and looked straight at him once more. He began to close the door; "Is that all?"
This time I was the one who put out a hand to stop him from closing the door. "No, that is not all." Thoughts of Lucien began to disperse, as I realized that I had to confront him now. I looked down at my hands and asked him, "Will you stay with me tonight?"
"No, not tonight," he said simply.
"Why not?" I asked doggedly. "You seemed more than willing to hold me last night. In fact," I went on before he could protest, "I can't understand why you've barely said a word to me all day."
"I have my reasons," was all he said.
I shook my head, "That's not good enough. You can't kiss and touch me like that one day and then completely ignore me the next without an explanation! Tell me what I've done wrong!" I wanted him to admit his feelings to me without having to betray my knowledge of his conversation with Nadir.
"I can very well do what I please!" He barked, opening the door more widely. I noticed that he was staring at something behind me, and I turned to see the three curious faces of Lisette and the Italians peering at us around a corner.
Ignoring them, I returned my attention to him. "You can't!"
"I've had enough of you for one night, Christine! Go back to bed!"
I could not allow myself to relent this time. "And I've had enough of this childish behavior from you!"
He tried to close the door on me, but this time I refused to let him escape the situation. He couldn't just keep walking away every time this surfaced. I had to make him face this now.
I slipped my small form into the crack between the door and the wall, until he was forced to stop pushing on it for fear of hurting me. "I would rather not break any of your dear bones," he snarled. "Get out of my way."
"No."
Erik reached for my middle and attempted to lift me from the doorframe. As soon as I felt my feet slip on the ground, I acted on instinct and aimed a slap straight at his face. "Put me down!" I shrieked, even as my hand connected with his cheek.
In my fury, my hand passed over the right side of his face and dislodged the mask. When he felt the material leave his skin, he dropped me and allowed his hand to fly to the perverse scarring upon his face. I slumped against the door and abruptly began to weep again, covering my own face with my hands.
"There is one of my reasons," he growled darkly. "You are quite willing to tolerate my company until you see what I am."
I looked at him through my fingers and slowly removed my hands from my face. "I don't know what you are!" I screamed at him. "I don't even know who you are, because you won't let me see! I want to, but time and again you push me away! You of all people should know that I don't care about your face!"
He snorted disbelievingly and turned from me. I saw him glance down at the floor before he suddenly kicked the mask so that it shattered against a distant wall. "You ask the impossible," he told me. "You will never be able to see beyond this."
Fairly tearing at my hair, I continued to yell, "I will! Yes, your face is twisted and abhorrent! Yes, part of you is ugly as sin! But I don't care! I don't give a damn for appearances anymore! The only person who is bothered by it is you, you fool! Haven't I proven that I don't care?"
"Oh, it was all high and mighty of you to touch me while I hid my face," Erik snarled. "Why are you crying now, Christine? Tell me, why?" Abruptly, he turned back to me again and snatched my face up in his hands. "Kiss me now," he growled. "Kiss me again, but this time without the life of your lover at stake! Kiss me as I am without flinching away! Kiss me because it is what you want! I dare you to try it!"
I stared at the two halves of his face which were in such direct discord with each other. The left side might have been called handsome, if only the other half had not stolen the rest of the attractiveness from his features. Indeed, one could easily see why he had been known as a little corpse as a child; when he turned the blemished half to my eyes, the fleeting remnants of his beauty all but disappeared.
My own features contorted in sudden pity, but he mistook it for the revulsion that he had come to know all too well. "I knew it," Erik said, pushing me away. "As usual, your words mean absolutely nothing. You are no different from all the rest."
I resumed my position between him and the door to make sure he did not escape once more. This time, I would not be defeated so easily. I watched him walk to a window in his room and lean out of it much as I had done earlier, inhaling the crisp night air.
While his back was to me, I hit upon a sudden idea. "Kiss me," I whispered.
He straightened, but did not look at me, "What did you say?"
"Now I dare you to kiss me."
"I won't," he said harshly.
"Why not? What are you afraid of?" I continued to goad him.
His tone was still furious; "I'm not afraid of anything. Let me be."
No, I would not stop. I refused to let him be!
I began to walk toward him slowly; "You fear my rejection and my hatred. You fear that I will turn and run, don't you? I do not fear to kiss you rather, you tremble to see what I might do if you tried to touch me first." I stopped directly behind him and hissed, "You coward."
Even though I could see how tight the muscles in his powerful shoulders had become, he still refused to rise to my bait. Instead, he spoke quietly; "Even if you could see beyond my face, there is still much you would never accept. You say that you love me, but you could never live with me as I am. If I told you everything, I would lose you forever."
"You are losing me anyway," I said quietly. "Is that what you want?"
"It doesn't matter what I want."
I took a deep, calming breath, having reached desperation. "Teach me, Erik. Tell me of yourself. That is what I want, and one of us has to matter." When he was silent, I went on, "Tell me of Nadir's son."
He gasped, turning the misshapen half of his face to me. "What? How could you know?"
I forced myself to go on; "Tell me of Persia. I know you have killed many I even heard that you enjoyed it. Yet, I am still here. Why, Erik? Why am I still here? Why do I still care?" I sunk down on to the soft bed in the room, clutching the post, "Why did you kill Nadir's son?"
His knuckles stood out in the bright moonlight as he held the ledge tightly. Finally, he relented to me; "He was very ill; I poisoned the boy to give him a quick end. It was a mercy to kill him rather than let the child waste away before the eyes of his father."
I swallowed shakily, murmuring, "That still doesn't excuse it."
"Of course it doesn't!" Erik retorted. "It is never right to take the life of another human being! And yet, I can't help myself! I hate the rest of the race so much that it gives me pleasure to watch the pathetic creatures die!"
I willed myself to stop crying and to go on. "It is not entirely your fault," I said.
"Not my fault? How kind of you," he replied, unmoved.
"I can't believe you were born all bad," I pressed on, willing him to hear me out. "The world made you what you are all on account of one unfortunate circumstance."
"No, that circumstance you speak of is only an intimation of the true horror I was born with."
I rose and walked to him so that I could look straight into his eyes. "You cannot be as unfeeling as you claim," I whispered. "You have not killed in years -."
"What of Renois? I would gladly have smeared her brains all over a wall if not for -."
"If not for me," I finished smugly, a smile forming despite the serious quality of the conversation. "Unfeeling monster that you are, you learned to care for another member of the human race despite yourself." I took another step towards him; "You learned to care for several, for you have always been kind to Nadir and Lucien as well."
"Have you forgotten that I -," Erik began, only to have me cut him off once more.
"No, I have not," I assured him. "But now I know, Erik. Now I know more of who you are. See? I haven't run yet. I'm still here."
"It is only a matter of time before you come to your senses," he answered, beginning to turn away from me once more. "How much did you hear, Christine?"
I looked down at my hands, "What do you mean?"
"I know you heard Nadir and I speak this morning. How much of our conversation did you eavesdrop on?" He did not sound harsh, but neither was he overly pleased.
"I heard enough," I finally told him, daring to look back up. "Will you still not kiss me?" When he was silent, I added, "Here we are, Erik. Just ourselves, devoid of any façades; no more than a man and a woman."
He looked at me for a long while before he sighed and shook his head resignedly. "I cannot, Christine. I'm sorry."
I had sworn that I would not let him get away from me, and by God, I was going to keep that promise. Before Erik could do anything else, I pulled his face down to mine. "This is the last time that I do this," I warned him, even as I trapped his lips in a vicious kiss. When I broke it, he still had the same look of disbelief on his face, and I snapped at him impatiently, "Will you kiss me now?"
Determined, I arched my back and pushed my breasts up against his chest so that he was made agonizingly aware of the fact that only a thin layer of gauze nightgown separated us. He groaned and instantly tightened his grasp on my middle. I stifled a gasp at the pain, for he had inadvertently pressured my bruised skin, but I did not want to make him aware of the fact. Instead, I smiled at him invitingly and did not lessen my hold about his neck.
When he at last dared to kiss me, I was wholly unprepared for the urgency with which he did so. I almost cried out at the brutal invasion of my mouth, before I decided to instead allow him to do what he wished with me. There was no going back now, for this was the only way in which we could learn to trust each other unreservedly.
Finally, we were forced to break apart for want of air. We both stared at each other, breathing heavily with the breeze from the window thrashing about us. Erik was looking at me oddly now, and I puzzled over the expression before I realized that he looked to me for either approval or rejection. I laughed softly and buried my head against his neck.
"Thank you," I told him, inhaling the cold air while my cheek rested against his burning skin. "Do you think you might learn to trust me now?"
He ran a trembling hand over my back, massaging the skin carefully. "I can try," he admitted hesitantly.
It was better than nothing and would have to do for the moment. I leaned back and smiled straight at him, "Good enough…for now." I took Erik's hand and pulled him along behind me to the bed, "I'm staying here with you tonight, no excuses."
He made only a small protest; "What if Lucien walks in?"
Pulling back the covers, I climbed in without relinquishing my hold on his hand so that he was forced to once again settle beside me. "He'll just have to learn to live with us."
Erik grunted softly in amusement and pulled me close just as he had done the night before. I was about to shut my eyes, when I could not help but speak once again. "Erik, if you ever have any fears, swear that you'll tell me."
"I promise," he said without hesitation. He began to rub at my middle gently, his hand warm through the fabric of my nightgown.
His simple action reminded me of something else. "I need to tell you one more thing."
He frowned in sudden concern; "What?"
It was difficult for me to say, but I had to let him know. Still, I shut my eyes because I did not want to see the disappointment in his eyes. "I…I can't have children," I confessed reluctantly, all in one breath. I felt his hand still, and I forced myself to look at him desperately. "Not because I don't want to! I just…can't. I tried for all these years, but…" I almost twisted away in my shame, but he caught my cheek firmly and forced me to stay in place.
"So you heard that part too," he muttered. Then he ordered, "Christine, look at me."
I obeyed and blinked away my tears, seeing nothing but a faint look of sadness in his eyes. I felt myself compelled to babble on; "The doctor did all he could, but he said that he just couldn't find anything wrong with me."
To my surprise, Erik gave me words of reassurance. "Then perhaps the fault did not lie with you," he suggested.
I tried not to become too hopeful at his implication, although my heart nearly skipped an animated beat.
"In any case, you are all I want right now, and Lucien is more trouble than a handful of children," Erik finished.
This time I was forced to smile, and I moved closer to him with a delighted grin. I turned in the wrong direction, however, and cried out yet again as I managed to elbow myself in the ribs.
"What's wrong?" Erik drew back the covers and watched me as I massaged my injuries with a grimace.
"Corset," I muttered as an explanation.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked in concern.
I shook my head, "No." Then I rolled over so that I rested directly on top of him. "It doesn't hurt if you hold me from the back," I offered by way of explanation. I gave him a coy gaze and kissed his nose lightly, "And this way, you won't be able to run away from me in the morning."
"I won't."
"I know."
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A/N: They're together now SERIOUSLY. No more trips to the angst farm, I promise. Hope you guys liked this one! It took forever to write, and I'm not sure what to think of it yet myself.