Chapter 7

From then on Erik no longer ate in the dining room. Instead he joined me in the kitchens for his meals. We spoke of music and books, of life and death, of flowers and seasons.

I was back at the simple versus complicated argument. A few weeks ago I would have claimed that Raoul was my simple side. Someone I could discuss easy things with. Erik would have been my complicated half. At that time I hadn't known what to make of him. He was my boss and my teacher.

But now things had changed. Before I had looked forward to coming home, to spending time with Raoul. Now I found myself searching for excuses to stay at the Manor for as long as I could. When I came home I never wanted to tell Raoul what I had done with my day. It seemed too private and special to share with anyone other than Erik.

Raoul noticed of course. It was a Tuesday, one of those days when my presence was not required at the Manor. We were meeting at the Corner Café after classes. Meg had dance rehearsals and would be joining us shortly. Raoul seemed cold and distant. I asked him what the matter was.

"The fact that I have barely seen you for three weeks. I know you have work and everything but… you never seem to be around." He said. I swallowed.

"Raoul, I have to work. Dad's sessions are getting more frequent, we need the money."

"Christine, haven't you considered that I could help? My parents are wealthy. If you just asked, I could help pay for the sessions. You wouldn't have to work at the Manor anymore."

That thought sent a chill through me.

"Raoul, I can't quit! Erik has been so generous to me. The work is fine and my music is better than ever. If you just heard me sing again."

"Erik?"

An alarm bell went off in my head. Raoul stared at me.

"You call him Erik now?"

"I've been working there for four months, Raoul. We've moved on from being polite. We're… we're friends." Raoul just looked at me, no expression on his face. I ran my hands through my hair in exasperation.

"Raoul, don't be like this. Don't you think that you're being a little melodramatic?"

"No, Christine, I don't! I went to your house last night, until 10:30. You didn't come home for that whole time. What could you possibly have been doing for that whole time?"

"Music, OK? I was singing. I have to practise if I want to get better. For god's sake, Raoul, stop being so stupid!"

We were interrupted by Meg. She stopped as she saw our angry faces.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." I muttered. Raoul looked at me and then said,

"Actually, it's not nothing. It's the fact that neither Meg nor I have spent any time with you for weeks."

Meg sat down and I looked at her.

"Is that what you think as well?"

"I'll admit that things have been different since you started working for Mr Lavonne."

"Oh, it's Erik now." Raoul said harshly. I had had enough.

"I've had it. Yes, I love my job. I love my singing and I love being at the Manor. And do you know why? It's because for the first time since Mum died I've been able to stop thinking about what everyone else wants and be able to focus on me for a while. For once, I'm actually happy. And I'm not giving that up for anything."

I threw some money on the table to pay for my coffee, seized my bag and helmet and strode out of the café without looking back. I got onto my bike, strapping my helmet on. I saw Raoul and Meg rushing for the door but drove away before either of them could reach me.

Dad was sat in the kitchen when I got home, waiting for the kettle to boil. He smiled.

"Good day?"

"Had better. Did everything go OK at the doctors?" I asked, taking a bottle of juice from the fridge and opening it.

"Fine. I've got a new prescription to pick up."

"I'll get it on the way to work." I said, taking the piece of paper from him. He looked at me, smiling fondly.

"You're so much like your mother."

I turned away.

"Well, I'm not her." I said brusquely, picking up my helmet and leaving again.

I stopped at the pharmacy for the prescription before going to the Manor. The woman behind the counter smiled at me.

"Hey Christine. Need something for your Dad?"

"Yeah, here." I handed her the paper and she read it.

"OK, just a moment."

She went into the back room. I waited at the counter, tapping my nails on the glass top until she returned.

"Here you go."

"Thanks." I said, taking the bag and stuffing it into the backpack I was wearing.

My bad mood hadn't improved by the time I reached the Manor. I stormed into the kitchen, throwing my bag to the floor. Erik stood in the doorway to the garden and watched me.

"Something wrong?"

"What makes you think that something is wrong?" I asked sharply. Erik looked at me frankly.

"It's a Tuesday." I stared at him and then realised. Tuesdays… I don't work on Tuesdays. I decided to ignore this fact.

"Only everything. People. People are wrong. They're just so… argh!" I sat down at the kitchen table and sat with my head on my arms. I heard Erik cross and sit next to me.

"Which people?"

"Raoul, mostly. And Meg. And Dad."

"What did they do?"

"It was Raoul's fault. He kept moaning at me about how he never sees me because I'm always here. I tried to explain that is my job, and that I need to practise my music but he just doesn't understand. Then Meg agreed with him. And all Dad does is think of Mum. Does he think he's the only one who misses her? And does he think that I want to be compared to her all the time?"

I looked up. Erik was watching me closely. I sat up straight, rubbing my head. It was starting to ache. Erik got up and started to make tea quietly. He didn't speak again until the tea was sat on the table in front of us, steaming lightly. Then he said,

"Christine, I have no practical advice to give you. I never leave the Manor. You are the only person I have any real contact with."

"What about family?"

"I have none. I came here to get away from people. And I think that is why you come here too."

And then I said something ridiculously stupid.

"Actually I come here to see the one person who I really want to spend any time with at all." Erik put the cup down on the table and looked at me. I didn't say anything. I merely looked back. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the buzz of the intercom. We both looked at each other, puzzled. Who could possibly come out here?

Erik got up and went to see who it was. I sipped my tea, nervously waiting for his return. I could have kicked myself. Why did I have to go and say that? Why was I so stupid? I inwardly groaned and sat up as Erik returned, an odd look on his face.

"I think it might be for you."

"Me?"

I went upstairs and looked at the small security television. The camera was outside the front door, so Erik had already let in whoever it was. My heart almost stopped.

It was Raoul.

I stared at the camera and then turned to Erik, seizing his arm.

"Tell him I'm not here!"

"He knows you're here. I already said you were."

"Erik!" I cried. He looked at me as if I were insane.

"Christine, he already knew you were here. You left your bike outside the front door." I looked at him blankly for a moment and then swore loudly.

The doorbell rang. Erik looked at me.

"Are you going to answer?"

"No. It's your house, you get the door."

"It's your boyfriend." He replied. I glared at him.

"Erik, come on."

He stepped back. I muttered several unsavoury words under my breath and stormed over to the door. I wrenched it open, causing Raoul to step back in surprise.

"Christine."

"What are you doing here?" I asked. He looked sheepish.

"I wanted to… to say sorry. Can I come in?" I glanced back at Erik who nodded. I stood to one side, allowing him to move past. He stared around and then saw Erik. He was obviously trying not to stare but failed.

"Raoul." I hissed. He turned quickly and seized my hand.

"Christine, I am sorry for what I said but I think it was justified."

He cast an uneasy glance at Erik, who took the hint and headed for the kitchen. When the door was closed Raoul turned to me and said,

"Christine, I'm going away."

"What?" I said, not understanding.

"I've got a business trip. I leave tomorrow morning and I'm coming back next Saturday. I don't want to leave with everything like this."

I blinked and sighed,

"Raoul, I don't know what to say."

"Say that when I come back we can work this out. I love you, Christine. I don't want to have to be the bad guy here."

"You're not a bad guy, Raoul." I told him. And I meant it. Raoul smiled and said,

"So when I come back…?"

"We'll talk." I promised him. He bent down and kissed me. I couldn't bring myself to kiss him back but I did manage to hug him. He smiled.

"I love you." I smiled weakly but he didn't appear to notice. He looked around and said,

"Great house. Anyway, I've got to go. I haven't packed yet."

"There's the organised Raoul I know." I laughed slightly. I closed the door behind him and then leant against the heavy wood. My slight headache was developing into a large one.

After a moment I went down into the kitchen. Erik was standing by the garden door again. He looked at me.

"Well?"

"He's leaving tomorrow." He looked shocked. "Oh, not because of me. He has a trip. We're going to sort it all out when he gets back."

I sat at the table and drank some of the tea. Erik had his in his hand. Silence for some time. Eventually I said,

"I'm sorry about all of this."

"Sorry about what?"

"Every time I'm here I just end up moaning and causing trouble. Which you really don't need." I said, staring down at my tea. Erik joined me at the table.

"Christine, I don't mind. As I said, I don't have any contact with people. I expect the contact I do have to be realistic. And with reality comes problems."

I looked at him shrewdly. His face was honest.

"Still… it's a little embarrassing."

"Then let's forget about it. Since you're here we might as well go to the music room."

"Good idea. But first, I need another cup of tea." I smiled. Erik nodded and got up to put the kettle on.