Please Don't Envy Me
Written by: American Idiot's Broken Dreams
Chapter Six
Crossroads
Hazel and I stood in front of the double doors outside of school, me looking sick at the thought of entering. I knew I was huge and someone was bound to notice.
"Paige, dear, you can't keep looking like you've seen Mr. Raditch naked. You're the Paige Michalchuk—what would everyone think if they saw you like this? You've got to get back to normal." Hazel preached in a low, fervent whisper.
"But, Hazel, I'm huge! I just know somebody's going to say something! I can't do this! I'm going back home!" I was near hysterics.
"No, Paige! You're going to go through with this and you're going to be strong about it. Just think of it this way: the only ones who'll notice are the only ones who know." Hazel soothed me, but was still strong and stood her ground. She added, "And exactly how many do know?"
"Just you and Craig," I replied, still staring at the school as though it were time-bomb waiting to go off.
"Plus, who's going to automatically assume you're pregnant? They'll just think you're letting yourself go." Hazel said dismissively, guiding me by my elbow up to the school.
Had I not been so nervous and scared, I would have made a great comeback. It just wasn't in me at the time. I was too busy being paranoid and thinking everyone was staring at me and thinking, "Gasp, Paige Michalchuk's pregnant! What a slut!"
"Hey, Paige," Ashley greeted Hazel and I at my locker.
"Hey, Ash," I returned shakily.
Though I didn't notice, Ashley gave Hazel a What-the-heck-is-up-with-her look and all Hazel did was shrug.
"So, what's been going on with you this weekend?" Ashley asked me.
"Nothing!" I snapped without realizing it. "What makes you think anything special went on this weekend!"
Ash's eyes got big and she looked at me as if I was going nuts, which I felt like at the time.
"Chill out, it was just a question."
"Sorry, I'm just feeling kind of—icky—this morning. I don't mean to be a complete psycho." I apologized.
"Forgiven. But, just cool it a little bit." Ash smiled playfully, and tried my best to muster up the same look.
Needless to say, I failed as Jimmy, Spinner and Craig walked up to us. At the sight of both the guys together, I felt my chest tighten and I my heart skip a beat at the same time. One was for Spinner, one was for Craig.
"Good morning, ladies." Spinner said pleasantly. "You all are looking especially lovely this morning—namely you, Paige."
Giving him a quick once over, I replied, "Thank you, Gavin."
Looking a little put-down, Spinner just let a small, indiscreet sigh escape him. He was apart of my past that I felt didn't need to be revisited, so I just let him go. Not to say we weren't still on speaking terms, we were, I just didn't want him to get the wrong idea.
"Are we feeling okay this morning, Paige?" Craig asked with double meaning.
He did an expert job at sounding as though he were just concerned, like Ash or Jimmy would be, but he was also hid that other meaning of wanting to know how the baby and I were.
"I'm fine. I wish everyone would quit being such a Mother Superior…" I murmured, gathering my books for my first class.
"Just checking," Craig said smoothly.
I had to bite back the smile that was threatening to breakthrough and shine like a million suns. I just wanted so bad to leap into his arms and kiss him passionately, but, no one knew about me and Craig except for Hazel, and I didn't want to cause a double scene in the middle of the hallway.
"Ready for another long week?" Ashley asked everyone.
"Well, think of it this way, only four more days until Christmas break." Jimmy said shrugging.
"True," Hazel agreed.
Talking and clowning around further down the hall, Emma Nelson, Toby Isaacs, and JT Yorke were gathered at Toby and JT's locker talking excitedly. Now was as good as time as any to tell Manny we needed to talk.
"Wait up, guys," I said, slowing down as we neared them.
Hazel had a comforting smile on her face as I walked up to Manny, looking at her and no one else.
"Hi, Manny," I addressed with a smooth, friend tone.
"Hey, Paige," Manny said, as if she couldn't believe I was just stopping into say hello.
"I just wanted to you to know that I need to talk to you about something dealing with Squad." I informed.
I was fully aware that JT and Toby were staring intently at my chest, which I admit looked amazing in my cream-colored, off-the-shoulder, cashmere sweater.
"Is it really important?" Manny wondered.
"The most important thing that could happen to you, concerning the Squad, of course," I replied.
"Want to meet after school or what?"
"During lunch would be fine for me if it is for you."
"Okay. You can meet me in the gym." Manny conceded.
"Great, see you then." I smiled.
I had exactly three and a half hours to plan how I was going to break the news to Manny. Somehow, I could just feel that something big was going to happen. Maybe it was intuition, but I felt it was more a bad cause of nerves.
As the bell rang, releasing us for lunch, I felt my stomach churn horribly. Time had that nasty habit of speeding up when you where dreading something. To me, I had just sat down in Mr. Simpson's homeroom, and was talking to hazel about the baby. But, time contradicted me as I numbly walked towards the gym with Hazel.
"Don't worry, Paige, Manny is going to totally understand. After all, she was in this same situation a few months ago. So, stop sweating it." Hazel soothed, confidently.
"Yeah, but you know she's going to want to know who the father is." I whispered.
"You don't have to tell her." Hazel reminded me.
Rounding the corner, I saw the gym door was open and Manny was sitting on the edge of the stage, waiting for me. As I stood outside, I realized that I had nothing to be afraid of when it came to Manny. Like Hazel had said, she had been in the same situation not to long ago, and it wasn't like she couldn't relate. But, I also came to the realization that by telling her, I was opening myself and Craig up to unbelievable hate and rumors. All it took was one simple mass e-mail to be sent through out the school, and I was finished. It didn't want that, but some things just had to done and dealt with—and as unfortunate as it was, this was one of them.
"Go, the faster you do this, the faster you'll get over this." Hazel prodded me in my back to make me step forward.
When I did, my heel made a click on the polished wood of the gym, and Manny looked up. Jumping down off the stage, she came to greet me.
"So," she began, "what was so important that I'm giving up half my lunch period to talk with you."
It took a few minutes to pull the pre-rehearsed answer from my mind, but when I did find my vocal cords, I was glad I sounded like the regular, cool, confident Paige Michalchuk.
"I just wanted to congratulate you." I said smoothly.
"On what?" Manny asked confusedly.
"On becoming the captain of the Spirit Squad." I responded, slightly bitterly.
"But, Paige, that's your position." Manny countered, as if I was off my rocker.
"Not anymore. I'm quitting the Squad, and that means that you're becoming the captain." I informed the now gaping Manny.
"You're quitting?" she echoed incredulously.
"Yes, Manuela," I sighed, slightly irritated.
"Well, how come? I mean the founder and captain of the Degrassi Community School's first cheerleading team doesn't just up and quit because the sun is shining two degree to many to the west." Manny ranted.
I took a deep breath and said, "Manny, can you promise me that what I'm about to tell you, you won't tell anyone else, not even yourself."
"If it's the reason why you're quitting the Squad, then yes, I want to know and I promise that once I know I won't tell." Manny said, taking a step closer to me, and sounding both eager and furious.
"Okay, the only reason I'm quitting the Squad is because—well, I'm p-p-pregnant." I stammered.
I swear that if Manny's jaw had dropped any lower, it would have been dragging the floor. Nothing but pure, unadulterated shock graced her pretty features and everything was silent. It was a few minutes before either of us spoke.
"I knew it," she breathed.
"What? How did you know?" I asked stupidly.
"Come on, Paige, you must have forgotten that you're talking to Santos the Slut." Manny said bitterly.
"Manny, don't think of yourself like that." I reprimanded. "You made a mistake and this one, people just noticed."
She snorted with bitter laughter, and smiled, "It's different now that you're on the other side of the tracks, huh?"
"What are you talking about?" I snapped, annoyed.
"Oh, don't you remember? Last year, I was a slut, the one who got pregnant and got an abortion, on top of stealing your best friend's boyfriend." Manny said angrily.
Nothing could stop the guilt from swelling deep in my chest. It was true that almost every time I saw the poor girl, I was with Ashley and didn't hesitate to antagonize her. I was just me being loyal to one of my best friends, not deliberately trying to hurt her. But obviously, that was a stupid mistake that was coming back to bite me in the ass. I knew that now she would hate me, and I honestly couldn't blame her.
"Manny, I'm sorry for all of that. I never deliberately tried to hurt you, I was just supporting Ashley." I sheepishly offered the peace.
"Yeah, but no one ever realizes that Craig was the one that cheated on his girlfriend. They just see Manny, the school slut and baby killer." Manny said bitterly, tears welling in her eyes.
In an attempt to swallow her sobs, Manny put her hand over her mouth and made a movement as if she as choking. I felt strongly for her. Because, ever since Saturday evening, I'd found at least one reason to cry. I stepped closer to her and awkwardly put my hand on her shoulder.
She looked up and for that one moment in time, Manny Santos and I connected. We finally understood each other truly. She knew my pain, and I could feel hers. She let the tears come as freely and plentifully as they wished.
"I'm sorry, Paige, I never meant to break you and Spinner up." Manny sobbed.
"No, no, Manny, hon, you didn't so that. Trust me it's not your fault that we broke up." I soothed, rubbing the sides of her arms.
"Yes it is. I took advantage that you weren't at the car wash and—"
"Manny! You've got to believe me when I say that the break up was not your fault. We actually broke up way before that, emotionally." I assured her.
"Are you sure, because I'd never forgive myself if I was the cause of more pain."
"Manuela, you were not the reason for the break-up." I smiled.
She finally looked like she accepted the fact that she didn't cause the break-up. She returned my smile, with only half the feeling and we finally seemed to be at a crossroads. She wiped at her eyes to not smear her makeup anymore, and fanned at her eyes.
"Now that I'm finally finished making a fool of myself," she laughed, "Congratulations."
"Thank you,"
"How far along are you?" she asked curiously.
"About six to eight weeks." I informed.
"Wow, you, the Paige Michalchuk, are pregnant! I never thought that you and Spinner would take such a big step in your relationship."
But, before I could stop myself or realize what I was doing, I disgustedly blurted out, "This is not Spinner's baby."
Raising her perfectly arched, black eyebrows at me, Manny looked at me expectantly.
"Are you saying that you cheated on Spinner?" she asked.
"Yes," I murmured guiltily.
She looked slightly impressed with me, but at the same time scandalized. I knew that the moment of peace was about to be up.
"So, who's the lucky guy?" Manny asked.
Fortunately, the bell rang, and I thought that it would give me the perfect excuse to get out of there. But, Miss Santos wasn't letting me off that easily. As I turned to walk out of the gym, Manny leaped in front of me and blocked my path.
"Paige, who did you two-time Spinner with?" she asked grinning.
"Manny, I really don't want to tell you." I pleaded.
"Oh, come on, Michalchuk, it's not like I haven't already got one of your deepest secrets under my belt."
Sighing, I primed myself for anything. She could hit me, push me, call me a slut, run out into the hall and scream at the top of her lungs that I was pregnant and had cheated on Spinner; she could do anything she damn well pleased because she had me blackmailed.
I muttered something that was intended to be 'Craig' but ended up sounding more like 'crème'. She leaned forward, enjoying milking this for all this was worth.
"I didn't hear you," she taunted.
"Oh, Manny, you really don't want to hear this." I warned.
"Oh, yeah, I do. Now say it clearly."
"Manny, you really don't—"
"Paige, tell me who the father is!" she said, a little too loudly.
"Shut up, Santos! I don't want the entire school to know!"
"Paige…"
"Fine! Since you want to know so badly, the father of my baby is Craig!" I hissed, callously enjoying the severe look of scandal and disbelief that crossed her face.
Well, so much for mending our differences, I thought bitterly, watching her Godiva chocolate brown eyes turn cold and hurt in an instant.
"Craig, Craig Manning?" she weakly said.
"Yes, Craig Manning. How many other Craigs do you know?" I snapped, nastily.
"Paige! You're making a horrible mistake!" she warned coldly.
"Oh yeah, why don't you educate me on the finer points of a relationship?" I wasn't in the mood for another round of 'Craig's a horrible person, don't make this mistake'.
"How can you say that! Look at what he did to me and Ash! Do you really want that to happen that to you, your baby?"
"Manny, please, if I've heard this once I've heard it a million times. If you're going to hate me, hate me, but don't scrutinize my decision to keep my baby or stay with Craig." I said wearily; I was suddenly very tired, and very hungry.
"Paige," she began as though she couldn't believe what she was saying, "I don't hate you completely. Yes, I am jealous of you and Craig, and angry that Craig has done this to someone else, I just don't want you to go through what I went through with him."
I looked up at her with soft, sincere eyes. Manny was bigger than I would have been in her situation, and for that, I guess I respected her.
"Thanks for your concern Manny, but I truly don't think our situations are going to be similar." I offered gently.
"As much as I hate admit it, you might be right." Manny nodded with acceptance of the situation. "But, I have to say, I just hope that you don't have through what I went through. My mother gave me the worst ultimatum I could think of: get an abortion, or get out of her house. I hope your mother isn't doing that to you."
"Thankfully, no; I'm carrying this baby to term and Craig and I are going to raise it together."
"You're lucky. And as a friend, I have to say, I'm truly happy for you." Her smile was the warmest I'd ever received from her.
"Friend?" I questioned, slightly shocked.
"Well, before we officially become friends, I have to get something out of my system." Manny said grinning.
"Go ahead, comment. And, be the nastiest you can be." I smiled, knowing what she wanted to do.
"Paige Michalchuk, you are the skankiest slut I've ever seen. I've never met anyone as trashy, whore-y, and sluttier than yourself, and I'm surprised that I haven't gotten gonorrhea just from standing next you. I hate you for stealing my first love, and letting him get you pregnant. And, I wish nothing but the worst on you and Craig's relationship, because I still have feelings for him and don't really want to let him go.
"I hope Ashley goes thermonuclear on you for getting pregnant by her quote-on-quote soul mate, and I would honestly support her in whatever she does to you. I don't want anything bad to happen to your baby, but I hope someone tells he or she how his or her father is a dirty man whore and his or her mother is a kinky slut. And, lastly, I wish you experience ten times worst than what I experienced when everyone else finds out your pregnant." Letting a deep, cleansing breath come from the very bottom of her stomach, Manny opened her eyes and smiled widely.
Impressed, I nodded and said, "Wow, you really had a lot of pent-up hatred didn't you?"
"Well, some of that was for everybody who put me through unimaginable hell over the last year, and for Ashley, who screamed for the entire cafeteria to hear that I was pregnant. But, now, all of my problems with you are behind and I can finally be a true friend to you."
"I'm glad, because, I'm really going to need someone who knows to help me through this." I sighed, walking to her and putting my arm around her shoulders to guide her from the gym.
"I'll try my best on the pregnancy part, because you've got to remember, I was about three months along when I abort my baby, but on the coping when everyone else finds out, I'm your girl." Manny smiled, putting her arm around my waist.
Amazingly, as Manny and I walked to the receptionist's desk to get a late slip, I felt a huge weight lift off my chest. I had a new friend that could really help me through this, a boyfriend that was totally supportive and loving about my being pregnant, a best friend that understood enough to be the voice of reason when hormones over took me, and a mother and brother that were going to be there to support and help me, no matter what. I vaguely remember thinking that no one had ever described heaven as being so gratifying.
Disclaimer: See chapter one
Phew, this was the longest chapter I've ever written—twelve solid pages on Microsoft Word! Okay, so maybe I lied about Manny and Paige having a catfight, but there is certainly one coming up that will really knock your socks off. I promise that latter catfight. But, once I saw where this Manny-Paige relationship could go, I couldn't make them hate each other. Think if it this way: she's gained one solid, for-sure friend so far, but is definitely going to lose another really good friend—and it's going to be a point of no return. Can you guess who it is?
Reviewers
Maibe Josie: You are so awesome! You continue to give me the best constructive criticism on the Net, and it's helping me improve! From what I was reading on the synopsis for "Accidents Will Happen Parts One and Two", it said that Manny's mother was strict. So, I guess I figured that meant she would think it's a disgrace to the family for Manny to get pregnant out of wedlock and she would make her get and abortion. Plus, my friend Soona's family is from the Philippines and Soona said that they considered it a huge disgrace to the family to have a baby out of wedlock, so I was just going on what Soona and said. But thanks for your thoughts. Anyways, the fact that Manny's mother made her get an abortion fits perfectly into future chapters—you'll see what I'm talking about.
You guys are so awesome! You are really encouraging me to write more, it's only my second day posting on this site, and your making me feel so friggin' awesome about my writing abilities. I think I might start another story about another diverse couple…interested?