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Rory woke up at three twenty four in the morning. She sighed. This had been going on since the almost mugging. She turned over and turned on the bed side lamp. She picked up her book, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, and started to read. She loved that book. It always made her cry. It always made her think about death and about how her mother would literally fall into irreparable pieces. Rory closed her eyes and unconsciously put her hand to her nose, which had been realigned and didn't need surgery. She had just realized that she had already fallen into irreparable pieces. She furiously threw the book and heard as it hit her pencil jar, she heard as the pencils and pens fell on floor. The night before she had broken a lamp. The night before that she had destroyed her printer. She still needed to replace that.
Rory felt herself falling, so she picked up her dorm phone and called her mother. Lorelai had stayed with her the first couple of nights but left on Rory's request. Rory felt she needed to get over this on her own. But she wrong.
"Hello you have reached Lorelai's pancake house, leave an order and it'll be ready in fifteen years or when I learn to cook, whichever comes first. Hope you are not hungry. Mwhaha." Lorelai's voice screeched on the Gilmore message machine.
"Um never mind" Rory quietly said before hanging up and throwing the phone on her bed. She walked into the common area and turned on the TV, she stared blankly at the illuminated screen. She couldn't take it anymore. She went into her rooms and put on her fuzzy pig slippers and grabbed her keys, which was now equipped with a pepper spry key chain for obvious reasons.
She left her dorm and started to wander the Yale campus. It was so abandoned, calm and serene at this hour. Nobody was out. But something wasn't right. She would normally take peace in the tranquility and compare it to Stars Hollow in the early morning. But now, she just felt alone.
After walking for some time she stopped and sat down on a bench. She look at the trees as the swayed in the cold wind. She looked up at the clouds that opened up and cried on her and the campus. But she didn't move. She was soaked from head to slipper and her limbs were turning blue and numb. She made no move to go back to her dorm or to conceal her body warmth. She simply sat there and stared at the stars.
"Ace." She heard from a few yards away. But still she jumped out of her skin. She looked up and saw Logan, also soaking wet.
"Hey." She responded and he took that as a reason to come closer. He sat down next to her and offered her his coat. She shook her head no.
"I've been sort of watching you. You haven't really been you." He said to her while looking down at the wet pavement.
"I'm sorry. You know about the way I broke up with you. I'm sorry about that." Rory responded to him.
"Ace. What's wrong? Why haven't you been you? You are never smiling or laughing. It's like life was sucked out of you." He asked her and Rory just looked at the sky.
"You know it doesn't help that they keep calling me a hero, I mean he tripped. I did nothing but stand there."
"Still. He tripped on your foot. And you made Yale safer." Logan clarified. He felt like he was walking on eggshells around her lately.
"I'm really worried about you, Ace. And Paris I worried about you, too. Doyle doesn't think you're writing up to your standard and I have to agree. I am sure that Martin or Mark is worried about you. Your mom must be super worried."
"Then why is she not answering her phone when I need her, why is she sleeping with the diner man?" Rory interrupted bitterly.
"Hey, that's not fair. Rory I'm sure she didn't mean it, but she has a life too." Rory knew he was right. She couldn't have called her mom's cell phone or Luke's. But she didn't. She also knew her mother would give up everything for her, but for some reason she found peace in being angry with her mother.
"I guess. But why isn't she here, with me, when I need her?" She complained. She purposefully forgot that she had asked her mother to leave.
"Rory. Come on. She loves you."
"I guess." She paused.
"You never forgave me. I said I was sorry about the break up and you never said 'I forgive you'" She continued. Logan looked up from the ground and searched her eyes. They weren't the same, they looked haunted and confused.
"You weren't yourself. Besides I just ignored that. According to me, we are still together." He smiled at her. Hoping that she would smile too, or laugh or even smirk. But no such hope.
"Logan." She said it quietly and he knew that she was serious about break up, no matter how it had gone.
"Come on, let's go back to my dorm and watch Office Space four times." He got up and offered her his hand. She didn't accept it.
"Logan you can't give me what I need." She told him. She looked down at the ground and felt the cold for the first time.
"What do you need Rory?" He asked her, almost afraid of the answer.
"I need to be held, I need someone to fight the bad guys, I need someone to make it all go away. I need someone to love me. I need someone to make me feel better." She paused to gauge his reaction and when she saw none, she continued. "I need strings, Logan, strings. I want to be yours and only yours and I want you to be mine and only mine."
Logan looked at her and knew he would break her heart in a relationship with strings. But looking at her now, he realized that by saying no he would also break her heart. And he didn't want to break her heart.
"You can have my strings Ace, but no tying me to them." He laughed at his play on words but soon stopped. Rory had caught the wording and had obviously analyzed them. He had broken her.
"I tell you my heart's desires and you do this. Logan I gave you… I'm in emotional ruin and you do this. I can't believe you." She tearlessly cried to him and then got up and started to walk the other way.
"Rory, let me fix you." He yelled out to her, but she kept on walking.
"Rory, let me fix you." He said quieter knowing that even if she heard him she wouldn't turn back, she'd keep in going because he had broken an already broken girl.
Rory walked around for a bit before deciding she wanted to get drunk. She walked to her car and opened the door. She got inside and quickly locked the doors. She searched her car for her emergency gas money and then got out of the car, locking the car on her way out. She walked into the seven eleven and scanned the store for alcohol. She finally decided on a twelve dollar bottle of tequila. She walked up to the clerk and smiled.
"I need to see your ID." The bored and tired man said.
"Look, I'm nineteen and really need to get drunk. I can't sleep, I don't feel like myself and my ex boyfriend just poured salt in my bloody wounds. I really need this." She explained to the clerk. He didn't look impressed.
"Do you have any ID?" The man asked.
"Um, no. But I'll kiss you." The man looked at her interested and pulled her into a disgusting kiss. He took her money and bagged the tequila. She felt disgusted and whore-like so she made a quick exit.
"Come again, it was a pleasure doing business with you." She heard the clerk say on her way out the door. She shuddered.
She waited until she was in her dorm before she took a sip of the alcohol. It stung her mouth and burned her throat. She made a disgusted face then took another sip. She banged on her roommates door, not wanting to drink alone. When the door opened an aura of fury wafted into the common room. A furious Paris screamed at her.
"What?" Rory simply held out the bottle of liquor and Paris slammed the door closed.
Rory walked into her room and picked up the previously discarded phone and dialed her mother's cell phone.
"Rory? This better be you or else I am gonna kill whoever is calling at 4:30 in the morning." Lorelai tiredly babbled into the phone.
"Mom, I am gonna drive home so we can get drunk" The she hung up the phone. She didn't want to hear her mother talk her out of it, or discover that she was already tipsy. She grabbed her coat and keys and left her dorm for the second time that night.
When she arrived at Luke's Diner she saw her mom standing outside in plaid and holding a black umbrella. She messily parked the car and stumbled out holding the bottle of her precious yellow cheap liquor. Lorelai rushed over to her and started to scream.
"Are you alright? Are you stupid? Have you lost your mind? Because if not you are in serious trouble for driving drunk. That's just so unlike you." Lorelai ranted and thanked god that her daughter had survived the trip to Stars Hollow.
"Have a drink?" Rory slurred out, unfazed by her mothers worry and anger.
"Geeze, Rory have some common sense. Don't buy the cheap stuff, it'll kill you."
"Like you care."
"Hey don't you say that. I do care." Lorelai suddenly defended herself to a very different Rory. Then again she had never been around drunk Rory.
"Oh right, so where were you when I needed you. You leave me all alone while I am in ruins and go and fuck the first guy you see." Rory screamed at her mother.
"Okay one. I do care about you and love you very much. Two you asked me to leave and I have had my cell phone on for every hour of the day. Three Luke is my boyfriend and whoever I fuck is none of your business." When Rory remained silent she continued.
"Well I am glad you admit that there is a problem and I'll set up an appointment for you with a phychiatrist in the morning."
"Gilmore's don't need to talk about their problems." Rory smugly said as she took another sip of the vile liquid.
"Hmm." Lorelai was speechless which was rare. She stepped forward to envelope Rory into a hug, but Rory took a shaky step back. "Hey, I am your mother and if I want to hug you I damn well will." She took another step forward and Rory took another step backwards.
Lorelai hated this. This was the third time Rory had refused a hug. She was tired of angry and vulnerable and broken Rory. She wanted her daughter, wherever she was. So she didn't think and she slapped Rory, The bottle of tequila hit the pavements and the contents seeped into the cracks unnoticed by the Gilmore girls.
"Rory, let me help you. Please." Lorelai tried to rationalize with her stunned and drunk daughter.
"I'm going back to Yale." Rory took a step towards the drivers door when Lorelai reached out and grabbed her arm.
"Like hell you are." Lorelai yelled at her. Rory pushed her mother away from her. Lorelai stunned and caught off guard by her daughters actions fell on the pavement, cutting her hand on the broken glass. She looked up and noticed that Rory was in the car and was trying to insert the key into the ignition. Lorelai leaped up and ran to the car door, it was locked. She cursed the mugger who did this to her daughter as she banged on the door.
"Rory, Stop it. Think for a second, this isn't right. RORY!" She screamed as her daughter peeled out of the parking spot.
"RORY. STOP." She screamed at the top of her lungs as Rory ran the longest red light in the world. She turned to go and get Luke's car keys so she could follow her daughter when she heard a crash.
"RORY!" She screamed louder than she thought possible. She ran down the street her daughter had turned on and noticed the car smashed into a phone pole. To her amazement she saw Rory stumble out of the car, from the distance she was at her daughter looked unharmed. A perk for drunk people. She ran to her daughter with her heart beating fast and grabbed her daughter in a hug.
"Mom?" Rory's quiet and pathetic voice asked. She wasn't sober but she wasn't drunk either. She was more aware of her actions.
"Baby, are you okay. Any Booboo's?" Lorelai asked.
"My head and arm hurt a little." Rory answered ashamed of herself as her earlier action played out into her head.
"Oh Okay. Can you walk? I left my cell phone at Luke's and you still replaced yours."
"I can walk." She answered feeling like a little girl.
"Okay, but how about I help steady you, like this" Lorelai said as she put an arm around Rory's waist and shifted her daughters weight onto her.
"Yeah, Okay, I'd like that."
The two walked side by side to Luke's. Both feeling tired from all the stress. Both in massive amounts of emotional and physical pain. Both leaning on each other as if they were each others necessary oxygen.