Gone

Chapter One:  Grief

By Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)

Disclaimer:  I do not own IY.  I don't claim to own IY.  I'd love to get my hands on Inu's little ears though.  ^_^;

~~~

She was really gone.  Nothing was going to bring her back, short of a wish on the Shikon Jewel, and without her, they would never be able to find the pieces.  Without her, they'd never be able to destroy Naraku to get *his* shards of the jewel.

It was hopeless.

Inuyasha knew what hopeless was.  He had felt it every day of his miserable fucking life.  He knew his friends – her friends – were confused by his sudden apathy regarding the Shikon Jewel, but they weren't looking at the big picture.

She was gone.

Kagome was dead.

Dead.

And nothing would help them now.

It was all rather simple to the grief-stricken half-demon's mind.  She was dead.  She was the only person able to sense the jewel shards.  The jewel was the only thing able to bring her back from death.  Therefore, it was hopeless.

Why couldn't those fools understand that?  Why couldn't they see that it was over?  Why couldn't they see that without her... there was no reason to continue in the futile search?

Why had that fool girl died so goddamn selflessly!?  What the fuck was wrong with her!?  They could have won!  He could have won!  She didn't need to take the stupid blow meant for him!  He would have survived it!

She, of course, did not...

"Fuck!" Inuyasha growled loudly to the empty forest.  He had left his so-called friends behind at the site of their camp a few hours ago.  He had wanted to be alone.  As he had every night since her death...

Four long days ago.

He closed his golden eyes and bowed his head.  He was so very *angry* with her.  But it was better than crying.  He wouldn't cry.  He wouldn't give in to the emptiness and grief her passing had caused.

He especially wouldn't let the others see him lose it.  He couldn't stay there with them.  He couldn't...  Gods, he couldn't stay near her body anymore.  It was covered of course, none of them could stand to see the girl they each loved so still, so lifeless.

It was killing a little piece of himself every moment he stayed there.  Every moment he thought of her.  Just like before, just like with Kikyou...

Gods, what could he do?  He could... he could ask Sesshoumaru to help, he should ask his damned half-brother to use Tensaiga on her, but...

He knew it was futile.  He knew it because his brother did not care about him.  His brother hated him.  His brother...

Had been the one to kill his mother.

~~~

Sango glanced at Miroku.  "Inuyasha's been gone awhile.  Do you think we should look for him?"

The monk shook his head.  "No."  He paused, staring in the direction the half-demon had gone.  "He needs to be alone right now.  Staying so near Kagome-sama's body must be very difficult for him."

"It's difficult for all of us, especially Shippou-chan!"

Miroku nodded, looking over at the exterminator.  "Yes, it is.  But I think..."  He turned his head back towards the darkened forest.  "Inuyasha loves her in ways we do not understand.  He did not love her as a friend, like us.  He did not love her as a mother-figure, like Shippou-chan.  He loves her as a woman, companion, and the first person he's ever trusted."

"But Kikyou..."

Miroku shook his head.  "From what I understand, and from what I've been told, he cared a great deal for her, and yes, most likely loved the priestess.  However, I also think that he didn't trust her.  Not completely.  Otherwise, his faith in her wouldn't have been so easily conquered.  And the same goes for Kikyou.  If she had trusted Inuyasha more, she wouldn't have been fooled by the demon wearing his face." 

The lecherous monk smiled sadly at Sango.  "I trust you, for example.  If someone attacked me wearing your visage, I would be suspicious, and doubt it was truly you.  I would have searched deeper to see if that was truly you."

Sango hesitated, then nodded. "True, but...  Kikyou and Inuyasha didn't know that someone was out to get us.  They didn't know about Naraku.  We do.  We are always on the lookout for his tricks."

The monk simply smiled.  "Yes, we are.  But I would always make sure the person who betrayed me truly did before I would jump to the most obvious conclusions."  Miroku glanced at the covered form of Kagome's body, his eyes sad.  "And if someone wearing Kagome's face had attacked Inuyasha...  He would have known immediately it was not her.  No matter the circumstances.  Because she is the one who taught Inuyasha to trust."

~~~

Inuyasha returned to camp just before sunrise.  The three living campers were sleeping soundly around the banked fire.  The half-demon ignored them as he moved towards the covered form of the girl whose life he completely destroyed.  He crouched beside her silently, and stared intently at the still bundle that was all that was left of her.

He allowed his anger to leave him finally and he bowed his head, letting his white bangs hide his eyes.  "I'm sorry, Kagome," he murmured softly as tears finally fell from golden eyes.

"I'm sorry."

~~~

The four travelers finally entered Kaede's village two days later just after sunrise.  A small boy spotted them first.  Inuyasha and Miroku carried a crudely made litter with Kagome's covered body between them as they entered the still slumbering village.  The child knew that someone had died, after all, during these times, death wasn't far from home, even the smallest child knew what death was, and knew it intimately. He gasped, and ran quickly away from the group towards the village priestess' home.

"Kaede-sama!" the childlike voice cried as he banged on the door loudly.  "Kaede-sama!"

The old, one-eyed woman opened the door, obviously having been up for quite awhile and looked down at the child.  "Yes, child?"

"Inuyasha's back!  And someone's dead!"

The priestess gasped, gently pushing the child aside, and rushed as quickly as her aged body would let her towards the direction she knew they must be coming from.  She rounded a corner of the house, and stopped suddenly as she spotted the odd group.

One missing companion.

"Kagome..."

~~~

Inuyasha's ear swiveled towards the sound, and glanced over at the shocked and horror-stricken priestess.  The two humans followed Inuyasha's gaze to Kaede.  Shippou let loose a tiny cry of anguish, and ran towards the old woman frantically.  He jumped at her, wrapping his tiny arms around the old woman's neck and bawled for all he was worth. 

Inuyasha turned his gaze from the display, appearing uninterested.  The usual mask of annoyance in place on his face.

Only Kaede saw the barely restrained grief and anguish in the young man's golden eyes before he turned away.  She looked down at the small fox child clinging to her neck.

Sango approached the old priestess.  "I am sorry, Kaede."  She looked so lost just then, Kaede noticed.  She and Kagome had really been close.  They all were.  The dangerous and common goals had led each of them to treasure the rest of the group dearly.  Kaede knew that nothing short of death of one of their own could affect them like this now.  Except perhaps for the death of Kohaku, Sango's brother.  Sango would grieve for him like she was currently grieving for Kagome.

Kaede glanced at the monk, unsurprised to find the same pain in his violet gaze as well.  He was dealing with it, however.  He had had years of training to be a monk, and he was an excellent servant of Buddha despite his lecherous ways.  He knew how to deal with the pain death left.  Dealing with emotion was a part of a monk's training.  But he seemed lost on what to do to help the rest of his group.

And Kaede didn't know if she could help.

She finally allowed her gaze to take in the covered form on the litter between the two men.  It was unthinkable that Inuyasha would allow something to happen to Kagome, but here it was.  She was dead.

The little woman that she had begun to look upon like a younger sister, or perhaps daughter, the one that resembled her respected sister Kikyou so very much...

Was dead.

"No..."  She hugged the little fox child tighter.  She cleared her throat.  "Bring her into the house," she said finally, grief roughening her voice.

The men carried her away.

But not without one last glance into Inuyasha's face.

Kaede gasped in shock.

His eyes were tinted red.  Not from tears.  Not from grief.

From madness.

~~~

Next Chapter:  Inuyasha travels into the future to tell her family what has happened.  While he's gone, the group gets a visitor.

AN:  This chapter is also shorter than most of my stuff usually is, chapter-wise, but that's okay.  That was a very nice stopping point, so I had to.  ^_^; 

Thanks:  Kristin (Yes, his background is fun.  ^_^) and Rachel Crystal.

Plugs:  Go read squeakyinuears' Kagome/Inuyasha fic!  Here: ?storyid=1509914

Lovies!