A/N: Wow, I really am on a roll. It's a lot easier to write a fic when you know what you want to do with it. I feel bad because I'm getting so into writing this that I'm neglecting my other stories. I think I may work on at least one of them a bit after this chapter. But sorry it took so long to actually put this one up. I've actually had it finished for a few days, and I've even started the next chapter, but that was all during classes. Getting the time to type it all up between track practice, homework, and a boyfriend? Bit harder to do that getting bored in class. Heh.
Karen trudged into the library at lunch. Giles looked up from the book he was studying.
"Oh Karen, good. You didn't report last night," he said.
"Yeah, sorry. A demon got to me," she paused; unsure if she should tell him the rest of what happened.
"Oh dear. All you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine now. There were three big ones. Nasty claws."
Giles nodded as he scribbled it down in the Watcher's diary he had pulled out. As he finished, Willow and Oz came through the doors.
"Hey, Karen," Willow greeted. "How was slaying?"
"It went alright, I guess. Got hurt a little, but it's no big."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, thanks."
"Karen, aren't those the same pants you wore yesterday?" Cordelia asked as she and Xander walked through the doors.
"Leave it to Cordy to notice what people are wearing every day," Xander said. She hit his arm.
"Yeah. I didn't exactly go home last night," Karen said.
"Where'd you go?" Xander asked her.
"Uhhh… to Angel's. I guess that I blacked out after this one demon got me. He bandaged it for me."
Cordelia raised an eyebrow. "Is that his shirt?"
"Umm, yeah…" Karen began to blush.
"Karen, are you sure you're alright? How did the demon get you?" Giles moved from behind the counter.
Glad for the distraction, Karen answered. "It scratched my back. I don't think it's too deep. I should be fine by tonight."
Giles nodded. "Why don't you take the night off?"
Karen was a bit sad at the loss of time with Angel. Then she remembered that she had his shirt. A perfect reason to go see him… After all, he may want it back.
"Thanks, Giles," she smiled at him. Not giving Cordelia any time to continue her earlier questioning, Karen grabbed her books, saying that she had to do something for a class as she made her escape.
"I hope she really is ok," Willow said.
"She seems fine. And what is it with these slayers and Angel?" Cordelia asked as she sat down.
"What?" Xander looked at his girlfriend.
"Oh, please. She so obviously has the hots for him." Everyone stared at her. "What? She does! The way she blushed, the nervousness… There's no doubt."
Looking at each other, the group sighed.
"She does!" Cordelia protested.
"Even if she does, it doesn't matter; Angel won't go for it. He'll remember his last relationship. And plus, he's just too hurt," Willow said.
The room was silent as they remembered the exact reason that he was "too hurt."
*****
Spike helped Buffy out of the car. He offered her his arm as they returned to the posh hotel where they lived. Buffy was in the white dress Spike had bought her earlier that week, and he was in a tux. It was probably 2 or 3 in the morning as they stepped inside, back from the party.
Spike walked her to her room, and then left her as he disappeared into his own. Buffy opened the door and stepped inside. Sitting at the vanity, she began to take down her hair.
As she finished, she heard a sudden knock on the door. She walked over and cracked open the door. Spike stood on the other side with an anxious look on his face. Buffy opened the door a bit more.
"Can I…" Spike motioned towards her. Buffy stared at him. Then finally she stepped aside and let him in, shutting the door behind him. They stood there in an awkward moment of silence, unsure where to go from there. It was the first time they had been together for a reason that wasn't necessary.
Then Spike vigorously began to pace the room. "I can't do this," he began, waving his arms about wildly. Buffy watched in silence.
"I can't… go about things like this. Have this just be the way that things are. We avoid each other when we can and have as little to do with each other as possible when we can't. Do you want to know why Dru left?" Spike suddenly stopped, turning to face her.
"No, I suppose you don't. And why would you?" Spike began to pace again. "Not like you care. But it was because of you. Said she saw you in me. Swimming around my head. Said I helped you kill her precious 'daddy.' And it's not right, you know. Having those thoughts. But Dru was right; they're there. They shouldn't be; I know that. But I also know, that since she left, all I've thought about was you. How I should just go back to that shit-hole town and kill you. Prove to her that she was wrong. But I didn't. And regretted killing you as soon as I had. Which ended up, with me turning you. Which I knew you wouldn't have been the same. Would have hated what I'd done to you. Hated myself for it. You'd lose that fire, that spark. But it's still there. And you kept your soul. And I bloody hate that I am, but I'm glad you did. I'm glad there's a chance you can still be… well… you." As he wound down his tirade, his pacing slowed until it finally stopped all together. Turning to look at her, Buffy saw the pained and confused look on his face.
"I'm drownin' in you, Summers. Drowning in you. And I have no bloody clue what to do about it." They stood there, staring at each other for a long while. The air was so thick with emotion that they could practically feel it weighing down on them.
Finally, Spike heaved a great sigh and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Buffy stared after him when he left. Abruptly, she sat down on the edge of the bed.
She had wanted to hate Spike; hate him for turning her into her worst nightmare. But she found that she couldn't. And she found that her worst nightmare had changed. And Spike had been the one to save her from it. Save her from being alone. But she still was alone for the most part. She was so confused. She thought of everyone back in Sunnydale. Thought of her mom. Of Angel.
At the thought of Angel, she felt a pang of guilt. Not because she had been forced to kill him so much as the fact that sometimes, even if it was just for a little while, she would forget all about him. It felt like she was letting him be dead. So that it was her fault he had died all over again. And she felt even worse because Buffy had only been able to forget Angel after she had started living with Spike. Sometimes, when they were out at a party, or when Spike would bring her a gift, a new dress, jewelry, shoes, when he did something sweet without even thinking about it. Open the door, pull out her chair, help her out of the car, threaten anyone who threatened or mocked her. She would forget. She would forget to hate him, forget she had loved Angel, and she would catch herself about to smile at him. And it felt so wrong, but oh, it felt so right.
Confused and tired, Buffy curled into a ball in the middle of the bed, still in her dress and with her shoes on, and cried herself to sleep.
Spike leaned himself against the door as he listened to the deep, gut wrenching sobs coming from the other side of it. Slowly, he pushed himself away and went into his own room. As he got ready for bed, his thoughts trailed back to the beauty in the next room.
He hadn't meant to ay any of that. Hadn't meant to go over there. But his feet and hands had seemed to have a mind of their own, and his mouth had soon followed. He just hadn't been able to stand it anymore. He couldn't keep his mind off of her. He knew she hated being a vampire and hated him for making her one, but he just couldn't let her die. Unfortunately, he had realized that last fact a bit too late.
He was being honest when he told her he had wanted to kill her. He had really believed that it would fix things. But since she had begun living with him, as soon as she was about to die in that alley, he couldn't do it. Ever since then, his thoughts about her had begun to change. Turning to things no vampire should ever think about a slayer. But then, she wasn't exactly a slayer anymore, now was she?
Sighing to himself, Spike crawled into bed and went to sleep.
*****
It was late afternoon when Buffy awoke the next day. After she showered and dressed, Buffy prepared for another oh so eventful night spent on the couch. Never in her life had she watched so much TV as she did now that she was dead; Buffy chuckled at the irony. Her thoughts then trailed back to Spike.
Never once had he tried to bend her to his will, or did he use the fact that he was her sire to try and make her do something. He never tried to make her do anything, period. Of course, he didn't seem pleased by the fact that she kept her soul, but he didn't seem upset about it either. Up until last night, she had thought he was unhappy and just keeping her for a trophy. But after his explosion… It almost seemed as though he cared for her. Or wanted to. He certainly said it that way, but could she really believe him? Spike had never been one to play games. That was Angelus. And even if he were, this was Spike, who attacked two nights early because he got bored when he first went to Sunnydale. And this had been weeks! So Buffy doubted Spike was playing any sort of games. But then, could that really mean he cared?
As these thoughts swam in her head, Spike came out of his room. He stood staring at Buffy for a bit, until she finally took notice of him. He quickly looked away and began to stride towards the door. Buffy watched, then hesitantly, she called his name.
"Spike?" his hand froze on the doorknob. Slowly, he turned to face her with a questioning look. She patted the seat next to her on the couch.
"Come sit?" was all she asked.
Spike stared, then slowly crossed the room again to sit next to her. They settled in for a night together on the couch.
*****
The next night, Buffy was sitting on the couch again. The previous night, she and Spike had sat mostly in silence except for Spike's random yells and comments at the TV and their occasional laughter.
Spike came out of his room and looked towards Buffy. He opened his mouth, then shut it again. Taking a step towards her, he opened his mouth again and let it hang there.
"Spike?" she looked at him oddly.
"Uhh… I… I was wondering if, if you wanted to go out? To a… a movie or a club? I thought maybe you might miss going out…" Spike stuttered. Buffy looked surprised. Then she smiled.
"That would be nice. I'll go change." She disappeared into her room. Spike sat on the couch to wait, utterly shocked, yet thrilled, that she had said yes. Buffy stepped out in a tight, black tank top and blue jeans that hugged her hips. Her hair lay around her shoulders like a golden wave.
"Ready?" Spike struggled to not let his eyes roam her body.
"Yup. So… Where are we going?"
"Club. Not too far from here. Could walk if you don't want to go in the Desoto."
Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Definitely walking. You still have that old thing?" All she had seen to this point were limousines on the way to the big parties.
"Yes, I still have it, and it's not an 'old thing,' Slayer. The Desoto is my baby," he pouted.
Buffy laughed as she walked towards the door. "Whatever you say, Spike." She turned to face him. "Are we going or what?"
Spike stared at her in shock. Not once since he first saw her here in LA had he heard her laugh. He grinned as he strode to the door and opened it for her.
"After you, Slayer," he motioned her through.
Buffy slipped her arm through his as they strolled down the street taking to the club.
A/N: Hmmm… I realized mid-tirade that the whole thing had a sort of "Crush" feel to it, except for a whole bunch of Buffy-staring, no Dru being there, and no chains. So I just had to use the drowning bit. Couldn't help myself. I hadn't wanted this to happen so soon, I mean… Did I just have Spike ask her out on a date?!?! But… That was the way the writing flowed. It's what's going to be happening for a while because I have no idea what exactly is going on at the moment, especially in Sunnydale. I know where I want to get when the times match and after that, but it should hopefully be a while before then. Kinda hoping they continue to work themselves out. Review please!!