Chapter Nineteen

The waiting had begun. Everything and everyone was ready and now there was nothing to do but wait for the end. Hermione sat on her favorite bench overlooking the lake with Harry one afternoon, soaking in the sun and the quiet.

"It's strange being back at Hogwart's isn't it?" Harry asked.

"Not really," she replied, "I never really left."

"I guess you're right."

"It is odd to be here with you without Ron, though, she said. Harry nodded, looking away. Hermione suddenly regretted bringing it up. It was still hard to think that one of her best friends was gone forever.

"Remember that time we threw you in the lake?" he asked, turning back to her a few moments later and smiling.

"How could I forget? I never want to see the giant squid that up close and personal ever again."

"It was Ron's idea, he always had good ideas."

Hermione didn't agree. Most of the time, Ron's ideas had resulted in Gryffindor losing points and the three of them ending up in detention or, for example, her ending up in the lake.

"I miss him," she said instead. Most, after all, were good memories.

"Me too. Want me to throw you in for old time sakes?" Harry asked slyly, reaching for her arm.

"Not unless you want to be hexed into next Tuesday. If you remember the only reason you succeeded last time was because you managed to separate me from my wand beforehand," she protested, shaking him off and reaching into her pocket. Harry held his hands up, conceding defeat.

"Alright, alright, maybe next time," he laughed, "How does Snape handle you?"

"Very effectively actually," she said dryly. He stared at her for a moment, almost as if she were a difficult arithmancy problem.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. He took her hands in his.

"For what?"

"That you had to marry that git," he said, "You deserve better." She wrenched her hands from his grip.

"Don't say that!"

"Are you happy, Hermione?" he asked, regarding her seriously.

"I…I think so," she stammered.

"You think so?"

"Well, its hard to be sure with this war going on," she said indignantly. "Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when it is all over and I'm still married. Right now, we hardly see each other—we're both so busy, him with teaching and spying and me with my apprenticeship and work for the Order. But when we are together, it's nice, most of the time, anyway. I don't know. It's confusing. He's confusing. Sometimes he plays the affectionate and attentive husband and other times he acts like a stranger."

"But you were arguing the other night when I came into the library, weren't you?" he asked.

"It was more like a disagreement. We don't see things the same way," she explained.

It was true enough. No voices had been raised and there had even been minimal sarcasm, a true feat when talking with her husband. But certain things had been decided, even if Hermione wasn't exactly sure what those things were. And Severus had been avoiding her the last several days, speaking only when it was absolutely necessary.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asked.

She looked over at him. He had a pained look on his face and she could tell that it had taken everything in him to ask her that question. Discussing her marriage to the hated Potions professor didn't rank high on his list of favorite conversation topics.

"He doesn't believe that anyone could like or love him. That the only reason anyone keeps him around is because he is useful," she told him.

"I thought that was the only reason," Harry said derisively.

"Stop! Honestly when are the two of you going to start acting like adults towards each other?"

"He started it," he said, sounding very much like a child who had been chastised.

"Very mature Harry," she snapped, but he flashed a mischievous smile at her that melted her irritation. Both men could make her smile, she only wished they would get along. They sat quietly for a few minutes, both watching the giant squid swim in the lake and pondering things.

"Oh god!" Hermione exclaimed, breaking the silence.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Severus…he asked me why I married him. And I told him…I told him that it was because logistically it was better, that it was a strategic move."

"So?"

"Don't you see? I told him that the reason I married him was because he was useful, that it suited my purposes. And then before the meeting, I…," she trailed off. He had been testing her feelings for him, she was certain. He didn't trust anyone, except maybe her and Dumbledore, and she had ruined it. She had ruined everything.

"I'll see you later," she told Harry before she hurried across the grounds and back to the castle. Their entire marriage had been spent with both of them trying, if not to manipulate, then to influence the other in a certain direction. There had been few moments of honesty or real communication. She needed to find Severus and tell him everything, to set things right.

He wasn't in his office, his classroom, or in their apartment. She wandered through the castle, stopping and asking the ghosts and paintings if they had seen Professor Snape, but following their directions had only resulted in her getting lost. Standing in a quiet hallway, she heard a clatter in a nearby classroom. She took her wand from her pocket and entered cautiously. Everyone in the castle had been on tenterhooks lately, and every little noise startled her.

'It's probably nothing,' she thought as she walked through the rows of desks to the front of the room. It appeared to be empty. She laughed quietly at her paranoia and turned to leave, her eyes coming to rest on the first desk. Sometimes she wished she could go back to the days when she was a student, when the worst thing she had to worry about was whether Snape would test them on both antidotes and shrinking solutions. But even then, she realized they were worried about Voldemort, the Basilisk, or escaped convicts. She seemed doomed to lead an exciting life.

"Expelliarmus," she heard a voice say as her wand flew from her hand. Hermione froze.

"Ah, it's Mrs. Snape—Severus' mudblood wife."

She looked up to find herself cut off from the door, the way blocked by Bellatrix Lestrange who stood casually twirling Hermione's wand in her hand. She must have been hiding behind the open door when Hermione had come in.

"I've been dying to meet you, truly meet you. We've run into each other occasionally but there's never been anytime to chat."

Hermione looked at the woman standing across from her in disbelief. No time to chat? They had only met once in the Ministry of Magic in her fifth year and later in another skirmish outside of London. Hermione had heard rumors that Bellatrix was mad and now she believed them.

"We'll have to wait a little longer, I'm afraid," Hermione answered her, hoping that her voice did not betray her fear of being caught without her wand, "I'm a little busy at the moment."

"Not without this, you aren't," she said, waving Hermione's wand. Hermione just shrugged. She was right; there was nothing she could do with Bellatrix holding her wand and blocking the only exit.

"Let's talk about Severus, shall we? Tell me, do you love him?"

"Of course I do," Hermione replied without thought. She knew that she did but she had never admitted it aloud to anyone before and it saddened her to think that she had told Bellatrix Lestrange before she had told Severus.

"Crucio!" Bellatrix said without warning, pointing Hermione's own wand at her. She fell to the floor, clawing at her face and hair in a vain attempt to stop the pain. Harry had tried to explain what it felt like to her once and she had watched in her fourth year as Barty Crouch had tortured the spiders using the curse, but nothing had prepared her for the complete and total torture of it. It lasted only a minute and then Bellatrix released her.

She struggled to breathe; her skin prickled painfully with the after effects of the curse.

"You truly love him? Come now, you can tell me the truth. This isn't a Ministry inquiry."

Hermione didn't speak, but she shook her head in affirmation.

"Crucio!"

She fell back to the floor in agony. Mere minutes felt like an eternity and she let out a small whimper as the curse was lifted again.

"Do you love him?" Bellatrix demanded.

"Yes," she said faintly, "He is intelligent, brave, and witty. He's a great man, an honorable man."

"Fool! You know he only uses you for the information you can give him. How does it feel to know that every secret whispered in confidence, every careless comment, or the slightest piece of information about your precious Potter was brought back to the Dark Lord? You have been your own downfall," Bellatrix taunted her mercilessly.

"And you will be yours if you're not careful," a deep voice said. Hermione glanced up to see Severus standing in the doorway.

"Why, Severus," Bellatrix simpered, "Your wife and I were just having a bit of a chat. Won't you join us?"

Severus scowled as he pushed past her and made his way to Hermione who was still on the floor. He leaned down and helped her back up to her knees. Brushing back her hair, he cupped her face; his hands cool and soothing on her hot skin.

"Are you ok?" he asked softly. She nodded weakly.

"There's no need to pretend now, Severus dear," Bellatrix said, "After the Dark Lord defeats Potter there will be no need for you to carry on this sham."

"It's no act," Severus said vehemently, standing and facing her.

"I know. She really loves you. Can you believe that?" she said, disdain and disbelief evident in her voice. "You're much better at this spy thing than I would ever give you credit for, Severus. But the time for that is over now. Won't you join me in a little fun?" She lifted her wand again, causing Hermione to flinch.

"No!" Severus said, the authority in his voice reflecting his many years as a teacher, "Expelliarmus!"

Hermione's wand flew from Bellatrix's hand, her eyes widening in surprise at this sudden betrayal. Hermione caught it in her hand.

"Stupefy!" she yelled, pointing the wand at her tormenter before she could reach for her own. The red bolt of light hit Bellatrix square in the chest, throwing her back several feet before she landed in a heap between the rows of desks. Still on her knees, Hermione heaved a large sigh but kept her hand tightly on the wand. It was still too early to relax. Looking up at Severus, she grabbed for his hand. He looked down at her with an expression on his face that she had never seen before.

"Hermione, I….," he started to say but then faltered. She knew that he was searching for the right words, words that he hadn't often used, if ever, before. She smiled slightly, but then closed her eyes as even that small movement prickled from where she had been cursed.

"Thank you," she said, interrupting his struggle. She didn't know if they would ever tell each other in words how they felt, but suddenly it wasn't important to her. He had proven that he loved her by being with her now.

"You're welcome," he replied, seemingly in relief to be spared the duty of expressing his emotions.

Suddenly Remus and Harry appeared in the doorway.

"Hermione!" Harry exclaimed.

"We were getting worried when you didn't come to dinner. Are you alright?" Remus asked, stepping into the room.

"I am now," she replied, pointing at the still body of Bellatrix Lestrange on the floor between the rows of desks.

"And you, Severus?" Remus asked, looking to Snape. He nodded curtly and reached his other hand down to help Hermione to her feet.

"This is it, isn't it?" Harry asked quietly, still staring at the body on the floor.

"Indeed it is, Mr. Potter," Severus said snidely, "Isn't this what you've been waiting for?"

"No…I mean…yes," Harry stammered. "Thank you," he said finally, his green eyes more serious than Hermione had ever seen them.

"Nothing I do is for you, Potter," Severus answered sharply.

"I've never asked for anything from you, Snape," Harry retorted.

"Stop!" Hermione exclaimed. The three men turned and looked at her.

"She's right," Harry said after a moment.

"We haven't time for your naïve attempts at reconciliation," Severus said. Harry looked daggers at him and Hermione pulled at his hand.

"We have a battle to fight," he finished.