This part is odd and quick. Though the chapter is nearly 10 pages long, it goes by quickly and it was purposely done so because I didn't want to dwell on a) the CIA, b) NCIS, c) any medical mumbo jumbo and d) getting them OUT of the hospital. I didn't mean to take THIS long to post this part, it just happened, some sections I wasn't happy with and couldn't figure out how to do it without jumbling it too much. :Shrugs: So I am picky, sue me. ;)

But, it is setting up something they need to work through and yes, Mac's current emotions are supposed to be confusing and off kilter, work with me here, I know where I am going with it. ;) Expect a bomb in part 16 and an answer to a lot of questions in part 17.

Enjoy!
Jackie.

Thanks to: joanoa, smithknk, mariarita, xobabygurlxo, Brittany4445, starryeyes10, jnp, dansingwolf, LiseGirardi, Martini, JadeAlmasy, Dessler, BiteBeccy, aserene, LtjgMegAustin, cbw, southernqt, froggy, harmfan, Judy, jtbwriter, Abigaile, XBlueShadowX, jaggurl, Lurkz, alix33, Nix707, echorage, aserene, chantelmac, Ink, Wuchel, CarbyGurl, Cristina, Inkand,Feverish Dream, Wuchel, minorcadence, mechanical, mariarita, anyone else I missed for the feedback :)

PART 15 – Bittersweet Reunion

September 18, 2005
2130 Zulu
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Bethesda, Maryland

Sometimes it happens that you just don't want to wake up. Other times, you need to be brought out of a nightmare that you can't seem to bring yourself out of. As Harm's aquamarine eyes opened, he felt both things at once. For the first time in forever, he was having a pleasant dream, one of him and Mac. She had on a pretty sundress and him a simple, white suit as they spoke their vows, barefoot, on the beach near his parent's home. She was radiant and so beautiful with her swollen belly carrying the child both of them dreamed of. It was so sweet that he had to catch his breath. It was all he ever wanted.

But, some voice was bringing him out of that dream and into the nightmare that was his currently life. A life where, somehow, he'd allowed Palmer to take her from him. He glanced up, seeing AJ hovering over him with a look of complete elation. As he brought himself out of the drug induced fog that filled his mind, Harm started to realize he was in a hospital. When the hell had that happened? Better question, what the hell happened?

His former CO was saying something to him, but he couldn't hear. As Harm tried to lift his head up, he felt a sharp pain on his forehead. And that's when it hit him: the girl, the alley and a piece of wood which she had used to hit a home run with his head. Then, something else hit him, which was when he started to listen to what AJ was saying. "Harm? Didn't you hear me?" He glanced up at AJ again, this time furling his brow. Something was going on. "They found her."

They found her? He furled his brow again, groaning at the slight influx of pain. His head felt like it had been squashed, mangled. A headache was threatening to erupt. "What? Who?"

AJ stared, wide eyed before, practically yelling, "Mac! They found Mac."

Now that managed to knock the fog completely out of his brain. "Mac?" Harm's eyes widened and in a second flat he jumped off the bed, coming to his shaky feet. "Where is she? I have to see her." He brushed by AJ, ignoring his plight to stop him from moving. "Is she okay? Did he hurt her!" The questions were going a million miles a minute, faster than his mind can really formulate a fully coherent thought. All he knew was that she was found and she wasn't by his side, which didn't seem like a good thing. "Is she? . . .Where is she?"

"Harm, the doctor needs to look you over. I promise. . .I swear to you I'll take you to her, just stay here." AJ grabbed Harm, tugging him back to the bed, but the younger man resisted. "She's here, Harm. . In the hospital. . .She was hurt, but she's alive. . ."

As he started coming off of the sudden adrenaline high, his body was protesting to his movement. With a sigh, he leaned up against the bed, his body threatening to shut down again. "She's alive?" He glanced up at AJ who nodded. "How? Who found her?"

AJ helped Harm onto the bed, then clicked on the button that would bring the hospital personnel to the room. "It was a joint operation with NCIS and the CIA. Just calm down, I'll take you to her."

Harm nodded, feeling as badly as he was, he knew he'd do her no good anyway. He couldn't very well collapse and worry her, he'd already been worrying her enough. "Have you seen her?"

"Yes." Sighing, he slid back into the guest chair. AJ tried, as best as possible, to shield his emotions away. There was something he wasn't telling Harm, something he wasn't sure exactly how to explain. "She'll be fine." He said, trying to reassure himself more than anything. But, would she really? And if things weren't alright, how much more could Harm and Mac take? It took no more than half an hour for the doctor to release Harm. Everything was medically fine with him and with the promise that he'd rest until he had to head back into the office, they let him dress and leave his room.

Just outside of Mac's room, Webb was trying to gain entrance, but a certain NCIS agent would have nothing of it. "Webb, shouldn't you be resting? Taking care of that head of yours?" Gibbs pointed at the bandage that was wrapped around Clay's head. He would be fine, unfortunately, but had to be given some stitches to seal up the gash at the back of his head. "The doctors said she needed to rest. That means, that you aren't allowed to go in there."

Clay came nose to nose with the NCIS agent, his eyes narrowing slightly, but Gibbs wasn't even slightly fazed. If anything, he was just amused by Webb's childish antics. "I am responsible for her, alright, Gibbs."

Gibbs just chuckled. "From what I hear, Rabb's responsible for her. Not you."

"Oh yea, and he's done a great job at that. He let a woman belt him over the head. . . He let Palmer take Sarah!" A hand on his shoulder stopped any other words from coming out of his mouth. Turning slightly, he found a certain, tall, Naval officer glaring him down. "Harm." He gulped out as he turned to fully face him. The man just, did not, look pleased.

"I am pretty sure, Webb, that had I not gotten involved in trying to disprove your first fake death, Palmer wouldn't have such a grudge against me." He moved around the spook, ignoring the looks that both AJ and Gibbs gave him. "Excuse me."

Gibbs placed a hand on his chest, stopping the tall, Naval officer. "Harm." The man across from him looked completely frazzled that the NCIS agent bothered to use his first name. It was usually 'Rabb' or 'Commander.' "Palmer is dead."

Now that definitely had Harm's attention. "You're sure?"

"Yes." Gibbs said with a nod. "I carried the Colonel out of there, I saw the ceiling fall on him. . . There's no way he could have survived." And he truly believed that, in fact, he would have sworn on his own life that Palmer was as good as gone.

"Then it's over." Moving away from them, Harm reached out, placing a his hand on the handle to Mac's room. He took a deep breath, hoping this wasn't just a dream that he would wake out of. Pushing the handle, the door swung open and he slowly walked inside. All but one of the curtains were drawn, giving the room a cozy feeling. His eyes immediately went to the woman laying on the bed and he nearly collapsed from the joy of seeing her. She was slumbering, he noticed, seeing the slow, even rise and fall of her chest.

Outside, Gibbs and AJ exchanged a look. "Did you tell him?"

With a frown, AJ shook his head. "I couldn't. . . But, it will be okay." He hoped.

Inside, Harm took a chair and gently tugged it over to the side of the bed. He wanted so badly, to wake her, to pull her into his arms and never let her go. But, seeing her sleeping so peacefully, he didn't have the heart to wake her. Instead, he just sat there, watching her sleep, thanking God and every saint in-between for this miracle. It was a little while later, when those brown eyes met his. "Hey." He said softly, smiling as she began to stir.

Mac's brow furled and she backed slowly off of to the other end of the mattress. She raised an eyebrow in question as a frown came across her face. "Harm?" She questioned slightly, glancing at him as if she wasn't really sure who he was. "You're Harm, right?"

Chuckling slightly, he leaned forward, trying to take a hold of her hand, but she pulled away slightly, then, reluctantly slid her hand into his larger one. "Why are you asking me that?"

Staring down at their joined hands, she felt a warmth inside, and odd feeling, but it was rather nice. "I feel like I know you." She said, keeping her eyes slightly downcast, not wanting to look him straight in the eye. "I do know you, don't I?"

Harm sat there, frozen. He breathed slowly, his breath hitching slightly. "Marine, if this is a joke, I'm not laughing."

"Marine?" Alright, so that really wasn't a good thing. "I'm a Marine?" She slowly slipped her hand out of his and placed it on her lap.

So, that's why AJ had been giving him an odd look, maybe that of a little apprehension. They knew about this. "You don't remember things?" She shook her head, timidly keeping her eyes away from his. "What do you remember?"

Mac shrugged, then leaned back and closed her eyes. What did she remember? Well, that was, kind of easy. "Last thing I remember. . .You and I. I think we were fighting. . .It was at your apartment?. . . I wanted to leave, but you asked me to stay."

"What else?" Harm let out a sigh of relief, at least, she remembered something recent. "Do you remember what happened after that?"

Hmm, now that was a bit difficult. She furled her brow again, then nodded slowly. "I. . .I don't know. . .there was a man, Charlie? Charles. . .Claude? Cl. . ."

"Clark?" He supplied.

With a grimace she nodded. "He. . .did. . .I, I think. . ." Frowning, she looked up at Harm with a question in her eyes. "He held me captive?"

"He took you a few days ago. . ." Slowly, he reached forward trying to take her hand and was thankful that she allowed him to. "Do you remember us? You, me, our relationship?"

Mac smiled a slow, lazy smile. "I remember being with you at the beach." That was actually a very, very nice and fond memory. "I think. . I. . .well." How would she say this? It was certainly going to hurt his feelings, but there was only one way she could put it. "I thinkI loved you." She put stress on the past tense word.

Harm's face fell slightly, though he tried to mask the emotions. His breath came in sharp, odd intervals and he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "You think you loved me?" Frowning even more, he wasn't very sure he wanted the answer to the next question. "You're not sure?"

How do you tell someone that, it's possible that you never loved them to begin with? She again averted her eyes from him, confused between this odd hatred of him and, at the same time, some sort of feeling of love and admiration. "No, but. . ." She sighed deeply. "I don't know. . .it's hard to explain." She saw the blank look on his face, noting he was about to ask her to explain it, so she saved him the trouble. "Part of me hates you. . .the other part of me, it's confusing. . . But, we're supposed to be together. . .if that makes sense."

If that makes sense. Well, hell no, it didn't! She hated him and she was confused? Christ, it was just out of a stupid soap opera. Frustrated he ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. At least she said they were supposed to be together. And well, he, sort of, hated her right after their Paraguayan adventure. He sure as hell was angry with her and Mac had to have been angry with him. Maybe that's what brought the feelings up? Some residual something or other that brought back the feelings from post-Paraguay. Shaking his head, Harm couldn't help but be disgusted that their relationship actually had categories: Before Returning To Flying, After Sydney, After Paraguay and he was sure that there was one new category: After Christmas, signifying his 'death' and everything that happened as a result of Temir and Levine's handy work.

An hour later, Harm and AJ sat in the office of Commander Kevin Zacher, a specialist in brain trauma. "She has an odd case of selective amnesia."

'No shit!' Harm felt like screaming, but bit back his words with a shake of his head. "How 'selective' is selective?"

Zacher sat up in his chair, how could he explain this to them? That though they've done an MRI and tested her thoroughly, nothing conclusive could be found. "The problem here, gentlemen, is that we don't know. . . The MRI looks fine, though she did take a slight blow to the head, everything is normal."

Normal? Nothing about that Mac sitting in the room was normal. "Doc, you have got to have more to go on. . . What could have caused this?"

"From what the Admiral here has told me, she's been through a pretty severe trauma." Both men in front of him nodded. "Well, it's not uncommon for these sort of things to just manifest themselves." Seeing that he wasn't getting through to either man, Zacher sighed and leaned against the desk. "Because of the stress she's been through, Colonel MacKenzie's subconscious is choosing to forget some parts of her life."

Words flew out of Harm's mouth before he could sensor them. "And the only thing she remembers is me?" He sounded as if he were appalled that it would be the case.

AJ glared at him, leveling Harm with a gaze that was equal to all of the others he gave as his CO. "Is that a bad thing, Commander?"

Harm all but came to attention in his seat. "Yes, sir!" Wincing inwardly, he scrambled for a better answer. "I mean, no, sir. . .But, she has a life." Turning to Zacher he spoke franticly. "She's a Lieutenant Colonel in the Marines, a JAG officer. . . She has clients, cases, friends that need her to be her. . .These are things that shouldn't be forgotten"

Zacher sighed, hating this part of the job when all of the equipment in the world couldn't give a tiny bit of tangible evidence as to what was really wrong. "I understand that, but there's nothing we can do. . .This might go away in an hour, a day. Then again, it may take months. . . years. . ."

"Or forever." Harm added, voicing what he knew the doctor' wouldn't deliberately say. But, he knew a bit about the condition having suffered it himself. "I had amnesia once. . .And I do remember how it felt to know people but not know people. . .How bad it felt to have my mind pick and choose who or what to remember. . .When I came out of it, it affected me because it took a day or two to decipher what actually happened until my mind let the memories fall into place." He sighed and bit his lower lip thoughtfully. "I don't want that to happen to her."

Seeing the pain in loved ones eyes was the only thing that he couldn't get over, the one part of being a doctor that he despised. "If I could do more for her, I would. . .but I can't. . .As it is, I can't even recommend to keep her here." Looking at his chart, he found the Commander's name under 'contact' information. "It's listed that you have her medical power of attorney, so we'll be releasing her into your care." Standing he shook each of their hands then sighed. "I wish I could do more." So did Harm.

0023 Zulu
Harm's Apartment
North Of Union Station

"I'm just going to grab a few things." Harm said as he crossed the room and headed up the steps to his bedroom. On the drive over he had decided that what was best for her recovery was for it to be spent in her apartment, amongst her things. The drive over had been quite silent and only the low murmur of a contemporary music channel kept the tension at a minimum.

A few times Mac had glanced over at him, her gaze burning him and not in a good way. The woman that could read him like a book was suddenly oblivious that she was making him feel completely lost. He was purposely shutting himself down again, carefully locking his heart away for fear that this latest development would be the fatal blow. As he drove, he couldn't help but think about the past and how ruthless fate could be or rather, how masochistically he and Mac had handled fate. They'd been put into each others lives for a reason. Their past lovers had come and gone, always leaving them together in the end and yet, they never seemed to connect. It took one of the worst tragedies, his 'death', in order for them to realize that the needed to be together. And now, fate was throwing them another curveball.

"Can I get something to drink?" Mac asked and that simple question broken him just a tiny bit more. She'd never asked before. In fact, the first day that they met, he'd pointed her in the direction of the fridge and asked her to help herself. Damnit, even when they were, respectively, dating other people, neither of them had problems rummaging through each other's fridges without so much as a second thought. It was little, stupid things like that which held some sort of hope that they wouldn't lose each other. And now, though she was with him, she wasn't.

Sighing, he sat on the edge of the bed, glad that the louvered windows were turned so that they couldn't see each other. "Yea, help yourself." Harm tried to make his voice sound neutral, but it still came out low and defeated.

Mac didn't even catch on and quickly made a beeline for the fridge. She looked inside, finding all sorts of interesting things. 'He likes to cook, huh?' She thought with a smile. "Do you want something?" Hearing a low 'no', Mac pulled out her drink and slammed the fridge shut.

Harm looked up, seeing a silhouette from the other side of the windows. He was torn between what he should do. Though she remembered pieces of their relationship, he couldn't very well resume things as if they were normal, could he? Wouldn't some moral or even an ethical codes broken if he did so? Worst yet, could he deny himself something that he'd, rightfully, claimed as his? Sighing, once again, he shook his head then grabbed a duffle, which he threw a few items into. Walking to his closet, he grabbed a fresh uniform and then stuck his shoes and cover in the duffel as well.

"Hey." Mac was leaning against the kitchen island smiling at him as she raised a bottle of beer to her lips and took a big gulp.

It took him a good ten seconds, to process that what she was doing wasn't right. It couldn't be more wrong. Harm's eyes grew wide as saucers. The items in his hands slipped out, crashing to the floor as he took four big strides. His right hand extended, yanking the bottle of beer away from Mac. "What in the hell are you doing!" He didn't mean to yell at her, nor did he meant to sound so much like, well, his mother, but he was too shocked and running on autopilot. He placed the beer bottle away from her, then placed his hands on her shoulders, shaking Mac violently. "Why did you do that, Mac?"

While his eyes were wide with shock, hers widened in fear. "I. . ." Had she done something wrong? "I thought you told me I could help myself?" Hadn't he said that? Or maybe she heard him wrong. He'd, thankfully, stopped shaking her, but his eyes just didn't go back to normal. If anything, he was giving her more of an incredulous look than before. "What?" She asked.

"You don't drink, Mac. . .Jesus, what were you thinking?" He admonished, taking his hands off of her, then reaching to empty the beer into the sink.

Mac shrugged. Okay, so she didn't know that. Shouldn't she have known that? "I uh. . . I didn't know." That sounded lame, even to herself.

Taking a calming breath, Harm turned to her, shaking his head slightly. It had, suddenly, occurred to him that maybe this was part of the things she didn't remember. Even though he had his own bought with amnesia, he couldn't tell what people would or wouldn't do. Still, he found it odd that the first thing she picked out of his refrigerator was a beer. Noting she was giving him an odd look, he told himself that he needed to be gentle. "Mac. . .you. . . You're an alcoholic." Seeing her eyes widen, he felt like a complete jerk, but there was no other way to put it. And now, he knew he had to explain a few of the painful details. "You started drinking when you were a teen. . ."

That was news to her! "I don't remember that." She said with a frown, making notes for future references. Sighing, she stared off and frowned. "I don't suppose you'd want to fill me in?"

'No.' He'd wanted to say and, effectively take himself out of this new nightmare, but he was obligated to do this. "I'll fill you in on the way to your place, how's that?"

Mac agreed and made the ride to her place a living hell for him asking question upon question about a past Harm didn't want to rehash. Hell, he knew he didn't know the half of it, only the bits and pieces that she'd been willing to tell him. Mercifully, the moment he arrived outside of her apartment building, Mac had stopped talking.

Harm rode the elevator up with her in silence, then, just as silently headed towards her door and opened it. Mac stepped in first, walking into a wall of darkness. The only light, that which came from the street lamps, cast it's luminance on the walls, creating odd shapes and shadows. Harm flipped the switch on right wall, bathing the room in light.

She walked into her apartment with an air of familiar unfamiliarity. Harm noted that it seemed like she knew this was her place, but, at the same time, wasn't even sure this was her place. A few steps into the room, she turned around, timidly gazing at Harm who was leaned up against the door. "This is my place?" But it sounded like a cross between a comment and a question. Maybe she was just too afraid to ask? "It's cozy."

That it was, he had to agree. He always liked spending time at Mac's apartment. It was cozy, warm and though he loved his apartment, Mac's was just a bit more 'homey.' (AN: And I don't mean the 'yo yo yo wassap dawg!' type of Homey :P ;)) Wordlessly, he trailed his gaze towards her bedroom, but that silent conversation that only he and Mac seemed to have was gone entirely. Instead, she just stood there, staring back at him with an odd expression. "Take a look around, maybe. . .maybe you'll remember more." He practically choked out. "I'll be in the kitchen. . ." He headed off in that direction, knowing that, just because he didn't have an appetite, Mac was probably starving. Hospital food was anything but tasty.

Mac headed slowly into the bedroom. She pressed her palm to the wall, running it up and down, trying to find a light switch. "Damnit, where's the light?" Bumping into the nightstand, she felt her way up the base, finding the switch. Just like everything since she'd walked in the place, it was oddly familiar, yet not. She glanced down at the neatly made bed, with a cream and black covered bedspread and matching pillows. In the center, lay a deep blue nightgown, something that she'd pulled out the day she was taken. She wouldn't remember, but that night she was planning on spending the night, making up with Harm over their little argument. With a sigh, she sat on the bed and shook her head slightly. Something caught the corner of her eye. On the nightstand there was a picture in a wooden frame. Taking it in her hand, she found it to be a shot of her and Harm. They were dressed in what she would describe as 'commando style' and she was standing in front of him. It was in some desert, she deduced wondering when that would have been taken. Grinning, she ran her hand over the silky fabric of the nightgown.

Doing his best with what he found in the cupboards, Harm managed to nuke some pasta in the microwave. He poured some apple juice into a glass and headed into the living room with his impromptu meal. "Mac, I made you something to eat." He put the plate on the coffee table and settled into the sofa with an audible groan. His body was screaming bloody murder, his head starting to pound again. As he brought his hands up to the sides of his head, Mac stepped out of the bedroom wearing the blue nightgown.

It hugged her in all the right places and even some of the wrong ones. Mac bit her lower lip, grinning at the look of Harm with his mouth hanging open. When he didn't make any type of move, she headed towards him, sliding herself onto his lap. She kissed him, hard and passionately, but it wasn't breaking the fog that he was in.

Something inside him screamed that this wasn't right, that something was wrong. But, as her tongue swept across his lips, Harm lost all resolve. Instead, he angled her in a way so that he'd be able to push her onto the sofa. Their lips barely parted as they kissed, but when Harm pulled away to look into her eyes, he saw something there – apprehension, fear, along with the look of a woman who didn't seem sure she knew who he was. And that was the look that killed him, that broke something inside of his heart which she'd previously healed.

With a shaky sigh, he moved off of her, sitting up on the sofa. "I can't do this."

"What!" She practically yelled out as she tried to catch her breath. Mac's mind was swirling at a million miles a minute. She didn't know a man could kiss as good as he did.

Harm kept his back to her, his head settling into his hands as he sighed deeply. "I want this, I do. . .But, not this way, not if you don't really remember me."

Mac sighed. "I remember things, some things."

Turning slightly, he looked at her, frowning at the look of confusion that seemed to be the new face of Mac. "I need you to remember more than just 'some things'." Standing, he walked around the sofa to the balcony that overlooked the street below. He stood there, waiting for her to finish her meal, not wanting to bump into her anytime soon, and not wanting to leave her alone. That night, they slept in separate rooms, Mac on her bed, and Harm on her sofa. For the first time in forever, it felt really bad to be the good guy. . . . . . . . . .
martini - I usually end it good. :) Save for a few stories I wrote during Season 9 which, frankly, with the tension of Season 9 it was difficult to do nice endings. :) but, yea it will be a nice ending. I already have an idea of what I am going to do. Shippers will rejoice. I might epilogue it.

dansingwolf - Well, the rest of this should give you plenty of Harm and Mac, maybe not quite the way you'd like but there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. ;)

Brittany - Oh, I agree about Webb. He's a jerk. He may just get rejected agfain and slugged, can't get enough of that. ;)

mariarita - Well, glad you're having fun:) I try to be different, albiet a bit more dramatic. ;)

Feverish - Hey, at least that is all yours does. Mine, goes through periods where he'll pop open the recliner and start to make 'airplane' noises as he sits there in his flightsuit. It was cute the first few times, but when you have company over. . .well, it's WEIRD. ;) Gotta love him anyway.

aserene - Palmer wasn't thinking, or maybe he was... Hmmm. ;) Weird man!

Abigaile - Yep, more! This is the Torture Series. Had to get thse out of my system. Oddly, they were all three supposed to be "Seperate" stories. But, I saw an opening and now they are a series... hehehe. worked well though!

XBlue - Rehab! I'm making you do rehab::slides over another ten: For the costs of medication, because you are going to need it. CALIX! Dood, duct tape her to the chair, she'll need it. ;)

Laura - You are forgiven for the lack of reveiws. ;) Yea, the NCIS/CIA stuff is like bore, snore, but it's a must or some people will be like "Yo! Why da hell didn't ya put some info on how they found Mac?" Gotta appease the peoples. ;) Plus, having Webb get knocked on his head was fun! ;)

LtJGMeg - Oh yea? So when do you nurse Harm? Just want to make sure that we don't have him on the same nights, you know. Oh, wait, nevermind, I have a Harm clone. :Shakes head: Hey, you can use anything you want on Palmer, he's supposedly dead in my story now anyway. :) :grin:

harmfan - charcoal briquet ROFLMAO! I loved that one. ;) Any nons? I didn't do a through beta of this chapter because I am too tired, but I caught myself. Funny, because, outside of fanfiction I do write none properly. I promise to have a nice ending for Harmy and Mac, okay? Okay, good. ;)

jtbwriter - She tried to spend time with him, but he wasn't in for it. ;) And yes, the NCIS twist was a spur of the moment thingish. It wasn't supposed to be quite that long, but hey, we had to find her some how, right?