I am going to totally try to have part 17 up really soon. Tomorrow I have to have another wisdom tooth yanked so we'll see how that goes. Anyway, how many chapters! I get that question a lot - It's about 20-22 depending on how long the others get. And, good news! There will be an epilogue with a beach scene. :) Get your head out of the gutter you sickos! Yes, I know you like it there, but really, c'mon! Can't be there all of the time... Well, okay, yes you can. ;)

Enjoy! Thanks for all of the encouraging words and yes, I do like worrying you with my stories. ;) grin

Jackie

PART 16 – Reaching The Breaking Point

1610 Zulu
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown

Stretching just didn't seem to iron out all of the aches and pains that only sleeping on a small sofa could produce. Coffee didn't help the exhaustion, though he figured that had a lot to do with getting belted over the head. Mercifully, the headache had stopped though he figured there would be one coming soon. Yawning, he tried stretching out again, groaning as his muscles protested under his skin. It was eleven am and Mac still hadn't emerged from her bedroom. Harm had gone to check on her several times, but was in too much of a peaceful slumber for him to wake her. No doubt all of this had taken a lot of her.

Most of the night he spent in some sort of limbo, his mind coming up with ideas on how he could help her remember. It wasn't as if there was a manual that would help him out. He had nothing to go on save for the doctor's suggestion to let her find her own rhythm. Well, yea, that could work, but Harm wasn't betting on it. There was something in her demeanor, definitely something in her eyes that old him this would be like going down a long, windy road. And he wasn't all too sure that, even if they set down that road, they'd ever reach the end. Harm didn't want to be negative, but the way things had been going, it was entirely too good to be true if they made it out of this one.

Jumping slightly at the knock at the door, he put the coffee down muffling several curses. He made his way to the door, took a peak out of the peephole and then stepped back as he opened the door for AJ Chegwidden. "Admir. .AJ." He corrected with a half grin, then closed the door behind him. "What brings you by?"

AJ stared at Harm for a moment, noting that the younger man looked as if he, literally, hasn't slept in days. So much for that extended rest he got courtesy of the hospital. "I am sorry for dropping in uninvited but I tried your cell phone,
it went straight to voice mail."

Harm nodded. "Would you like some coffee? I'm overdo for another." He shuffled his way across the apartment and towards the kitchen with a frowning AJ in tow. "Mac's still sleeping. . .I don't have the heart to wake her." Reaching into the cupboards, he took out a mug for AJ and filled it with coffee. "It's close to SEAL grade coffee. . ." He said, not paying attention to the odd looks that AJ had been giving him. "I needed a pick me up this morning."

AJ placed a hand on Harm's shoulder, turning him around slightly. He hated this, seeing a man that was so strong fall apart. "How are you doing, son?" Stupid question, he knew, but he wanted to hear what Harm's response was going to be.

Handing the mug to AJ, Harm shrugged slightly. How was he doing? Well, considering that his girlfriend has forgotten parts of their history, he hadn't slept more than a couple of hours and that headache that was finally gone was slowly rearing its ugly head. . ., "Not well."

AJ frowned even more. This was ridiculous, all of it. "She'll get better, Harm." At least he hoped her amnesia was of the temporary variety. "The MRIs came back fine. . .This is temporary. . . Hell, you scared the crap out of us when we thought you'd forgotten us." Only Harm's amnesia lasted a day or two and, at least, he remembered things, mostly Mac things, but he remembered them nevertheless. It was rather amusing that he didn't seem to remember his girlfriend, Renee Peterson, maybe that was the demise of that relationship? Nah, Renee and Harm were destined to break up, if only things would have worked out between Harm and Mac back then, maybe a lot of this angst and misery would have been over. For sure, he would have considered keeping his position as JAG for a little bit longer. AJ couldn't deny that part of the reason why he hung his hat up had to do with the tension between the two people that he cared for like his children. True, he had acted like an overbearing tyrant, but, damnit, the two of them could drive anyone nuts. Sipping his coffee, he gave Harm a half smile. "She'll be alright."

But, his reassurance didn't help one bit, he could tell if the sad look in Harm's eyes were an indication. "I don't know. . .I'm. . ." He leaned against a cabinet, sighing deeply as he tried to wrestle with what he was feeling. This wasn't easy for him, at all and it wasn't necessarily Mac, it had more to do with him, with things that he thought up of during his restless night. "God, I feel like. . .like such a bastard."

"Why?"

Wants and needs. They were two different things, yet, sometimes, they were so similar. Harm knew what he wanted and he knew what he needed, but he realized that they came in one package that wasn't functioning properly. "Part of me. . . Well, I want her. . .I need her in my life. . .having her back. . .it's everything to me." He didn't ever believe he'd feel this much over anyone. Years ago, he wouldn't have even believed he was the type to settle down. Things change, he changed and the one thing he wanted was, like usual, moving from his grasp. "This isn't her. . .she isn't her. . .And part of me. . . doesn't want this version of Mac."

AJ didn't know what to say to that, though he'd had a similar feeling in regards to Meredith. Back then he was caught between wanting to forgive and not being able to. It was almost is if there were two versions of Meredith, the innocent, aloof person he'd fallen for and the deceitful, liar that he'd come to loathe. With a sigh, he shook his head slightly. "You love her, Harm. . . You have for a long time, so don't give up, damnit."

Harm passed AJ, moving out of the kitchen and settling himself into one of the chairs of Mac's table. "Kind of hard not to give up. . .Everything since Christmas has been brutal." He glanced towards the semi-closed door of Mac's room, his thoughts going back to the woman he fell for verses the one whose eyes were laced with confusion. It was that confusion that scared him. "She's not always as strong as she leads on."

"She's stronger than she leads on. . ." AJ pointed out, knowing, full well Mac's potential and the fact that she seemed to overcome so much.

"I've seen her break down, she's seen me break down. . ."

"She's also intuitive. . .Mac's the first one that figured out Meredith and I went our separate ways." Both men paused and stared at each other, AJ gave Harm a half smile and a shrug. He knew his former protégée was going to question what had happened, so before he could ask, AJ decided to just spill it. "I caught her with another man."

Whatever Harm was expecting AJ to say, that wasn't it. He placed the coffee cup on the table, choking slightly at the swallow he had in his mouth. "What?" He coughed out, taking a deep breath to keep the coughing under control.

AJ patted Harm on the back then took a napkin to help wipe the spilled coffee off of the table. "I guess it was partially my fault, I wasn't paying her much attention, during Christmas I just let her go rather than insist on her staying with me. . I guess I drove her to someone else. . .After all of that, I just. . . I couldn't stay with her. . .I don't think I could've trusted her after that. . . I guess she believed I was losing interest in her."

Losing Interest. Yea, Mac believed that too, which was the complete opposite. How could you lose interest in a person who was so much under your skin, they were a part of you? Even when he tried to hate her, she was still a part of his heart. But this new conversation with AJ made him realize one, slightly scary thing, "I am not sure I'd be able to walk away."

"Hopefully you'll never have to make that decision. . .I don't see Mac as the type to cheat on someone. . .especially you." But this wasn't the Mac they knew anymore and, by the look in Harm's eyes something had happened last night. Something that made the younger man that much more apprehensive about their current situation.

Harm agreed with the assessment that she wasn't the type to cheat. "Honestly. . . I love her so damned much, I'd make it work, unless she told me she just didn't want me." He hated this back and forth feeling of emotions, but he couldn't help it because he held the hope that she would wake up and just remember everything.

"Answer me something, Why did it take so long for you to get together?"

That question had Harm chuckling. It was difficult to answer when he didn't know himself. "I think if you can find that out, you might just figure out the meaning of the universe." They could blame work, significant others, probably a million other things, but the truth was, he didn't know how two people that obviously loved each other could not try, much sooner, to make it work.

"Aren't there better things to do than find the meaning of the universe?" Mac said as she moved through the living room and towards the dinning table. She glanced first at Harm, smiling slightly, then slid her gaze towards AJ. "Hi." She knew him, sort of. There was a picture in her mind of who she was, but, she didn't know much about him. With a sigh, she headed past the two men and into the kitchen.

Harm and AJ stared at each other then stayed silent as the sounds of Mac rummaging around the kitchen filled the suddenly silent apartment. "Mac?" Harm said, but she didn't' answer. "Sarah?" That didn't work either. "MacKenzie!" He yelled out, suddenly frustrated.

With an uncharacteristic and slightly aloof grin, she popped her head out of the kitchen. "You calling me?"

"What are you doing?" Harm asked, slightly confused as to what all of the damned ruckus was about.

She stared at him as if the question cost her something. "Uh, looking for the. . .umm. . .coffee cups." She pointed to the ones on the tables that Harm and AJ were nursing, then blushed slightly. "I don't know where they are."

If possible, that broke Harm just a little more. "They are in the cupboard over the stove." He would have gotten up to show her, but he remembered the suggestion that neurologist gave to let her do things on her own, hoping it would spark a memory.

"Okie dokie." She said, disappearing back into the kitchen.

Shaking his head all Harm could think was, 'This is only day one.'

September 20, 2005
1810 Zulu
Virginia

"What do you think?" The building had completely been destroyed though not from the explosion. The warehouse where they had found Mac and Palmer had been consumed by the fire that started to spread. Seeing as it was not in prominent part of town, and the building was scheduled to be knocked down anyway, the fire department took their sweet time to arrive and, by the time they did, the building had fallen in on itself.

Gibbs stood in front of the rubble, shaking his head before looking over at Kate. "Honestly? I am not so sure." He'd seen the ceiling, in all it's fiery fury, come down on Palmer, but that didn't mean everything was alright. How many people have survived through worse, with tons of ruble pinning them down? At first, yes, he would have believed that was the end of the bad guy, but, in real life, bad guys had nine lives. "They should have found something."

Kate nodded, agreeing with Gibbs. "The crew said that there was some accelerant in the chemicals used to make the explosive, maybe it was enough to destroy human remains?"

That was the part that was more than slightly fishy. "The fire itself could not have possibly destroyed bones. It takes at least a couple of hours, 1400 degrees and up to fragment bones and even then there is something left."

"There are sniffing dogs canvassing the area and we are still sifting through rubble." As she turned to look at her partner, she could tell he wasn't pleased with this. The building only had three floors and, granted, they were on the second, but bodies didn't just disappear that easily. "You think he escaped again." She voiced what he wouldn't say, it was her belief as well.

Gibbs walked through a portion that was still smoking slightly. Bending down, he used a pen to pull up a two inch by two inch metal object. It looked like a miniature camera, the types that he knew the CIA and other government agencies used to keep an eye on things. Maybe one of the agents dropped it when they raided the building? 'No,' He thought, that didn't make sense. The CIA was far too cautious to risk any of their equipment getting into the wrong hands. Taking an evidence bag, he slipped the camera in, sealed it up and placed it in his jacket pocket. Straightening, he glanced at Kate who was giving him a worried look. "Okay, let's say there was a chemical. . .Usually the only thing that can do damage to a body that quickly is. . ."

"Acid." She offered with a nod. There were known acids that could burn through just about anything. Granted, there were probably new ones being developed and with the types of contacts that some rogue agents had, it wasn't all that odd to find them scoring ways to get the chemicals needed to make those potent acids. "But, if he needed Colonel MacKenzie and, apparently he did since she was, basically unharmed, he would be stupid to use that stuff around her."

"You know, you have to stop finishing my sentences?" Grinning, he nudged her slightly.

Kate chuckled. "So stop starting mine." Recovering from some good natured banter, she glanced around the area, noting something else was flashing in the sunlight. "What the hell?" Moving carefully, she stopped and used her pen to dig it out. "It's another camera. . .What the hell happened here?"

"My guess, this was all a set up." Gibbs grabbed his phone, cycled through his recent contacts and put a call in to JAG.

"Going to contact Rabb, huh?" Kate asked sighing slightly. "I think they are still in danger." He'd told her earlier about Mac's bought with amnesia and how defeated Harm looked once they were ready to head home. "You'd think the fates have it out on them."

September 23, 2005
2010 Zulu
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

Harm stepped into his office, closed the door behind him, drew the blinds and fell into his chair like a ton of bricks. "Jesus, I've never had my six handed to me that badly." He figured, it may even be best for him just to start packing up his stuff and finding another job. No doubt his client was going to do something about it, the kid had even said so. "Can't blame him." He said with a frown, feeling like he'd gone twelve rounds with Tyson.

Things just weren't getting any better. Actually, the more he thought about it, the worse it got. Mac was alive, so yes, there was a positive, a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel he was standing in was very long and very dark. Righting himself, he bellowed out "Enter." At the knock on his door. It was Mac, looking completely uncomfortable with her uniform. In fact, he had to, literally dress her the day earlier when they'd come to see the General about Mac's condition and what she would be able to do at JAG.

Even that was bothering him. When in the hell had Mac EVER been uncomfortable wearing Marine Greens? - Never! At least not to his recollection, not even when they've had heavy case loads and had come in to work on the weekends. "Hey." She said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Add that to another thing that was bothering him.

Basically, Mac just wasn't Mac, at least not the woman that he'd known. 'Christ and it's only been a couple of days!' He thought, rolling his eyes in disgust. "Hey, what's up? What did the doctor say?"

"I'll talk to you later about it. . .It's no biggie." But the look in her eyes said something else, still Harm chose to respect her wishes, swallowing down a sudden fear at the pit of his stomach. "Heard you got your butt handed to you in court today." Now, normally she would have said that in a more. . .jovial manner, but the way she'd said it literally broke him down just a little bit more. She noticed that though and tried to back peddle. "You'll do better tomorrow."

He nodded. "So, has the General been keeping you busy?" Good, yes, change of conversation was in order. Harm pointed to the files she was holding and smiled hopefully. If anything could snap her back, was all of the crap work that General Creswell was giving her. Eventually, that tiger inside of Mac would want to leap out. At least, he hoped.

Mac nodded, smiling ruefully. The General had kept her busy with briefs – grunt work, he called it. "Yep, I have a pile of briefs on my desk."

"Jockeys or Fruit of the Loom?" He said, chuckling slightly, but she didn't get his humor. Groaning inwardly, he slid himself to the edge of his chair and sighed. "So, you remembering anything yet?"

"Yea, some things. . .not all though. . . I can't even remember what my last case was, who it was against and if I had a co-counsel." Though, by the sound of things, she didn't really care either. This Mac wasn't into military things. Grunting, she reached up, tucking her fingers into the collar of the blouse. "Damned uniforms. . . Well." She headed towards his door and grinned back at him. "I am sure you're busy, I sure am. . .catch you later."

And with that, she was gone. Harm leaned against the chair, sending it backwards slightly so he could lay on it. "Catch you later?" He wasn't sure he wanted to see her later. No, that wasn't true, he did. . .just. . . "DAMNIT!" Grabbing a pen, he chucked it across the room watching as it bounced off of the window.

To add more misery to his days, Gibbs had contacted JAG ops earlier in the week about their insecurities of Palmer's death. There were too many questions surrounding it and Harm knew it meant that Palmer was still out there, waiting to strike. He only hoped it was sooner than later.

Dinner ended up being another blow for Harm. Knowing how much she loved steak, he slaved over a hot stove making her a nice, juicy steak with potatoes. She had to stay in a bit later to finish paperwork for a case that Sturgis had on Monday and he decided it would be a treat for her putting up with the new job Creswell had given her. Everyone was giving her chances, helping her out, giving her time to remember. If things didn't change and soon, that would all go away and she'd no longer be in the Marines.

Mac didn't seem happy when she walked in to her apartment and as she stared down at the steak and potatoes on her plate, she looked absolutely repulsed. "Is that meat?"

Harm nodded, he was half about to joke with her, when she began to turn green. "I know how much you love that dead animal, so, being the ever nice, kind, generous, boyfriend that I am I. . ." He didn't even get a chance to finish talking before she bolted across the apartment and to the bathroom. "Damnit."

As he walked into her bedroom, he could hear Mac throwing up in the bathroom. Trying the door had been futile, she locked herself in. Instead, he turned and sat on the bed waiting for Mac to come out. The nights hadn't been going well either. Harm had to use his lawyering skills to force himself into her room. His back couldn't take her sofa anymore and he refused to leave her side. She'd relented and they slept on complete opposite ends of the bed, you could have parked a car between them.

In the middle of the night, she'd wound up on his side and, as was his nature since they'd been together, he wrapped an arm around her, tugging her body closer to his. That was when she woke up, startled that he was touching her. She forced him away from her and then, no more than two minutes later, was straddling his torso trying to seduce him. It was then that he suggested she go back to Bethesda. Shifting quickly from hot to cold was a MacKenzie trademark, but this was ridiculous.

Hearing the bathroom door open, he lifted his head up to see Mac coming out with her cheeks flushed and her face washed. She didn't offer a preamble, just blurted out the words, "I'm pregnant."

'Pregnant.' He should know the meaning of that word, shouldn't he? 'Mac's PREGNANT.' But, after the turmoil of the past year and the problems with endometriosis, he gave up on them ever having children. 'Wait! She's PREGNANT!' His eyes widened as the realization kicked in. "I thought. . .the doctor said. . . Oh My God!" Coming to his feet, he wrapped his arms round Mac, spinning her around the room as his lips descended onto her own. He kissed her as if he'd missed her, pouring all of his love, his heart and his soul into a kiss that wasn't returned.

Instead, once he brought her back to earth, Mac walked away, stopping just in front of her bedroom window. "It's difficult to tell you this."

'Oh no.' Harm thought, conjuring up all of the details he'd read about endometriosis and how difficult and dangerous nine months could become. "What's wrong? . . .Did the doctor say you couldn't carry to term?"

Mac shook her head. "No. . .It's. . .I. . ." There was no getting out of this, though she wished there was another way. Turning to him, she let the words flow, knowing that it would destroy him just a little bit more. "We've never lied to each other. . . I don't think. . .So I can't start now. . ." She paused for effect, took a breath and tossed him the trump card. "The baby. . .it's Clayton Webb's."

Now, that was unexpected so much that he wasn't quite sure what to say. All of the color had drained from his face when she'd stated that there was a problem. Harm would have worried and he would have believed her if it wasn't for this slightly satisfied look on her face. Shaking his head, he laughed wholeheartedly. "Funny MacKenzie. . .You're just a laugh a minute." . . . . .

Feverish - Yep AIRPLANE noises! Or he'll play with this plastic F-14 that i hd to buy him. I have a diecast one and. . .I found him sitting on it. Ever since, I had to hide it and give him a smaller one. Men, really :shakes head:

carby - It was a weird chappie. Actually, this story is just plain jane weird. And oh yes, MAJOR twist coming up. Harm's also going to hae a metaphysical encounter of the odd kind. :D

ltjgmeg - He's nursing YOU this week::Looks up contract: No No No! That's wrong! Where's my agent! Palmer has like 18 lives. ;) God love him... I mean umm hate him. ;)

NK - Wassap? Life gets in teh way, yes. .. like tomorrow, wisdom tooth coming out. Honestly, if them tooths are so damned wise, why don't they knwo which way to grow! Hmmm? AH! So you are the bad girl! You meanie!

bluejay - Just a little more for a very nice, shippery, fluffish resolution. :) I think, but I hate fluf so I'll de fluff it a bit or do it Fluff Jackz style. :) God save us all ;)

abigaile - I am evil and I could do worse. Muahahahaaa! This story is FAR more toned down than it originally was when it was a stand alone.

martini - You know, I've never had a martini. . .No, take it back I've had a chocolate one and. . .Well, guess you can consider a Cosmo as a martini. hehhe. - Anyway, as long as you like where its turning I am happy:D

mariarita - I am different and difficult. ;) And mean and apparently some people think I am evil. Pfff::sticks out tounge: I am an angel. ;) So you still aren't expecting this?

alix - I laughed pretty hard with that quasi-annon comment. Would make for a great name for a band LOL! Course, I am just easily amused, ignore me. ;) I haven't really seen NCIS, just a few scenes here and there. Tuesdays I am usually watching Deadliest Catch on discovery or watching the Marlins play baseball. - I do like Marc Harmon though, great actor. There is a scene in an episode, some weeks back, that someone is calling him about a Yellow Volkswagon Bug and he's all tiffed about it. It's an "insider" joke, sort of. Harmon played Ted Bundy in a made for tv movie called "The Deliberate Stranger" and Bundy drove a Yellow VW bug. So that was amusing. :) He was also with Patrick (Bud) on the movie Summer School.

Laura - :shakes fist back: Is that a new form of saying hello? Because I get that a few times a story from people. :snickers: Dood, chillax, we'll eventually get some fluff. Not too much fluff it gives me a toothache. Hmm...

harmfan - Any nons? There might be this chapter is semi-betaed. (AKA: Jackie either too busy or too tired or too lazy to beta. . .- This time it was the middle one. . .I am not always very fond of reading my own story.) And Harm kissing, dear lord, would be a great way to be brought back. . .SMOOOCH! Whatta hottie the man is. :grin:

froggy - You're torn? Want some thread and a needle? No! Wait, Mac's going to need that in a few chappies. . .Actually, you can have it, just GIVE IT BACK! - Wow, you have faith I'll make it better.Muahahah.. . .Okay, yea, I will. I just like taking the hard road. . . and bumpy too ;)

sether - I keep reading your name as SEETHER and start singing the lyrics to either "Broken" by Seether and Amy Lee or "Fine Again." Music is always on da brain over here. There is a semi-happy part in and around part 19ish and then the epilogue will be just oodles of niceness. Hey, that's another cool name for a band! Ooodles of Niceness. Heheh

aserene - Glorious writer::Blush: Thank you. . . :stands on the stage: I would like to thank the uh. . .nevermind. ;) But, no really, thanks:)

jtbwriter - Dood, selective amnesia TOTALLY works! I love AJ in this part, nice for him to have a heart to heart with Harm, sorta. ;)

jaggurl - It was worse! Trust me, I edited out some really bad stuff!

Cristina - Well I like twists, it's fun! And for Gorilla,s naw, they tried to eat webb last time I wanted to use one. :) Wow, I am really in a weird mood today.