Thin as Rice Paper 8
By Nix Winter
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kruez.
Ran made it as far as his car. . He didn't understand what made one person love another. His parents had loved each other. He wondered sometimes where they were when their home blew up. If they'd known about it before they died, if they'd searched for each other, or called to each other.
He wanted to promise them that he'd take care of Aya, promise to be the honorable son they deserved. They were hard to think about, harder now that he was out of Weiss, being Ran again. He'd survived when they hadn't and sitting there, fingers holding white knuckled to the Ferraris' steering wheel, he just wanted to curl up and die.
He'd once said that he and Youji were exactly alike, under the masks they wore. He couldn't love Youji, because loving Youji was like loving himself. While Youji's grief and pain had come out so visibly to anyone who would look, Ran knew his own had gone deeper inward. He needed to be that son his parents deserved, the teacher and decent man that would have made his father smile. He needed a nice little house and a neat suit, a wife maybe and a child who he could tell all about his own father and mother.
But when he closed his eyes, it was Youji's green that he saw. Youji's remembered laughter echoed in Ran's memory, stirring a longing for forgiveness in Ran. Youji was so full of life, even when he didn't know it, when he was dark as the last nasty echoes in some sleazy club, Youji was life.
He hadn't even decided consciously, but his phone was in his hand, the speed dial pressed. He hadn't decided anything, he whispered to himself, mouth going dry.
"Koneko," Omi said, cheerfully, just the slightest question at the end that only another member of their team might really have heard.
"I found him. He's in the hospital. I want you to my sister's place and check on her. She said there was a blue haired woman outside her apartment."
There was a pause. "Sure Aya, I can go over to your sister's place. Where are you going?"
"I'm going back to stay with Youji," Aya said, guilt closing off his throat. He'd chosen something for himself. Tears stung his eyes and he ended the call. "I'm sorry," he whispered family members long passed over. "I'm sorry, but I need something too and I'm losing him."
Youji had seemed so frail, so without time to waste. Aya wanted the powerful man he'd kissed return to him. He wanted it more than he cared about his honor, and that alone meant he shouldn't have this connection with Youji. He should be alone, should spend the next twenty years sitting in his chair, reading books about useful subjects, atoning for his failures. And yet.
He wanted
Craved
To wrap his arms around Youji's slender body and hold him close. He wanted to somehow give his heart to making life better for Youji.
By the time he'd gotten back up to the floor Youji had been on, Youji was gone. Ran finessed his way into talking to Youji's doctor and found out that 'Hidaka-san' had checked himself out only 30 minutes before. Ran told the doctor that he would take care of 'Hidaka-san', make sure he ate, bring him back for a check up soon.