This is after lust gets a job. She decides to get back at McDonalds for making her suffer through that traumatic experience.
Warnings: Contains SecretAgent Lust and HyperActive Scar as an accomoplice. Expect some crazedness.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own FullMetal Alchemist. If I did, I would NOT kill off my two favorite characters. Even if it were the end of the series. But I do own the said sugar... GRINS EVILLY
"Spoken"
'Quoted'
Thoughts
EMPHASIZED
Paid back in full, so no change left over:
Lust and Scar team up
Lust, with her new dress, walks down the aisle. Hundreds of photographers taking her picture... Or so she wished. Lust heaves a heavy sigh. "Geez, I wish I had a ring to go with my new dress... or at least a necklace..." she said. Then she hears yelling. "THE STATE ALCHEMIST SERIAL KILLER! EEEK!" Lust knows who it is. He's probably still hyper... she thought, running to the source of the shouts. No doubt, Scar was... not winning this fight between... he and a... tricycle. "Oh, you think you can beat me up, do you? State Alchemist, die!" he shouts, exploding the trike. Scar laughs maniacly. Lust stares incredulously. "Scarred-man? What... are you doing?" she asks.
He turns arouns and faces her, his left eye twitching. "Who are you? You are that sexy mama who asked me if I wanted a milk-shake, then I asked for a Pepsi, and you poured sugar in it and I got hyper then I spit on Mustang and said sorry and hugged him and got slapped and Envy ran in and was stalked by the COF and they killed him and then I ran into the corner, then I went to tell Hughes his daughter was cute, then I was drunk off sugar and you slapped me and kicked me and you said it wasn't you and I blamed everyone around me and blew up Envy pieces then you got fired for killing #66, slappin' me, drunking me... or whatever, then you got fired! Hahahahahahahahah!" he laughs insanely, almost choking on his laugh.
Lust slaps him again. "Owieeeeeee! Meanie! Owowowowow! See! You're the one who asked me if I wanted a milk-shake, then I asked for a Pepsi, and you poured sugar in it and I got hyper then I spit on Mustang and said sorry and hugged him and got slapped and Envy ran in and was stalked by the COF and they killed him and then I ran into the corner, then I went to tell Hughes his daughter was cute, then I was drunk off sugar and you slapped me and kicked and you said it wasn't you and I blamed everyone around me and blew up Envy pieces then you got fired for killing #66, slappin' me, drunking me... or whatever, then you got fired! Hahahahahahahahah!" he repeated, and again laughing like a monster.
Lust slaps him again. And this goes on for hours and hours. "SHUT UP SCARRED-MAN!" Lust screams after the 3-hour long arguement. Scar stares at her, "If you want to get back at McDonald's, join me... if not, I'll kill you..." she said, extending a finger to his chin. Scar nods quickly. "Okay, okay, okay, OKAY! I agree to the terms you set Mom!" he cries happily. Oi! Did he just call me MOM? Moron... Oh well, his alchemic skills can be useful, I will dominate the fast-food chain! Lust laughs maniacly. Scar joins her shortly after. They recede their insane laughter and Scar asks, "Mommy! Mommy, mommy! Why were we laughing insane like that? And why are you wearing that nice dress? I want a new dress too! And why am I asking you thsese questions!" he cries, throwing his arms into the air dramatically. Lust frowns.
"Do I need to slap you again?" she asks. Scar stops, his arms straight at his sides, and salutes her, "NO SIR! You need not slap me for the 97th time today!" he said, with respect. "Okay soldier, I won't slap you... You're dismissed..." she said, turning her back on him. "SIR YES SIR!" he says. He starts following her. "Scarred-man? Why in blazes are you following me?" she asks. Scar shrugs and shakes his head, "I dunno... I like you Lusty! Can I help you kill McDonalds?" he asked innocently. Lust smiles her seductively evil smile. "Yes, Scarred-man, you can..." she said, putting her hand to his cheek. Scar blushes madly. Wait, Scar BLUSHED? Okay, he's getting out of character here... Suddenly, the sugar starts to wear off.
"Get your claw off my face you monster," Scar said, pushing Lust's hand away. Uh-oh, I'll have to feed him MORE sugar next time... Lust thought. "Uhh, Scarred-man? What is it? You aren't acting like yourself..." she said, taking a step back. Scar takes a step closer. "You have been using me to carry out your own Godless will... for that you will pay..." he said, rolling up his sleeves. Then, a little girl runs by and stands between Lust and Scar. "Leave the pwetty lady alone, you buwy!" she cried. Scar takes another step. "Move girl..." he says threateningly. Then the girl snaps, "TAKE THIS YOU JEWK!" she shouts, throwing her ice-cream cone at Scar's... "AAHH!" he yells, holding his crotch.
The little girl and Lust burst out laughing. Scar falls to the ground and starts slamming his head into the grassy-ground. "Ow, ow, ow, ow! MY... Oooow! MY s!" he cursed. He keeps moaning in pain. Lust stops laughing, Darn it, I just lost my only hope to destroy McDonalds... she thought sadly. She walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, and the girl just stares. "I'm goin' home now, bye!" she said happily, after rescuing Lust from Scar. "Scarred-man? What is it? Did you go sterile?" she asks with a laugh. He growls, "I hate you, you meanie!" he cried, looking up at her, his bright red eyes full of tears. "Aw, come here Scarred-man," she said, pulling Scar close for a hug. "Shut up woman, I'll kill you. Besides, what would it matter to you if I went sterile?" he asks. Lust blushes. "No reason..." she said.
The head to McDonalds. Scar holding Lust's hand. Not like boyfriend and girlfriend, but like son and mother, talk about pathetic. Scar points at a ferrari, "Hey, mom look! It's a lumber-guinea! (I meant to spell it that way, Hype-Scar doesn't know how to say it.) Lust smacks him in the back of the head. "No baka, that's a ferrari! Can't you tell the difference?" she asked rudely. "Sowie..." he said. A few minutes of silence follow, and Lust finally asks, "Scarred-man, are you a metrosexual?" Scar looks at her wide eyed. (Scar FanGirls, DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!) "No, why?" he asks. Lust shakes her head, "You look like you would be... hey, but it looks like a lot of Yaoi fangirls like you though, they stick you with Alfonse... which by the way, is repulsive. But I'll go with it, literature like that these days sell... a lot," she said, adding emphasism.
Scar scratches his head, and starts to laugh like a crazed man with a Manic-disorder. "What are you laughing at now, Scarred-man?" she asks. He looks at her, "Oh nothing really! I just thought about something that made me laugh..." Hype-Scar said. "Oh, and what's that Scarred-man?" she asks curiously. He looks at her and gives her a big-goofy grin, "I farted!" he said happily. Lust sweat-drops. "Uhhh... that is gross Scarred-man... anyway, McDonalds is right over there! Let's go!" she said, pulling Hype-Scar by the wrist.
In McDonalds-----
Hype-Scar says, "Lusty, I gotta go poo!" Lust gives him an awkwards glance, "Okay, but hurry up! We don't have all day to blow this place up!" she said, pushing Hype-Scar into the restroom. In the restroom, Hype-Scar looks at the urinals. "Geez, it's been a long time since I used this, usually I go behind the trees... then they died! Okay, how do I...?" he asked, doing his... business. "Ahh..." he says. Little does Hype-Scar know that he is being heard outside. They hear a loud squirt. Then Hype-Scar says, "Aaaah, that was a good one..." another squirt. "Oh, yeah," he says. A few minutes later of 'Tinkling', Hype-Scar steps outside. "That felt good!" he squealed. Everybody stares at him and Lust. "I don't know him, I SWEAR!" she yelled.
A little girl walks up to Scar. A girl-scout to be exact. "Would you like to buy a cookie, Mr. Maniacl Ishbalan State Alchemist Serial Killer?" she asks, holding out a chocolate chip-cookie. Scar's mouth drools almost instantly. "I must have a cookie!" he demanded, snatching the cookie from the girl. "Ugh! You jerk!" she exclaimed, kicking him in the... "Aaaaaahh! The second stupid time today darn it!" he said, falling to the floor and holding his now sterile privates. Everybody points and laughs, "He got kicked in the balls by a girl-scout! What a wuss!" they teased. Scar looks up, and they feel bad for him and give him all the sugar within a 5 mile radius.
Ultra-Super-Hyper-Active-Scar jumped around with a sinister grin on his face, saying, "SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR IS MY FRIEND!" Lust covers her face with her hands. USHAS looks at Lust. "HEY! ARE WE GONNA BLOW UP MCDONALDS NOW!" he asks. She nods, "Yes, distract the manager," she said, pointing at the woman. "WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DISTRACTION?" USHAS asks. "Just go! Go Scarred-man! If you do, I'll give you a kiss!" she said, Scar settled down. "YAY! A KISS! I'LL DO IT THEN!" he said, running in mad circles towards the manager. It wasn't long until he gained attention. It actually didn't take long though, since he was crazy before.
With everybody staring at Scar, Lust made her way into the... bathroom? Lust, where you goin'? She gets into the stall and changes, materializing clothes from nothing. She is dressed as a secret agent. Secret-Agent-Lust walks outside, without getting any attention of course, and makes her way into the vent. SAL crawls through the vent in her tight catsuit. SAL is short for Secret-Agent-Lust by the way. "Now, where could the office be?" she asks herself, looking below. With the grate in the way, she could barely see. Why am I being so dramatic? I could have just walked into the office like nothing... but who am I kidding, this is way better, I get to wear my catsuit! SAL thought to herself as she broke the grate seperating her from the office.
With cat-like reflexes, she dropped gracefully to the floor. She stands up, and looks around. "I have to make sure nobody is in here when this place blows up..." she said, activating the sprinkler systems. Outside, the sprinklers turn on. Scar looks up, "Hey, the sky is doing what I was doing a few minutes ago!" he says, poiting at the ceiling. Everybody gives him awkward looks. Lust starts making a bomb. She adds chemicals, and even some stuff that you could find in your cabinet in the kitchen. She holds up the creation. "This baby is water activated. It will explode as soon as water hits it. That'll give everybody plenty of time to get out of here while this place gets blown to hell..." she said, sticking the bomb under a desk.
Then James-Bond music starts plaing, and a dramatic cheap movie screen effect comes up, and everything happens in Ssssslllllllllllooooooowwww mmmmmooootttttioooooonnnnnn... Lust looks behind her, the bomb blew, and the flames spread very slow. Everything is moving slowly... it must be a sign that something is going to happen in the near future... she thought. Outside, a man spilled his drink, and it fell slowly to the floor. The cup fell to the floor slowly, it must be a sign... he thought to himself, as the drink slowly came in contact with the cold-tile floor, and splashing slowly all over the floor. The frycook flips a patty in slow motion, and it seems to stay suspended in mid-air.
The patty appears to have stopped in time and space... it MUST be a sign! she thought. Lust reaches the door, and throws it open, "OUT everybody out! There's a bomb in here that is detonating!" she cried, and everyone runs out. Outside, Lust makes sure that everybody is okay. Save one Ishbalan man. "He... didn't make it, we're sorry..." said the man. Lust looked down. "Scarred-man..." she whispered as tears filled her eyes. She looks at the burning rubble. "LUSTY!" someone calls. Lust looks in the direction she heard the shout. Scar was buried under the rubble! "Scarred-man!" she yells, running to his aid. "Help me outta this crap-heap will you?" he asks. Lusts pulls him free in time to watch the fire engulf the last of the Evil-McDonalds.
"So Scarred-man, was that just fun enough for you and I to BOTH beocme secret agents?" she asks, putting her hand to Scar's cheek. He takes her hand. "Sugary Sure I sure will sugar!" he said cheerfully. Lust smiles. "Then you can help me by taking over the world!" she said, taking his other hand. "Okay, let's all go home, the fire department should take care of this!" one man yelled. The next day, Lust and Scar were in the newspaper. HUMONCULUS LUST AND MANIACAL STATE ALCHEMIST SERIAL KILLER SCAR SAVE PEOPLE FROM AN EVIL-CONSUMED GOD-COMPLEXED MCDONALDS WHICH BURNED DOWN LAST NIGHT! the front page read. Then Lust and Scar both became secret agents and saved people.
THE END
For real this time
Whoa, I got attached to this story. I'm gonna make it into a series! Look for 'Secret Agent L+S' ! Scar and Lust will be in their own "save the world" type mission. And hey, I got attached to this couple, I'M TAKIN' IT! Yay! Aren't I gonna be the first one to write a Scar/Lust fiction? I sure hope so! That would be original!
Some more things I'm working on:
Stickin' Rurouni Kenshin, FullMetal Alchemist, and WWE Raw characters all in one and see what unfolds there on. And some other stuff I will keep secret. I'm deciding to be a lemming for it. I don't really think people pay much attention to some stuff I'm good at writing, so I'll try to write in the same style they do.
Kuro