Chapter 34

Graveyard Reflections

For first few days Buffy stayed up in her room, crying, the memory of the lunch room scene still so fresh in her mind. Everything that Spike said haunted her and in her dreams she saw the disappointment and hurt on his face when she said that whatever they'd had was over.

She after three days of being in her room Buffy decided to go visit the one person who could never hurt her and brought her comfort…Dawn.

Buffy knelt down in front of her younger sister's grave, there were fresh flowers again, and Buffy figured her mother must have been by recently. A part of her felt ashamed for never bringing any flowers to the grave but she pushed it down for the moment, she felt bad enough about all the other stuff going on in her life to worry about this right now. But she vowed to bring a whole ton of flowers next time she came.

"I really don't know what to do anymore Dawnie. Everything is so screwed up, you seemed to know how to fix things despite how young you were. You would know just what to do right now." tears glided down her cheeks, "Why did you have to leave?"

Buffy sat in the grass and stared up at the sky, millions of conflicting thoughts flowing through her mind. Half of her wanted to call up Spike and tell him that she would face her fears, end the Slayers, and hopefully renew the relationship that they'd had. And the other half was scared of what could happen if she actually did any of those things. How could she just jump into another relationship with another guy who had his own personal problems and be sure that she wouldn't get hurt again? And the Slayers, she couldn't end that, it had helped her to become strong and not take garbage form anyone. The last thing was harder to find an excuse for. Sure she had felt something for him, he was a nice guy who had treated her decently and tried to help her with this problem that she had and all she did was push him away and hurt him.

"What am I Supposed to do Dawn? I do like Spike; I think I can admit to that at least. But he says that he loves me; I think I could love him too but what if things go wrong? I'll get hurt again. If I allow myself to fall in love with him I could get hurt in the end. And I can not deal with that again. If wish you could answer me, maybe that's what I need, to talk to someone."

"How about your mother?"

Buffy stood up, spun around and came face to face with her mom, "Mom, what are you doing here? It's really late."

Her mother gave her a small smile, "I could ask you the same thing, I didn't think anyone but me came here anymore, what were you doing?"

Buffy sighed maybe this is what she needed, a long talk with her mother, her mom might be able to tell her what she should do. "I was just talking to Dawn; I'm having some issues right now mom and I don't know what to do."

Joyce put the flowers that she'd brought in side the little cup that hung off the side of the tombstone and put an arm around her daughter. "Why don't we go home and talk then, I'll make some hot cocoa for us, how does that sound?"

Buffy nodded, "yeah okay. I guess I could go for some cocoa."

When they got home, Joyce prepared some cocoa and Buffy prepared to tell her mother about everything that had been going on since they moved to Sunnydale. Joyce sipped her drink as Buffy talked; she did not interrupt or speak at all until Buffy finished speaking.

Buffy sighed once she finished her story and looked at her mother who remained silent for a few moments, "Mom I don't know what to do anymore. I had everything under control, I could have gone through the rest of high school like that but I had to run in to Spike. Since meeting Spike my whole life has gone down hill."

Joyce knew her daughter had gone through a lot of different boyfriends since arriving in Sunnydale, but she had never imagined why. She knew that Buffy had been really hurt by what had happened with Pike, they had been friends for a while before Pike asked her to be his girlfriend, Joyce had been incredibly shocked when she got a phone call from the police saying that her daughter had been the victim of attempted sexual assault. Sure Pike had many problems but he had been a nice guy, and treated Buffy kindly.

Buffy took a sip of her cocoa and stared out the window, waiting patiently and nervously for her mother to say something.

"I think you should talk to him."

Buffy turned to her mother, "You want me to talk to Spike?"

Her mother's nose scrunched up at the name, "Not William, Pike."

Buffy starred at her mother in disbelief, "you want me to go to jail and have a talk with the guy who tried to rape me?"

Joyce sighed, "Buffy this problem of yours needs to be solved, and I think you should first resolve things with Pike."

"What did you put in the cocoa mom?"

Joyce stood up when put her cup on the coffee table, "I think its best you talk to him, Break these chains that bind you."

Buffy frowned and stormed to the stairs stopping at the bottom, "fine but if he tries to kill me…" and she went upstairs, slamming her bedroom door.

Joyce sighed again and took her own cup and Buffy's to the kitchen; she honestly thought that it would help if Buffy and Pike had a talk. They owed each other that much.