Disclaimer: I'd never claim something that wasn't mine. Therefore I bow before JKR who invented Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy. Wootles.

Author's Notes: Fed up with clichés? Tired of stupid pointless fanon stories with no actual plot? Willing to have a good laugh? Then I suggest reading this. It's short and I think you may like it. Anyhow, reviews, por favor!

Everybody Loves Fanon

By Milka-Weasley

Scene 1

Remus Lupin, bookworm and a werewolf, sat in an armchair near the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common room, reading a book.

"Hey Moony!" greeted Sirius Black, the most handsome and extremely sexy heartthrob of Hogwarts. "Whatcha doin'?"

Remus raised a light eyebrow. "Reading, obviously."

"Boring. Wanna shag?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Just a quick one. Shaggy-shaggy. Whaddaya say?"

"I'm reading a very interesting book, actually. It's about the goblins who decided to..."

"Yawn."

Remus sighed. "Maybe later."

"Great! Till then, I'm gonna find an annoying supposedly original ocean blue eyes Mary Sue character called Amelia, Penelope or Cindy and snog her senselessly. Okay? See you."

"Bring me a mug of coffee on your way back! I feel like clutching it."

"D-caffeine or Nescafe?"

"D-caff."

"K, bye."

"Bye."

Scene 2

"Here's your coffee. Now, let's shag."

"Let's."

Scene 3

"Sirius, I have something important to tell you." whispered Remus as him and Sirius lied in bed.

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No. Full moon's nearing."

"Fun."

"Not really."

"Let's shag some more then."

Scene 4

"Remus?"

"--"

"Moony?"

"--"

"Moonykins!"

"What?"

"I have something important to tell you."

"Full moon's nearing?"

"No. I'm pregnant."

"AROOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Scene 5

"S'up mate?" asked James Potter, the attractive messy haired four-eyed Gryffindor Quidditch Captain.

"You are going to be a Godfather."

"How come?"

"Remus knocked me up."

"How?"

"Well, there is a process called shagging. First you..."

"Ah, got it. Cool. Wanna go set Snivellus on fire?"

"Sure thing. Just wait till I fix my irresistible smile."

"What d'you need that for?"

"I'm a heartthrob. It's in my job description."

"Cool. Let's go."

"Let's."

Scene 6

"Hey Snivellus. Washed your hair?"

Severus Snape, a greasy black haired boy with crooked nose spat. "None of you bus..."

"Set him on fire, Jamie!"

"Set."

"Ha-ha, look at Snivellus burning."

"Fun."

"But the smell's spreading now."

"Ruuuuuuuuun!"

Scene 7

"Hey Moony, I stole a Pregnancy Test from some female Ravenclaw fan of mine, and it showed I wasn't pregnant, after all. Whaddaya say 'bout that?"

Remus fell down on his knees, desperately shaking a fist at skies.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Er...?"

"I've already spent all of my money on cradle, diapers, feeding bottles and a pony."

"What's the pony for?"

"My personal free time does not concern you, Sirius."

"You can be so irritating. But in a good way. Wanna sh-?"

Remus sighed. "Will it make any difference if I say I'm too depressed for it now?"

"... No."

"I knew it. But your bed this time. You almost broke mine last night."

"Didn't do it all by myself."

"... You have a point."

"Ready?"

"Ready."

"Yay."

Scene 8

"Hey Evans."

A stunningly beautiful red-haired girl with amazing emerald eyes called Lily Evans irritably glared at James. "Go away, Potter. I hate you."

"No. You only think you hate me, when in fact you'd give everything to put your arms around me."

"Yeah. And strangle you."

"Come on, Evans. Face it. You're in love with me."

"Am not."

"Are to."

"Am not."

"Are to."

"A – oh, all right, I admit it. I worship you."

"Great. Wanna sh, I mean, make love?"

"I'm a virgin."

"Don't worry, I'll teach you."

"Cool."

"Just hope you're a fast learner, 'cause I'm a fast teacher."

Scene 9

"Hey Peter. How's it going?"

"Squeak."

"Keep it up, man, keep it up."

Scene 10

"Hi Lucius."

Lucius Malfoy, a cold hearted Slytherin kick ass casa-nova didn't respond.

"I know you are a few years older than the rest of us, but we often see you wandering around the school, because that's what the fans --"

"Avada Kedavra."

"—want."

Scene 11

"Malfoy's pissed today. Don't come near him."

"Squeak?"

"Oh, it's you Pete. Forget what I said. Lucius would be thrilled to see you."

Author's Notes: Whaddaya think? Shoot the comments, can't wait to hear your thoughts. Oh, and btw don't worry, I've nearly finished the 10th chappie of Not So Holy Matrimony. Should be posted shortly! So... that's that for now. Adieu, my fellow readers!