A/N: In case you're wondering about the timeline for the last chapter or so, it goes kind of like this: the beginning of Chapter 9, Chapter 10, the end of Chapter 9, Chapter 11. Make sense, good, because I'm terribly confused. :P I didn't mean for it to go exactly like this…but it did anyway because once again…Cass will NOT behave. Action packed chapter up next.

As always, if you're ever interested in reading anything else I write from a myriad of other fandoms, you can find it archived on LiveJournal under the username of carrkicksdoor.

Chapter 11: Chemical Reactions, Chemical Burns

I hate chemistry.

I really hate people that don't listen to me.

But what I hate worst of all are people that don't listen to me in chemistry class and then cause the entire chemistry lab to smell like sulfuric acid.

So, for the record, I would just like to reiterate this: Not. My. Fault.

It doesn't help that I'm already jumpy and that every time I smell sulfur I have an uneasy feeling that the Joker is somewhere nearby.

So, no, my week is not off to a stellar start.

Add that to the fact that Cass has been avoiding me and Bruce and Alfred have been giving me what Dick refers to as "steaming space" and this week has generally sucked.

And it's only Monday.

I have no idea why they think I need to steam over Boomerang. I really don't. Yes, I'm pissed off about the whole thing in general, but it's not like I need people to leave me alone a couple of days.

Of course, Bruce could just be going through a typical Bruce phase and keeping Alfred busy and I'm too moody to see it as anything different.

Cass, on the other hand, is definitely avoiding me. I've seen her twice in the last two days, for a grand total of about five minutes. It's almost like it used to be when she first showed up and became Batgirl. She didn't talk, just listened. She just sits, and nods, and when I'm done speaking, she vaults off the roof and I almost don't know she's gone because it was like she was never there in the first place.

So even though I'm through with my patrol and I have nothing on my agenda for the rest of the night, I'm flying out here trying to lose myself in the cool air that's surrounding Blüdhaven and the adrenaline rush and that sinking feeling in my stomach that I feel every time I drop from a building, the same kind I get when I go down a hill on a roller coaster. Even after all these years, that feeling never goes away.

I give it up about three o'clock and go home. I almost feel like the Spectre himself is on my tail, and I've been trying to outrun him for days.

When I swing in through my window, there's an Englishman setting a plate with a sandwich on it on the table with a glass of milk, and there's a pile of clean laundry on the couch. "You're out rather late this evening, Master Timothy," Alfred observes.

I strip my mask off my face and toss it to my desk and unclasp my cape and hang it over the chair. Since Alfred's here, I actually fold the red Robin shirt before putting it on the couch and sitting down to the sandwich. I hadn't realized exactly how hungry I was until I saw that ham sandwich. "You're up late too, Alfred. What are you doing in Blüdhaven at this hour?"

I see the disapproval on his face. "I expected you to have been home earlier than this."

"I was busy."

"Miss Cassandra was in almost two hours ago," he says.

"Not all of us have Cass' speed at dispatching enemies," I say around a mouthful of sandwich.

"Perhaps she was just a bit tired," Alfred says, wiping the crumbs from the counter and turning to put them in the trash can. "She's been acting rather strangely the last day or so."

I nearly choke on my sandwich. "Sorry. Go ahead."

"Well, she was at the mansion a few days ago," Alfred said. "At eight in the morning and in my cookie jar, and all we could get out of her were that boys were weird."

Damn it.

"Huh," I say, picking at a piece of lettuce on the plate. Alfred asking me about Cass the night I was in Gotham makes sense, finally. He'd seen her that morning, and had suspected something was up, and was probably gauging my reaction. How did my personal life and my profession life get so screwed up?

Oh, yes, I let them mix, that's how.

"I don't suppose you know what's been bothering her," he says softly.

I've got that feeling again, the feeling of going down a hill on a roller coaster in the pit of my stomach, only it's not the feeling I get when I go down the hill. It's the feeling you get about three-quarters of the way up the hill when you realize you're getting ready to go flying down that hill and there's no way you're getting out of it.

But I know that my silence is assent, and Alfred knows now that whatever is bothering Cass is partly what's been bothering me the last few days and I just can't look at him.

I rub my hands over my head and just look at the counter. "I don't even know where to start," I say.

Alfred sits down next to me. "The beginning is usually a good place."

I look at my hands. There's a long scar running down the palm of my left hand where I accidentally grabbed a knife the wrong way once. "I don't think we've been apart more than absolutely necessary in the last week or so. Until the last few days."

"After Scarecrow attacked Miss Cassandra?" Alfred says.

I nod. "She'd been having nightmares. So, either she'd stay over here, or I'd stay over there. We got to know each other's couches pretty well. I don't know if she really needed me or not. It made me feel better."

"That would have been reason enough for Miss Cassandra to continue."

"And then we found Boomerang," I continue. "And Cass took me home and we watched infomercials. And she woke me up out of my own nightmares the next morning."

And this is the part that I can't confess. The part that keeps haunting me. The part that was the part that horrified me, because I couldn't believe I'd taken advantage of Cass that way, and yet the part that I would do anything to repeat.

"And?" Alfred gently prompts.

I swallow hard. "And then somehow she was in my arms and I was kissing her."

The tone in Alfred's voice is something between worry and amusement. "You look far too troubled for a young man with an interested young lady."

"I pushed her away," I say. "I can't do this to her, Alfred. Not now. Not in the midst of all—" I gesture around to everything around me, all the technological wonders that Bruce has provided for our crime-fighting. "—this. It's not fair to her." I sigh. "And it's not fair when I closed my eyes and I didn't see her there for a moment."

"Miss Stephanie?" Alfred says.

He's the only person who dares say her name in front of me. Except for Dana, who just doesn't remember. It's like he's the only person who can. And it kind of makes me feel better that he does say it, because while I know, logically, that Bruce and Dick and Cass and Babs and everyone else are remembering her when they try not to talk about her, when I hear her name out loud, it makes me think that someone remembers a poor young woman who once had a baby and made some mistakes and wanted nothing more than to be part of the legend.

No one says my father's name.

And I can't hold it in any more.

xxxxxx

It's six o'clock and I'm standing on Cass' front porch, my hands in my pockets and my heart in my throat. I need sleep and a shave, but this is more important.

She answers my knock in a long-sleeved t-shirt, a pair of those Bat signal boxers that Babs bought everyone for Christmas as a gag gift and bare feet. "Tim," she says, rubbing her eyes. Even right out of bed, she's beautiful.

I shift my weight. "I'm sorry," I blurt out. "For everything."

She looks at me for a moment. "I'm not mad at you."

Damn it, Tim, what the hell's the matter with you? "I know—I just—"

"Come in," she says, opening the door wider. "It's cold outside."

She fixes some tea in the kitchen and brings me a mug. I'm still standing in her living room, just looking around. The last time I was in here—is not what I really need to be thinking about. "Sit down," she says quietly, and I realize that getting the tea was more about collecting her own thoughts than anything else.

She sips her tea and just looks at me for a moment. "I had a long talk with Alfred tonight," I say quietly.

"I talked with him the other day," she says.

I smile. "I heard he talked and you raided the cookie jar."

She freezes. "He told you?"

"He was worried," I say, rubbing my eyes. "About both of us. He just said something had been bothering you and wanted to know if I knew what it was."

I look up at her, meeting her gaze for the first time since I was standing in her doorway. "And I did."

She looks away. "Did you tell him?"

I look down at my reflection in the tea. "Yeah."

She doesn't ask what Alfred said. I figure she'll either go to Gotham and find out, or call, or ask Alfred the next time he's in Blüdhaven. I don't know if he'll tell her or not, or if he'll send her back to me.

I just know that I'll remember his advice for the rest of my life.

Which is why I'm here right now.

"Promise me something," I say hoarsely.

She nods.

"If you catch me doing something as stupid as I did the other morning, you'll stop me," I say. When I see a tear in her eye, I realize that in my sleep-deprived state that came out all wrong. Cursing inwardly, I set my mug down and scoot over to her. "And by that, I meant walking out that door."

She turns her face to me and I try to smile. "I don't want to hurt you. Because above all, you're my friend. I don't want to use you."

"Tim—"

I put a finger to her lips. "But I didn't realize that I might have been hurting you by flying out that door either."

I drop my hand as I feel her lips move as she tries to form words. "So now what?"

"Give me some time," I ask. "I'm not going anywhere."

She looks down at her tea, and then back at me. "Okay. I'm not going anywhere either."

I don't think things are ever going to be back the way they were. We're too far past that. But this is better than where we were. And from the look on her face, I think she'll wait.

I lean forward and kiss her forehead. "I've got to go get ready for school. Sorry I woke you up."

She shakes her head. "It's okay."

She opens the door for me to leave, and I walk into the Blüdhaven streets, for the first time, feeling like I could actually smile.