When Things Get Crazy

Chapter five: no title.

Quistis' jaw dropped wide open, as Rinoa gleefully got up, smiled, and walked out of the infirmary.

It was dead silent. So silent, you could hear an amoeba pass gas. Suddenly, a certain cowboy trying desperately to hold in his laughter broke the silence.

"So Squall… What's it like to be sexually harassed?"

Quistis covered her widening smile with her hand. "I mean, that was what it was right?"

"Because if it wasn't…" Irvine looked down, trying to hide his smile.

"IT WASN"T ME!" Squall yelled in anger, pulled on his shirt and walked out.

"Hello… Did everyone forget about me?" Zell looked up at the two people standing over him.

Kadowaki stood up, unclipping her bra and flashing everyone in the room. Rapidly shaking her chest, she started yelling. "Uh huh! You want some of this?" She looked over to Irvine, who turned around and puked. Even Quistis was repulsed, as she quickly turned and ran, followed closely by Irvine. That left Zell, immobilized on the floor. The blonde looked over at the half naked sixty year-old slowly walking toward him.

"OH MY GOD!" Zell screamed as he frantically clawed his way toward the door.

"Hmm… You're not Squall, but you still not a nice butt!" Kadowaki exclaimed as she grabbed him by the leg, just before he was about to grab the bottom of the door. The door slammed shut, as Zell screamed bloody murder.

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Squall stomped into his dorm, muttering something about a stupid horny old woman. Replacing what clothing he was still missing, he decided he should head back to his office.

A few minutes later, Squall briskly walked into his office, not realizing Cid was in nothing but an extremely small pair of underwear, standing up on his desk, drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels, and singing the lyrics to "Achy breaky heart".

"Cid… Are you okay?" Squall said with no actual concern.

"What… Do you mean? Why wouldn't I be okay?" Cid nearly fell off of the desk. "Mabe it's you who aint okay!" Cid growled, then tripped and fell over on the desk, hitting his head on the corner of the hard structure as he went. He slumped over, falling off the desk, doing a somersault and coming to rest with his legs wide open, as his underwear split in the front.

"Oh God! How much nudity do I have to witness in one day?" Squall shielded his eyes.

"Heeey Squally! Don't be shy!" Cid yelled, putting his legs back together.

"Thank you." Squall said sincerely, putting his hands down from his eyes. "So what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be in your own office?"

"I… ... Don't think that that… …" Cid's expression went blank, as he started drooling, probably because he hit his head.

"I think you need to head to the infirmary." Squall said, before remembering the atrocity he had just suffered. "… On second thought, no."

"Ya mama needs to go the infirmary!" Cid snapped back into reality.

"Don't talk about my mother!" Squall gritted his teeth in anger.

"Why? Does ya mama… ... sh(bleep), I can't think up a good insult…" Cid scratched the back of his head. "Hey, can you come back later?" Cid was suddenly sober.

Squall shook his head, and left.

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Zell woke up with a start, and once again he was tied to a pole, only this time, he was in the dark room of the infirmary.

"Somebody help me!" He yelled, just before Kadowaki jumped out of the shadows, putting a bumper sticker entitled "My other car is the Millennium Falcon" over his mouth.

"Be quiet Zelly…" An evil glint shown in her eyes. "I know what you need. You need Coffee.

"Mm-hm!" He nodded.

"I have coffee." She lifted a large pot of the black liquid. She pulled the bumper sticker off of his face, and poured the coffee into his mouth.

"Thank you. Only you forgot one thing…" Zell smirked.

"And what's that?"

"I'm Coffeeman!" Zell yelled, as he snapped free of the duct tape surrounding his entire body, and ripped his shirt off, revealing brown tights, with a black C in the middle of the chest, and a black cape.

"Yaaaaahhh!" Zell lunged forward, hitting Kadowaki in the chest. She flew back intothe wall, and didn't have time to recover before Zell started shooting a jet of boiling coffee at her, through the palm of his hand.

"None can stand the might of coffeeman!" Zell stood proudly over a fallen Kadowaki.

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A/N: (does the Axl Rose dance) Oh... Sorry, I was listening to Guns 'n roses, and I didn't know anyone was watching me... ... Stop staring at me... ... I DON'T NEED TO JUSTIFY MYSELF TO YOU PEOPLE! (storms out)

Oh and by the way, reveiw!