Pulling Away
Chapter 3
Author's Note: Please review. I get really sad when people don't review and it stunts the creative juices that flow. Please, just so I know that people are reading, thanks.
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights whatsoever associated with 24. Wish I did, but I don't. You know the drill don't own characters, plots, beautiful actors, etc etc.
That night, while Michelle lay asleep in their bed, Tony was wide awake staring at the ceiling. He couldn't get comfortable. He was so used to the cheap spring mattresses that they supplied in the prison. His mind was too busy to sleep. He kept wondering what he could do to make the situation with Michelle better. He wanted to make love to her so badly, but he was afraid. He hurt her once by going to prison, and he didn't want to do it again. The only way he knew not to hurt her again was to not get close to her again. The only thing he didn't know was that by pulling away he was causing her more pain.
Michelle stirred, and Tony looked over to see if she was still sleeping. She looked so angelic when she slept. He remembered their wedding night, after they had made love, she was sleeping, with an arm over his torso, and he was watching her chest rise and fall with every delicate breath she took. He looked away and retreated to his memories of their better times. He remembered when she went to San Francisco to see her brother Danny who had just moved there. When she came back, she got out of the cab, and Tony was waiting for her outside their house. She ran towards him and leaped into his arms, and planted a wonderfully familiar and necessary kiss on his lips.
"Sweetheart, I missed you do much." She told him. He put her down, and she pulled down her shirt that had been rumpled from the way she landed.
"I missed you more than you'll ever know. I can't survive without you." He told her. They kissed again. Tony remembered this sweet memory as Michelle kept sleeping soundly. I can't survive without you. He told her that then, but he never truly knew what it meant until he was in jail. It was true, he couldn't survive without her.
He needed to smell her shampoo, and kiss the corner of her neck that morphed into her shoulder. He needed to hear her say his name every single day. Every time he was devoid of that a small part of him died. The way she looked at him alone was enough to make his heart sink into his stomach, like he was on a roller coaster going down a cliff. He stared at her curls, trying to remember the way it felt to have them wrapped around his fingers.
He was just sitting there; having all these thoughts, and memories. If he really wanted to, he could wake her up and envelope her in him. He didn't. He couldn't. The truth was, he did want to do it, but something inside him made him believe that it wasn't right. He was sitting there, next to his wife, and saying 'what if' to himself over and over.
Hours passed, and Tony finally fell asleep. He dreamed, about what he didn't quite know, but he knew he was dreaming. He rolled over and his arm brushed Michelle's, and this caused her to wake. She looked over at her sleeping husband, who hours before had promised her things would get better. She wondered if they would. If things kept going the way they were, she knew she wouldn't be able to stand it. She couldn't watch the love of her life slowly kill himself, and deny her love in the process.
She sat up, and turned on the light that was resting on her night stand. She opened the drawer to get some chap stick. When she looked in the drawer, she saw a picture of her and Tony at the beach 4 years ago. Michelle was wearing her flowered bikini and Tony wore bright orange trunks. She remembered the fight they got into when he bought those ridiculous looking things. More importantly, she noticed the look on their faces. They were smiling, and happy. Michelle's curls were blowing in the wind, and Tony's arm was wrapped around her waist. He was wearing a huge grin, and she was there looking seductively happy. She desperately wanted to smile that way again. Tony used to make her do that effortlessly.
She took a deep sigh and looked up from the picture. Her eyes found the clock, and she was surprised to see that it was already 8:30 in the morning. She knew she wouldn't go back to sleep. After finding the picture, she didn't want to go back to sleep, because she feared her dreams. She looked over at Tony one more time. He was still sleeping. She got out of bed, and looked at him again, then at the picture, and back to her husband once again. After some thought, she lay the picture on her pillow, so he would see it when he woke up.
She walked away from the bed, and put on her robe and slippers. She walked into the kitchen, and started the coffee pot. She knew the smell would wake him up. She put in hazelnut, his favorite, in the hopes that he would take it as a sign of endearment. Twenty five minutes passed, and Tony had not come out of the bedroom. Michelle wondered if he was even awake, and went to go check on him. She walked up the stairs as quiet as possible, and made her way into their room. When she saw him, he was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the picture.
"I didn't know you had this." He said when he realized he had been caught.
"I love that picture." She began. She paused before speaking again. "Reminds me of when we were happy." She said softly, hurting herself by saying it. She knew that by saying it, she was making it a reality, and she'd have to deal with it. Tony nodded in defeat. She was right, they were very happy at that point. Newlyweds, on their honeymoon, it didn't get much better than that.
"Did you make coffee?" Tony asked casting the picture aside realizing that silence had lingered a bit too long. Michelle nodded.
"Yeah, hazelnut. It's downstairs if you want some." She said.
"Yeah." Tony replied almost whispering. He got up, and put on sweat pants, and a shirt. Michelle stood in the same spot, just looking at him. When he was ready to go down, he just walked right past her. She stood there for a second letting it hit her. She sniffled in, but quickly brushed it off, and followed him downstairs.
"Do you want to do something today?" She asked when she approached him. He was pouring coffee into his Chicago Cubs mug. He thought about what she said for a minute before answering.
"What did you have in mind?" He asked walking to the other side of the kitchen and opening a cabinet. Michelle watched as he took the rum off the self, opened it and added some to his coffee. She was very disappointed in him.
"I thought maybe we could go grocery shopping." She started. "There's hardly anything here, and I thought you might like to start cooking again, I mean, you always used to love that." She finished. Tony took a big swig of his alcohol infested coffee, and thought about it.
"Yeah, alright, we could do that." He replied frequently drinking his coffee. "We could pick up some more beer too, we're out." He said in a very nonchalant manor. Michelle was speechless. What have you become, she thought to herself.