CSINut214's A/N:Um... warning, angst ahead. Angstier than any angst I've ever angsted. Angst you very much. I'll stop now.

Grissom dressed quietly, careful not to wake the blonde draped across his bed. She murmured a little in her sleep. Grabbing his keys off the counter, he watched her for a moment, then left, frowning.

He'd met Allison three months ago. She'd called him at the lab, eager to discuss the finer points of forensic entomology with him. Grissom had heard of her, of course. Allison Freeman's books were always on the best-seller lists. She wrote about forensic science, and pretty accurately. So when she'd told him she wanted her newest book to be about how insects can help solve crimes… well, he'd bitten.

The attraction was there right away. She was pretty and laughed at his lame jokes. When she shook his hand after their meeting, she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. An hour later she e-mailed him, asking him out for a date.

It was easier than he'd expected. Allison didn't have a problem with him working nights, nor did she seem to mind the long hours. She brought her laptop wherever she went, and worked on her book when he wasn't around. She was cheerful and sweet, and he liked her a lot. The age difference wasn't too bad, she was about nine years younger than him, maybe five years older than Sara.

He groaned, trying to concentrate on the road ahead of him. It always came back to Sara Sidle. That beautiful smile, that smoky voice. Brains of a genius and eyes of a model. In bed, he kissed Allison from head to toe, then went to sleep and dreamed of Sara.

It wasn't fair to her, and he knew he'd have to end it soon, before she got attached. God knew he wouldn't.

Shift wouldn't start for another two hours, but Grissom was behind on paperwork, as always. He closed the door to his office. It muted the noise from the hallway, and he'd made it through half the stack when the knock sounded at his door.

It was Sara. He didn't even have to ask. His heart had sped up, and his palms had grown sweaty. No matter where he was, his body was always alert to her presence.

"Come on in."

Sara entered with an unreadable expression on her face, and shut the door behind her. He felt his lungs constrict as she sat down across from him, eyes steely with resolve.

"I just wanted to tell you this in person," she said, handing him a file. He took it and stared at her for a moment before opening it. And there it was. Application for Shift Transfer. She wanted to leave him.

He forced himself to read through it. "You want to move to days?"

She nodded.

"Are they offering you a promotion?"

"No."

It was him, then. She was tired of his possessiveness, his barely concealed obsession.

He felt a migraine coming on. "Well… I can't really approve this until we're able to find you a suitable replacement. And that could take a while." Forever, as long as he was concerned.

"Already taken care of," she said smoothly. "Sam Evans wants to trade shifts. He's more than qualified."

And he was. Evans was the golden boy of the day shift, a rare combination of hard worker and team player. Any supervisor would be lucky to get him. Grissom wanted to vomit.

"Well, I…" Love you, need you, can't go a day without seeing you, that's why I page you on your days off, don't you know that? "I… don't…"

"Ecklie and Kingston have both signed off on it," she offered. "Ecklie thinks it's a great idea."

The right amount of pressure at the right angle, and he was sure he could snap Ecklie's neck with his bare hands.

"Why do you… why?"

Sara shook her head. "I need a life, Grissom. Everyone else on night shift manages to have one, but not me."

He didn't like where this is going, but he asked anyway. "What do you mean?"

She ticked off each member on her fingers. "Greg's out with a different woman every week. Sofia… well, I'm sorry, but nobody just happens to gain fifty pounds in nine months, she's got to be pregnant. And you've got your blonde with the silver Jaguar." She showed him her palms. "I don't have anyone."

Sweat dripped down his neck, and his mouth was so dry that his tongue stuck to the roof. He'd considered that dating Allison could drain his energy, distract him from his work. Never had he considered that Sara could find out.

And also, he was one of the top investigators in the country, so how on earth had he not realized that Sofia was pregnant? Must have been those slimming lab coats. Plus she tended to sit behind things a lot.

"Grissom."

He blinked at her. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. If Sara changed shifts, he wouldn't be her supervisor anymore. They could see each other without any negative impact on their careers. He would finally be able to know what that dip in her collarbone tasted like. "Well," he said, fighting the rising elation, "if that's what you want…"

"It is," she stated firmly.

Surely now, now was the time to finally ask her to dinner, to tell her exactly how he felt about her. "You know, we wouldn't be seeing much of each other if we weren't working together," he began.

"I think that's a good thing," she said quietly before he could continue.

Grissom couldn't keep the wounded look out of his eyes. "How can you say that?"

She smiled at him, the mirthless grin that she reserved for moments like these, and the flash of white teeth almost masked the pain. "It hurts, Griss," she admitted, shrugging self-consciously. "And I'm tired of hurting."

"I never meant–"

"I know you didn't. But you did."

His mind raced. "Tell me how to make this better, Sara. Tell me what to do."

"It's easy," she said, her eyes soft. "Let me go."

It was impossible for a heart to beat this quickly, this hard. His ribs were bruised from the pounding. "What if I can't?" His voice broke, and she had the courtesy to look away, a tear running down her cheek.

"Please." It was the closest she'd come to begging, and they both knew it.

Drawing in a shaky breath, he picked up a pen and signed her transfer request, a sob rising in his chest, swirling with fury. He picked up the file to give back to her, but when she extended her arm to take it he dropped it on the desk, capturing her hand in his. He interlocked their fingers, staring at the shape of them as the sob escaped from both their lips.

"Please," she whispered again, and he let her go.