Author's Notes: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I really
appreciate all feedback, both positive and negative.
Chasing a Shadow Chapter 2 - Choices
Shindou Hikaru sighed with immense relief now that the long school day was over. It was hard for him to focus on school during a normal day, and now all he could think about was Touya. It had been almost a week since Touya had become ill at Hikaru's house and his father had been forced to come pick him up. The fact that he had fainted right after their kiss had occurred didn't exactly strike Hikaru as a good sign. Touya's father had half carried him out of the house and Hikaru hadn't spoken to him since. Now all he wanted to do was see Touya, but at the same time he was too embarrassed ever to see him again. He had called Touya's house the day after he got sick just to see if he was okay, and had been told only that Touya had a high fever and it would be a few days before he recovered.
Hikaru stared at the ground as he continued on the paved path that led away from the school. The sky was dark and overcast, echoing his mood at the moment. He was still staring at the ground, brooding, when he almost walked into Touya Akira.
"Shindou."
Hikaru felt his stomach turn over at the sound of his name spoken by that voice. He looked up and forced himself to assume a somewhat normal expression. What if Touya was mad about what had happened? Touya had been ill and probably didn't know what he was doing. How could he have taken advantage of him like that?
"Touya. You look better." Hikaru was surprised at how fragile his voice sounded and forced himself to meet Touya's eyes.
"Ummm.yes. I mean, I am better." Touya swallowed and looked away. "What I'm trying to say is, I want to apologize to you, Shindou."
Hikaru blinked. Could Touya somehow think what had happened was his own fault? And now he was regretting it? He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he hoped that Touya wasn't going to end their tenuous friendship. He didn't know if he could stand that.
Touya's voice interrupted his musing. "I remember that I got very angry and yelled at you. And I think I knocked over the goban. It's all kind of a blur after that. I don't really remember anything else until the next day."
Hikaru drew a sharp breath. "You don't remember anything else?"
Touya looked at him strangely. "What do you mean? Did something else happen, Shindou?"
Before Hikaru could think of a response Touya added quickly "If I did anything else strange, I'm sorry. I had an extremely high fever and the Doctor said I was delirious for awhile. There's a bad strain of flu going around this season and somehow I ended up with it."
Hikaru tried to process this information. He felt a mixture of relief that Touya didn't know what had happened, and disappointment that he didn't remember. How could Touya not remember a moment that he remembered so vividly? He was saved from having to form a coherent response when he felt a cool wetness on his skin and realized that it had finally started to rain. "Come on Touya, I know a good ramen place that's really close. You shouldn't be out in this rain; you don't want to get sick again."
Without waiting for a reply he reached to take Touya's hand and lead him to the restaurant. They had only gone a few paces when he realized he was still holding Touya's hand. It felt soft and surprisingly good in his own. As soon as he registered what he was thinking, he dropped it quickly. Hikaru felt a flush of embarrassment rise to his cheeks.
"Are you all right, Shindou?"
Hikaru looked up and suppressed a shiver when he met those intense green eyes, now filled with concern. "Sure. I'm just a little hungry that's all. I'm surprised you're agreeing to ramen without a fight. I thought you said you never wanted to eat it again after so many lunches with me."
"It's the least I can do after what happened, Shindou. I don't know what came over me at your house to shout at you like that and make a scene."
"What the hell are you talking about Touya? You were sick! Losing control once in a while isn't that big a deal."
"It's a big deal to me, Shindou." Touya's voice was still calm and controlled. "And I'm sorry."
"I accept your apology, alright? Although I don't really know why you're apologizing to me. Let's just go eat already! I really am getting hungry." Secretly Hikaru thought that he should be the one apologizing for taking advantage of Touya while he was sick. Why had he done what he did? It was true that Touya had kind of initiated it, but he didn't even know what he was doing and Hikaru should have stopped it right away. The worst part was that he was glad that he hadn't stopped it. If he had stopped it he wouldn't have the memory of Touya's lips pressed against his own, the softness of Touya's hair against his neck. Hikaru felt a warmth spreading through him that only increased when he looked at Touya. Taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself, Hikaru was happy to note that they had finally arrived at the ramen shop. Maybe food would take his mind off things he shouldn't be thinking of.
They entered the shop and Hikaru took a seat on a wooden stool directly next to Touya's. "I think I'm going to have the pork ramen, what about you Touya?"
"I haven't decided yet." Touya's eyes scanned the menu.
"It's hard to decide when all ramen is so great, isn't it?" Hikaru turned to glance at Touya just as Touya looked up and smiled at him. Hikaru felt his heart beat faster. He knew this probably wasn't good, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. Touya looked so relaxed and happy that it made him smile back at the same time, noticing again what an intense shade of green Touya's eyes were. Another thing he should not be paying attention to. What was wrong with him anyway? Touya was his rival, his kind of friend, and a boy. It was weird to be noticing things like that about him.
Touya's expression suddenly became more serious and he looked intently at Hikaru. "If anything else happened that day, Shindou, you can tell me. I know I was sick, but I still want to know if I did anything too weird. It's strange, not remembering."
Hikaru took a deep breath and considered Touya's question. Should he tell him the truth? Sitting here next to him, looking into his clear eyes he felt like he could tell Touya anything. He just felt so comfortable, like no matter what he said it would turn out alright. He opened his mouth to tell Touya what had happened. And then the server interrupted them.
"Have you decided what you would like?"
"I'll have the miso ramen. And I think he would like the pork." Touya answered for them both.
"Thank you." The waiter turned and walked away.
"What was it you were going to tell me, Shindou?"
Hikaru felt all his courage melt away in the space of a few seconds. "Well, I was going to say that even though you were sick you still practically beat me at Go."
Touya smiled again and Hikaru felt his heart stop. "That's not anything surprising, Shindou.
~tbc
Chasing a Shadow Chapter 2 - Choices
Shindou Hikaru sighed with immense relief now that the long school day was over. It was hard for him to focus on school during a normal day, and now all he could think about was Touya. It had been almost a week since Touya had become ill at Hikaru's house and his father had been forced to come pick him up. The fact that he had fainted right after their kiss had occurred didn't exactly strike Hikaru as a good sign. Touya's father had half carried him out of the house and Hikaru hadn't spoken to him since. Now all he wanted to do was see Touya, but at the same time he was too embarrassed ever to see him again. He had called Touya's house the day after he got sick just to see if he was okay, and had been told only that Touya had a high fever and it would be a few days before he recovered.
Hikaru stared at the ground as he continued on the paved path that led away from the school. The sky was dark and overcast, echoing his mood at the moment. He was still staring at the ground, brooding, when he almost walked into Touya Akira.
"Shindou."
Hikaru felt his stomach turn over at the sound of his name spoken by that voice. He looked up and forced himself to assume a somewhat normal expression. What if Touya was mad about what had happened? Touya had been ill and probably didn't know what he was doing. How could he have taken advantage of him like that?
"Touya. You look better." Hikaru was surprised at how fragile his voice sounded and forced himself to meet Touya's eyes.
"Ummm.yes. I mean, I am better." Touya swallowed and looked away. "What I'm trying to say is, I want to apologize to you, Shindou."
Hikaru blinked. Could Touya somehow think what had happened was his own fault? And now he was regretting it? He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he hoped that Touya wasn't going to end their tenuous friendship. He didn't know if he could stand that.
Touya's voice interrupted his musing. "I remember that I got very angry and yelled at you. And I think I knocked over the goban. It's all kind of a blur after that. I don't really remember anything else until the next day."
Hikaru drew a sharp breath. "You don't remember anything else?"
Touya looked at him strangely. "What do you mean? Did something else happen, Shindou?"
Before Hikaru could think of a response Touya added quickly "If I did anything else strange, I'm sorry. I had an extremely high fever and the Doctor said I was delirious for awhile. There's a bad strain of flu going around this season and somehow I ended up with it."
Hikaru tried to process this information. He felt a mixture of relief that Touya didn't know what had happened, and disappointment that he didn't remember. How could Touya not remember a moment that he remembered so vividly? He was saved from having to form a coherent response when he felt a cool wetness on his skin and realized that it had finally started to rain. "Come on Touya, I know a good ramen place that's really close. You shouldn't be out in this rain; you don't want to get sick again."
Without waiting for a reply he reached to take Touya's hand and lead him to the restaurant. They had only gone a few paces when he realized he was still holding Touya's hand. It felt soft and surprisingly good in his own. As soon as he registered what he was thinking, he dropped it quickly. Hikaru felt a flush of embarrassment rise to his cheeks.
"Are you all right, Shindou?"
Hikaru looked up and suppressed a shiver when he met those intense green eyes, now filled with concern. "Sure. I'm just a little hungry that's all. I'm surprised you're agreeing to ramen without a fight. I thought you said you never wanted to eat it again after so many lunches with me."
"It's the least I can do after what happened, Shindou. I don't know what came over me at your house to shout at you like that and make a scene."
"What the hell are you talking about Touya? You were sick! Losing control once in a while isn't that big a deal."
"It's a big deal to me, Shindou." Touya's voice was still calm and controlled. "And I'm sorry."
"I accept your apology, alright? Although I don't really know why you're apologizing to me. Let's just go eat already! I really am getting hungry." Secretly Hikaru thought that he should be the one apologizing for taking advantage of Touya while he was sick. Why had he done what he did? It was true that Touya had kind of initiated it, but he didn't even know what he was doing and Hikaru should have stopped it right away. The worst part was that he was glad that he hadn't stopped it. If he had stopped it he wouldn't have the memory of Touya's lips pressed against his own, the softness of Touya's hair against his neck. Hikaru felt a warmth spreading through him that only increased when he looked at Touya. Taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself, Hikaru was happy to note that they had finally arrived at the ramen shop. Maybe food would take his mind off things he shouldn't be thinking of.
They entered the shop and Hikaru took a seat on a wooden stool directly next to Touya's. "I think I'm going to have the pork ramen, what about you Touya?"
"I haven't decided yet." Touya's eyes scanned the menu.
"It's hard to decide when all ramen is so great, isn't it?" Hikaru turned to glance at Touya just as Touya looked up and smiled at him. Hikaru felt his heart beat faster. He knew this probably wasn't good, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. Touya looked so relaxed and happy that it made him smile back at the same time, noticing again what an intense shade of green Touya's eyes were. Another thing he should not be paying attention to. What was wrong with him anyway? Touya was his rival, his kind of friend, and a boy. It was weird to be noticing things like that about him.
Touya's expression suddenly became more serious and he looked intently at Hikaru. "If anything else happened that day, Shindou, you can tell me. I know I was sick, but I still want to know if I did anything too weird. It's strange, not remembering."
Hikaru took a deep breath and considered Touya's question. Should he tell him the truth? Sitting here next to him, looking into his clear eyes he felt like he could tell Touya anything. He just felt so comfortable, like no matter what he said it would turn out alright. He opened his mouth to tell Touya what had happened. And then the server interrupted them.
"Have you decided what you would like?"
"I'll have the miso ramen. And I think he would like the pork." Touya answered for them both.
"Thank you." The waiter turned and walked away.
"What was it you were going to tell me, Shindou?"
Hikaru felt all his courage melt away in the space of a few seconds. "Well, I was going to say that even though you were sick you still practically beat me at Go."
Touya smiled again and Hikaru felt his heart stop. "That's not anything surprising, Shindou.
~tbc