A/N: My boyfriend wrote this for me and I just made it newsie-fied. It was easy, lol. All i had to do was change Vaughn to Hero. And I dont own newsies. I own hero and vaughn. lol. But he writes first person much better than i ever could and I am jealous.

It's not easy saying goodbye. Believe me, we've had a lot of goodbyes but something was different this time. This time she meant it. There was nothing in her. She didn't come over and kiss me or even give me a hug. She just stood there holding herself and I guess that's when it clicked that this was for real. She really meant goodbye. To me it seemed like years we stood there just looking at each other, both wearing pained expressions and I couldn't help but remember all the goodbyes we've had. Maybe she was standing there thinking of what to say that would make us work, it was a false dream I knew she wasn't she was thinking anything of the sort. But I still had hope, or at least I thought I did.

We were always in a fight about something and for some underlying reason that made it more fun. She had a tendency to talk to Raven a lot about us. In fact I believe that she understood our relationship more than we did. She had once told Hope that it was okay to fight as long as it resolved an issue but if you were fighting and nothing was being solved that's when you should worry. So I didn't. I guess I should have worried a bit more because eventually the fighting became the only communication.

I can remember our first fight. We we're at my friends Sean's house. Everybody went there every Friday night for Poker Night; even before we were going out she went there. I guess that's when I fell for her, through Sean's Poker Night. She always had this aura around her. She was charming, witty, and boy did she have a mouth and I can't say it was all a façade, it wasn't. Hope really was charming, witty and self-confident but she was also scared and haunted. But nobody knew that side of her, I guess after a few shots and a couple blunts you can hide it better.

"Hero! Hero! Oh my God!" I could hear her screaming and her footsteps on the asphalt as she ran towards where I was laying on the road. I stayed still planning to pull the greatest prank ever. She knelt down beside me and touched my face gently and shook my shoulder. It was soothing her touch, softer than any I could remember. "Please be okay…" That's when I jumped up wearing a drunken grin and holding my arms out so she'd hug me. Needless to say there was no hugging. I watched her as her face changed from soft to angry.

"It was just a joke sweetie calm down."

"JUST A JOKE! I THOUGHT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD!" She screamed and stormed off back towards the house.

"HOPE! Don't walk away from me!"

She whipped around and I could tell she was glaring. "I will walk away from you anytime I damn well feel like it."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"Just hear me out…"

She cut me off. "No. It was stupid and you're always stupid around Sean I should have figured."

I rolled my eyes… that wasn't true. "I'm done with you." She replied bitterly in a cold tone.

I saw Sean standing there watching a few feet away, I could tell he was thinking why am I letting her act like this. Why don't I control her and I was drunk. "What do I have to hit you like Ringlets to make you answer me? To make you listen Hope? Huh? Do I have to hit you?" I asked daring her. It was stupid and I was drunk.

The image of her face is still burned into my memory. The way her whole face dropped and the tears welling in her eyes. It was more than stupid of me to use her abusive ex against her and the kicker is that that wouldn't be last time I did it. But no matter what she forgave me, I guess after so many times a girl's heart can't take it anymore. I still love her. I find myself waking up during storms at night no matter how tired I am, just to listen to the rain against the window. Somehow it seems that when the rain falls, in the background I can hear her voice. She was crazy about the rain. I never thought much about it until she started waking me up no matter what time it was just to lie there and listen to it and talk. That's the Hope I fell in love with. The one that made me go outside with her at 3 in the morning and try to catch raindrops like we did when we were six.

There were sides to Hope that I couldn't handle. During the day she was strong and confident and then with the slightest touch she would be weak and scared like a newborn baby. Her ex had really messed her up. I know he abused her physically but a lot of it was mental too. She's haunted by him, shadows in the dark send her into such a state of panic, if anyone touches her without her noticing them first can make her freeze instantly in fear. She still sleeps in the closet to this day, not every night but if she remembers him, if something triggers her that's where you can find her. But I can't blame her like I had tried to. I've only met him a couple times but I know I'd like to kill him. He ruined such a beautiful thing. He tore her apart from head to toe. I don't understand why she stayed with him; he stabbed her one night in a fit of rage leaving her with three scars on her chest, beat the glass in on her car while she was locked inside, he held a gun to her head and told her he would kill her just because he loved her. I guess anybody would be messed up after that.

"You still love him."

"No I don't Hero." Her voice was already trembling. I should have stopped right then but I couldn't.

I sighed. "Yes you do Hope. No matter what I do or how hard I try there's always a part of you that I can't reach."

She shook her head. "That's not true!"

"It is true Hope it is and you know it is! Whenever I touch you I can feel you cringe and your whole body tighten! Do you know what that's like?"

"No…"

"It's like I disgust you. Like you don't want me to touch you or hold you."

She wrapped her arms around herself and I watched the first tear roll down her cheek. "But I do. I can't help it."

"Hope we only ever have sex when you're intoxicated because you can't bare to be with me."

She shook her head. "I can't help it."

"Why not? Damnit Hope WHY NOT?"

"Because! Because no matter what I do I see him! And I relieve the nightmare of what he used to do to me and I can't handle that. I already see him in people passing on the streets, and in my dreams and I can't force myself to go through that."

I swallowed hard and shoved my hands in my pockets. "But I love you and I can't watch you hold onto him like you do."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"It means that I'm beginning to think that I can't handle this! That I can't handle us."

She just stared at me which this look of sheer shock on her face. "So its over? Just like that. All because I still have nightmares? Vaughn this was only a year ago you can't expect me to forget everything just because you came along."

"Well I can't make you try and you won't let me help. I love you and I have no idea what you feel for me."

"What kind of hero are you going to be if you run every time this relationship gets hard! Every time anything gets hard? Huh? Who are you going to be a hero too? You can't do this…you can't do this to me…" There were tears cascading down her face and I just looked away, I couldn't watch her cry. "I can't loose you again, I can't."

I hugged her and kissed her forehead apologetically. "Not yours…not today."

"No. You're never going to be a hero to anyone. You're only going to be a coward."

As I walked away I told her that I could hold her in my arms forever and it still wouldn't be long enough. She told me not to quote One Tree Hill and to tell her how I really felt, but I didn't. I couldn't because I didn't know.

She was right. What kind of Hero was I if I was going to leave her over her past. I knew about him before I dated her; I guess I just didn't realize how much he had affected her. She never acted like that around a bunch of people but then again at parties she was normally high, tipsy, or both and sometimes just completely trashed. I swear anyone whose drunk thinks they rule the world and nothing can stop them. That's how I liked to see her. In real life she was just as amazing, self sufficient, super sister and everything in between. She ran the day and night wait staff at a restaurant and a club, held it steady, took her brothers to school, packed their lunches, went grocery shopping, cooked dinner every night but Fridays, and put them to bed and no matter what she was always there when they woke up. She never wanted them to wake up alone. Sometimes I still wonder what their dad is good for if Hope runs the house, and then at night, when she came out to play everything changed about her.

I've driver her to the point of tears so many times and yet we always remained together. She put up with it and tried her hardest to give it her all, to make me feel special like I did to her. I spoiled her even when she told me not too. I bought her this gold necklace that had a H and a V written out with a pink diamond. I had it custom made for her using the pink diamond from my great grandmas pendant she had. It was broken anyway. I can remember her face when she opened it, her jaw dropping and then her shoving the box back at me saying she couldn't take it. Eventually I won and she put it on and since then she hasn't taken it off. I spoiled her. I know I already said that but I'm not sure if you believe it. I borrowed her car for a couple days and had a system installed, 23'' rims on it and a new paint job along with matching lights on the bottom of her car. I had put a sticker on my back windshield that read "I just have Hope" and hers said "My mom car." I knew she'd love it. But even with all the gifts I bought her I knew deep down it wasn't enough to convince her I loved her. I could see it in her face every time she saw Megan with me, I'm not sure if I can describe it. It was a look of longing, and hurt.

"You're still in love with her."

"No I'm not! Hope I love you."

She shook her head no. "You may love me but you're in love with her. You are…I know you are."

"Stop it. This is ridiculous. Megan and I are over that's a chapter in my history."

"No you're not. I can see the way you look at her when she walks in the room and when you talk you're eyes always find her even if you're not speaking to her…Hero when you got your letter of acceptance the first thing you said was 'I can't wait to tell Megan' and I'm not Megan…"

I sighed. "I know that. I'm sorry I said that I didn't mean it like that Hope."

"It's okay. I'm not mad at you." She choked through her tears and I could tell she was almost hysterical but I knew she didn't want me to touch her.

"Please Hope…"

"You say her name in you're sleep."

Everything went quiet; I quit protesting and just stood there for a second. "I don't love her like I love you. I want to be with you."

"Hero…I don't hate you. I could never hate you and I can't blame you for still being in love with her. But I don't want to ruin what you two had, I don't want to be the reason you regret your choice a few years down the road."

"You're not going to be!"

She covered her face in her hands. "I have to let you go. It's not fair to you or me, or Megan for that matter. I can't be selfish. Hero you have taught me so much in such a short time. You made me feel alive for the first time in a long time, you made me feel so special like I was the only one, and you made me realize that I can love and it's okay."

"You don't have to do this." I pleaded taking a step towards her.

"Yeah, yeah I do."

I walked towards her again and tried to hug her but she moved away.

"If I hug you. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let you go."

That was our last goodbye. She meant it. I almost believed her when she said we belonged together but maybe we didn't. For every bad habit she had there were a hundred more shining qualities that I was too blind to see. I only saw what Ringlets had done to her, what he had turned her into. I should have focused on the good things. The more I tried to think about Megan the more I thought about Hope. Of everything I missed when we were together, her sideways smiles, and the way that every time she touched me even when she was in pure rage it was soft and caring. I wish that hadn't been goodbye. That we would have ended it with a hug and then call the other at some insane hour and make up. But she never called. I still have hope though.