Chasing a Shadow
Part 4 - Escape
Author's Notes: Sorry!!!! Not only is this chapter overdue, but it's also shamelessly fluffy. I wrote the first half a long time ago, but then I got wrapped up in moving. I'm not giving up on this fic, I swear! I'm just a procrastinator. Also, spoilers for the end of the anime are involved.
Hikaru tried to control his mounting nervousness as he headed to the nearby park. He was getting way too excited about something that really wasn't that big of a deal. Well, it was kind of a big deal. He was doing something with Touya that hopefully wouldn't have anything to do with Go at all. And maybe Touya would finally remember what had happened the night he had been sick. Or maybe Hikaru could tell him what had happened. He groaned. That was unlikely. Just thinking about the incident caused a warm feeling in areas he didn't want to think about. He could only imagine how embarrassed he would be if he had to put what had happened between them into words. But worse he could picture Touya's expression. Touya looking at him like he was crazy or even disgusting. He didn't think he could stand to see Touya looking at him like that. Not when they were just beginning to be friends outside of the Go world.
Hikaru had forced himself not to arrive early at the park and had slightly overcompensated. He was about five minutes late, and as he walked up he could see Touya Akira standing by a tree, looking calm and composed as usual. He was staring at the ground and studying it intently, like there was something important there Hikaru couldn't see.
"Hey." He saw Touya jump slightly and then turn to him with a smile. Hikaru felt a strange calm come over him as he looked into those eyes. His nervousness faded slightly. It was going to be alright.
"You're late." Touya's voice held a hint of accusation.
"I am not! You're the one who has to be early all the time!"
Wordlessly Touya held out his watch.
"Fine! I am late, but only five minutes. Did you think I wasn't coming or something?"
"No." Touya's gaze was again directed at the ground and Hikaru realized with a start that that must have been exactly what Touya thought. He suddenly remembered that Touya didn't have any other friends his own age. He probably didn't know what to expect and was nervous too. Just the thought made him want to reassure the other boy.
"I would never just not show up. I promise." Touya looked up immediately and met Hikaru's gaze. His expression was unreadable and Hikaru suddenly felt like he might have said too much. "Unless I found something better to do, of course."
"Of course." Touya smiled again, and this time Hikaru had to look away. This was going to be harder than he thought if he had to stop and regroup every time Touya smiled at him.
"So what do you want to do? I thought we could walk around by the pond and see if there's anyone who wants to play Go with my magnetic travel set."
Touya looked at him suspiciously. "I'm going to have to assume you're joking since you said before that Go wasn't allowed today. Not that I'd be opposed to that idea.
Hikaru smiled. "I just wanted to see your face light up when I mentioned Go. Sorry, you're not going to get away with any Go related activities.
"Well, in that case, I brought food." Touya gestured to the ground beside him and Hikaru noticed a small picnic basket. "I borrowed it from my mother."
Hikaru looked at the picnic basket incredulously. He and Touya on a picnic together? Not that they could really go wrong with food. "Is there any ramen in there?"
"Sorry, ramen isn't picnic friendly. And it's too hot for ramen today. It's kind of strange weather for this time of year." Touya gestured to the clear blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds.
Hikaru looked up. It had been unseasonably warm, not that he had really noticed until Touya had brought it up. "Aww.. You really didn't bring any ramen?"
"You have a one track mind, Shindou. Next time I'll bring you some cold ramen and you can eat that."
Hikaru made a face to show what he thought of the idea of cold ramen and Touya laughed. He was starting to wish that ramen was actually what was on his mind as he suddenly noticed that he was standing way too close to Touya. Hastily, he took a step backward and somehow managed to trip on a root from the tree. He would have fallen in a spectacularly embarrassing manner if Touya hadn't reached out and grabbed his hand at the last second.
"Are you okay? Shindou?"
Hikaru belatedly realized that he still hadn't answered and was standing there staring like an idiot into Touya's eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine." Why was he so clumsy whenever Touya was around? He was having difficulty even talking at this point. He dropped his eyes and found himself staring at where Touya's hand was still firmly holding his. His whole body was focused on that one small point of contact. Unable to look away he kept staring until Touya looked down too, and pulled away with a start.
"Sorry." Now Touya was blushing.
"Why are you sorry? You were the one who was helping me, stupid."
"Don't call me stupid, Shindou." Touya said the words with a smile, and Hikaru breathed a sigh of relief. The tension was momentarily broken.
"Come on! Let's go eat over there." Hikaru pointed to a shady spot located by a small pond with numerous orange and white koi swimming in the water.
"Okay." Touya picked up the picnic basket and they walked across the rather small grassy area to the secluded spot that Hikaru had pointed to.
Hikaru immediately sat down and began rummaging through the picnic basket. Sandwiches, grapes, cookies, and a package of umeboshi, salty pickled plums. "Yuck, you can eat all of these, Touya." Hikaru pointed to the plums as Touya sat down beside him.
Touya laughed. "I don't really like them either. I just wanted to see your reaction."
Hikaru was now looking at Touya as though mesmerized. He didn't think he had ever seen Touya smile so much. Not even when he was playing an especially good game of Go. He felt the words come out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You look really nice when you smile like that."
Touya's glanced up at him surprised, but managed to reply with a note of hesitation. "Thanks." Before Hikaru could think of some way to change the subject Touya did it for him. "When are you going to tell me the truth?"
"The truth about what?" Hikaru forced himself not to panic. Did Touya remember what had happened when he had been sick?
"The truth about you and Sai. About how you're connected. You promised you'd tell me someday."
Hikaru felt a pang of sadness and regret go through him, just as it always did when he thought about Sai. That was why he tried to force himself not to think about Sai too much. The pain was still too recent.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. You can tell me when you're ready." Touya was studying his face intently.
"No, it's okay. I mean, you can ask. But I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet."
Touya's voice was gentle. "I know you said you would tell me at some point, but I understand if you don't want to."
"I want to tell you, Touya. I just can't talk about it right now."
"That's okay." They were now both looking uncomfortably at the ground.
"Maybe we should eat?" Hikaru forced himself to break the silence.
"Good idea." Touya handed him a sandwich and unwrapped one for himself. He then began opening the package of grapes. Hikaru found himself staring as Touya delicately pulled a grape off its stem and placed it in his mouth, sucking on it gently and then swallowing.
"Don't you want any grapes, Shindou?"
Hikaru realized and had been holding his breath and released it with a faint puff. "Uh…no thanks." He couldn't bring himself to look away even as he felt his cheeks burning.
"Shindou?" Touya had stopped eating the grapes. "Shindou…?" Touya's voice grew fainter as Hikaru realized that he had unconsciously been leaning towards Touya and was now so close he could touch the other boy at any second. The grape Touya had been holding fell to the ground noiselessly. It seemed like the moment was frozen in time as Hikaru tried to summon the courage to do something, anything. Either to close the gap between them or to pull away.
The sound of a child shouting broke the delicate moment between them. "I don't think this was a good idea." Hikaru stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry. I have to go."
"Shindou, wait!" Touya had stood up too and was facing him, slightly breathless. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He looked at Touya incredulously. What did Touya think was wrong? How could he not notice Hikaru's reaction to being around him? "I'm sorry, Touya. I'll see you later." Hikaru spun around and took off running even as he tried not to think about the hurt expression he had seen on Touya's face. He had put that expression there. But he told himself that it would have been worse if he had not pulled away. Somehow that thought didn't make him feel any better.
Hikaru kept running for a long time, until he reached the street his house was on. Then he turned around and looked back the way he came. Touya wasn't behind him. He wasn't sure why he had expected him to be. At this point Touya probably never wanted to talk to him again. Hikaru sank to the ground and covered his face with his hands.
~tbc
Part 4 - Escape
Author's Notes: Sorry!!!! Not only is this chapter overdue, but it's also shamelessly fluffy. I wrote the first half a long time ago, but then I got wrapped up in moving. I'm not giving up on this fic, I swear! I'm just a procrastinator. Also, spoilers for the end of the anime are involved.
Hikaru tried to control his mounting nervousness as he headed to the nearby park. He was getting way too excited about something that really wasn't that big of a deal. Well, it was kind of a big deal. He was doing something with Touya that hopefully wouldn't have anything to do with Go at all. And maybe Touya would finally remember what had happened the night he had been sick. Or maybe Hikaru could tell him what had happened. He groaned. That was unlikely. Just thinking about the incident caused a warm feeling in areas he didn't want to think about. He could only imagine how embarrassed he would be if he had to put what had happened between them into words. But worse he could picture Touya's expression. Touya looking at him like he was crazy or even disgusting. He didn't think he could stand to see Touya looking at him like that. Not when they were just beginning to be friends outside of the Go world.
Hikaru had forced himself not to arrive early at the park and had slightly overcompensated. He was about five minutes late, and as he walked up he could see Touya Akira standing by a tree, looking calm and composed as usual. He was staring at the ground and studying it intently, like there was something important there Hikaru couldn't see.
"Hey." He saw Touya jump slightly and then turn to him with a smile. Hikaru felt a strange calm come over him as he looked into those eyes. His nervousness faded slightly. It was going to be alright.
"You're late." Touya's voice held a hint of accusation.
"I am not! You're the one who has to be early all the time!"
Wordlessly Touya held out his watch.
"Fine! I am late, but only five minutes. Did you think I wasn't coming or something?"
"No." Touya's gaze was again directed at the ground and Hikaru realized with a start that that must have been exactly what Touya thought. He suddenly remembered that Touya didn't have any other friends his own age. He probably didn't know what to expect and was nervous too. Just the thought made him want to reassure the other boy.
"I would never just not show up. I promise." Touya looked up immediately and met Hikaru's gaze. His expression was unreadable and Hikaru suddenly felt like he might have said too much. "Unless I found something better to do, of course."
"Of course." Touya smiled again, and this time Hikaru had to look away. This was going to be harder than he thought if he had to stop and regroup every time Touya smiled at him.
"So what do you want to do? I thought we could walk around by the pond and see if there's anyone who wants to play Go with my magnetic travel set."
Touya looked at him suspiciously. "I'm going to have to assume you're joking since you said before that Go wasn't allowed today. Not that I'd be opposed to that idea.
Hikaru smiled. "I just wanted to see your face light up when I mentioned Go. Sorry, you're not going to get away with any Go related activities.
"Well, in that case, I brought food." Touya gestured to the ground beside him and Hikaru noticed a small picnic basket. "I borrowed it from my mother."
Hikaru looked at the picnic basket incredulously. He and Touya on a picnic together? Not that they could really go wrong with food. "Is there any ramen in there?"
"Sorry, ramen isn't picnic friendly. And it's too hot for ramen today. It's kind of strange weather for this time of year." Touya gestured to the clear blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds.
Hikaru looked up. It had been unseasonably warm, not that he had really noticed until Touya had brought it up. "Aww.. You really didn't bring any ramen?"
"You have a one track mind, Shindou. Next time I'll bring you some cold ramen and you can eat that."
Hikaru made a face to show what he thought of the idea of cold ramen and Touya laughed. He was starting to wish that ramen was actually what was on his mind as he suddenly noticed that he was standing way too close to Touya. Hastily, he took a step backward and somehow managed to trip on a root from the tree. He would have fallen in a spectacularly embarrassing manner if Touya hadn't reached out and grabbed his hand at the last second.
"Are you okay? Shindou?"
Hikaru belatedly realized that he still hadn't answered and was standing there staring like an idiot into Touya's eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine." Why was he so clumsy whenever Touya was around? He was having difficulty even talking at this point. He dropped his eyes and found himself staring at where Touya's hand was still firmly holding his. His whole body was focused on that one small point of contact. Unable to look away he kept staring until Touya looked down too, and pulled away with a start.
"Sorry." Now Touya was blushing.
"Why are you sorry? You were the one who was helping me, stupid."
"Don't call me stupid, Shindou." Touya said the words with a smile, and Hikaru breathed a sigh of relief. The tension was momentarily broken.
"Come on! Let's go eat over there." Hikaru pointed to a shady spot located by a small pond with numerous orange and white koi swimming in the water.
"Okay." Touya picked up the picnic basket and they walked across the rather small grassy area to the secluded spot that Hikaru had pointed to.
Hikaru immediately sat down and began rummaging through the picnic basket. Sandwiches, grapes, cookies, and a package of umeboshi, salty pickled plums. "Yuck, you can eat all of these, Touya." Hikaru pointed to the plums as Touya sat down beside him.
Touya laughed. "I don't really like them either. I just wanted to see your reaction."
Hikaru was now looking at Touya as though mesmerized. He didn't think he had ever seen Touya smile so much. Not even when he was playing an especially good game of Go. He felt the words come out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You look really nice when you smile like that."
Touya's glanced up at him surprised, but managed to reply with a note of hesitation. "Thanks." Before Hikaru could think of some way to change the subject Touya did it for him. "When are you going to tell me the truth?"
"The truth about what?" Hikaru forced himself not to panic. Did Touya remember what had happened when he had been sick?
"The truth about you and Sai. About how you're connected. You promised you'd tell me someday."
Hikaru felt a pang of sadness and regret go through him, just as it always did when he thought about Sai. That was why he tried to force himself not to think about Sai too much. The pain was still too recent.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. You can tell me when you're ready." Touya was studying his face intently.
"No, it's okay. I mean, you can ask. But I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet."
Touya's voice was gentle. "I know you said you would tell me at some point, but I understand if you don't want to."
"I want to tell you, Touya. I just can't talk about it right now."
"That's okay." They were now both looking uncomfortably at the ground.
"Maybe we should eat?" Hikaru forced himself to break the silence.
"Good idea." Touya handed him a sandwich and unwrapped one for himself. He then began opening the package of grapes. Hikaru found himself staring as Touya delicately pulled a grape off its stem and placed it in his mouth, sucking on it gently and then swallowing.
"Don't you want any grapes, Shindou?"
Hikaru realized and had been holding his breath and released it with a faint puff. "Uh…no thanks." He couldn't bring himself to look away even as he felt his cheeks burning.
"Shindou?" Touya had stopped eating the grapes. "Shindou…?" Touya's voice grew fainter as Hikaru realized that he had unconsciously been leaning towards Touya and was now so close he could touch the other boy at any second. The grape Touya had been holding fell to the ground noiselessly. It seemed like the moment was frozen in time as Hikaru tried to summon the courage to do something, anything. Either to close the gap between them or to pull away.
The sound of a child shouting broke the delicate moment between them. "I don't think this was a good idea." Hikaru stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry. I have to go."
"Shindou, wait!" Touya had stood up too and was facing him, slightly breathless. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He looked at Touya incredulously. What did Touya think was wrong? How could he not notice Hikaru's reaction to being around him? "I'm sorry, Touya. I'll see you later." Hikaru spun around and took off running even as he tried not to think about the hurt expression he had seen on Touya's face. He had put that expression there. But he told himself that it would have been worse if he had not pulled away. Somehow that thought didn't make him feel any better.
Hikaru kept running for a long time, until he reached the street his house was on. Then he turned around and looked back the way he came. Touya wasn't behind him. He wasn't sure why he had expected him to be. At this point Touya probably never wanted to talk to him again. Hikaru sank to the ground and covered his face with his hands.
~tbc