Chasing a Shadow
Chapter 5 - Consequences
Author's Notes: Thanks once again to everyone who has reviewed so far! I will try to update again soon. Silly real life responsibilities keep getting in the way.
Hikaru sighed as he let himself into the house and immediately ran up the stairs to his room, slamming the door. That couldn't possibly have gone anymore badly. No doubt Touya now thought he was a complete idiot and would never speak to him again. Why did things with him and Touya have to be so complicated anyway? It had been so much easier when they were rivals. He had spent all his time chasing Touya and trying to catch up to him in the Go world without ever even thinking that they could become friends. And now Touya was all he could think about. Or, more specifically, the look on Touya's face as he had left him standing alone with their uneaten picnic lunch.
Hikaru spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between moping and half-heartedly placing stones on the goban, attempting to recreate a game. After a few hours of this, he was beginning to think that facing Touya was a more attractive option. He was almost happy when he was interrupted by his mother's voice from downstairs.
"Hikaru, you have a visitor. I'm sending him up. You've done enough moping for one afternoon."
Hikaru trembled slightly. Could it be Touya? And what would he do if it was? He waited with a mixture of anticipation and dread as footsteps made their way up the stairs and the door to his room slowly opened.
"Hi, Shindou."
It was Waya, looking relaxed and wearing his trademark fatigues. Hikaru felt his heartbeat slow and sank back down on the bed feeling inexplicably disappointed. "Hey. What's going on? I thought you weren't speaking to me anymore or something." Waya looked uncomfortable.
"I came to apologize. I might not like Touya, but you have the right to be friends with whoever you want."
Hikaru just stared at him for a moment. "Oh, thanks so much for giving me your permission. I never would have realized that if you hadn't let me in on it." He paused, disgusted. "Is that all you came here to say?" Hikaru was not in a good mood.
Waya stared down at the floor, and Hikaru fought back the sudden wave of guilt that washed over him. At least Waya was trying. "Sorry. Today hasn't been the best of days. It's not you. Well, not just you."
Waya looked up at him and gave a slight smile. "So what's the problem? I mean besides me interrupting your moping?"
Hikaru took a deep breath. "You definitely wouldn't be interested."
Waya looked at him strangely. "Why?" There was a short pause. Oh." Hikaru watched as a look of understanding came over Waya's face. "It's about Touya." Hikaru nodded.
"What did he do?"
"How do you know it isn't something I did?"
"Because I know him. I've seen how he is during matches. He's arrogant, cold, and has no feelings."
Hikaru snorted. "Not this again. Of course he has feelings, Waya. He is human. Maybe if you actually spent some time with him instead of passing judgment on him from a distance you'd realize that. And you're wrong. It was something I did."
"And he overreacted, right? He probably doesn't know how to respond to people his own age."
"I didn't really give him a chance to overreact."
Waya looked at him menacingly. "Shindou, why don't you just tell me what happened."
Hikaru laughed. "I really don't think you'd understand."
There was a short pause. "You have a thing for him don't you?"
Hikaru could only stare at him in shock. "What?"
"Shindou, you and Touya have been obsessed with each other for years. Well, he more so than you, but I can tell it's a mutual thing."
Hikaru felt himself grow defensive. How many other people knew about his feelings for Touya? "I don't know what you're talking about, Waya. He was my rival. We hated each other."
Waya laughed. "Shindou, you and Touya have always had very strong feelings for each other, but I don't think it was ever hatred."
"I'm glad you find this situation so amusing."
Waya's face grew serious. "I'm sorry, Shindou, I know you don't find it very funny at the moment, but you and Touya…" Hikaru could tell Waya was once again fighting back laughter, but he managed to quell it. "Seriously, you don't have anything to be ashamed of, Shindou. Just apologize for whatever you did and I'm sure Touya will take you back. It's not like he has any other friends."
Hikaru groaned. "It's not that easy." His voice fell to barely above a whisper. "I haven't told him how I feel. And I don't know how he feels about me."
Waya smiled at him. "I don't think you have anything to worry about ."
Hikaru looked at him suspiciously. "How can you be so sure? You barely even know Touya. You don't even like him."
Waya met his eyes. "Because I've seen the way he looks at you."
"Oh." Hikaru's heart began to beat faster.
"And even though I can't stand Touya, you're my friend and I want you to be happy. Although I'm not excited about the idea of dealing with Touya on a more frequent basis."
Hikaru just nodded.
"So what are you waiting for? Go find him and apologize. Or do you want to give him even more time to be mad for whatever it is you think you did?"
Hikaru's face brightened. "You're right. I need to resolve this now. I can't put it off any longer. I'm going to tell him the truth." He just hoped too much damage hadn't already been done.
"I'm sure you guys will work it out and be nauseatingly happy in no time."
"I hope so. At least an end to the uncertainty would be good. Sorry to end our visit so soon. And thanks, Waya."
Waya smiled at him. "No problem."
Hikaru raced out of his room and down the stairs, yelling to his mom that he was going out and ignoring whatever reply she gave. In a blink he threw on his shoes and was out the door and down the street. Suddenly, he came to a complete standstill as he realized he had no idea where to go. He tried to think about it logically. It was probably too late on a weekend for Touya to be at his father's go salon. That left only Touya's house which Hikaru had been to only once, for a pro question and answer session with Touya Meijin. And he hadn't exactly been paying close attention to directions at the time. Taking a deep breath he headed in the direction that seemed to be the most vaguely familiar.
An hour later Hikaru was still wandering around Tokyo and it was beginning to get dark. He was pretty sure he was now in the correct neighborhood, but he still hadn't determined the location of the house itself. It was at times like this when he found himself missing Sai. No matter how lost you were, things never seemed as bad if someone was with you, and Sai had been constantly by his side for a very long time. He could use some friendly encouragement now, even though he wasn't sure what Sai would make of the situation with Touya. Just as he was about to give up temporarily and postpone his apology to Touya until tomorrow, Hikaru spotted the familiar house. He gathered his courage and walked up to the imposing looking gate, ringing the bell determinedly.
"Yes?"
He recognized the voice as Touya's mother. "It's Shindou Hikaru. I'm here see Akira."
"Oh, Shindou-kun? Please come in and I'll get him for you."
Hikaru opened the gate and walked up to the front of the house. It was now almost completely dark and the shadows that lurked around the big house seemed ominous. He gulped in surprise as the door opened and Touya Akira stepped outside. He hadn't exactly been given any time to gather his thoughts. Summoning all available courage he took a deep breath and his words came out in a rush. "I just came to say that I'm sorry about earlier, Touya. It was my fault and I shouldn't have…" His words trailed off and his throat became dry as he saw the look on Touya's face. There was none of the warmth from earlier in the day. Touya's face was now cold and indifferent, like he was nothing more than a difficult opponent. He wasn't even looking at Hikaru the way he used to, when they had been rivals. He could have handled that. But seeing that expression now was like a slap in the face.
"I'm not interested, Shindou. I don't want to see you anymore outside of our professional responsibilities."
"Touya! I said I was sorry about running away! What more do you want?"
"I want you to get off my family's property." Touya's sounded cool and collected, only his eyes glittering darkly in the moonlight betrayed any emotion.
"Come on, Touya! You can't be serious!" Hikaru realized he was shouting now, trying in vain to get past the cold façade. Touya responded by stepping into the house and closing the door in his face. Hikaru stood in front of the doorway stunned. He was still close enough to the door to hear Touya's mother ask him about what had happened.
"What did your friend want, Akira?"
"He's not my friend! And he never will be!"
~tbc
Chapter 5 - Consequences
Author's Notes: Thanks once again to everyone who has reviewed so far! I will try to update again soon. Silly real life responsibilities keep getting in the way.
Hikaru sighed as he let himself into the house and immediately ran up the stairs to his room, slamming the door. That couldn't possibly have gone anymore badly. No doubt Touya now thought he was a complete idiot and would never speak to him again. Why did things with him and Touya have to be so complicated anyway? It had been so much easier when they were rivals. He had spent all his time chasing Touya and trying to catch up to him in the Go world without ever even thinking that they could become friends. And now Touya was all he could think about. Or, more specifically, the look on Touya's face as he had left him standing alone with their uneaten picnic lunch.
Hikaru spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between moping and half-heartedly placing stones on the goban, attempting to recreate a game. After a few hours of this, he was beginning to think that facing Touya was a more attractive option. He was almost happy when he was interrupted by his mother's voice from downstairs.
"Hikaru, you have a visitor. I'm sending him up. You've done enough moping for one afternoon."
Hikaru trembled slightly. Could it be Touya? And what would he do if it was? He waited with a mixture of anticipation and dread as footsteps made their way up the stairs and the door to his room slowly opened.
"Hi, Shindou."
It was Waya, looking relaxed and wearing his trademark fatigues. Hikaru felt his heartbeat slow and sank back down on the bed feeling inexplicably disappointed. "Hey. What's going on? I thought you weren't speaking to me anymore or something." Waya looked uncomfortable.
"I came to apologize. I might not like Touya, but you have the right to be friends with whoever you want."
Hikaru just stared at him for a moment. "Oh, thanks so much for giving me your permission. I never would have realized that if you hadn't let me in on it." He paused, disgusted. "Is that all you came here to say?" Hikaru was not in a good mood.
Waya stared down at the floor, and Hikaru fought back the sudden wave of guilt that washed over him. At least Waya was trying. "Sorry. Today hasn't been the best of days. It's not you. Well, not just you."
Waya looked up at him and gave a slight smile. "So what's the problem? I mean besides me interrupting your moping?"
Hikaru took a deep breath. "You definitely wouldn't be interested."
Waya looked at him strangely. "Why?" There was a short pause. Oh." Hikaru watched as a look of understanding came over Waya's face. "It's about Touya." Hikaru nodded.
"What did he do?"
"How do you know it isn't something I did?"
"Because I know him. I've seen how he is during matches. He's arrogant, cold, and has no feelings."
Hikaru snorted. "Not this again. Of course he has feelings, Waya. He is human. Maybe if you actually spent some time with him instead of passing judgment on him from a distance you'd realize that. And you're wrong. It was something I did."
"And he overreacted, right? He probably doesn't know how to respond to people his own age."
"I didn't really give him a chance to overreact."
Waya looked at him menacingly. "Shindou, why don't you just tell me what happened."
Hikaru laughed. "I really don't think you'd understand."
There was a short pause. "You have a thing for him don't you?"
Hikaru could only stare at him in shock. "What?"
"Shindou, you and Touya have been obsessed with each other for years. Well, he more so than you, but I can tell it's a mutual thing."
Hikaru felt himself grow defensive. How many other people knew about his feelings for Touya? "I don't know what you're talking about, Waya. He was my rival. We hated each other."
Waya laughed. "Shindou, you and Touya have always had very strong feelings for each other, but I don't think it was ever hatred."
"I'm glad you find this situation so amusing."
Waya's face grew serious. "I'm sorry, Shindou, I know you don't find it very funny at the moment, but you and Touya…" Hikaru could tell Waya was once again fighting back laughter, but he managed to quell it. "Seriously, you don't have anything to be ashamed of, Shindou. Just apologize for whatever you did and I'm sure Touya will take you back. It's not like he has any other friends."
Hikaru groaned. "It's not that easy." His voice fell to barely above a whisper. "I haven't told him how I feel. And I don't know how he feels about me."
Waya smiled at him. "I don't think you have anything to worry about ."
Hikaru looked at him suspiciously. "How can you be so sure? You barely even know Touya. You don't even like him."
Waya met his eyes. "Because I've seen the way he looks at you."
"Oh." Hikaru's heart began to beat faster.
"And even though I can't stand Touya, you're my friend and I want you to be happy. Although I'm not excited about the idea of dealing with Touya on a more frequent basis."
Hikaru just nodded.
"So what are you waiting for? Go find him and apologize. Or do you want to give him even more time to be mad for whatever it is you think you did?"
Hikaru's face brightened. "You're right. I need to resolve this now. I can't put it off any longer. I'm going to tell him the truth." He just hoped too much damage hadn't already been done.
"I'm sure you guys will work it out and be nauseatingly happy in no time."
"I hope so. At least an end to the uncertainty would be good. Sorry to end our visit so soon. And thanks, Waya."
Waya smiled at him. "No problem."
Hikaru raced out of his room and down the stairs, yelling to his mom that he was going out and ignoring whatever reply she gave. In a blink he threw on his shoes and was out the door and down the street. Suddenly, he came to a complete standstill as he realized he had no idea where to go. He tried to think about it logically. It was probably too late on a weekend for Touya to be at his father's go salon. That left only Touya's house which Hikaru had been to only once, for a pro question and answer session with Touya Meijin. And he hadn't exactly been paying close attention to directions at the time. Taking a deep breath he headed in the direction that seemed to be the most vaguely familiar.
An hour later Hikaru was still wandering around Tokyo and it was beginning to get dark. He was pretty sure he was now in the correct neighborhood, but he still hadn't determined the location of the house itself. It was at times like this when he found himself missing Sai. No matter how lost you were, things never seemed as bad if someone was with you, and Sai had been constantly by his side for a very long time. He could use some friendly encouragement now, even though he wasn't sure what Sai would make of the situation with Touya. Just as he was about to give up temporarily and postpone his apology to Touya until tomorrow, Hikaru spotted the familiar house. He gathered his courage and walked up to the imposing looking gate, ringing the bell determinedly.
"Yes?"
He recognized the voice as Touya's mother. "It's Shindou Hikaru. I'm here see Akira."
"Oh, Shindou-kun? Please come in and I'll get him for you."
Hikaru opened the gate and walked up to the front of the house. It was now almost completely dark and the shadows that lurked around the big house seemed ominous. He gulped in surprise as the door opened and Touya Akira stepped outside. He hadn't exactly been given any time to gather his thoughts. Summoning all available courage he took a deep breath and his words came out in a rush. "I just came to say that I'm sorry about earlier, Touya. It was my fault and I shouldn't have…" His words trailed off and his throat became dry as he saw the look on Touya's face. There was none of the warmth from earlier in the day. Touya's face was now cold and indifferent, like he was nothing more than a difficult opponent. He wasn't even looking at Hikaru the way he used to, when they had been rivals. He could have handled that. But seeing that expression now was like a slap in the face.
"I'm not interested, Shindou. I don't want to see you anymore outside of our professional responsibilities."
"Touya! I said I was sorry about running away! What more do you want?"
"I want you to get off my family's property." Touya's sounded cool and collected, only his eyes glittering darkly in the moonlight betrayed any emotion.
"Come on, Touya! You can't be serious!" Hikaru realized he was shouting now, trying in vain to get past the cold façade. Touya responded by stepping into the house and closing the door in his face. Hikaru stood in front of the doorway stunned. He was still close enough to the door to hear Touya's mother ask him about what had happened.
"What did your friend want, Akira?"
"He's not my friend! And he never will be!"
~tbc