Chasing a Shadow by Cienna
Chapter 7 - Obsession
Author's Note - Thanks to the patient people who put up with my long gaps between chapters. Hopefully the next gap won't be quite so long.
Hikaru won his next three games by a landslide, crushing his opponents. For some reason his thoughts were no longer muddled by the huge mess of things he had made with Touya. It was like he could see things more clearly now. It was also getting close to May, the anniversary of Sai's disappearance and his trip to Hiroshima. It was a painful reminder of how much he missed his friend. Although lately, he seemed to be able to sense Sai's presence even more strongly when he played. He knew Sai would always be with him, but it didn't change the fact that he could no longer see him, talk to him. Just his presence had always made Hikaru feel better about things. For two years he had never been alone, not really. Since he had been spending time with Touya the loneliness had begun to melt away. And now he understood things, like how stupid he had been. By not telling Touya the truth about his feelings, or about Sai, he had actually hurt the one person he cared about the most.
After his last opponent of the day resigned Hikaru walked out of the room and over to the vending machine to get a drink. He bought a soda and drank it slowly, thinking about Touya. He hadn't seen the other boy since their confrontation in the alleyway. He knew Touya was avoiding him, and he knew why. Now he just had to find the right situation to convince Touya of his feelings. It was hard when the person you wanted to convince wasn't speaking to you. Nothing with Touya was ever easy. He had an intensity about him that was part of what made him such a great Go player. Thinking about that intensity directed at him, like it had been in the alleyway, made his stomach feel fluttery. He could no longer deny how Touya made him feel.
"How'd your game go, Shindou?"
Hikaru was startled out of his thoughts by Isumi. He looked up at the other pro and smiled. "It was all right. He resigned before we got to play very long." It was irritating when the people he played gave up so quickly. It was never like when he played Touya.
"You've been on a real winning streak lately. The way you attack without holding anything back," he paused, "it kind of reminds me of Touya Akira's style."
Uncomfortable with being compared to the boy who was occupying his thoughts, Hikaru stared at the ground. "I don't know why you would think that. I'm playing the same as always."
Isumi looked at him thoughtfully. "I'm meeting Waya at McDonald's for lunch if you want to come."
Hikaru was tired of obsessing by himself. It would probably be good for him to spend some time with Waya and Isumi. "Sure, I guess." He followed Isumi out of the Go Institute grabbing his coat and umbrella on the way out. The weather had turned cold and rainy recently and the chill in the air made him shiver.
"So what's going on with you and Touya anyway? I thought you were friends, but I haven't seen him with you very much lately."
Hikaru sighed. "We are friends. We just kind of had a fight. You know how stubborn he can be."
Isumi glanced at him with a serious expression on his face. "I know you both can be stubborn. That's part of what makes you good rivals."
Hikaru found himself thinking about how he was tired of being just Touya's rival and decided they should end this discussion before it got out of hand. "I don't really want to talk about this, Isumi. Sorry."
Isumi was now looking at him worriedly. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I'm fine!" Hikaru answered more sharply than he had intended.
Isumi nodded and they walked the rest of the way to McDonald's in silence.
Waya also tried to ask him about Touya at lunch and Hikaru told him in no uncertain terms that he didn't want to talk about it. After a few pointed glances from Isumi Waya seemed to get the message and the conversation turned to Hikaru's recent winning streak. Hikaru tuned out of the conversation while pretending to listen and murmuring short, one word, answers. He was much more interested in finding a way to get Touya alone so that he could talk to him.
He vaguely heard Waya telling Isumi about some upcoming tutoring sessions. "That's right all of the newer pros have to sign up for a certain number of sessions. There's one this Sunday, but I can't go because I promised my mother I'd help her clean out the garage. I've been getting out of it for months now, but she finally started threatening me."
"Oh, do you want me to come over and help?"
"Really, Isumi?" Waya looked shocked and Hikaru couldn't blame him. Why anyone would want to spend a Sunday helping someone clean out a garage was beyond him.
"Yeah, I'd rather not have to face a tutoring session without support from you, anyway."
Something seemed to register in Hikaru's mind. Tutoring sessions…tutoring sessions… "Did you say that all the pros have to sign up for these sessions?"
Waya looked away from Isumi, apparently surprised that Hikaru now had some input into the conversation. "Not all pros. Just people who became pros in the last two years. And you can choose what days you want to sign up for. I think we have to sign up for two days a month or something."
"All the new pros?"
"That's what I just said, Shindou. You're acting really weird today."
Waya was looking at him suspiciously, but Hikaru ignored him. "I have to go."
"Wait, you didn't even finish your lunch," Waya yelled after him.
Hikaru didn't even hear him. Behind him, Waya and Isumi looked at each other knowingly.
He ran all the way to the Go Institute and didn't stop until he got to the room where they usually had sign-ups for various events posted. He knew Touya was always tutoring people anyway and probably would have done the responsible thing and signed up for a time slot right away. He felt a surge of joy when he saw that Touya was already signed up for the upcoming Sunday. He didn't put his own name down yet, though. He had decided to wait until the last possible minute so that Touya wouldn't see he was signed up and then back out.
For the rest of the week Hikaru checked the list obsessively, and on Friday he finally put his name down. He hadn't yet figured out how exactly he was going to confront Touya at a tutoring session, but he would work something out. And even if Touya was mad at him, just seeing him would be something. It had been entirely too long. Hikaru imagined running his fingers through Touya's dark hair and felt his heart begin to beat faster. He wanted Touya now, but he knew he had to be patient. He couldn't risk pushing him away again.
Finally, it was Sunday. Hikaru forced himself to dress nicely because he knew he was supposed to look professional for events like this even though wearing stuffy clothes wasn't really him. He also managed to arrive fifteen minutes early and was surprised to see that Touya wasn't there yet. The room was filled with important looking people in business suits, all waiting to play Go with a professional. Hikaru wondered how many of them were even interested in the game, much less good at it.
He sat down at his assigned table, keeping a close eye on the door so that he could see when Touya came in. After ten minutes had passed Hikaru was beginning to panic. Maybe Touya had seen that he had signed up and backed out. But five minutes before the event Touya strolled in, looking like his normal unflustered self. It was obvious that Touya didn't see him because he walked straight to his assigned table without a glance in Hikaru's direction. Hikaru gathered up his courage to at least say hello to Touya, but was thwarted when a delicate looking woman in a suit walked over to him. She introduced herself as the wife of a local high school principal. While Hikaru was talking to her two other men in business suits walked over to his table and started asking him questions about what it was like to be a pro. Suddenly, he felt eyes on him from across the room. Touya was gazing at him with a look of utter shock on his face. As he looked back the shock seemed to fade into anger and Touya sent him an icy glare. Hikaru was forced to look away, his cheeks burning. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea.
A bell sounded signaling that it was time to begin the session. Hikaru sat down and asked all of his students to place stones. One man wanted to only place three stones, but thankfully Hikaru was able to talk him out of it. These games were going to be easy enough for him without the people he was trying to tutor making it even easier.
Hikaru tried to concentrate on the games, but since they required almost no effort he found himself continually glancing up to see what Touya was doing. Touya looked calm and collected, explaining various moves to hi students and generally looking like a professional. After numerous glances Touya caught him staring and held his gaze for a long time. Hikaru couldn't look away. This time there was a challenge in Touya's eyes that hadn't been there earlier. It made Hikaru's insides melt and a blush spread across his cheeks. Abruptly, he dropped the stone he was holding and all three of his students looked up from their gobans to stare at him.
"Are you all right?" The woman asked, looking at him worriedly.
Hikaru took a deep breath. "I'm fine. I just need a short break. Let's meet again in fifteen minutes."
The people nodded agreeably and Hikaru stood up, rushing out of the room without looking at Touya. He found a nearby bathroom and walked up to the sink, burning on the water and splashing some on his face. He had to force himself to breathe. The heat on his cheeks gradually began to melt away and his heartbeat slowed. How could one look from Touya have caused him to have a complete breakdown? This day was rapidly becoming a disaster. He would have been better off helping Waya clean out his garage. He looked up to check his appearance in the mirror and froze. Touya was standing directly behind him.
tbc