Chasing a Shadow by Cienna

Chapter 9 - Barriers

Author's Note - Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! The next chapter is coming soon.

Hikaru slammed the door as he left the house, impatient to get to the Go salon and meet Touya. He hadn't seen the other boy in almost a week, because they had both been so busy. It was especially frustrating because they had tried to work things out for so long, and now that they had, they couldn't even see each other. Still, he couldn't hide the fact that he was extremely happy.

Even Ishikawa-san noticed when he bounded in the door of Touya's father's Go salon.

"Shindou-kun! It's been a long time. You certainly look cheerful today."

"I guess I've been in a good mood lately," he replied. That was certainly understating things.

"Well, maybe you can cheer up Akira-kun. He looked a little down when he came in."

Hikaru frowned. Why wouldn't Touya be as happy as he was? Could something be wrong? "Where is he?"

"In your usual place. And don't look so worried, Shindou-kun. I'm sure it's nothing serious."

Hikaru smiled in an half-hearted attempt to reassure her. "I hope so," he answered.

Touya was in their usual corner, away from the staring eyes and cigarette smoke of the many old men who came there to socialize and play Go. Just seeing him made Hikaru feel better. "Touya!" he called.

The other pro had been absently placing stones on the goban, and when he looked up Hikaru saw that he was paler than usual. Still, his face brightened into a smile when he saw Hikaru.

"Shindou. I wasn't sure if you were coming."

"Not coming? Why wouldn't I have been coming?"

Touya looked at his watch. "Well, you are a half an hour late."

"What? I am not! We were supposed to meet at 6:30. I even have it written down. Look!" He showed Touya his hand where he had written, 6:30 – Touya, after they had talked on the phone the night before.

Touya glanced at Hikaru's hand and then back at the goban. "You're right." He paused, "I must have gotten the time wrong."

Hikaru frowned. This wasn't like Touya at all. "Are you all right? You look pale."

"I'm fine." Touya wouldn't meet his eyes. "Let's just play."

Hikaru wasn't letting it go that easily. When Touya acted strange like this it meant something was bothering him. Something he obviously didn't want to talk to Hikaru about. "Why weren't you mad if you thought I was late?" he asked.

"I just assumed something had come up. Do you want me to be mad?"

"Yes." Then at least Touya would be acting like himself.

"Well, I'm not." This time Touya stood up from his chair and pulled Hikaru against him, kissing him hard enough that all thoughts of his strange behavior disappeared in a haze. Just as abruptly, he released him. "Now, let's play."

Hikaru was feeling slightly dazed. "You expect me to play now?"

"If I didn't distract you too much."

"I can't believe you did that. What if someone had seen us?" he asked.

Touya now looked smug. "You weren't complaining at the time."

Hikaru stared at him. That's because your tongue was in my… He quickly pushed that thought away. "I'm not complaining now. I'm just surprised."

Touya sighed, sitting back down. "It's been a long week." He paused and they did the nigiri. "You're black."

Hikaru took the black stones wordlessly, hoping Touya would say more. Instead there was an awkward silence and they began to play.

It was strange to play Touya when a few moments before he had been kissing him. Even when they weren't touching, he could feel the intensity of the attraction between them. It was as if he couldn't stop noticing every small movement Touya made. He didn't let it distract him from the game, but he wondered if Touya could feel it too. As the game went on, however, the other boy didn't look like he could feel anything other than the stones beneath his hands. His play was flawless, but unpredictable, and Hikaru didn't know if his ability to read ahead was going to give him the edge he needed to win this time.

Their game continued in silence. The only noise was the soft clink of the stones. Hikaru imagined that he could hear Touya's breathing, soft and steady. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"You seem determined today," he commented.

Touya looked up with a start from his intent study of the goban. "I guess you could say that. Although I'm not really any more determined than I am any other day. Looking for excuses because you're losing?"

Hikaru let the question slide in the interest of not fighting and instead changed the subject. "What are you doing after this? I thought maybe you could come over to my house." That was where he had wanted to meet from the beginning, but Touya had insisted for some reason that they meet at the Go salon.

"I don't think so," Touya replied evenly. I have to tutor someone tonight."

Hikaru fought back his disappointment. "Who are you tutoring?"

Touya brushed a strand of dark hair from his face as he placed a stone. "The son of that man we met at the tutoring session last week."

"The one who's dying?" And from what he could tell, also had an extremely melodramatic and irritating father.

"That's right." Touya didn't volunteer any other information.

"Well, maybe you should cancel tonight. You look tired."

"I'm fine."

"Well, you don't look fine."

"I said I'm fine, Shindou!" Touya had raised his voice, and then dropped the stone he had been holding with a clatter. He looked surprised at the sudden noise and stared at his hand as if he couldn't believe it had betrayed him that way. His vulnerability was endearing and made Hikaru suddenly want to touch him.

"Touya…" his voice trailed off.

Touya looked up at him, but Hikaru didn't know what to say. Not when Touya was so adamant about being fine when he obviously wasn't.

"I guess I am a little tired." Touya sounded like he couldn't believe those words were coming out of his mouth.

Abruptly, Hikaru stood up. "Let's get out of here."

"But the game," Touya objected weakly.

"The game doesn't matter. I want some time alone with you."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Touya's voice trailed off and Hikaru walked over to him and bent over his chair. Leaning down, he kissed Touya gently, trembling at the sensation. Touya's lips were soft and firm against his, andtasted sweet, like melted caramel.Touya made a noise halfway between a whimper and a moan, and Hikaru felt his legs become weak. He pulled away, causing Touya to sigh softly in protest.

"We can't do this here. Please come with me."

Touya shook himself as if coming out of a trance. "I can't, Shindou. I really do have a tutoring session right after this."

"So skip it. You've obviously been doing too much lately," he pointed out.

"I know you don't understand the meaning of the word responsibility, Shindou. But I do."

Now Hikaru was getting irritated. "Touya, come on! You need to take some time off. Or you're not going to be able to fulfill your so-called responsibilities. Even I understand that much."

"You don't know anything about it, Shindou!" His voice softened. "Look, I have to go."

"What? A second ago you said you had to go after this. We haven't even finished the game!" Hikaru could hear himself whining, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I didn't realize the time." Touya glanced at his watch. "Look, I'm sorry. We'll do something soon. This just isn't a good week for me." He stood up and turned to walk out.

"Wait." Hikaru caught his hand. "I need you this weekend." It was the anniversary of Sai's disappearance and he didn't want to spend it alone.

"I don't know, Shindou. I have some things…"

"Please." He fought to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Touya smiled gently. "I'll do my best, okay?"

"It's really important, Touya."

"I said I'd do my best, Shindou. What more do you want?" Touya's eyes suddenly seemed far away.

I want you to care, Hikaru thought. But he knew that was unfair when Touya was obviously having problems of his own. "I want you to tell me what's wrong. I'm not just any person to you, you know." He reached out to touch Touya, but the other boy jerked away.

"I have to go, Shindou."

"You can call me Hikaru, if you want."

"That might not be such a good idea in public."

"Well, in private then."

Touya's face softened. "Okay…Hikaru. I'll call you tonight. I promise"

Hikaru felt a thrill go through him when Touya said his name. Now if he could only work up to calling the other boy Akira. But he watched Touya leave with a vague feeling of unease. Frustrated, he thought about how much simpler things had been when Sai was with him. Then he had only seen Touya as his rival. All he had thought about was being as good as him. Catching up to him, so that he could play him again, and have a chance. He had been so focused on his goal that Sai had slipped away. He knew now that it hadn't been his fault, that Sai would always be with him when he played Go. But Sai being in his moves was a lot different than having the ghost around all the time. He missed his friend.

Absently, he wondered what Sai would have thought about his current relationship with Touya. Sai had respected Touya Akira as a worthy opponent, but had been much more interested in Touya's father, the Meijin. One thing he was sure of, it definitely would have been more awkward for him to have a physical relationship with Touya when Sai was around.

Slowly, he cleaned up the goban and gathered his things. The day definitely hadn't gone the way he had wanted it to. Thinking about the feel of Touya's lips against his he realized he still hadn't talked to the other boy about their first kiss, when Touya had been sick. He wondered absently if Touya really didn't remember what had happened that day or if it was all a front to keep his dignity intact. Then he wondered why he hadn't thought of that earlier.

Ishikawa-san smiled at him on the way out. "Things didn't go so well, huh? Did you get into another fight?"

"Not really," he replied. "I just think he's doing too much lately and needs to slow down. He doesn't seem to want to hear it."

"Touya has always been stubborn. But I think he'll listen to you eventually. Just don't give up. He needs someone like you in his life."

Privately Hikaru wondered if he wasn't just giving Touya more things to worry about.

"Thanks, Ishikawa-san. I'll see you later."

That night Hikaru tried not to think about Touya. He understood that Touya had a lot of responsibilities and was very busy, but he couldn't help wanting to spend more time with him. He was a pro too, but he wasn't so busy that he couldn't make time for the people he cared about.

He jumped when the phone rang and his heart skipped a beat. So much for not thinking about Touya and his promise to call that night.

"It's for you, Hikaru!" His mother called for him from the bottom of the stairs and he almost tripped in his determination to get to the phone. Finally he made it to the bottom of the stairs and grabbed the phone, leaving her shaking her head at him.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Shindou. It's Waya."

Hikaru's heart fell. "Oh."

"Oh? You don't sound very happy to talk to me. You were hoping it was someone else, weren't you? Maybe Touya Akira?"

Hikaru glared ineffectively at the phone. "Is there something you want, Waya?"

"Actually, yes. Isumi and I wanted to see if you want to do something this weekend. He said something about this time of year being hard for you."

Of course Isumi would remember the forfeited matches since he was the one who had ended up confronting Hikaru about them. And both of them had witnessed his bad mood last year at this time. "I don't know, I might be busy."

"Doing something with Touya?"

"Maybe."

"Well, if you guys get into another fight feel free to call us. We won't back out on you."

Hikaru knew Waya just wanted to help, but his distrust of Touya continued to grate on his nerves. "Thanks, but he won't back out." He hoped anyway.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

For the rest of the evening Hikaru forced himself not to think about Touya. He recreated some games on his goban and even cleaned his room, something his mother had been nagging him about for a few weeks. But nothing was enough to distract him from the fact that when it was time for bed, Touya still hadn't called.

tbc