Disclaimer: see Chapter One
Secrets and Lies
Chapter 21: To teach again
Severus sat, perched on the edge of the high-backed wooden chair in Dumbledore's office, a frown creasing his face. As he checked the time again, his frown deepened. Where is he? I could be doing any number of things and here I sit, waiting. Severus ignored the portraits as they peered at him intently, presumably waiting for him to lose his patience. They can all go to blazes! he thought, before quickly tamping down his rising irritation. Instead, he practiced the deep breathing exercises that the Mind Healer had taught him.
Severus smirked. The Mind Healer had given him a clean bill of mental health after five weeks of almost daily meetings. Silly sod, what does he know? Shaking his head Severus heard a soft pop behind him. Dobby stood there wringing his hands nervously.
"Professor Snape, sir? Headmaster Dumbledore has asked Dobby to tell Professor Snape that Headmaster Dumbledore's meeting has run over…" Dobby jumped at Severus' snort. "…And that Headmaster Dumbledore will be here as soon as Headmaster Dumbledore is able," he finished in a rush.
Rolling his eyes, Severus nodded, remembering that Dumbledore was to meet with the free elves today. The headmaster had been in talks with the elves for some time. They no longer lived in the walls but resided in several heretofore unused rooms in the dungeons. Albus was very excited at the prospect of working with the magical creatures that had gained their independence. Elves had a different type of magic than witches and wizards and Albus had even hinted that he might ask them to work for the Order.
Severus waved Dobby away with a nod and the elf popped out.
Severus was saddened at the thought that he was no longer of use to the Order. He absentmindedly ran his hand over his deaf ear. It had been almost six weeks since Severus had been given the Magical Ear implant. The drop attacks had dramatically decreased and in the past two weeks he had had none. The Potions Master had learned to avoid suddenly jerking his head and was almost able to move as he once did.
Severus wondered what he would do now. He was of no use to the Order since he could no longer leave the safety of Hogwarts; he was of no use to anyone.
Severus brushed a fleck of Floo powder from the sleeve of his immaculate black robes, sighing. Don't start thinking those negative thoughts or Albus will sic the Mind Healer on you again. You can always brew potions, maybe even begin the research that you've always wanted to do. Severus stared at the intricate patterns in the rug beneath his feet without really seeing them. I don't want to be useless to the cause. How can I sit on the sidelines while everything is going on around me?
The bookcase along one wall creaked open and Dumbledore stepped out, brushing cobwebs from his purple robes. Seeing Severus he smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "Sorry I'm late, Severus."
The Potions Master did not reply, his lips set in a thin line.
"Right, let's get to business then, shall we?" Albus deposited himself at the chair behind his desk. He drew his wand and waved it. A house-elf appeared. "Tea and biscuits, please, for two." When the elf popped out Albus leaned forward against his desk and peered at the Potions Master over his half-moon spectacles.
"How are you getting along, Severus?" Albus asked affably.
Severus' black eyes flashed. "How am I getting along? This is what you brought me here for? How am I getting along?" he sneered.
"Severus," replied the headmaster calmly. "It's just a little polite small talk. It's not why I asked you here, of course."
"Then why, pray tell me, did you ask me here?" Severus ground out through gritted teeth.
"I would like you to begin teaching again."
Silence overtook the room, as the two old friends stared at each other, Albus smiling and Severus gobsmacked.
"What did you say?" Severus ran his hand over his implant as if it had given him the wrong information.
"I want you to teach again." Without waiting for a response Albus continued, "I think we should have a welcoming feast to welcome you back, of course." The headmaster leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. "We should acknowledge Mr. Weasley as well, don't you think? Maybe we could give him some sort of commendation at the feast?" He glanced at Severus and at his blank look he continued, "We could maybe commend him for bravery and give his house some points? Severus?"
Severus could feel his heart beating in his ear, a great whooshing sound that made him a bit dizzy. Teaching, again? How? The students will take me apart when they hear that I cannot hear in one ear. How can I possibly keep discipline? He blinked several times to clear his head. Hearing the headmaster call his name he looked up. "Yes?"
"Are you well, Severus? Should I call for Poppy?" Albus sat forward again, his blue eyes scanning the Potion Master's face.
"It's not necessary sir."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes." Severus smirked.
Albus smiled again. "You agree to teach again, then?"
"I don't see how I can, sir. I'm still deaf in one ear."
Albus chuckled. "That's hardly an issue, my boy. If you hadn't noticed Professor Binns is actually dead. Being deaf in one ear can hardly compare to being a ghost. Your hearing is even better than average in your other ear, isn't it?"
"Yes, but I'm still not certain that this—"
"—Severus, my boy." Albus put up his hand. "You are more than capable of teaching and I need you to do it. You have a rapport with the Slytherin students that is invaluable to the Order."
Disbelief spread over Severus' features. "Invaluable?"
Albus nodded. "We need someone who has the Slytherins' trust and can be there if they feel the need to confess, as it were. We need to keep good relations with the Slytherins and our substitute has not had the greatest successes." Albus straightened the mail on his desk before continuing. "Professor Grubbly-Plank is doing her best but Potions does not suit everyone, as you well know."
Severus nodded. "I understand that, sir, but teaching again? I'm not sure I… I…"
"Of course you can do it, son. The only student who knows of your hearing loss is Mr. Weasley. He has assured me that he has told no one, not even his two best friends. You needn't fret over losing control because they think you're weak."
"I'm not weak!" Severus sat up straighter and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly."Then we're agreed. The feast should take place Saturday night, I think. Today is Thursday. So we'll have the feast Saturday and then you can start teaching again on Monday. Wonderful! I'm glad we're all agreed." Albus smiled, patently ignoring the stunned look on his friend's face.
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Severus paced back and forth in his potions lab. How can I teach again? Why would the Slytherins trust me anymore? Won't their parents have told them that I am a marked wizard, a traitor? Will they try to kill me? He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear Draco enter the room until he had almost run into him. Stopping short, he glared at the teen.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to talk to you." Draco kept his eyes averted, licking his lips nervously.
Severus' anger faded when he saw how contrite the teen looked. "What is it Draco?"
Peering up hopefully into his teacher's face Draco asked, "Sir, I want to go to the welcoming feast. Please?" Draco's gray eyes were shining hopefully as they stared into black ones.
Severus sighed deeply. "Draco, I know this is hard for you, believe me I know, but I cannot risk you being seen."
"I can take another form. No one will know it's me." Draco's wheedling voice began to grate on the Potion Master's nerves.
"I'm sorry, it's too risky. I can set something up for you here so you can watch things as they happen, if you'd like." Severus turned his back on Draco and crossed to the door to open it for him, effectively ending the conversation.
Draco's shoulders sagged. Sighing deeply he said, "Okay, sir. Thank you."
As Draco neared the cutting board he saw a sharp knife. He knew it was razor sharp because Severus was very meticulous about his tools. Unsure of why he felt compelled to do so the teen nimbly pocketed it as he passed then exited the room.
As Severus watched Draco leave the room he felt a rush of sympathy for the lad. For a child who was brought up to always be the center of attention this seclusion must be doubly hard.
The Potions Master had some worries about Draco. The child seemed more sullen and withdrawn in the last few weeks. Draco would often go off by himself and simply stare into space with a most strange expression. Could he be mentally ill? Severus had a distant relative who had heard voices in his head and when he did he would stare off in that same vacant kind of way. Perhaps I should have him examined by the Mind Healer? Severus stared at the now closed door. Of course he cannot see the Mind Healer. He can see no one but those of us who know of his existence. I shall simply have to try to afford him the opportunity to meet with others who know of him. Perhaps I could ask Lupin to drop in during the feast to keep the boy company. NoddingSeverus crossed to the window and opened it, calling for his owl.
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Draco went to his room and considered slamming the door shut. It was then that he remembered that Snape was no longer deaf and might be even angrier with him for his childish behavior.
Why couldn't you have convinced him! snapped Lucius Malfoy's voice, ringing in Draco's head.
Draco grabbed his head with both hands, whimpering softly. I tried father; he's a very stubborn man, thought Draco back to his father.
You should have just let me take over. Why do you insist on waiting? You know what you must do. If you do not carry out His orders soon I can no longer protect you from the Dark Lord. Lucius' voice dripped with menace.
Protect me? When did you ever protect me...or mother? Tears spilled over Draco's cheeks.
Silence, you impudent brat! My patience is wearing thin, Draco. Do what you must do!
Draco felt his father leave his mind and he collapsed on the bed, shaking with fear.
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"Well, is it done?" Voldemort asked.
"Not yet, my Lord. Draco wants to kill him at the feast to bring more attention to the act and increase your glory."
"Is that wise?"
"My son will kill him as Severus—" Lucius spat out the name "—is preparing for the feast. We have worked out a foolproof plan." Lucius knelt before Voldemort and kissed the hem of his robes. "My son will not fail."
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On the day of the celebratory feast, Severus frowned at himself in the mirror as he finished last minute preparations. He looked much the same as he always did but could he do it once more? Couldhe teach again? He ran a comb through his freshly washed hair then using his wand he dried it. He was ready to head to the Great Hall. Albus had asked him to wait in the room off the Great Hall until he was called. Shrugging off his feelings of impending doom as nervousness, Severus slid his wand into his pocket as he exited his rooms by a side door. He had not wanted any more trouble from Draco so he avoided the sitting room where Draco and Remus were talking, instead taking one of several secret passages from his rooms to the dungeon hallway.
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Ron paced in front of the hearth in the Gryffindor common room. In just a minute he would have to leave to go to the Great Hall for the ceremony. He was to be honored by the headmaster, in front of the whole school! Ron swallowed the lump of fear in his throat. He was not used to being the center of attention.
"Are you about ready, Ron?" asked Ginny, beaming. Harry and Hermione stood beside her.
"Do I have to do this?" Ron looked nauseous. "I'll get up there and throw up on everyone." Ron swallowed again and grimaced, looking a little green.
"Buck up, mate," said Harry, laughing and clapping Ron on the back. "We'll all be there cheering you on. Just focus on us."
Hermione nodded and leaned up on her toes to peck him on the cheek. "I'm proud of you, Ron."
Ron stood stock still, his ears turning red.
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Draco fidgeted nervously, eyeing Lupin out of the corner of his eye. The lycanthrope was sent by Snape to 'keep him company' during the feast. Shite! I need to get out of here!
Draco fingered the tiny vial of Styx in his pocket. He didn't know why he still kept the lethal poison with him at all times. It was almost comforting to know that he always had a way out of whatever difficulty he was in. Only a Slytherin would think of suicide as an alternate solution to a problem.
Draco, stop obsessing about your future and do what needs to be done, came his father's callous voice from inside his head.
For a moment Draco had forgotten that this loathsome blood magic had allowed his father to penetrate his thoughts whenever he chose. If Draco were not careful his father would take his body over as he often threatened to do. The teen tried to placate his father thinking, I am preparing, father. I first need to take care of the werewolf.
That's easy, the Styx is in your pocket. Slip some in his tea, drawled the sinister elder Malfoy.
Draco's eyes slid to the tea service as the house-elf set it up for the two. The house-elf appeared nervous and kept surreptitiously glancing over to Draco, putting the teen even more on edge.
Why does he keep staring at me? Can the elf know something? Draco asked his father.
They can sense that something is amiss, the little devils, but they can't possibly know any more than that. Lucius drawled lazily. Quit worrying about the help and take some care with the wizards, child!
Draco dutifully turned his attention back to Remus. His eyes narrowed as he considered what he might do.
Remus was smiling and chatting with the elf, erroneously thinking the elf was ill at ease because of his lycanthropy. His eyes were then drawn to Draco and concern crossed his lined face. "Is everything alright, Draco? Are you ill?"
Draco crossed to the table and sat opposite Lupin. "I'm fine, sir. I'm just tired of being stuck in here."
Remus smiled and then reached over and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "It'll all work out, son. You'll see." Remus reached for the sugar bowl and knocked over a teaspoon. He bent to retrieve it.
Use the poison, kill him now, Draco, while his back in turned! screamed Lucius from inside the teen's head.
Draco jumped at his father's yell and pulled out the vial. He held it tightly in his clasped fist.
Lupin sat up. "I can be so clumsy at times!"
Draco smiled weakly. "Sir, I'm feeling a bit peaky. Could you get me a cool towel?"
Remus reached over and gently placed his hand on Draco's forehead, "You do feel a bit warm. I'll be right back." Remus crossed to the bathroom and the Slytherin heard water running.
Draco uncorked the vial. He truly felt ill now. He was going to kill the nicest man he had ever met, a man who cared about him and only sought to help him. Draco's hand shook as he moved the vial over Lupin's tea.
Now, you fool, now! spat his father's voice, before the werewolf returns!
Draco felt the bile rising in his throat. I can't! I can't do it! Pulling his hand back he recorked the vial and slid it back into his pocket.
You fool! I'm taking over now! bellowed Lucius.
Remus was returning and Draco could feel his father trying to push him back deeper into his own mind. No! Frantic that he would lose control over his body and that his father would kill Remus, Draco acted swiftly. Drawing his wand he called out, "Stupefy!" Draco watched the werewolf's body slump to the floor. The teen then jumped up and headed for the secret passage that his father had told him about.
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Severus straightened the sleeves of his black robes and meticulously arranged all of the buttons in a straight line. He then ran his hand over the front of his garments, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles. Here I am, waiting again, he thought morosely.
He looked around the sparsely furnished room. There was a table along one wall with two wooden chairs and a wardrobe in one corner. He had been told that a former headmaster liked to dress in here, for whatever odd reason. It seemed as though every headmaster had his or her quirks, to put it mildly.
He heard an odd rustling sound coming from the wardrobe. A boggart? That's all I need right now! Severus drew his wand as the door slowly opened.
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Ron lagged behind Harry and Hermione, a piece of parchment in his hand. Instead of feeling triumphant at receiving recognition for all that he had done, he felt like he was making his last walk toward an appointment with the Dementors to receive 'the kiss'. His stomach flopped and he stopped, swallowing thickly. Something just didn't seem right. "Maybe we shouldn't do this, something feels off."
"You're just nervous," said Hermione as she came back to where he stood. She took his arm in an iron grip and began to forcibly drag him along. "Everyone's waiting!"
Ron crumpled the note as he stuck it back in his pocket. Dumbledore had sent it to him today, telling him to go to the room off the Great Hall and wait to be called in for the feast.
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Dumbledore was stalling. He had asked Minerva to lecture the students on appropriate behavior in the hallways, something she was thrilled to do, but the crowd was growing bored and he couldn't blame them. He wondered where the Weasley boy was. Perhaps he had given Harry and his friends too much freedom and they no longer respected the fine institutions of the school. Come on, child!
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Severus stood at the ready as the door of the wardrobe opened. He saw the form of Draco Malfoy exit. Is he so much of a nuisance to me that the boy is now my boggart? Severus shouted, "Riddikulus!"
Draco's eyes widened. Since he was no boggart the curse had no effect on him. "I'm not a boggart, sir."
Severus' lips were drawn into a thin line. "What are you doing here, boy? I told you to stay put with Lupin. Is he in there too?" Severus pocketed his wand, straining to look behind Draco. He could now see that the wardrobe had a false back and there was a door in the wall behind it, likely a secret passage.
"No sir. My father told me about the passage years ago." Actually it had been days ago but it didn't really matter. Draco deftly dodged the implied question about the werewolf, having more important things on his mind. "Sir, I came to tell you—"
"—Whatever you came here to tell me you can tell me later, now go!" One long bony finger pointed back to the wardrobe.
"I've been sent by…by…" Draco's voice faltered.
"By whom, child, Lupin?" Severus said irritably, as he put his hands on his hips.
"By Voldemort," said Draco as he drew his wand and pointed it at his favorite teacher. Draco's hand shook terribly and he had broken out into a cold sweat.
Severus stared uncomprehendingly at his pupil. "Draco?"
Kill him now, you fool, NOW! screamed his father from inside his head.
Draco moaned softly, his wand still trained on the Potions Master.
"What are you doing, son?" asked Severus in a soft, soothing voice, as he slowly began to approach Draco.
Kill him, you pitiful weakling, kill him now! shrieked the malevolent voice.
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Ron entered the room off the Great Hall, surprised to see that the bane of his existence was trying to ruin yet another one of his days. "Malfoy!"
Jumping, Draco quickly sent a stunner to the Potions Master, then turned his wand towards Ron.
Ron drew his wand just as quickly and they both sent the same spell, "Expelliarmus!" In seconds they were both disarmed.
Ron leapt toward Draco and pulled him to the ground, landing repeated punches to his abdomen.
"You slimy git! I knew they shouldn't have trusted you!" screamed Ron as he rained blows down on the Slytherin.
The knife, son, the knife! Oh Blast, I'm taking over! called out Lucius in Draco's mind.
Draco's body arched, knocking Ron onto the floor beside him. The blond then reached out and grabbed Ron's neck with one hand, squeezing tightly, while his other hand groped in his pocket for the knife.
Lucius, in Draco's body, laughed deeply as he watched Ron's face redden as he tried vainly to take in air. The Gryffindor was uselessly clawing at the hand that was crushing his windpipe. Grinning widely, the Slytherin sunk the knife deep into Ron's abdomen and twisted the handle.
It was at this exact moment that the door burst open and Dumbledore entered, the house-elf from the dungeons clutching at his purple robes.
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Author's notes! Please check out my profile! XiaoGui has generously created a beautiful portrait from earlier in the fic. The link is listed under my homepage, since I don't have one. Please check it out and give her some feedback! She's also created one for the last chapter of the fic, which is fast approaching! Happy days!
I didn't show the sessions with the Mind Healer but I could add them as an adjunct fic if anyone is interested, once this one is finished.