Anyway, I wanted to do somewhat of an extended character study, as I've seen with various other anime fanfiction, in which the entire emotional and psychological make-up of the character in question is shown facet by facet through the events of the fic. (Now that I've been accepted I have to start talking like a college student now!) Interestingly enough, we get no real background information on any of the aliens, and there are a lot of plot holes Mia and Reiko left for us to fall in, and Pie seemingly never says anything casual at all and I can't stomach the dubbed anime long enough to get a grasp on any of those concepts, so without the anime fansubs I found myself up (crap) creek and will thus be abusing my artistic license. Don't worry, I tried my darnedest to stay in-character, and be sensible with the flashback scenes.
This is going to be another one of my 'oh my god she's deliberately making it depressing so we'll cry!' fics, just like Denial, but there will be the 'quasi-humor' element; I stole the title from an 80's movie about a babysitting job gone horrifically wrong, so it can't be too emo, right?
Oh, yes...there are direct one-sided Kish x Ichigo references, Tart X Pudding-ness to a small degree, and more than likely a Ryou x Lettuce plug if I can fit it in somewhere. : )
Disclaimer: Tokyo Mew Mew is the property of Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. (I'm feeling nice today.) There are various references to works credited to Douglas Adams throughout the entire fanfic. That's all I can think of for now.
Misadventures in Babysitting
By: Papi-chan
"First there was the incident at the Tokyo Dome with those unnatural crab-like...creatures you summoned from who could possibly know where..."
"I told you, they were Burumian jeweled scuttling crabs from the Vogon homeworld!"
"It doesn't matter what they were, because they weren't supposed to BE there in the first place...and neither were you, for that matter. Then there was that fiasco a couple of weeks ago with the sparrows in Tayashi Square in which ten cherry trees, two magnolias, and-"
"Does it matter how many trees got uprooted if I still got a hit in on the Tokyo Zoo Crew?"
"No, it doesn't," Pie snapped, finally losing his legendary cool and opening his mouth wide enough to show Tart the gap where his tooth had rested...before Ichigo somehow threw an entire walnut tree at Tart for insinuating that she was overweight to the slightest degree...and missed. Dreadfully. "It doesn't matter whether you got a hit in on anyone, because, once again, you weren't supposed to be there."
Tart smiled, his face the perfect image of innocence. "I can fix that, you know."
"I swallowed it." Pie replied crisply.
"Oh. Well, those humans have all sorts of implants, and I mean everywhere, so-"
"I don't want a false tooth, Tart."
"Hmph." Tart shot him an offended look. "Well don't say I never tried to help you, you ingrate."
Pie took a deep breath, trying to regain control of his nerves.
Those that Tart hadn't already caused to completely implode upon themselves.
It wasn't that the younger alien had...Pie corrected himself. Normally he would have stood up for Tart, dismissing his little mistakes and petty behavior as normal for a kid, which he still was by their standards. Actually, Pie had to admire Tart's mature side, which was way beyond his years; he guessed that they'd all done quite a bit of growing up in the last few years before they left their planet and accepted the responsibility of, basically, terraforming Earth to serve their needs.
But be that as it may, Tart was still a child, not only physically but mentally as well, and it showed quite often. Which was the maddening problem, because Pie was at wits end with dealing with his young comrade.
Tart had been a very, very bad boy.
Not only had he been sneaking out after 'lockdown' time, which Pie set when he didn't deem it necessary to create any consternation or chaos for the Mew Mews, to engage in activities that could possibly alert the majority of humans in the Tokyo area to their presence (Pie didn't think that was very wise, considering there was only three of them), but he'd also been creating Kirema animas on his own. Against Pie's wishes. And orders. He had also become quite unruly; Kish and Pie had been privy to a great deal of insults, some possibly formulated by Tart himself, some human expletives that Tart THOUGHT Pie didn't understand...it was only Pie's long temper that prevented him from simply smacking the young alien in the head, which he rightfully deserved. Pie didn't really believe in resorting to violence.
But Tart was swiftly becoming a little punk, so he didn't count.
The little punk in question was currently making an insulting face at Pie while his thoughts were occupied; Pie shot him a stern glance, causing Tart to straighten up immediately.
Kish lounged on a platform a few feet away, watching them both with interest, as if waiting for the fireworks.
He was aware that it was high time that Tart got a dressing down from somebody; the truth of the matter was, he really didn't realize how dangerous their situation had become. Kish winced as he gingerly repositioned himself; his wounds inflicted by that forsaken Blue Knight were pretty much healed, however, the deep cuts and lacerations still hurt. Kish frowned at the memory of his encounter with the person who seemed to have absorbed his beloved Ichigo's attention. Even though she'd never been REALLY receptive to any of his advances Kish had believed he had a fairly good chance of winning her over.
So maybe he was delusional to a degree. The probability of someone you tried to kill on a daily basis falling madly in love with you for that reason was really low; he was sure that if he'd asked Pie to calculate it he'd probably end up kicking him in frustration after hearing the results.
But he could still dream. It had happened to that lucky son-of-a-gun Tart, who'd basically had himself thrown upon by a human girl who didn't seem to mind the fact that he was homicidal.
...and THEN that accursed blonde idiot had showed up, honing in on his territory. Which just, in Tart's words, really wasn't fair in the least.
Especially since he'd realized who the Blue Knight really was.
Hearts would get broken VERY soon, Kish predicted silently. He hoped it wasn't Ichigo's, or his. Even the Blue Knight's, because even if he was competition it wasn't fair to him, either.
Pie began to address Tart once again after remonstrating him for making a few rude gestures; Kish rocked silently with mirth. Tart reminded him of some of the human children he'd seen; Tart might have killed him for even suggesting it, but he and Pudding were more alike than he could have ever imagined...or admitted.
"Look, Tart," Pie sighed, adopting his most serious expression, "We're not trying to dampen your spirits in any manner, seeing as it is quite inspiring how focused you are on the mission-"
"Leave me out of this!" Kish interrupted. He didn't want to be the object of Tart's wrath.
"BUT," Pie continued, shooting Kish a warning glance, "I've noticed that you're deliberately refusing to follow either Kish's or my orders to not create higher level Kirema animas or to act on your own against the Mew Mews."
"So?" Tart snorted. "It's not like they're a REAL threat to anyone, and you know that I can control Kiremas just as well as you can!"
"Oh?" Pie raised an eyebrow. "Then I suppose they were simply playing when they nearly killed Kish?"
"That was the Blue Knight, not the Mew Mews!"
"And what if you suddenly decided to attack Ichigo by yourself and the Blue Knight appeared to defend her? Then what?" Pie queried.
Tart puffed his tiny chest out in a show of bravado. "Well duh, I'd actually beat him."
Kish made a mental note to strangle Tart with one of his own vines later. "You idiot," he interjected, feeling somewhat irked that Tart was visibly denying what he knew to be true, "If he could put me out of commission with one blow, what do you think he could do to you?"
"You're just pissed because you lost your little girlfriend to him!" Tart shot back, and Pie suddenly found himself restraining Kish, who'd made the decision that now was a pretty good time to choke him, even if he didn't have usage of a piece of vegetation with which to do it.
"I'm going to kill you, you pint-sized brat!" Kish hissed; Tart blew him a raspberry condescendingly.
"Kish, sit down." Pie commanded, in a tone that both Kish and Tart knew meant business. Still fuming, Kish complied, continuing to glare at Tart, hoping he could read the look in his eyes that plainly said, 'When this is over you are DEAD.' Tart smirked a bit, then yelped as Pie cuffed him.
"Being disrespectful to your teammates is not a good way to earn brownie points with them, Tart. It also makes it difficult to protect you when you get into trouble in battle. I'd be careful if I were you."
"I don't need your help!" Tart cried rebelliously. "I can handle everything all on my own! I almost got Ichigo once, and I could take 'em all on and WIN if I wanted to!"
"Let him!" Kish shouted. "Let him go get smashed by a bunch of girls that look like they're victims of a fashion emergency since he obviously doesn't care about anything you have to say!"
"Blow it out your ear, Kish!"
"SHUT UP!" Pie frowned inwardly; the faint throbbing along his temples wasindicative of a slowly progressing headache.
He rounded on Tart, his normally stoic expression replaced with one of annoyance. "All that aside, Tart, the fact is, you're not acting as a functioning member of this team. When Kish and I tell you not to do something, it's for your own good, as well as that of the mission, and if you cared about either one you'd be more accepting of our demands."
Tart looked hurt, like a child that had just had his hand smacked for stealing the entire cookie jar instead of just one.
"So until further notice, Tart, I'm placing you under permanent lockdown."
"WHAT?"
Pie nodded; he wasn't enjoying his authority in the least at the moment. "You are not to leave the ship unless under the supervision of myself or Kish at any time, or utilize any of your abilities...especially those involving the creation of Kirema animas."
Tart's face crumpled. "But that's not fair!" he whined.
Pie sighed. "I'm sorry, but until you learn to exhibit a little bit of obedience towards SOMEONE it'll have to be that way."
Tart looked as if he were about to cry, if he were capable of such an action. "You mean I have to stay HERE?"
"Not here specifically, just within the confines of the ship."
"It's the same zarking thing!" Tart hissed, his face reddened with what Kish was sure was the beginning of one of his infamous temper tantrums. "You're grounding me like I'm some stupid human kid!"
'Which is exactly what you're acting like,' Kish thought offhandedly, remembering several instances of small children throwing tantrums of the most amazing degree he'd witnessed at different points of their time on Earth. The only difference between Tart and the screaming three year olds, however, was the fact that Tart was more than strong enough to put up a pretty good fight with those vines of his and his assortment of really sharp (Kish knew this because he'd been stupid enough to tease Tart about Pudding a few weeks earlier, resulting in Tart attempting to use him as a dartboard) knives that he seemingly pulled out of nowhere, especially the ones that Kish was absolutely certain had not been designed on their planet. Tart had probably gotten a five-finger discount on those at someone's department store.
Pie was unperturbed by Tart's outburst, his expression cold and emotionless. "We warned you, Tart. This mission is not only dangerous, but vital to the continued existence of our race, and it would be a major setback to everything we've accomplished so far if a member of our team," Tart flinched at Pie's emphasis on the word, "were to compromise it all by acting on their own."
"I'm not compromising anything!" Tart shouted, fists clenched and eyes shining with tears of rage. "I'm perfectly capable of doing everything on my own! I don't even need you guys!"
"Hmph." Pie allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction; somehow he had the feeling that Tart's petulant outburst had had much more of a damning effect against his case than anything Kish or Pie himself could've said. "And that kind of attitude is exactly why I'm placing you on house arrest."
"I HATE YOU!" Tart shrieked wildly, raising his middle finger in the most vulgar gesture he could muster (it was utterly amazing, Pie thought inwardly, the sheer amount of profane verbal and physical gestures the human race had managed to devise; they were simply begging to be done away with, weren't they?) and dematerializing as swiftly as possible; his equivalent of running off in a rebellious fit of anger and slamming the door in Kish and Pie's faces. At that moment Pie was very grateful for the absence of physical doors aboard his ship. He wondered whether their exclusion in the initial design had been an act of unconscious foresight on his part.
"Well, that went well." Kish commented brightly, the sarcasm lacing his tone blatant. "After all, he only gave you the finger. Last week he told me where I could go and what I could do when I got there, and I'm only hoping he was speaking in a metaphorical sense because technically it's physically impossible! Pie, you lucky dog, you. I'm jealous." He grinned, leaning back against the cool crystal surface of the platform and stretching, staring at the glass dome that stretched across the length of the ceiling; the endless velvet sea of stars always had a calming, humbling effect on him. It served to remind him how insignificant they all were compared to the immense expanse of the universe...a rather depressing thought, every now and then, but normally the knowledge only decreased his self-recrimation, made every mistake or crime he'd ever committed seem much less infinitesimal in the grand scale of things.
"He merely despises me. He hates you. That's quite an accomplishment, wouldn't you agree?"
Pie was not amused. "I'm not too pleased with you either."
"Oh, you're not?" Kish rolled his eyes heavenward, rolling over to lie on his bare stomach and smirking at Pie, his eyes gleaming in a manner that suggested that he, unlike Tart, was willing to back up his protests with offensive actions which spoke much louder than words, especially when they were delivered with his infamous sociopathic smile. "Are you going to discipline me, Pie-chan? Have I been a bad little boy lately?"
Pie remained stoic in spite of himself first Tart, now Kish: his job contract had been layered with more small print and technicalities between the lines than he'd realized. However, Kish was a different case. Not only was he much more mature (both mentally and attitude-wise), but Kish had been blessed with the attribute of long-temperament. It took quite a lot to set him off, although Pie knew from experience that it was best not to push him over the edge. The longer it took for them to snap, the worse off the break was when it finally occurred, and Kish was no exception to that rule. He decided to reply in kind, neither exerting nor drawing attention to his authority. "I don't know, have you?"
Kish rose into the air slowly, floating over to his friend and hovering mere inches above his face; Pie's lack of an expression didn't bother him in the least. "When you put it that way, maybe I have been a little on the naughty side." He leaned in closer to Pie, smiling suggestively. "I think I deserve a bit of punishment, Pie-chan."
The expression of horror on Pie's face was enough to cause him to lose his balance, causing him to crash into Pie and sending them both to the floor, Kish draped across Pie's abdomen and nearly shrieking with laughter.
"Oh, for crying out loud," Pie snapped, shoving Kish away and stumbling backwards. "You're entirely too oversexed, you know that?"
Kish wiped his eyes, coughing slightly. "Well, between our mutual friend who's stuck in a perpetual revolving state of the terrible twos and you, who have absolutely no sense of humor, may I remind you, somebody has to be the comedy relief around here or we'd all have gone insane by now."
Pie sighed; Kish was actually right, not that he'd admit it aloud. "Just..."
"Don't worry; I'm not interested in you." Kish snickered. "Was that what you were worried about?"
"I'm worried that no one is taking any of this seriously enough."
"After the beating I just took from that blonde imbecile I've learned my lesson about prioritizing and teamwork, if that's what you're getting at." Bitterness seeped into his tone as Kish continued, staring off into the distance. "When you work as a team, you actually stand a chance of surviving three times as long as you would by your lonesome."
"Is it really that bad?" Pie knew the answer to that question before he asked it.
"..." Kish was silent for a long moment before responding, faintly, "It's like having your heart shredded, and the pain of being rent and torn asunder like a leaf in a gale only makes it worse. It hurts, I guess." He paused, turning to look at his friend sadly, and Pie noted that in spite of his characteristic smile, there were tears streaming down his cheeks. "We can't win against him, Pie. We can't even try."
Pie wasn't known for gestures of affection, however, he felt it necessary to reach over and place a comforting hand on Kish's shoulder. Kish looked away, embarrassed. "Even if it is hopeless, all we can do is try. And that'll have to be enough." Pie stumbled over the words, unused to playing the 'warm, brotherly role' to either of his teammates. "And if they can't understand that, then screw them," he added as an afterthought. "After all, with gormless nitwits like the two of you helping to produce the next generation we're all probably doomed anyway."
"Thanks a lot, you jerk." Kish wiped the tears from his face with one of the ribbons trailing from his shorts. "And I suppose you're the ideal candidate for repopulating Earth, are you?"
"Of course." Pie rose to his feet, assuming a regal stance. "I am the brains of this operation, remember?"
"Whatever." Kish stood up as well, looking exhausted. "This whole thing has been one heck of an emotional joyride, that's for sure."
"And it's about to get worse." It was Pie's turn to smirk. "I'm going to do a survey of the pollutant level in the Tokyo Bay; there may be a way to use the existing pollution to our advantage. So..."
Kish raised an eyebrow. "So?"
"I need you to baby-sit Tart."
"WHAT?"
Pie grimaced, long since having given up on preserving his auditory health. It wasn't possible around his two teammates. It just wasn't possible. "It's just for a few hours. I'd ask for your assistance in the survey but I don't trust him enough to believe that he'd obey my orders and remain on the ship with neither of us to look after him."
"So?"
"He's going to get himself killed if he keeps it up."
"...I hate to be repetitive, but...so?"
"Kish."
"Pie."
"Act your age, Kish." Pie snapped irritably. He'd felt the onset of a migraine gnawing at his temples all day long, and the events of that evening had done nothing to alleviate it. "I really need you to cooperate with me on this."
"Alright, alright, you don't have to beg. I'll watch the kid." Kish relented. He crossed his arms, eyeing Pie critically. "You really underestimate how kind and good-natured and helpful I am sometimes."
Pie snorted. "Kind, good-natured and helpful?" He shook his head, silently thanking the powers that be for a few hours of precious silence, however upsetting his results might turn out to be. There was no doubt in Pie's mind at that moment that Kish was perfectly capable of handling Tart on his on for such a short period of time. No doubt at all. "Of course you are, Kish." He levitated, halting abruptly as Kish grabbed the hem of his pants. "What?"
Kish's smile held none of its usual sarcasm or semi-malevolence, but genuine happiness. "Thank you."
A hint of warmth tinted his pale face, causing Pie to turn away, uncomfortably. He merely nodded in response, although he couldn't resist smiling himself as he began the process of teleportation, vanishing into thin air and leaving Kish standing on the bridge, eyes still riveted on the spot where Pie had hovered briefly. He still felt somewhat dismal, however, the situation seemed to have brightened somewhat. Kish had to admit, as much affection as he held for Ichigo, he wasn't sure what he'd have done without Pie (and Tart, when he wasn't acting like a brat.) Not only were they supportive teammates, they were also, when they chose to be, even better friends and he loved them just as much as he did Ichigo.
A loud noise that sounded unmistakably like someone clearing their throat caught Kish's attention, and he turned around to find Tart standing behind him, a truly evil smirk on his face, both fangs visible and hanging over his bottom lip.
As his eyes met Tart's Kish felt a chill drag it's fingertips along his spine. He'd never seen Tart as angry as he'd been earlier that evening, and he'd also never seen the younger alien's eyes as hard as they were then, shimmering chips of flint, cold and full of malice.
"A few hours..." he whispered under his breath. He had the feeling that those 'few' hours would be longest he'd endured in his life.
Incidentally, Kish's prediction would turn out to be more accurate than he could've hoped for, and much more trying to his patience than he could've dreamed.
Tart's expression dissolved, once again resuming his normal mischievous grin. "So you're going to 'baby-sit' me, Kish?"
As Tart's accompanying laughter reverberated across the bridge, Kish wondered just what he'd gotten himself into.
And that's it for chapter 1. Yes, I'm going to torture Kish in a PG-rated manner. I might have gone a little too far with the characterization but I wanted everybody to have personalities, and my schema of 'alien relations' is listed as this: Pie's the responsible 'older brother' figure, Kish is the 'teenager' with all that that entails, and Tart's the 'baby/bratty little brother' of group. That's a very general characteristic grouping with a ton of exceptions, so ignore that as part of my rambling. I actually think I might have overcharacterized Kish a bit. : )
Um...er...yeah. Chapter 2 will be up soon; please review and let me know if I did anything wrong...although outright flames will be put to better use, like torching Gamestop stores. (...price-inflating :censored:)