In the last chapter Julia and I finally enjoyed a romantic moment together.

Ch 46

As much as I insisted that Julia remain in bed with me for the rest of the day she still insisted on getting something done. Once she had redressed, she sat on the edge of the bed and asked what I needed from home. Julia got nothing from me. I traced her spine from the nape of her neck to her lower back and eventually lured her back beside me. She knew what I was doing and tore away again. Her finger wagged at me but that was the extent of her scolding. She knew that I only wanted to kiss her. I could have kissed her for an eternity.

By the middle of the afternoon it had started to rain. Meg came over with some books for Alex to continue studying but Alex asked if he was permitted to return home for a while. It didn't seem to make much difference either way at that point. Christine had seen me in Julia's home and it could only be assumed that Alex was somewhere either in Julia's house or back in our own home. I didn't expect that Christine or her vicomte would have the audacity to call a day early, so I permitted him to resume his studies.

Alex stayed with me after breakfast for an hour and told me about the Roman Empire. Charles was having him read something other than Egypt, which had been Alex's favorite for the last year. The idea of animals as gods tickled him to no end.

I didn't want Alex to leave me but his education won out over sitting around and telling stories. Before he left I hugged him once and told him to listen well to Charles. He nodded and smiled though in his eyes there was something different. He knew as I did that Friday would change us both forever.

Once Alex was gone Lisette helped her mother with housecleaning. With her hair twisted up into a bun Julia came down the hall and knocked on the guest room door. She wore a white apron over a simple house frock. Even while cleaning she looked inviting.

"I am going to the doctor's home in a few hours to see if I can find you something better for the pain." She walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I don't need anything. I'm fine," I replied immediately. One of my first experiences in torture had been administering morphine and opium for several weeks in high doses then removing the drugs. The effect of withholding something so pleasure-inducing was interesting but the torture took too long.

Instead I designed and built a forest made of mirrors. The sultana had been delighted.

"Lisette will come with me so you needn't worry of being disturbed. Do you want to eat dinner at the table today?" Julia asked.

"What about your daughter?"

"What about her? I said she was coming with me."

For a moment I stared at Julia. "No, I meant at the dinner table. She's never seen me…like this."

"True. But you can't stay holed up in one room forever."

There she was wrong, but I didn't say anything. My days in Persia were nothing I wanted to express aloud, especially when I was happy for once. I nodded and Julia smiled. She placed her hand over mine.

"Where's the dog? Did Meg take her back?"

Julia clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth. "I'll have you know that your dog spent the night in my bed. I had to change the sheets this morning. How do you sleep with all of that hair and drool…oh it's just dreadful."

I made no reply. She clearly didn't understand the importance of that damned dog.

She ran her fingers lightly over the back of my hand. "Tonight," she said, her voice dropping lower. "Meg offered to have Alex and Lisette come over to make desserts for Friday."

Julia leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I watched her rise and walked from the room with a slight smile on her lips. The look on her face made me speechless.

After that all I heard was mother and daughter cleaning upstairs. That left me to find my own entertainment or sleep. I turned on my side and slid my arm under the cool side of the pillow. Something fell behind the headboard and I instantly knew what it was: one of the books I had found in the closet. I turned over on my belly and managed to get my arm between the mattress and the wall.

At first glance I knew that this was not a store log after all. The initials on the front caught my breath in my throat: JCF. Julia C Falchetti. This was a sacred book of secrets that should have gone back into the box and onto the dusty shelf.

Instead, I opened it.

Lightning didn't strike me dead as I had expected so I flipped through the pages. Every few sentences my eyes flickered up and I checked the doorway. I was fairly certain that I could have heard someone coming down the hall but didn't want to take a chance.

The further into the book I got the less I paid attention to it. My mind was too concerned with being discovered that the words no longer registered.

Not until I saw my name.

21 May, 1884

I met him on his way back home. His name is Erik. If t wasn't for his dark hair I would think him Scandinavian. He said little to me though later that night, as always, I heard him play. By sound I have fallen in love with him. I must be mad. I don't even know this man.

There were several pages torn from the book. The next date was in August.

4 August 1884

I invited Erik over for tomorrow night. He declined. He played late in the night but Monsieur Tedoux complained by shouting through his window. Tedoux is a fool.

10, August, 1884

Again Madame Giry told me not to inquire about the man in her house. I thought he was her son but she told me he is not. 'Like a son' she said. Adopted, perhaps. Erik's son has started to play with Lisette in the back yard. I am glad Lisette has another child to play with now. Alexandre is very smart. He has told me much about his father. They must be very close.

21 October, 1884

It's starting to get colder out. Erik finally agreed to come over though he seemed somewhat distracted. I believe I startled him when I saw him walking down the street. We agreed on meeting tomorrow at midnight in the garden.

That date was burned into my memory. That was the date Madeline and Meg had received the letter from Christine. That was the day I discovered little Suzette had died in Africa on Alexandre's fourth birthday.

Around midnight I had left the house and walked further than I had ever walked before. It was nearly dawn when I started on my way home. Julia had been on her way to the bakery when she walked up and said hello. I always knew we had chatted before I started coming to her house but nothing of our encounters ever stood out in my memory. It was as though she had never existed, that somehow I had just ended up in her home one night.

But now I knew that night. I stared at the book page and knew why I didn't remember any of it. Christine had been the only thing on my mind. She was the reason why I didn't remember sleeping with Julia. I had imagined that Julia's home was Christine's home, that Julia's dead husband was Christine's dead husband, and that Julia's body was really Christine's. Could there have been a bigger insult? Did I still insult her?

I don't remember shutting the book. I don't remember Alexandre knocking on the door. The next thing I knew Julia ripped the book from my hands and shooed my son back to the kitchen.

I hadn't even realized it was late enough where Alexandre would have returned but there was no time to ask about him. Julia was so angry she could have had kittens.

"Where in the hell did you get this?" she shouted as the door slammed shut. She flipped through the pages then glared at me.

"The closet."

"What were you doing going through my belongings? How dare you!"

Her journal was the least of my worries. I had disrespected her in a far greater way. Without looking at Julia, I glanced at the box I had set between the bed and the wall. "I didn't know what it was."

She turned the cover towards me.

"Yes, I know, but it was in a box of books. I looked through all of them, not just that one."

She sighed in disgust and walked around the side of the bed. "That does not excuse your prying. How can you do this? How can you honestly take one step forward and then take a dozen backwards? This is mine! My personal belonging, my words, my feelings! Erik this is mine!"

"I know," I answered blankly. "I only read a few pages."

She raised her hand but decided against slapping me. Instead she stomped on the floor. "Is nothing sacred to you?"

"I don't know."

She pinched my arm and I looked up at her for the first time. It was a relief to see her face and not Christine's. I wanted to smile at her but she was so enraged that her face was twisted and her cheeks crimson.

"What do you mean you don't know? Why would you do this? Why?"

"I saw my name."

Julia blanched. She hugged the book tighter to her chest and looked away from me. "Don't you ever go through my things again. I should make you leave right this moment."

I nodded.

She walked towards the dresser shaking her head. I thought she was going to leave the room but she turned and threw the leather bound book at my head. It hit the wall and fell against my shoulder, landing once more in my lap. "Do you know why I came in here? I came to tell you that you needed to dress for dinner, the dinner I prepared for you. I came to tell you that Madame Giry invited me to lunch tomorrow so that you would not be alone. I came to ask you if you wanted me to come with you in the first place. Everything I do around here is for you! And you don't even have the decency to respect me!"

"What do you want me to say?" I asked softly.

"Nothing, Erik. That's what I have come to expect from you. I have bent over backwards to care for you, I have done everything—more than everything—to take care of you and what do you do?"

I thought you were Christine. Those were the words running through my mind. A sigh left my mouth and I looked up at her again as I held the book in both hands.

"21 October, 1884. That was the last date I read up to."

Julia's mouth dropped open as I flipped through the pages and made my way to the back of the book. "What are you doing?"

"Reading the entry for the 22nd of October."

"Erik—"

"Fine. Then tell me this: did we sleep together the first time I came over to your house?"

She shifted her weight, her eyes narrowing. "What?"

"The first night you invited me over did we sleep together?"

It didn't occur to me that this could have been a worse insult. She started to shake her head. "I cannot even believe I have to answer a question like that. You don't remember?"

"The past always differs from a man's views to a woman's."

"Why don't you tell me what happened? From a man's point of view."

"Because I'm not that much of a fool, that's why."

"This is insulting…."

"That's not my intention. Please, just tell me what you remember."

She sighed again in disgust. "We had tea and that was it. You came over and sat in the parlor and told me you wrote and submitted operas under a pen name. You talked about music, your favorite composers, and ate all of my crumpets. That was all that happened. I told you good-night and asked you to come by again sometime."

"Was that what you wanted?"

She tried not to smile. "It was a lovely evening. What are you trying to do? Get me to say something lewd?"

"No," I replied. My relief was visible judging by Julia's reaction.

"Why are you smiling, then?" she asked.

"I did respect you," I replied. "That was what I wanted to know."

Somehow that softened her expression though I knew she would hold it over my head for the rest of my life. She hefted the box of books up from the ground and marched them back to the closet. The journal she snatched from my hands again once the rest of the books were stowed away.

"You are far from forgiven, Erik. Get dressed. Lisette and Alexandre already ate at your house."

"Why am I dressing?"

Her annoyance returned and she threw her arms in the air. "Because we are dining together, fool."

"And why in the hell would we do that? The last time it didn't go very well. Or don't you remember that?" I spat back.

"Of course I remember that. It was only five days ago! We're eating together because I want to talk to you, you dolt!"

"Fine, then what are we talking about?" I asked waving my hands about to imitate her.

Julia lowered her voice and looked away. "Your son. I'm concerned about your son."