Chapter 12: Lost

Well I'm all alone

And I'm feeling lost

If I could only have it all

Then I'd be alright

Cause I can't see

Who I really am

Through all the doubt that I'm living in

But I know I'll get it

Right before I hit the ground

Why am I losing sleep?

Yeah, feeling like I do

Why am I losing you?

And I'm feeling lost

Lost – The Calling

When Aeris and Cloud went to Media Productions with Tifa, they found that nearly everyone on campus now knew who Aeris was. Wherever they went people were pointing and whispering.

"Well, this isn't unnerving." Aeris said sarcastically. Cloud grinned and Tifa said,

"Give it a week. Everyone will be like 'Aeris who?'"

"I'm not sure that's a compliment, but thanks anyway." Aeris said.

They arrived at Media Productions about ten minutes early. When they went in, there was a man with his feet up on the desk, with a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, but it wasn't lit.

"Hi Professor Highwind." Cloud said. The man straightened and Aeris realised that this must be the infamous Cid Highwind.

"Hey Cloud. What the hell are you doing here, class isn't till 9."

"This is Aeris. She's helping me with the music for my project."

"OK. Hey Tifa. How's your project doing?"

"Not bad, professor. I need to edit it though." Tifa said. Professor Highwind glanced at his watch.

"I'm not your professor until 9. It's Cid until then. So, are you in Shera's class?" He demanded, looking at Aeris. She nodded, somewhat nervously.

"Hmph. She any good?"

"She's very good."

"Cid, I've told you to stop harassing my students." Shera said, coming into the room. Cid shrugged.

"My classroom, my rules."

Shera cocked an eyebrow and plucked the cigarette from between his lips. Tossing it into the bin, she said,

"Aeris is one of my most promising students. I told you about her."

"I can't remember all of your students, woman. I have enough trouble remembering my own!" Cid said, taking his feet off the desk. Shera sighed.

"Come on, I'll show you my film." Cloud said. He pushed a disk into a computer and tapped a few keys. A moment later the project came up. It was good. Really good. Cloud had used different shots of third world countries, of families sitting in cramped houses, elderly people working in dry fields, children walking miles for water.

And then it seemed to change. The pictures of pain changed to ones of children playing and laughing, of mothers hugging their children, elderly people sitting under trees talking. All the happiness these people were clinging to ebbed from the screen. As it finished Aeris turned to Cloud.

"When did you get talented?"

"Hey! So… what do you think, musically?"

"Well… for the first part, the struggling you want sad music. Maybe a solo violin piece, something really weepy. I mean, we want to keep the focus on the pictures. The music is just to encourage a reaction."

"She's good." Cid muttered. Shera, Cid and Tifa gathered around the screen too. Aeris rewound the images.

"Here. This sunrise shot, this is where it changes. So we can fade out the sad music just before this shot. Then, as the sun rises, we can bring in something more cheerful."

"I thought maybe someone singing." Cloud said. Aeris considered the idea.

"Yeah… maybe you could get Yuffie to do something. Something really dramatic. Just have the singing until the sun has risen, and as it changes to this shot." She moved forward to the next scene, which was of two small children running, "We could bring in some background music."

"That's great!" Cloud said.

Aeris smiled.

"OK, we'll go with that?"

"Yeah. What song though? Are you going to write me an Aeris Gainsborough original?" Cloud said, grinning cheekily.

"Well, I think I may already have a song in my notebook, one of my old ones. I'll resurrect it and see what I've got to work with." Aeris said.

Suddenly the door opened and students started to pour in. Aeris stood up.

"I haven't got any other work to do, so I'll meet you in the café and work on it, OK?" She said. Cloud and Tifa nodded. Shera tapped her husband's shoulder.

"I've got get going too."

"Sure, sure." Cid said gruffly. Shera smiled and kissed his cheek. She and Aeris left the classroom together. She laughed.

"I know my husband seems fierce but he really isn't."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Yes, you do that. Well, I'll see you in class." She went down a path.

Aeris started the five minute walk to the café. But when she got to the café, she saw something weird. There was a large group of people standing outside the café, holding cameras and clipboards. Not media, surely?

But they were. And as Aeris moved down the street, someone shouted, "There she is!" and suddenly they were all running at her. Aeris looked around in confusion as different cameras went off, blinding her and people waved microphones in her face, shouting questions. She couldn't see and she stumbled as she tried to push through the reporters.

And suddenly there was an arm around her shoulders, guiding her through the crowd and pushing her through the door to Barret's Café. Aeris looked up and saw Vincent. Barret pushed past, shouting,

"Get the hell out of here! Go on, before I call the cops for harassing my customers!"

Slowly, the reporters cleared away. Vincent, still with his arm around her, asked,

"Aeris, are you alright?"

"Yeah…"

"Come on, come sit down." Barret said, taking her other arm and walked her over to the counter. Vincent joined her as Barret served them both coffees. Aeris shivered.

"That's so scary."

"You're not hurt are you?" Vincent asked. She shook her head.

"No. I'm blind because of all the flashes. But not hurt." She sipped her coffee. Barret asked,

"Have they been following you around?"

"No. They're the first ones I've seen, apart from the people interviewing James this morning." Aeris said bitterly. Vincent's grip on his coffee cup seemed to tighten.

"I saw the article in the paper."

"Everyone in Midgar has seen it." Aeris muttered. She looked up at Vincent.

"Was it your father that was mentioned in the paper? Richard Hojo?"

"Yes."

"He was against it… that's what it said."

"He was. He was afraid that the drug was too unreliable for use." Vincent said.

"I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm alive, that's all that matters." Aeris said, staring at the counter.

"I remember Hojo's reaction when your parents told him they were going to use the drug." Vincent whispered. Aeris looked up at him sharply.

"You were there?"

"Yes. My mother had died and Hojo was working in Kalm. I was only six, or seven at the time, so I was staying with him. I think he and your parents were quite good friends. I can't remember."

"What happened?"

"You were in hospital. I saw you a couple of times. I remember Hojo and I were in a waiting room at the hospital, because your parents were with you. I think you must have been only just alive by that point. I remember your father coming out and talking to Hojo. And then they were shouting at each other. Hojo was saying that the cure was too unreliable and that if he used it, then you'd probably die. But then Hojo went into your room, and I followed him. Your mother was sitting next to your bed, holding your hand. You were so pale; I thought you were already dead. And then your father told Hojo that he was using the cure, whether he liked it or not. I just remember Hojo talking to your mother, trying to convince her not to use it, but she ignored him. Then we left."

Aeris listened in amazement.

"I never knew about any of this… it's quite frightening actually. Nearly died, and I never even knew. I can remember being a hospital a lot, being ill. But I don't remember you." She said, looking up at him. Vincent shrugged.

"We were just children."

"Do you remember Cloud?"

"No. I never met him."

"What happened then? Did you come back to Midgar?" Aeris asked. Vincent closed his eyes and when he replied, it was in a strangled voice.

"We were driving back to Midgar… and we were in a car crash. I can't remember it that well. I think I was knocked out. Hojo had been so angry; he was driving like a madman. We hit a lorry. When I woke up, I was in hospital. Hojo had died almost instantly."

"No…" Aeris whispered. Vincent opened his eyes. Aeris felt a lump in her throat.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"I was never close to my father and my mother died too early for me to remember her."

"Vincent, I… I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

They sat in silence for some time. Eventually Vincent said,

"I've never told anyone about that."

"You're so brave." Aeris whispered. Vincent shook his head.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You've been through so much. That's why you feel the way you do. The picture, with the dead tree… I understand it now."

Aeris glanced out of the café window. She could see several reporters starting to gather around. She put her head in her hands.

"I can't do this, Vincent. Until this morning I was just ordinary. And now… I feel so lost."

"Maybe you should go and see your parents."

"I can't. I have too much to do here. There's the concert to organise, and I've got papers to write."

"I didn't mean that. I meant, you could just go and see them. Maybe stay for the night, and then come back tomorrow when you're feeling stronger."

"Maybe you're right." Aeris said. Vincent drained his coffee. Aeris watched him carefully and before she knew what she was saying, she had asked,

"Why don't you come with me?"

"What?" He said, surprised. She smiled.

"Come with me. I mean, I could ask one of my other friends but they're so busy and right now I just want to be with someone who understands. And I think you're probably the only person in the world who does."

Vincent stared at her carefully. For once, she didn't blush. And then he nodded. Aeris smiled.

"Thanks. Do you need to go and pack?"

"I'll meet you here in ten minutes." He said, standing up. When he had gone, Aeris called Barret over.

"Have you got a piece of paper? I need to write Tifa a note."

"Sure, Aeris." He gave her some paper, a pen, and an envelope.

Dear Tifa, Cloud and Yuffie,

I'm going home, just for tonight. I'll back tomorrow. I just need some time, OK? Don't worry about me. If James asks where I am, just tell him that it's none of his business. I'll see you tomorrow

I love you all

Aeris

Sealing the envelope, she wrote the three names on the front.

"Barret, can you give this to them?" She asked. Barret nodded.

"Sure. You'll get everything sorted out?"

"I hope so. See you later." Aeris stood up as she saw Vincent return, with a backpack. Barret nodded and turned to serve a customer.