In June, Weddings
This story follows 'In May, Fete', but may be read as a standalone.
It was nearly four o'clock. Lina had time to dress carefully in her most flattering summer frock of printed roses over white chiffon with falls of lace over the shoulders and the barest peek of filmy underskirt showing at the hem. She wasn't fond of the pink, but the color accentuated her cheeks and the fit was perfect. She positioned her hat at a more rakish angle than usual and left her home, setting off for her appointment.
She had time to reconsider her actions on the walk over. What was she doing? She felt ridiculous and nearly turned back from the wide steps leading to the exhibit. Would Xelloss see her as too bold? Was she taking an irrevocable step she did not want to take? She was opening herself up with no way to close herself off later. If she didn't show, then he would certainly feel it as a deliberate rejection. He wouldn't afford her ready access to him again after being slighted; his pride wouldn't allow it.
She shook her head and muttered to herself, "I must have let boredom muddle my brain the other night."
Sending Xelloss an invitation to join her at the art exhibit had been an act of rebellion. She could be a lady of taste and refinement. She enjoyed the finer things in life, like good art and pretty clothes. It had never occurred to Gourry in all their travels together that she desired these niceties, and it had been disappointing for Lina to finally come to terms with that truth. What Gourry sought was simply a place to lay his head and plenty of food, which had long grown old and dull to Lina. She had found her way to fame and fortune laying waste to bandits and bullies alike.
It had also been an act of desperation. What she wanted now out of life went deeper. She came to that conclusion while dining at the inn at an unexpected gathering of some of her old friends. It wasn't long ago at all. She could recall every detail...
She and Gourry had been lazing over the last of their meal when Zelgadiss entered the inn with Amelia. They had learned that Lina was in the area and hoped to find her and her ever-present protector that evening. The princess and her consort were happy in their first year of marriage and their affection was evident in their gestures and gentle words to one another.
With them came the priestess Sylphiel, visiting from her home town. Gourry's reaction was immediate; his eyes lit up and a smile blossomed on his face. Sitting across from him, Lina could not help but observe his response. The two had instant chemistry. She could recognize the look of love, even if she didn't think that she could experience it.
"Miss Filia is marrying Mr. Milgasia and wants us all at her ceremony," Amelia began, bubbling over with excitement. "I told her we'd find you and pass on the invitation."
Before Lina could ask, Zelgadiss pulled out a map. "They want us all to meet here. We have a few days before we need to set out. We can take a leisurely pace and still get there in time."
Plans were struck, and another round of courses set out to eat in celebration. Lina found it hard to concentrate on the light-hearted conversations around her. "Why didn't they talk about the dark mysteries of the astral plane, or how a person had to be strong and carry everything within them, and that only by the understanding how the magical world worked could a person pass through it unfazed?" Lina mused to herself. It was a good analogy of how alone she felt on her "journey of life."
"Great. Now I'm getting schmaltzy," Lina thought to herself, and then sighed in boredom. Lina averted her eyes in order to avoid being drawn into the conversation of love and family, homes and comfort.
"Xelloss would have understood, though," she muttered to herself, and she blushed at the readiness with which she had thought of his name, and with such pleasure. She hoped that no one else had seen her face. Of course, she and Xelloss had never spoken directly about life and love. For some reason she believed that he had a true understanding of how she felt and what she wanted. To her, he could say so much in just a sentence or two, while these others, Gourry in particular, could go on for hours and say nothing, understanding very little about her.
Lina looked at Gourry's complacent, unlistening face, and realized, with a horror that rippled right through her, that she longed to travel apart from him. It was as uncomplicated as that. For the past few years, her life had been spent in the daily presence of a man she did not even truly communicate with. She felt a twinge of affection, the kind that might be damaged if she were to remain confined by his presence any longer, and knew that she had to act to change the course of their lives.
Clearly, Gourry needed more, too. His gentle nature and simple needs could be met with restrained ardor from the similarly mild-mannered Sylphiel. He knew it, she knew it, and Lina knew it, but no one would do anything about the situation until Lina took the first step.
Lina couldn't change the past, but she still had control over her destiny. "So," she questioned herself, "what if I escaped this charade and just walked away? Wouldn't that give Gourry and Sylphiel the opening they needed? Was that possible? Xelloss would...would he be viable alternative for me to turn to?"
They were both different people, and he wasn't really a 'person' at all. The lessons of time and loneliness had marked her. "But had he felt them as well?"
Sure, he had visited her often, more frequently as of late, and shared his secrets, a few at a time. They had never said as much- it would be unthinkable for a demon of his stature- but she believed Xelloss loved her, in some fashion, as she had slowly come to admit in the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind that she loved him. He had cleverness, the strength, the complexity of mind that was like ambrosia to her starving soul.
She set down her spoon and looked at her soft, whipped dessert and sighed. "I've eaten enough ambrosia of this sort to last a lifetime. I need the real thing."
With Xelloss, she didn't have to search for his humor, it was right on the surface ready to lighten her heart. It hurt to think of him. It made the evening, which should have been a joyous meeting of friends, a painful one, not to mention boring. She was rarely bored around Xelloss. The thought of escaping with Xelloss into her fantasy world brought a faint smile to her lips. "Have any of them even the remotest idea of where my imagination is?" Again, her face flamed at the thought.
"What would Xelloss and I be talking about, if he was here? Travels? Faraway places and times, wonderful places and ancient cities of the shore of other seas, places of legend and adventure?" In her mind, the moonlight shone on the stone walls of a far-off castle, the wind a gentle breeze on her bare skin, and he was there. Even to stand in silence, knowing his thoughts were the same, would be good enough.
"What would happen if I left here and went to him? What would my friends think of the Sorceress Supreme Lina Inverse falling for a demon, one that couldn't return my depth of love or loyalty? Certainly if Gourry and Sylphiel were to become lovers and happy, no one would condemn me for tossing my protector away. Would they cut me off because I had succumbed to a demon's charms? Would I lose the few friends I have?" she asked herself, then berated herself. "Geez, I am beginning to sound like a soap-opera heroine."
Still, she did have her friend's opinions to consider. Zelgadiss bore Xelloss a hatred to this day for teasing and taunting him and destroying more than one version of the Claire Bible Zel believed contained the cure for his condition. "What would he say?"
Amelia remained steadfast in her belief that in time Xelloss would overcome his nature and come to justice and embrace goodness. "But would this shake her trust?"
Gourry, she believed, would come to terms with her decision as soon as Sylphiel entered his life. "For handing over Gourry, Sylphiel would forgive me. He would, too."
Filia was one friendship that she was loath to lose, but losing it would be a certainty. "There is no one that Filia tolerates less than Xelloss."
Reality returned. It was only a daydream, a sweet and painful way of escaping a tedious evening. Even if she was crazy enough to run to Xelloss, he would never accept her offer. It would be utterly dishonorable for a demon to take a mortal woman for his wife. He was bound by duty to his mistress for all eternity. Zelas came first; her word directed his life.
"What if I were able to sever that connection? It would take a mighty spell. Would he even be tempted to join with me?" Lina smiled, for a moment certain that he would. "I mean, I'm quite a catch. Or... he wouldn't, but if Xelloss would accept me, would I go?" The answered hovered on the edge of her reasoning an instant. "YES!" She would seize the opportunity and escape.
But it would not happen. Xelloss would remain her secret lovesick dream. She knew reality was the hardness of the table and the concrete floor of the inn. His inaccessibility was in itself a challenge. There was emotion behind his cool intelligence, of what nature she did not know for sure. Nevertheless, she had her hopes. There was no reason they couldn't meet. Yes, she longed to see him, and at that moment she divined an innocent manner in which they could meet. She thanked the gods under her breath as Amelia turned the conversation to current society events taking place in Seyruun.
"Before we go, you must all visit the kingdom's finest art gallery and the new sword museum and hear the opera opening tomorrow night!" Amelia said cheerfully. "I'll get you all box seats with the royal family."
Yes, she would do that, all right, and she would invite Xelloss to join her. "What else in life to I have to look forward to but this empty game, words without communication, closeness without intimacy, passion, or tenderness?" She finished off her third beer, and decided to drink no more. She was becoming maudlin and melodramatic.
Lina had discovered a spell by which she could direct letters to Xelloss and decided to use that, once she wrote a suitable note. Her mind was made up. Lina stood and aloud she told her friends, "Excuse me, will ya? I have a slight...headache. I'm going to my room. See ya later, 'kay?"
"She's moving pretty fast for someone with a headache," Sylphiel noted, when Lina was out of ear-shot.
"Not to mention two white magic healers were within arms' reach all evening," Zel added archly.
"'S okay," Gourry sighed. "I think she misses him, ya know, Xelloss. He hasn't been following us so much lately."
"Xelloss? Not him again," Zel said. A crease formed in the rocky skin between his eyes. Xelloss was the 'necessary evil' that used them and that they made use of at times. "Can't he just leave her alone?"
"Not if he loves her."
Amelia twisted in her chair to look directly at Gourry. "You think he loves Lina?"
"Is that possible? For a demon, of course...I meant," Sylphiel faltered.
"I dunno 'bout what demons can and can't feel, but that one cares an awful lot 'bout Lina," Gourry said with a smile. "And she loves him, too, though she don't know it."
"If something awakens his passions at last, it will be all the more dangerous. He isn't used to them and will have little experience in controlling them. If Lina's in any way in love with Xelloss, it's going to spell trouble down the line," Zel predicted ominously.
"Then she'll need our help. When the time comes we must support her in every way!" Amelia cried out.
While her friends continued theirconversation, Lina got down to business.
Dear Xelloss- scratch that– just Xelloss. I learned that the Seyruun art gallery has mounted a great show which is causing quite a stir. Knowing your interest in non-conformist work, I thought you might also find it thought-provoking. I appreciate how little time you have for the mundane, but in the hope that duty might allow you half an hour or so, I thought to inform you. I have determined to take at least that long for myself, perhaps towards the end of tomorrow afternoon, around five. I hope I haven't intruded on your time, Lina.
She read it over and rewrote until she was satisfied that it told him everything, and said nothing, but nevertheless, it seemed clumsy.
"Oh well. I'd better send this off before I change my mind."
Lina repeated an incantation over the note, and then cast it into the fire. The flames blazed a moment as the paper was consumed and died back down, emitting a welcoming warmth. It was done. Xelloss would get the summons, but whether or not he responded was out of her hands.
By writing to Xelloss, Lina had placed herself in a position where she had to go forward; she could no longer remain where she was: lonely, uncommitted, dreaming but afraid to act. It had been too much like standing amid a battle with a sword in one hand, waiting for an opening to decide her fate. She couldn't take it anymore. Lina was a woman of action. She chose her own destiny.
Yes, she had acted on more than impulse that evening, and now she having to follow through with the meeting. Lina decked out in her loveliest dress, entered the gallery at precisely 5:15, and cautiously looked around. Xelloss wasn't in the lobby. She agonized over the possibilities. "Had he come but then left after he couldn't find me? Had he decided not to show up at all? Was he unable to come, lost in battle or immersed in some devious plot some-unfortunate-place else?" Her nerve nearly left her.
To the left was a notice directing her through that doorway for the acclaimed exhibit. Then she saw him. "He's here!" She would recognize his stance and the set of his shoulders anywhere. In a moment, he would turn and see her, and then she would have to come forward and address him. Until then, she had to control the thumping of her heart, hope to all the gods that her face did not betray her, and think of what to say that would not sound too forward or awkward.
Xelloss did turn. "Lina!" He smiled and strode to her side, then led her slowly back into the smaller room. "You look ravishing. How fortunate that we should meet here today."
"Yeah, isn't it, Xelloss?" She blushed hotly and choked on her words.
"How have you been? I'm sorry I haven't found time to pass your way lately. I was deterred."
"I'm fine, have been, mostly." Lina couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. How could she tell him that she'd been practically pining away for his return? That he lived in her
daydreams and that her real life was a dull as toast? "Deterred, you say?"
"Work," he said simply. "I have a thing or two to finish up, and then I'll be free to travel at length, again." He dared not say more. His expression revealed neither joy nor pleasure nor hope.
Lina wondered if he was risking his position in the demon hierarchy to single her out this way. If so, what might happen if he were to return passion for a human sorceress who couldn't return his feelings? If the repercussions were severe, then he would be very cautious, which he was. Besides, Lina knew that he would not want to appear weak by exposing any feeling he might have. Lina, then, knew that she must somehow let him know how much she cared for him, while at the same time not look foolish should he not want her.
He looked at her quickly, his eyes full of questions, but he did not ask her if she would like to travel with him alone. He was waiting for her.
For a moment Lina stood, oppressed by an awareness of the impenetrable barrier which must have blocked Xelloss' attempts to reveal a full range of emotions. There was the troublesome fact that an overabundance of good feelings could weaken him if caught unawares. That was an unfortunate consequence of his dietary requirements, that he required 'bad feelings' to appease his hunger, but could be resolved, she figured. He might always have to feed off the dismay and agony of others, but why shouldn't he enjoy all the benefits of the positive emotions as well? She would find a spell, if he wanted her to become a part of his life.
Lina realized that she had been quiet too long, and he was waiting for her to say something. She didn't want to let the conversation die. She had come to see him and test if his feelings were the same as hers. "Nice portrait, huh?" she indicated the picture nearest her hand. "Ever notice how a face can hide what's going on inside the head?"
She couldn't believe that was the best she could come up with. It was a painting! Surely the painter was responsible for the expression, not the model!
He smiled very slowly. It had a charm that surprised her. For the first time she wondered if he had ever experienced sufficiently profound love for anyone to disturb that thick layer of self-protection around him, and if so, what kind of woman or creature had she been?
"Yes, things that are never said but are there just the same. I remember the face of a young prince who was about to die. He shielded the knowledge of his fate admirably. I of course, could detect and savor his fear, but the face he turned to his men, his people, was that of courage. I destroyed the town anyway, but that wasn't the point." Xelloss looked down at the floor, then added, "Can't even remember what the hell he'd done."
He made Lina smile in spite of her nervousness. Their eyes met in a microcosm of space and time and passed the magic of understanding between them. He broke the contact and looked away. He apologized quickly and blushed. "Sorry, daydreaming."
Lina touched his sleeve tightly, hoping to catch his gaze once more. "I've been doing a lot of that lately, myself."
"Have you?" He swiveled abruptly back to her, looking surprised. "Where do you go... that is, if you go places in your dreams?"
"Anywhere, with you," was on the tip on Lina's tongue. She closed her mouth until she was sure she could control herself. "Faraway places. I let my imagination go crazy."
"Hmmm, you have to be careful. It's a dangerous world out there."
"You should know. You make it that way. Can't wait to go back, huh?" Lina was afraid of his answer. That was where his duty lay, after all.
Xelloss looked at her, for a moment, without discretion or guard in his face. "No." It was only one word, but the passion in his voice filled it with all she had been waiting to hear.
The heat rose up from her chest to her face, the relief dizzying. He had just answered a simple question, but the meaning lifted her spirits like no levitation spell ever could.
"I–" he began.
"I–" she said at the same time.
"Go on," he chuckled slightly.
"No, you first."
She drew her breath to say something, then realized she had nothing that would help or answer their need. She was an ardent woman who had denied that aspect of her nature for a long time, and now she was deeply in love and unsure how to move forward.
Xelloss seemed to understand. "Listen, I noticed that it will be dinner time for you soon. I was wondering if you would like to join me at..."
"You bet! Why not go now, eh? I mean, these pictures are great and everything, but we can see them later, right? You and I, we don't get much time to just, you know?"
"Yes, I do." He took her arm and together left by the fastest method possible, via the astral plane. Human though she was, he knew a powerful girl like her could take it for a brief time.
"Lina? LINA?"
"What?" Lina snapped at Martina seated to her side. She frowned at being jolted out of her lovely daydream of the past. How long had she been sitting there lost in a reverie, thinking of how she and her husband first accepted their feelings toward one another?
"I can't see the bride. Your head's blocking my view."
Lina considered knocking Martina's head off it improve her own view, but didn't. Today was not her day to ruin. She could sense both Zelgadiss' and Xelloss' eyes boring into her. Lina was to keep a low profile, sit back, and enjoy the ceremonies. Her reward would come by way of a delicious feast after the wedding.
"Just stand up," Lina said and did so herself. The lovely young girl passed their seats at that moment. Lina could see the pretty, but understandably, nervous face beneath the filmy veil which fluttered as she walked.
"So young." Lina could hear Sylphiel sigh from the other side of Martina's husband, Zangalus.
"Looks can be deceiving," he intoned flatly.
"I meant Val. He's just a teenager and she's at least a hundred more years older than him."
"Not if you count his past life as Valgaav. Rumor has it he remembers that time now."
"Shhh!" Martina's gossip was cut off by Amelia, seated directly in front of her. "It's about to begin, everybody!"
"Ladies and Gentlemen," Milgasia said, turning his head side to side to gaze at everyone present. "I am so pleased to be gathered here with all of you this day, an especially proud and happy day for me. Today, my son joins in holy matrimony with his lovely bride. With their marriage is sealed a thousand years of rivalry and bloodshed, as the last ancestor of the Ancient Dragon race, Valiant, takes for his wife the daughter of the Highest Order of the Golden Dragon clan, Felicia."
The rest of the ceremony continued, but Lina's mind drifted back to her own wedding, to Amelia and Zel's, Gourry's, and to Filia's. What a gigantic step they each had taken, and now there was Xelloss, standing alongside Zelgadiss and Gourry as Val's best man. Creatures, which at one time had been deadly enemies, now transformed and drawn together in friendship on this most important day.
Valiant appeared nervous. Xelloss had a hold of his nearest elbow either as support or to prevent the boy from bolting. "Too young for marriage," Lina thought, and not for the first time. It had happened so suddenly...
Ithad only beena few weeks ago that Milgasia and Filia had been summoned back to their home away from the May party at Sylphiel and Gourry's home. There they had been given the unwelcome and shocking news that their dear son had indulged in an 'indiscretion' with a young lady of distinction. Valiant came clean and admitted he'd been 'fooling around with this hot dragon chick,' but was as surprised as his parents to find out that he was about to become a father.
His girlfriend had produced an egg, and it contained his legacy, Val's offspring-to-be. His carelessness aside, it was a fine match, once everyone saw the necessity for it, for which it took the magical talents of Xelloss to pull off.
Only a few days after the May party , Milgasia and Filia returned to Gourry's home, where the friends were still all enjoying the free room and board, to make the official announcement.
"He'll grow into the marriage," Milgasia had told them all when the sudden wedding had been announced.
Filia was in tears one minute, ecstatic the next that her 'son' was to marry the most sought-after dragon maiden in the clan. "Not that he has no fame of his own, being the last of the Ancient Dragons, but her family is very wealthy."
"He chose well," Xelloss said.
"He was damned lucky," Milgasia said with an outpouring of emotion. "We all were, to have you act as an intermediary on our behalf."
Lina gripped her husband's arm and squeezed with pride. "Oh, Xelly just knows which arms to twist, right?"
"I would say that I know more about how to twist them, darling. I have you point them out to me."
The sound of music woke Lina from her daydreaming this time, but not for long. The wedding ceremony had concluded, and the happy couple was walking hand-in-hand down the aisle. The bridesmaids and grooms men remained in lines until their turns came to join the short procession. Lina returned her husband's smile as he passed by, his love for her apparent for all to see. It certainly had not always been so. Xelloss gave her a knowing wink, and Lina relaxed. "Maybe he is thinking of our own wedding?"
Her eyes glazed over as she slipped into a fond memory. It had happened over ten years ago, and she could recall everything down to the last word. It began with the proposal...
"If you want that, Xelloss, you're going to have to marry me first," Lina had demanded.
"Isn't that a little old-fashioned?" he said. That had been a big mistake on his part: raising his eyebrow like he had, and making her feel like she was adhering to some quaint old custom.
"Not for people of quality. Amelia waited."
"Well, there were mitigating circumstances with Zelgadiss, and you know that," Xelloss said. "Besides, she was probably afraid of what she'd find under his clothes."
Lina pounded him hard for that unfair comment. "Sylphiel and Filia waited, too!"
"The prim priestess and priggish prude. None of those women are like you. You are unique. You can set your own rules, your own standards. You... are my passionate paramour."
"Nice try, but no-can-do. If you want to make love, you have to promise to stick with me and share the wealth, so to speak."
"But that's so archaic! It all revolves around child-rearing, and we won't be producing any offspring." He was practically whining.
"Well, it's a big deal to me, and that's my bargaining point. I want commitment. It means we make a promise to keep no secrets, of loyalty, trust, and dependability, for starters. Probably a few more things can be added to that list when I think of them."
He just stood there and stared at me as if he'd never heard of such an agreement, which he may not have, being a demon and all.
"All right. Whatever you want, Lina, but I have to warn you ahead of time: weddings are big-ticket events. Milgasia and Filia had a simple affair, and it still ran into thousands of gold coins. And I won't even begin on what the princess' nuptials must have set back her father. Her dress alone cost a small fortune! So, if you want to throw away your hard-earned cash on..."
"We'll make it simple," Lina broke in. "We need rings and some sort of legal document. Scrap that. Seyruun laws don't pertain to the demon race, do they?"
"No laws do, my dear. You will have to trust me to keep my word, which I will do to the best of my abilities. And I shall trust you to uphold your end of the deal."
"Okay, that sounds good to me. We'll get rings and make promises to one another and we'll do it today."
"Right now?" He seemed pleased at this happy turn of events.
"Right now. The sooner we get married, the..."
"The sooner we get to have sex," he finished.
"The better, I was going to say."
"Which is better than standing here discussing it." He smiled, and gave me a wink.
Together we purchased simple gold bands. I had wanted ones with embedded gems, but he wasn't kidding about the expense of stuff for weddings! Besides, it was the symbolism of the rings that was important, not the extravagance.
Next, I insisted on a ceremony. We had to exchange vows. "You go first," he said.
I reached for his hands and held them in mine as I stared into his eyes and said, "Okay, I promise to love you and only you, and stand by you through thick or thin as long as I am alive. I will do everything in my power to make it possible for you to enjoy a life with me, not as some servant of a dark lord, but as my equal and my lover. What I got is yours to share, and I want kids to raise together, somehow."
His pupils dilated, so I knew I'd surprised him. "I see. That's quite a lot to promise. Let's see what I can do, then. I pledge to hold you as dear to my soul as possible for as long as your mind inhabits your body, and then I shall follow you to the astral plane where we can co-exist for all time, if that's possible. I don't know that it is. I will form no similar bonds with any other human at that time, and I will share all I have with you. Children? If you insist...sometime, but not right away. I want you all to myself, now."
"You're selfish."
"So are you." He smiled, and squeezed my hands. "Is that all?"
"Sure. Consider yourself married to Lina Inverse."
"I will, as soon as we mate. That is essential."
"Lina, I think your husband's trying to get your attention," Zelgadiss said with a gentle nudge.
Lina started ourt of her reverie, "Oh? Yeah, thanks, Zel."
Valiant and his bride made her way around the lawns, greeting everyone who had come to their wedding. Lina lookedaround, and caught Xelloss watching her from the far side of the lawn. She wondered if he had been thinking of the same thing, of their own wedding day.
He mouthed, "The best" to her. It had been the best decision he'd ever made, and it had turned out pretty good for her, too, she agreed. Lina drew a quick breath. She knew with certainty that Xelloss was thinking of their vows and of what followed– their first night together. They had only that one night to explore this new facet of their love, when his mistress ordered him away on an assignment, parting them for several months. Lina blushed at the memory of his intense desire, but she couldn't look away; Xelloss' eyes held hers.
Zelas, ever-present and seemingly omnipotent as well, however, it looked as though Lina had stopped her influence over Xelloss. They had not heard from Lord Beast Master Zelas since Lina had used a spell to sever Xelloss' bond with the dark lord. Not a word, a single peep, ora sign that she was aware of the situation; and that had Lina worried and Xelloss edgy. It was like the calm before the storm.
But that was enough. Lina was no longer going to think about Zelas and let her spoil her day. She pushed her uneasiness into the deep recesses of her mind. Today, she was going to enjoy the party, celebrate with her friends, and take a moment or two to relive, in her mind, her own wedding. Lina strode in the direction of the groom's men to take her place at Xelloss' side, and as she did she thought of how much she loved her demon husband, and she knew that he loved her, too.
The End. In June, Weddings