Chapter 16: Things I'll Never Say

I'm tugging at my hair

I'm pulling at my clothes

I'm trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous

Trying got be so perfect

'Cause I know you're worth it

You're worth this, yeah

If I could say what I wanna say

I'd say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I wanna see

I wanna see you go down on one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I'm wishing my life away

On these things I'll never say

Things I'll Never Say – Avril Lavigne

"AERIS!"

Aeris jumped. Her mind had been wandering and she only just realised that Tifa had been talking to her.

"Um… sorry?"

"I said, who are you going to the Winter Dance with?" Tifa asked, handing Yuffie a muffin. They were sitting in the café.

"No one." Aeris replied. Tifa looked shocked.

"You mean no one's asked you?

"Not exactly."

"No, three guys from our literature class have asked her." Cloud said. "And she said no to each one."

"Why?" Yuffie demanded.

"Because I don't want to go to the dance with them." Aeris said, shrugging. Tifa sighed.

"Aeris, I'm going with Cloud. Yuffie's going with…" Tifa frowned.

"Hey, you never told me his name." Yuffie chewed the end of a straw.

"Well… it's Reeve."

"Reeve? As if in, Cloud's roommate, Reeve?" Aeris gasped. Cloud stared at her and then grinned.

"Poor guy."

"Hey!" Yuffie said, hitting him.

"How the hell did that happen?" Aeris demanded. Yuffie grinned.

"Well, you know when Cloud told us about the Turk tickets, I said I'd kiss him when I saw him?"

"You didn't!" Tifa laughed.

"No… I went over to say thanks and he asked me. Don't judge me, he's cute!" Yuffie grinned impishly. Tifa rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Aeris.

"So, you have to go with someone!"

"No I don't. I might not go at all."

"Not go? You can't not go!" Yuffie burst out. Aeris laughed.

"I can't even dance. What would be the point?"

"To have fun!" Tifa said in exasperation.

It was the 16th of December, the day after the concert. Aeris said,

"Tifa, I don't have anything to wear to a dance, I can't dance and I don't have anyone to go with. You can have fun without me."

"I know why you're not going." Yuffie snickered. Aeris eyed her warily.

"And why might that be?"

"Because you haven't been asked by the right person. Say, a certain senior, who likes art…"

Aeris blushed and they all laughed at her.

"Vincent is probably going with someone else." She muttered. Tifa shook her head.

"I don't know… he was in here yesterday on my shift and four girls asked him. He turned all of them down."

"See? You're perfect for each other." Cloud said. Aeris shrugged.

"I don't think so. Anyway, I have to go. I've got Christmas Shopping to finish. Cloud, Yuffie and I will meet you in the recording room at two. Tifa, you can come too, if you want."

Aeris had finally perfected the song to play over Cloud's video. She had dug it out of her file, changed it, tweaked it and finally perfected it. Now it was ready for Yuffie to sing. Aeris had been helping her and she had gotten it down brilliantly.

As Aeris walked out of the café, she bumped into none other than Vincent.

"Hi." She said. He smiled. Still a small smile, but a smile none the less.

"Hello."

Aeris heard a snort of laughter from the counter and turned to glare at her friends. She looked at Vincent.

"Um… are you busy?"

"Not really."

"Because I was about to go Christmas shopping and if you want to come that might be… nice."

Aeris inwardly yelled at herself. Nice? NICE? Nice was how you described flowers or gloves. Why did she say nice?! Vincent looked at her closely and then nodded.

"I'd love to."

Another burst of laughter from the counter. Vincent glanced over but Aeris seized his arm and pulled him outside.

Midgar Mall was nice. Lots of chrome furniture and glass. Very futuristic looking. Aeris and Vincent wandered around the shops, talking and examining the objects for sale.

"I already gave Mom and Dad their presents. I need ones for Yuffie, Cloud, Tifa and Barret. Oh and maybe something for Shera." Aeris said as she examined a pair of earrings.

"Any ideas?"

"Kind of. Hang on, let's go in here."

They went into a comic book store. Aeris looked at her list.

"Excuse me? Do you have issue #56 of Action Heroes?" She asked the man at the counter. He smiled.

"A rare one. We do have a copy, the very last one."

"Oh, brilliant! I'll take it. Cloud collects comic books." She explained to Vincent. He nodded and waited as Aeris paid the man.

An hour later Aeris, laden with bags was at last finished with her Christmas shopping.

"I think that's everyone…" She said in relief. Vincent looked around and saw a cafe.

"Shall we have a coffee?"

"Sounds great… my feet are killing me." They sat down in the café and ordered drinks. Aeris stretched her arms.

"I always leave it until the last minute."

"Really? You seem the type to do it in August." He said, with an eyebrow arched.

"That just shows how little you know me!" Aeris laughed. She sipped her coffee and looked around. Vincent asked,

"Why were your friends laughing at you before?"

"Oh! That…" Aeris blushed. "They were talking about the Winter Dance. Because three guys have already asked me and I said no to all of them."

"Why?" The question surprised her. She wrapped her hands around the white ceramic coffee cup.

"I don't really know. I don't know if it's because I just don't want to go… I wouldn't mind going. But not with them."

"So you're waiting for a certain person?"

"Yeah..."

She laughed weakly.

"Two months ago I would have thought that I was going with James…"

Vincent tensed. Aeris noticed but didn't comment. She fixed her eyes on the swirling brown coffee, watching the wisps of steam rising from its surface.

"But it's only now that I'm realising that I never wanted to go with James. I mean, it took a while to get over him, but I didn't show it. But now I know… there's someone else entirely that I want to go with to the dance. There's a right person out there."

Neither of them spoke. Aeris lifted her eyes to him.

"So, Tifa tells me that you've been turning down offers left, right and centre." Vincent smirked.

"I guess I'm waiting for the right person too." Aeris looked back down at her coffee. A smile spread across her mouth. She sat back.

"Well… since we're both waiting for the right person to come along… I mean, who knows when the right people are going to get here… so, shall we just go together, instead?"

And the smile was back. It was small, but it was definitely there. Vincent tilted his head slightly.

"That sounds… nice."

"Tifa, I need help!" Aeris said, bursting into the recording room. Cloud, Yuffie and Tifa looked up.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm going to the dance after all, and I don't have a dress."

"Gawd, calm down! Who are you going with?"

"The muffin man." Aeris said sarcastically. Cloud laughed and Tifa elbowed him in the stomach.

"Vincent asked you?"

"Not exactly." Aeris said, putting her bag down. Yuffie asked,

"What do you mean 'not exactly'?"

"Well, I asked him. But that's not important."

"Yes it! We need to know exactly what happened!" Tifa said, sitting her down. Cloud frowned.

"Why is that important?"

"Because it's probably a very sweet story, which you wouldn't understand due to the extreme amount of testosterone running through your veins!" Yuffie said, sitting down on Aeris' other side.

"Well, we were having a coffee over at the mall and the subject came around to the Winter Dance. I said I wasn't going with anyone, because I was waiting for the right person. And then I asked why he'd turned down those other girls. And he said that he was waiting for the right person too. And then I said, well if we're both waiting for the right person, why don't we go together, while we're waiting."

"Awwwww…" Tifa and Yuffie said in unison. Cloud looked puzzled.

"What's so sweet about that? She asked him, he said yes."

"You wouldn't understand." Yuffie told him.

"Is it a girl thing?"

"Yeah."

"Then I don't wanna." Cloud said, settling back. Tifa turned to Aeris.

"OK – We'll go shopping for a dress tomorrow. I want to buy myself a new dress too. What about you, Yuffie?"

"I've got a dress, but I need shoes."

"Can we start recording now? I want to hear this song." Cloud said impatiently.

Yuffie read the lyrics through a couple of times.

"I still think you should be singing this, Aeris. It'd sound better." She said. Aeris shook her head.

"No, you're a better singer."

"Aeris, we have completely different styles of singing. Cloud, record both so us singing and then decide which one sounds best."

"What's the song called?" Tifa asked.

"'My Immortal'." Aeris said, bringing the recording equipment to Yuffie.

"Yuffie, you go first, and then Aeris can." Cloud said. Aeris, Cloud and Tifa went into the next room, watching Yuffie through the glass.

Aeris placed the backing track into the machine and pressed play and record. As the soft piano music floated through the speakers, Yuffie started to sing. They waited until she had finished the song and hen she jumped up.

"Aeris, you go."

Aeris went through and sat down on the stool. The music played again and Aeris sang the lyrics she had written several years ago but had never properly developed until now.

"I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my

Childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me…"

Cloud waved a hand and she stopped. Joining them in the equipment room, he said.

"That's a great song…"

"But?"

"But… well, this is supposed to be going on the positive part, but it sounds better on the negative part. Look, if I play this music over the negative part…" He pushed a tape into a TV and played the music over the top. He was right. Aeris considered it.

"I see what you mean. We need a more uplifting song for the second part. So if we keep that for negative half, I'll look in my notebook and see if I've got a better one now."

A few minutes later, Aeris waved a song at him.

"Got it."

"What's it called?"

"'See the Sun'. Plus, it's a good one for Yuffie to sing." Aeris said. Cloud nodded.

"OK, we'll do that and then I'll record my spoken part."

"Good." Yuffie poked Tifa.

"What are you doing for music?"

"Well, I've done 'The Life of a College Student', and I've already found the perfect song."

"What is it?"

"Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus!" Tifa laughed.

"And you're asking me why pain

Is the only way to happiness

But I promise you you'll see the sun again

And you're asking me why pain

Is the only way to happiness

And I promise you you'll see the sun again…"

The music died away and Cloud put his thumbs up.

"That was brilliant. I just need to do my part and then I think we've finished."

"What are you doing? Oh, god, you're not singing are you?" Aeris asked in horror. Cloud narrowed his eyes.

"No, I'm not. And what's wrong with my singing?"

"Nothing. Apart from the sound." Aeris muttered the last part as Cloud entered the booth.

"There's the sunrise in the middle of the tape. I'm going to read a poem over the top of that."

Aeris pressed record and gave him the thumbs up. Cloud spoke into the microphone.

"A father's hug

A mother's kiss

A child's embrace

So innocent

So loving

And then they came

The disease

The rape

The drought

The famine

The soldiers

The weapons

The pain

The father is forced to work far away

No more time for hugs

The mother is killed by disease

No more time for kisses

The child is beaten and made to work

No one to embrace

And still

Innocence and love

They are still here

The families stay

Side-by-side

Arm-in-arm

We can cure the disease

We can prevent the rape

We can quench the drought

We can feed the famine

We can fight the soldiers

We can destroy the weapons

We can heal the pain

The father can stay

The mother can be saved

The child can be cared for

And not made to work

But not alone

They need help

They need us

They need you

They need

A father's hug

A mother's kiss

A child's embrace

We can start a new day

And help them see the sun."

Cloud nodded to Aeris and she pressed stop.

"How was it?"

"Cloud, that was incredible." Aeris said. He grinned and came through.

"OK... I'll take the recordings, edit it and set it up. Then you can come and see it."

"Sounds good. Now, I haven't had coffee in an hour. Let's go." Aeris said, picking up her lyrics book.

A/N: OK, 'See the Sun' is by Dido and 'My Immortal' is by Evanescence. Both are fantastic songs. Listen to them if possible. The poem is original, please don't pinch it. But DO review and tell me what you think! I really love writing this story, but it's kind of reassuring to know that someone out there is enjoying it too!