Pathway to Hell
Chapter 9 Lost Inside

AN: Thanks to Midnight Moonstar and cptn-jacks-bonnie-lass for your great reviews! Okay I dunno what possessed me to make this chapter turn out the way it did but I've done it now and you're just gonna have to deal! Lol! Please R&R!

"John…"
"John…"
That name… It echoed over and over never stopping.
A blur of colours surrounded him causing a wave of nausea to overtake his already weakened body.
The room was spinning. Going round and round and round…
"John…"
"John…"
What is John? Why do these unknown things keep saying that name?
He wished they would stop. Just shut the hell up and let him get on with his misery, his pain.
He could remember so clearly what had happened to him just before Lucifer pulled him out.
Demons had surrounded him stopping him from escaping their evil grasp.
Every single part of his body had been torn apart. Every single nerve ached. Every single fibre of his being was stripped from him and cast aside. He was murdered in the worst possible way yet he had lived through it. He had been conscious throughout the whole process. He could hear Balthazar's insane laughter as he screamed out in total agony. He had wanted death to overcome him. To take him in it's steely grasp and end his suffering but alas peace had not come.
"JOHN!"
This time he felt contact. Warm flesh connect with his own, but this simple act did not bring him comfort. No, instead of the comfort it should have brought it caused another wave of immense pain to flood though his aching body.
He wanted peace… Why hadn't he received the peace he had longed for for so long?
He cried out pulling away.
"Jesus Christ Gaia don't touch him!" A Male voice said angrily.
"Don't touch him? Chas I've been the one going through Hell to get him out! I'm the reason he's here! I just want to help!" A female replied.
"Gaia just go okay you're making things worse"
"Fuck you, Chas." There was a loud slam then a string of curses.
"John c'mon man you gotta help me here"
John again. Was he John? Was that his name? Is that who he is?
Who was he? He remembered flashes, glimpses of his former life. He remembered a boy… Chas.
His name was Chas. He was just a kid but he was so full of life, so eager to please.
He remembered the kid so well, yet he didn't know who he, himself was.
He also remembered a girl. Lost and alone begging for help, for answers to the questions she asked. All she wanted was a normal life yet she hadn't received it… He remembered her… Yet somehow he didn't know who he was. Who had he been before the extreme heat and the torture he had endured. What had he been like?
"John man… I know what you've been through was fucking awful and I know you're prob messed up because of it but you have no idea what we've all been going through especially Gaia"
Gaia that was the girl. The girl who had come to him in hell, promised to save him and she had, she had saved him just as she said she would.
"John please do something…"
"Chas?" John croaked.
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Who am I"
The teen was taken aback by this seemingly obvious question. He took a deep breath. How could he do this? Why had he been so horrible to Gaia? She was the one who saved John. She was the one who had been tortured by Balthazar, the one who had gone to hell every night in her dreams. Gaia has suffered so much and he had just dismissed her like she was nothing to him.
"You're the John Constantine. Demon hunter, bad ass, hero and you're my friend John so cut out this crap and stand the fuck up"
"John Constantine…" He repeated looking into the young boy's eyes.
"Yeah." Chas nodded.
He was John Constantine. He was an exorcist and a demon hunter kicking series ass to earn his place in heaven only to be trapped in hell.
He could remember… He remember why he was in that place… He had sold his soul to the devil to save Gaia and the world with her, only to be told that it was all for nothing that Gaia wouldn't turn evil and the world was safe if she held on to her faith.
"Where is she?" John asked.
"Who"
"Gaia"
"I dunno, she left." Chas replied bowing his head in shame. She had left because of him.
"I need to see her"
"Don't worry John she'll be back."

Fuck Chas Kramer. Fuck John Constantine. Fuck heaven. Fuck Hell. Fuck earth. Fuck life. FUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
All I had ever done was hold on to my faith. I knew that if I didn't give up I could get John out and that's exactly what I had done. I had saved him like I said I would. After 2 weeks I had saved the person who gave up everything for me. 2 weeks. How long had that been for him? Time passed slower in hell so 2 weeks would seem like forever. What torment had he been through because of me?
Why had Chas been the way he had. Sure he and John had been friends even before I had turned up but that didn't give him the right to forget the suffering I had dealt with.
Not just physical pain but the emotional guilt that had plagued my thoughts. My weight had plummeted, my appetite diminished. I had endured many sleepless nights. 2 weeks. When you say it like that it doesn't seem like a long time. But 2 weeks is 336 hours. 336 hours and out of those 336 hours I had been awake for approximately 300 of them. My sleep had been effected by the intense nightmares and the guilt. The guilt had done me the most damage but for what? Would John ever be the same? Have I broken him for life?
I needed to talk to someone, anyone.
Murphy.
Murphy had been a great friend despite the fact he was a demon. But I didn't have even the slightest idea where he lived! Whatever. I don't care like that's gonna stop me. No, I'll just have to go to Midnite's and hope he turns up… And if he doesn't? I'll get drunk out of my mind and hopefully pass out and DIE!
It was really late John had been sleeping most of the day.
Midnite's was buzzing. The pounding of heavy music and eerie glow spilling onto the street, all the same as I remembered from the last time I was here. I turned to face the alley where my face had been torn apart. I bet if I took a look there would still be flesh clinging onto the wall where it had happened. The blood would have dried by now forever leaving me a reminder of the pain I had felt that night. I tore my eyes from the dark gap and returned to the bright club I was heading for.
A new bouncer held up a card for me.
My mind went blank. Shit. Why couldn't I see it? The card was just a jumble of shapes I saw nothing. Nothing. There was nothing to see.
"Um…"
The guy gave me a funny look turning the card to give me another go.
This time I very clearly saw the image imprinted onto it.
"An eagle to flight." I said.
The bouncer removed the rope allowing me to enter.

That was so incredibly weird… Why couldn't I see the first one.
"Coz your minds fucked up Luceria you weren't looking at the card"
"Yes, I was"
"NO, you weren't"
"Shut up Murphy"
The half breed smiled.
"What's up kid"
"Nothing just felt the need to drink myself into a coma"
"Oh right… You came to the right place then!" He said leading me to the bar.
"You wanna talk about it"
I sighed. Somehow I just didn't feel like talking any more.
"Nah, I just wanna get drunk"
Murphy narrowed his eyes at me. Surveying my pale features.
"You okay"
"Nope"
"C'mon Luce you can talk to me"
"Where d'you live?" I asked changing the subject.
"What"
"Where-do-you-live?" I asked slowly emphasising every word.
"What all of a sudden you're interested in my life? Stop changing the subject Luce and talk to me"
"You now what, I don't wanna talk." I said giving him a wide smile.
"Give me a scarlet!" I shouted to the bartender.
The first time I had met Murphy he had been downing these things. Yes, they were very strong but that's exactly what I wanted.
"Make that two." Murphy added.
"So you wanna tell me why you wanna drink your self into a coma or am I gonna have to take a guess"
"Chas is being an asshole. It's nothing. I just went through 14 sleepless days of crap to be thrown out coz I'm trying to help but don't worry I never really gave a fuck to begin with"
"Come on Luce it must be hard on everyone not just you"
"Fuck you"
"Go for it." He said a mischievous grin spreading across his face.
"Don't tempt me." I whispered downing my drink quickly.
"Why you already want me?" He asked curiously.
I turned to face him. Yeah just as hot as I remembered. Of course I wanted him. I had wanted him from the first time I had met him but I wasn't about to admit it.
"Shut up Murph." I said turning back to the bar.
He caught my face in his hand forcing me to look at him.
I did. I looked right into those dark eyes seeing what I always saw.
"Luceria…"
I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. Damn all that demon strength.
"You can't just say that and not explain yourself…"
"Yeah I want you." I said finally.
I forgot about Chas and the love I felt for him. No, I was way too pissed off at him to think of his feelings. I forgot about John and the fight I had struggled to win for him. I forgot about Heaven and Hell and in that instance I felt normal.
"Good." He said pulling in closer.
He was millimetres from my lips.
"Coz I want you too." He whispered softly.
Kissing me gently.
He wasn't sweet like Chas, infact he was the exact opposite he was bitter and he was bad. He was the only thing Ineeded to satisfy the voice inside of me, daring me to lose control.