Titanic meets Jaws!
It was a beautiful night on the R.M.S Titanic… until it hit the iceberg that is. Things only went downhill from there… literally.
The underside of the Titanic was filling up; the ship was sinking fast. People were screaming and yelling from third class and on A deck the resident band was playing merrily.
The young Rose was having her usual fit of hysterics when her "true love", Jack, lead her into a lifeboat, she characteristically stared up stupidly at him for a moment or two… and then jumped off the side of the boat.
The creature under the water watched these antics with interest.
They might make a good snack! He thought to himself, swimming closer.
Now you might be wondering what a Great White shark was doing in the Atlantic ocean, for such he was the famous star of that dramatic and critically acclaimed movie JAWS. After spending a few months after shooting, he easily got bored with the balmy coast of California and thought to himself: Let's go visit Newfoundland! (Yes, we do know this is impossible… but he was a special shark OKAY!)
He had cleaned up those pearly whites, just like in the song "Jack the Knife". He hummed it to himself as he swam out towards the lifeboats for a before dinner snack.
Oh the shark has pretty teeth, dear
And he shows them pearly whites…
After running about randomly for about an hour or so. Jack and Rose, those poor star-crossed lovers (they obviously were lovers! Bloody get your mind off of sex for once Hollywood!) Decided to run to the very end of the boat – I think it was stern… or was it port? I can't remember. Anyways… - they sat there for a little while, watching people fall to their doom, get smashed by propellers, etc. etc… and then vaguely realized that the ship would most likely suck them down with it. So naturally they stayed on.
"Don't worry Rose! I'll save you!" Jack called. The man beside them rolled his eyes and said:
"You stupid, bloody idiot! We're on a sinking ship, what the devil are you going to do!"
"I'll think of something! I'm super Jack!" yelled Jack. The man beside him smacked him hard on the face. "I'm okay now, just a little bit of hysteria."
Rose gasped. "Did you hurt my honey-wunney?"
The man sighed again. "Spare me, will someone please just shoot me now!"
A bit quieter he heard: "Did that meany man hurt you Jacky-wacky?"
The ship eventually went down, then they swam around for a little awhile, screaming uselessly and miraculously, Jack found a door! No, not a portal into another dimension, we're not that insane… most of the time anyway. It was just a regular wooden door that no one had claimed yet and naturally only had room for one person.
Rose swam up to the door and yelled triumphantly, "This is our land! Would you mind terribly, Jack, if I borrowed your underwear, we need a flag."
Naturally, being the henpecked idiot he was, Jack gave them to her and they placed it proudly on their land – er – door, rather.
Rose got up onto her land. "Oh you're so kind, Jack, giving up your respite from this horrid water in order to save poor little me!"
Jack looked confused. "I didn't offer anything…"
"DO IT!" Rose ordered, furious.
Jack decided that since he couldn't go upon their land, he might as well hang onto the side. He stayed there for a little while, then became extremely bored. So he pulled his writing materials out of his elephantine trousers and began to draw Rose lying on the door.
A man with a whistle (how convenient!) swam by. "What the devil are you doing?"
"Sketching," Jack said disinterestedly. "There's nothing better to do anyway."
After having a light snack of three lifeboats or so, the Great White (whose real name was Bob) decided to find to find those two idiotic creatures he had seen earlier. Indeed they were still acting idiotically.
"Now you must tell me: how much you love me, and how much you would rather die in my place." Rose said passionately.
Jack snorted. "Screw that! I only slept with because I was bored you know." Rose cried for a few moments when she noticed that he wasn't paying any attention to her, so she pushed him off the land/door/boat.
Bob was waiting passionately, and decided this was a perfect chance to eat him whole.
After about two seconds, Rose decided she was very bored and started to call out for Jack.
"Jack! Jack, honey, where are you?" Bob showed himself, all his teeth and wide mouth open and Jack's head still in his mouth.
"Heeeeeeelp me! Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp me!" Jack moaned.
"Oh my," Rose said before Bob ate her… and everyone cheered.
And so, Bob was feeling very proud of himself and decided to have one last lifeboat as dessert. This lifeboat just so happened to have Rose's mother, Ruth the loudmouth and her fiancée, Cal the bastardly.
They were all silent, contemplating their recent brush with death (yeah, being in a lifeboat is so terrifying) when they heard a strange sound echoing throughout the night.
Dun-dun"What on Earth was that?" Ruth the loudmouth asked.
Dun-dun"I'm not at all sure," replied Cal the bastardly.
Dun-dun, dun-dun"Haven't the musicians stopped playing yet? The ship did sink I hope they know." Rose's mother said.
Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun… DUN-DUN!
And they were swallowed in one bite.
Just as a note: we hate Titanic. All reviews welcome, including flames! By the way… this fic was also written by crazycatluver.