26th April 2005

A/N: Hi, sorry I haven't updated for so long, I didn't have any good ideas. I still don't so I've put up some of my better worse ones. Anyways, please read, you might find it interresting! Wakka gets a sidekick, and learns a valuable lesson in being evil. please r'n'r!

Herbert Haralily.

Wakka sighed as he left the Calm Lands. Who am I kiddin'? I'm not cut out for this! He thought to himself despondently. Maybe I'll just follow my childhood dream of becoming ruler of the underworld… Yeah! I'll do that! Reckon I'd be good at being the Antichrist!

So, our dim-witted hero, who suffers from short-term memory loss, set off up Mt. Gagazet, the ice topped holy mountain of the Ronso tribe, in his sandals.

"Phew! All these fiends are tough work! Maybe I'll take a break!" Wakka suggested to himself. "I know! I'll build a snowman! Booya!"

Soon, Wakka had the main structure of the snowman complete, he had even given it a name: Herbert Haralily. "Aww! Man, what da hell 'm I s'posed to used for his face… Ahah!" He rummaged around in his pockets for a while and finally brought out a pair of scissors. Very carefully, he cut of his large spike and stuck it on to Herbert as a nose. Now I just need eyes and a mouth… hmm. What if I-

A rush of searing heat rudely interrupted his thoughts and Hastur once again appeared before him.

"Wakka, how is the chaos goi- WHAT IN HEAVEN ARE YOU DOING!"

"We-well, there were loads of fiends, a-and I just stopped for a quick rest, and I-I do like snow s-so much-"

"That has to be the best snowman I have ever seen! You need some eyes and a mouth now though! Can I help? C'mon, ugly please!" cried the enthusiastic demon.

"Y-Your not angry? Sure! C'mon!" Wakka replied, immensely relieved that he wasn't going to be eternally tormented.

"Err, what's happening to your hair?"

"What- oh. That. It regrows automatically when you cut it off." Said Wakka, dismissively.

"Hey, that's pretty neat!"

"It's a mixed blessing; would you believe that some women actually find my hair unattractive!"

"No!" cried Hastur, shocked, "But it's so, so… spiky!"

"I know!… Anyway! We must finish the snowman… Hey, you live in hell! How do you know how to build snowmen? They'd just melt!"

"Your father recognises the problem and grants everyone a free surface pass for the snowy season. Demons are renowned for their snowman making skills!"

"Wow! Hey, you have some coal, right?"

"YEAH!" Hastur reached into his beard and pulled out some coals. He caught the amazed look on Wakka's face, and said proudly "Master says that I'm very gifted!"

So Wakka and Hastur completed Herbert the Snowman, and began to do the snowman dance around him, like some kind of voodoo ritual, when they noticed that they were being watched.

"Erm, what are you doing?" spoke the posh voice that could only mean one thing.

"Seymour?" Wakka and Hastur cried together.

"Yes, it is I! The mighty Seymour! Maester of Yevon! Ruler of Spira! Here to reach the top of Mt. Gagazet before Yuna and her merry band of guardians so that I can fight and lose against them once more! Wait! Aren't you supposed to be with them?" the Guado asked, pointing a long finger at Wakka.

"Well, yeah… but, I left!" Wakka replied.

"What! You left them! I thought that black mage would have kicked you out!"

"Hey! No way, man!"

"Oh well. Guess I can't be right all the time, just most of it!" said the self-loving Maester.

"Ahem!" Hastur coughed. "Seymour Guado! You are a disgrace!"

"Wha- Aaiiee! Hahah! Hastur! My old friend! So nice to see you aga-"

"Don't try to flatter me! You know I find that insulting! What a pleasant surprise this is, worm child!"

"Oooh! That's mean!" Cried Seymour, hurt. "If there is anyway to make it up to you, anything at all."

"Err, make what up?" asked Wakka, curiously.

"This lettuce eating jelly monger promised that he would bake me a jam cake! He never did!" cried Hastur.

"I'm s-so sorry, sir! Please don't hurt me!"

"Hmmm. I will spare your soul, on one condition!"

"Just name it, oh gracious one!"

"What did I say just about compliments? Anyway, your soul may be spared if you help Wakka the antichrist on his quest. Do you accept?"

"What's the quest?"

"To cause mayhem and havoc, spread the word of the evil one. The usual package."

"Ooooh! Me like! I mean. I suppose I shall help, if that is what I must do."

"Booya! I got a sidekick, ya!"

"Good! Now that Herbert is complete, I must go! Farewell, and hell-speed!" Hastur bid them goodbye, before vanishing in flames.

"Always was one for dramatic exits! Did you know, that they don't have to vanish in flames if they don't want to! They could just vanish, but nooo! They have to use fire!" said Seymour, with just a hint of jealousy.

"So, your Seymour." Said Wakka, intelligently.

"Yes, funnily enough. Hey, your kinda cute, I don't like the spike too much, though…"

"Man! Why don't any women like my hair?"

"Ahem, I am not a woman, merely a pansy! There's a subtle difference! Oh no!" Seymour said, looking at his digital watch. "You've made me late for my fight with Yuna!"

"Well, if we run really fast maybe-"

"Dear, dear! Now I see why Hastur wanted me to look after you! You haven't been doing this long, have you?"

"Not really, no…"

"Rule number one: Always make a dramatic, impressive, intimidating entrance! If you scare them in the first instant, then they're more likely to stay scared!"

"Oh! Well, that makes sense!"

"Ok. Now, watch and learn! I am going to summon a mortichus! It will have… hmm, claws! And… cast spells! And… be really big and clumsy!"

"Wow! I wish I had your imagination!"

"I know, it came from my mother's side."

So Seymour summoned the mortichus and fought Yuna and her guardians, who quickly dispatched of him and his monster. The Guado fell back down Mt. Gagazet to where Wakka was watching (he now had the amazing ability to zoom in and out, a powerful trait given to demons.)

"They kicked your jelly mongering ass, Seymour!"

"Hey! I hate being called that. Anyway! Have I taught you nothing in the short space of time I've been with you? It's not about whether you win or not, it's about whether you do it in style!"

A/N: You gotta hate Seymour! Anyway, please review! Again, sorry the update took so long, I'll try and be faster next time! Promise!