Chapter 23
Arwen cradled the sleeping newborn baby boy in her arms. Although the situation was very serious, she couldn't help but smile, this was a very joyous occasion. Elves treasured all life, but especially new life.
"What are you going to call him?" she asked quietly.
"Kemenhin," replied the tired Istari. Arwen smiled.
"Earth's child," she said. "Very appropriate." Silva smiled in return.
"I thought so, since I am an Earth spirit and he is a Silvan Elf," she said, but as she did her smile faded. Arwen saw this and sat on the bed next to her.
"What are you going to tell him?" Silva shook her head.
"I don't know. I can't tell him he's a father, no one else can know. But I'll have to tell him something convincing because otherwise he won't believe me." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "I miss him so much, Arwen. I feel terrible about leaving him the way I did, and even worse about having to keep this a secret." She took Kemenhin back in her arms and kissed his forehead. Arwen sat in thought for a moment.
"I can't make any promises," she began, "but perhaps Grandmother would allow you to use the mirror. It might show you how he is. It may ease your mind."
"Do you think she would?"
"You have only to ask." Galadriel was standing in the archway. "If it is what you wish to do, then you may gladly do so, but do not get your hopes up too high."
"Anything is worth a try," said Silva. "But I am so tired now."
"Of course you are, you've just given birth," said Arwen. "Would you like me to stay with you incase he wakes?"
"If you want to, but I don't mind." She lay back with Kemenhin still in her arms and she fell asleep almost instantly.
"It isn't fair that they have to be separated," said Arwen. 'They should be able to live together peacefully. The three of them."
"She is a brave woman," said Galadriel. "To hold such a secret for the unforeseeable future is a great burden that few would be able to bear."
"Has she made a decision about Kemenhin?"
"She has asked me to raise him as one of my own, but to always tell him the truth. She wants him to know that he was not left by choice. His mother and father do live, but that it isn't possible for them to meet."
"I feel like I should do something to help her." Arwen sighed. "But I don't know what to do."
"Help her raise her child whilst she is here, for she will need much help. And when she leaves, help me. You could do her no greater honour than that." Arwen nodded. "Come now, leave the two of them to rest."
*****
~* 7 months after birth *~
Legolas sat at the desk with his head in his hands. To his left and right were piles and piles of paperwork. He was wading through it slowly but surely and had been for the passed six hours. His back and neck were aching, his hand was beginning to cramp up and his head hurt. None of this was helped by the fact that the room in which he sat had no windows. It was a welcome break when there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," he called as he massaged his temples. A relatively young Elf maiden walking in with a small tray, on it a jug and two glasses. When the door opened, the small study was illuminated and then plunged into gloom once more when it shut. The only light to be had came from five candles strategically placed to give off the maximum amount of light.
"You know, I really wish you would either get some more candles in here or move to another study," she said. She set the tray down next to him and grinned at him. "I thought you could do with a rest, you've been working for far too long today." He rolled his eyes.
"Yes, mother," he said, sarcastically. She frowned at him.
"Fine then, I'll just take these away, shall I?" She picked up the tray again and turned towards the door. He grabbed her arm, careful as not spill the jug.
"No, please don't, Fëa, I'm glad of the company," he said. Fëalindalë1 watched him for a moment, warily, before placing the tray on the desk once more. Fëa (as she liked to be called) and Legolas had been good friends for a very long time. He wouldn't have called her his best friend exactly, but she was the closest thing he had to it, although they had drifted apart for several years. Since Silva's disappearance, they had become very close again, however. Even more so than they had ever been, but that was largely down to her. For many years, she had longed to win his heart and never succeeded, then Silva came along and all hope left her. But when Silva left, Legolas sought her out to apologise for letting the gap grow between them. He now appreciated everything he had in life and she was one of those things. She made sure they spent most of their time together, without making it too obvious.
"Perhaps you should stop now," she said. "You've been doing this all day, every day, for the passed week. I'd be surprised if you still knew what daylight was." He laughed lightly.
"I need to give myself to do, and these papers and treaties and trade agreements won't write themselves, will they?" he said. "And I need to keep myself occupied." She hated to spoil things, but it had to be said.
"Destroying yourself through work won't bring her back, Legolas," she said softly.
"I know it won't, nothing will," he said. 'Cheer him up!' she ordered herself.
"And anyway, all work and no play make Legolas boring, miserable and unwanted," she teased. He mocked shock and offence.
"Well then, my dear Fëa, you shall have to show me the cure for boringness and misery. But as for unwanted, well, there's nothing I can do about that. I shall just have to remain unloved in this world. All alone and friendless." He pretended to pout and made his eyes wide with feigned sadness. (E/N: ie. Puppy dog eyes, but that would have looked out of place.)
"Oh, stop that! It's too cute," she said, shoving him playfully.
"Well, if you really think I'm being boring, let's get out of this cramped study. I'll learn what daylight is again and we'll have some fun." She gasped and placed a hand on his forehead.
"Are you feeling ok? You're not feverish, are you? You're actually offering to stop working?" She placed to fingers on his pulse. "Hmmm, your temperature is normal and your pulse rate is fine. You're not going insane, are you?"
"Ha, ha, no," he said, "but you're driving me insane. Now can we just go?" He stood up and realised just how much he was aching. "I need to get out more."
"You need to get a life."
"As do you, Fëalindalë." She scowled at the use of her real name.
"I'll leave you in this horrid little room if you're not careful, Legolas Greenleaf," she warned.
"You know I love you really," he said. 'I wish you did.'
"Sure you do, not come on, let's get going. I rather fancy some wine. What's say we have a little competition in the tavern?" Legolas looked confused.
"What tavern?"
"Have you been in here so long you've forgotten what a tavern is?" He rolled his eyes again.
"Fëa, I'm being serious. What tavern?" She laughed.
"There is no tavern, dimwit! I'm joking." He looked even more confused. "The Dining Room? Remember that big hall where we eat most nights in a week? Well, normal people do, I'm not sure about yourself. If we go there, I'm sure some one will bring us some wine, you are Crown Prince after all."
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let us go, milady." He gave her a sweeping bow and then pushed her towards the door. She arched a delicate, golden eyebrow.
"You really are very strange."
When they reached the Dining Room, it was four o'clock. When they left the Dining Room, it was nearly midnight. They had one brief interlude during the evening meal when they stopped drinking, but apart from that, they drank non-stop. Holding one another up, they staggered and swayed their way back to their chambers, they came to Fëa's first.
"Thank you ffffffffor a lovvvvvvvvvvely evening," said Fëa, slurring quite a lot.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, its me. I gotta thankyou," said Legolas, also slurring.
"I've done nothin' but bea goodfriend."
"And tha's what I need. You're a brilliant ffffffffriend to me, Fëaaaaaaaaa. I love you."
"Do you really?"
".... do I what?"
"D'you love me? Really? Like, really really?"
"You're my bes' friend and-"
"No, no, no, no, I mean d'you love me properly? Like how y'loved that Silva-wotsitty-personthing."
"I dddddunno."
" 'Cuz I love you, Leg'las. I really do. I love you and I always have."
"Have you re- ARGH!" He fell over with a large and painful thump. Fëa burst out laughing.
"HA! You fell over! HA! HAHAHA!" she cried. Legolas started laughing as well.
"Help me up then! Don't jus' laugh at me!" She held out her hand (in completely the wrong direction) and he grabbed it, though it took him a while. He was nearly back on his feet when he slipped over again, this time bringing Fëa with him. She landed on top of him and they both burst out laughing again. When the laughing subsided, they looked one another in the eyes and all humour was lost. Her face hovered a couple of inches above his and she slowly closed the gap. To her joy, when their lips met, he didn't pull away, he did the complete opposite and kissed back intensely. 'It's only the drink,' she told herself. 'Enjoy it while it lasts.' When they did break off, Fëa immediately stood up and helped him to stand up. Neither of them knew what to say, she avoided catching his eye.
"Will I see you in the morning?" he eventually asked.
"You can count on it," she replied.
"Well, good night then." He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and then went off in the direction of his own chamber. As Fëa closed her door, she couldn't help but smile.
*****
"Silva, thi will be your third time, it's never shown anything before," said Arwen. "I think you should stop trying. You're just tormenting yourself."
"This will be the last time," said Silva. "Just once more before I leave. I know it's only shown the past before, but maybe I'll be lucky this time. I would just like to know what to expect."
"You do what you think is right," said Galadriel. "But surely you know what to expect."
"From Thranduil, yes. But Legolas, I cannot work him out. He is very stubborn and his pride my stop him from welcoming me. Damn the boy."
"Technically you can't call him a boy anymore," said Arwen. "He's a father now. Though by Elven standards, he is still only a boy, even we would call him a man now."
"Well, if not a child, then childish," said Silva. "Please, we're straying off task. Galadriel, may I look in the Mirror one last time?"
"You may," said Galadriel. "It shall have to be after nightfall once more, however." Silva nodded.
"Do you want me to look after Kemenhin whilst you do so?" asked Arwen.
"Oh, yes please. I'd be most grateful."
When night fell, Silva left Kemenhin in Arwen's care and made her way to the Mirror of Galadriel. The Lady of the Wood was already there when she arrived, awaiting the Istari mother.
"You must be sure, Silvawen," she said.
"I am sire," said Silva. She stepped up the small pool of water and leant over it. After a few moments, the water began to ripple of its own accord, then images appeared on its surface.
Legolas and Fëa sat alone at the end of a long table in a vast room. He looked sad, but she then said something and he laughed. They were drinking wine. Their strong friendship was very evident in how relaxed the two were together. The pool rippled again. The same room was now lit by a large fire and hundreds of candles. Legolas was now seated next to Thranduil and Fëa sat several seats away, casting Legolas adoring looks. He looked over at her and smiled warmly, she smiled in return. The pool rippled for a third time. Legolas and Fëa were holding one another up, stumbling down a fairly dark corridor. They stopped outside a door. They spoke for a while and then he fell over. She tried to help him up, but merely fell on top of him. They watched one another for a moment and then they kissed, a long eager kiss. When they stood up, he planted a last kiss on hr cheek and walked away. The image faded out.
When Silva looked up at Galadriel, tears were streaming down her face.
"I've lost him," she sobbed. Galadriel walked over and embraced her. Silva cried into the Elf's shoulder.
"There is still time," said Galadriel. "If you leave now or soon, you may still keep his heart. He was seriously wounded when you left, Silvawen, but now he has realised that instead of bottling up his pain, he can release it as love for another. Legolas and Fëalindalë have always had a close bond, perhaps now they both realise how close. If you truly love him, you must be prepared to fight for his love."
"I will spend one more day with my son," said Silva, regaining her composure, trying to hold back her emotions. "Then I shall return and fight for his love."
"Do you wish for a messenger to be sent forth to your sisters when you leave?"
"No, I shall tell them myself."
"Then I suggest you spend you remaining time with Kemenhin."
"Thank you, Galadriel, for everything you've done for me."
"Think nothing of it."
Arwen cradled the sleeping newborn baby boy in her arms. Although the situation was very serious, she couldn't help but smile, this was a very joyous occasion. Elves treasured all life, but especially new life.
"What are you going to call him?" she asked quietly.
"Kemenhin," replied the tired Istari. Arwen smiled.
"Earth's child," she said. "Very appropriate." Silva smiled in return.
"I thought so, since I am an Earth spirit and he is a Silvan Elf," she said, but as she did her smile faded. Arwen saw this and sat on the bed next to her.
"What are you going to tell him?" Silva shook her head.
"I don't know. I can't tell him he's a father, no one else can know. But I'll have to tell him something convincing because otherwise he won't believe me." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "I miss him so much, Arwen. I feel terrible about leaving him the way I did, and even worse about having to keep this a secret." She took Kemenhin back in her arms and kissed his forehead. Arwen sat in thought for a moment.
"I can't make any promises," she began, "but perhaps Grandmother would allow you to use the mirror. It might show you how he is. It may ease your mind."
"Do you think she would?"
"You have only to ask." Galadriel was standing in the archway. "If it is what you wish to do, then you may gladly do so, but do not get your hopes up too high."
"Anything is worth a try," said Silva. "But I am so tired now."
"Of course you are, you've just given birth," said Arwen. "Would you like me to stay with you incase he wakes?"
"If you want to, but I don't mind." She lay back with Kemenhin still in her arms and she fell asleep almost instantly.
"It isn't fair that they have to be separated," said Arwen. 'They should be able to live together peacefully. The three of them."
"She is a brave woman," said Galadriel. "To hold such a secret for the unforeseeable future is a great burden that few would be able to bear."
"Has she made a decision about Kemenhin?"
"She has asked me to raise him as one of my own, but to always tell him the truth. She wants him to know that he was not left by choice. His mother and father do live, but that it isn't possible for them to meet."
"I feel like I should do something to help her." Arwen sighed. "But I don't know what to do."
"Help her raise her child whilst she is here, for she will need much help. And when she leaves, help me. You could do her no greater honour than that." Arwen nodded. "Come now, leave the two of them to rest."
*****
~* 7 months after birth *~
Legolas sat at the desk with his head in his hands. To his left and right were piles and piles of paperwork. He was wading through it slowly but surely and had been for the passed six hours. His back and neck were aching, his hand was beginning to cramp up and his head hurt. None of this was helped by the fact that the room in which he sat had no windows. It was a welcome break when there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," he called as he massaged his temples. A relatively young Elf maiden walking in with a small tray, on it a jug and two glasses. When the door opened, the small study was illuminated and then plunged into gloom once more when it shut. The only light to be had came from five candles strategically placed to give off the maximum amount of light.
"You know, I really wish you would either get some more candles in here or move to another study," she said. She set the tray down next to him and grinned at him. "I thought you could do with a rest, you've been working for far too long today." He rolled his eyes.
"Yes, mother," he said, sarcastically. She frowned at him.
"Fine then, I'll just take these away, shall I?" She picked up the tray again and turned towards the door. He grabbed her arm, careful as not spill the jug.
"No, please don't, Fëa, I'm glad of the company," he said. Fëalindalë1 watched him for a moment, warily, before placing the tray on the desk once more. Fëa (as she liked to be called) and Legolas had been good friends for a very long time. He wouldn't have called her his best friend exactly, but she was the closest thing he had to it, although they had drifted apart for several years. Since Silva's disappearance, they had become very close again, however. Even more so than they had ever been, but that was largely down to her. For many years, she had longed to win his heart and never succeeded, then Silva came along and all hope left her. But when Silva left, Legolas sought her out to apologise for letting the gap grow between them. He now appreciated everything he had in life and she was one of those things. She made sure they spent most of their time together, without making it too obvious.
"Perhaps you should stop now," she said. "You've been doing this all day, every day, for the passed week. I'd be surprised if you still knew what daylight was." He laughed lightly.
"I need to give myself to do, and these papers and treaties and trade agreements won't write themselves, will they?" he said. "And I need to keep myself occupied." She hated to spoil things, but it had to be said.
"Destroying yourself through work won't bring her back, Legolas," she said softly.
"I know it won't, nothing will," he said. 'Cheer him up!' she ordered herself.
"And anyway, all work and no play make Legolas boring, miserable and unwanted," she teased. He mocked shock and offence.
"Well then, my dear Fëa, you shall have to show me the cure for boringness and misery. But as for unwanted, well, there's nothing I can do about that. I shall just have to remain unloved in this world. All alone and friendless." He pretended to pout and made his eyes wide with feigned sadness. (E/N: ie. Puppy dog eyes, but that would have looked out of place.)
"Oh, stop that! It's too cute," she said, shoving him playfully.
"Well, if you really think I'm being boring, let's get out of this cramped study. I'll learn what daylight is again and we'll have some fun." She gasped and placed a hand on his forehead.
"Are you feeling ok? You're not feverish, are you? You're actually offering to stop working?" She placed to fingers on his pulse. "Hmmm, your temperature is normal and your pulse rate is fine. You're not going insane, are you?"
"Ha, ha, no," he said, "but you're driving me insane. Now can we just go?" He stood up and realised just how much he was aching. "I need to get out more."
"You need to get a life."
"As do you, Fëalindalë." She scowled at the use of her real name.
"I'll leave you in this horrid little room if you're not careful, Legolas Greenleaf," she warned.
"You know I love you really," he said. 'I wish you did.'
"Sure you do, not come on, let's get going. I rather fancy some wine. What's say we have a little competition in the tavern?" Legolas looked confused.
"What tavern?"
"Have you been in here so long you've forgotten what a tavern is?" He rolled his eyes again.
"Fëa, I'm being serious. What tavern?" She laughed.
"There is no tavern, dimwit! I'm joking." He looked even more confused. "The Dining Room? Remember that big hall where we eat most nights in a week? Well, normal people do, I'm not sure about yourself. If we go there, I'm sure some one will bring us some wine, you are Crown Prince after all."
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let us go, milady." He gave her a sweeping bow and then pushed her towards the door. She arched a delicate, golden eyebrow.
"You really are very strange."
When they reached the Dining Room, it was four o'clock. When they left the Dining Room, it was nearly midnight. They had one brief interlude during the evening meal when they stopped drinking, but apart from that, they drank non-stop. Holding one another up, they staggered and swayed their way back to their chambers, they came to Fëa's first.
"Thank you ffffffffor a lovvvvvvvvvvely evening," said Fëa, slurring quite a lot.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, its me. I gotta thankyou," said Legolas, also slurring.
"I've done nothin' but bea goodfriend."
"And tha's what I need. You're a brilliant ffffffffriend to me, Fëaaaaaaaaa. I love you."
"Do you really?"
".... do I what?"
"D'you love me? Really? Like, really really?"
"You're my bes' friend and-"
"No, no, no, no, I mean d'you love me properly? Like how y'loved that Silva-wotsitty-personthing."
"I dddddunno."
" 'Cuz I love you, Leg'las. I really do. I love you and I always have."
"Have you re- ARGH!" He fell over with a large and painful thump. Fëa burst out laughing.
"HA! You fell over! HA! HAHAHA!" she cried. Legolas started laughing as well.
"Help me up then! Don't jus' laugh at me!" She held out her hand (in completely the wrong direction) and he grabbed it, though it took him a while. He was nearly back on his feet when he slipped over again, this time bringing Fëa with him. She landed on top of him and they both burst out laughing again. When the laughing subsided, they looked one another in the eyes and all humour was lost. Her face hovered a couple of inches above his and she slowly closed the gap. To her joy, when their lips met, he didn't pull away, he did the complete opposite and kissed back intensely. 'It's only the drink,' she told herself. 'Enjoy it while it lasts.' When they did break off, Fëa immediately stood up and helped him to stand up. Neither of them knew what to say, she avoided catching his eye.
"Will I see you in the morning?" he eventually asked.
"You can count on it," she replied.
"Well, good night then." He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and then went off in the direction of his own chamber. As Fëa closed her door, she couldn't help but smile.
*****
"Silva, thi will be your third time, it's never shown anything before," said Arwen. "I think you should stop trying. You're just tormenting yourself."
"This will be the last time," said Silva. "Just once more before I leave. I know it's only shown the past before, but maybe I'll be lucky this time. I would just like to know what to expect."
"You do what you think is right," said Galadriel. "But surely you know what to expect."
"From Thranduil, yes. But Legolas, I cannot work him out. He is very stubborn and his pride my stop him from welcoming me. Damn the boy."
"Technically you can't call him a boy anymore," said Arwen. "He's a father now. Though by Elven standards, he is still only a boy, even we would call him a man now."
"Well, if not a child, then childish," said Silva. "Please, we're straying off task. Galadriel, may I look in the Mirror one last time?"
"You may," said Galadriel. "It shall have to be after nightfall once more, however." Silva nodded.
"Do you want me to look after Kemenhin whilst you do so?" asked Arwen.
"Oh, yes please. I'd be most grateful."
When night fell, Silva left Kemenhin in Arwen's care and made her way to the Mirror of Galadriel. The Lady of the Wood was already there when she arrived, awaiting the Istari mother.
"You must be sure, Silvawen," she said.
"I am sire," said Silva. She stepped up the small pool of water and leant over it. After a few moments, the water began to ripple of its own accord, then images appeared on its surface.
Legolas and Fëa sat alone at the end of a long table in a vast room. He looked sad, but she then said something and he laughed. They were drinking wine. Their strong friendship was very evident in how relaxed the two were together. The pool rippled again. The same room was now lit by a large fire and hundreds of candles. Legolas was now seated next to Thranduil and Fëa sat several seats away, casting Legolas adoring looks. He looked over at her and smiled warmly, she smiled in return. The pool rippled for a third time. Legolas and Fëa were holding one another up, stumbling down a fairly dark corridor. They stopped outside a door. They spoke for a while and then he fell over. She tried to help him up, but merely fell on top of him. They watched one another for a moment and then they kissed, a long eager kiss. When they stood up, he planted a last kiss on hr cheek and walked away. The image faded out.
When Silva looked up at Galadriel, tears were streaming down her face.
"I've lost him," she sobbed. Galadriel walked over and embraced her. Silva cried into the Elf's shoulder.
"There is still time," said Galadriel. "If you leave now or soon, you may still keep his heart. He was seriously wounded when you left, Silvawen, but now he has realised that instead of bottling up his pain, he can release it as love for another. Legolas and Fëalindalë have always had a close bond, perhaps now they both realise how close. If you truly love him, you must be prepared to fight for his love."
"I will spend one more day with my son," said Silva, regaining her composure, trying to hold back her emotions. "Then I shall return and fight for his love."
"Do you wish for a messenger to be sent forth to your sisters when you leave?"
"No, I shall tell them myself."
"Then I suggest you spend you remaining time with Kemenhin."
"Thank you, Galadriel, for everything you've done for me."
"Think nothing of it."