26th May 2005

A/N: Hiya! Sorry, I know it's taken me ages to update! And I know that I said that I'd update faster! But it's here now, Wakka the Antichrist, part the fourth! Expect randomness, crazy antiheroes, snow bunnies and Seymour bashing (Sorry any Seymour fans! I'm looking at you, Broken Yuna!). Thank you for the reviews on previous chapters! Please, tell me what you think about this one! I was running out of ideas for Gagazet, but managed one more...um, interesting topic to happen on the mountain... Please review! My insanity depends upon it!

Wakka the Antichrist- Chapter 4… finally.

"Ok, now that I've lost to Yuna and her companions, we may leave." Seymour said proudly.

"Yeah! Woo! Err… where are we going?" Wakka asked, looking very confused (as usual).

"I have to pay a visit to an old friend of mine. We haven't spoken in quite some time." Seymour replied, not really revealing anything. Fortunately, Wakka didn't notice as only half his attention was devoted to Seymour. The other half was staring absent- mindedly upward, transfixed by the hypnotising movement of the falling snow.

"Wow… beautiful…"

"What? A reunion of evil is hardly what I'd call beautiful! Infact, if it was beautiful it would undermine the whole point of the meeting! What the…? Have you broke your neck, you're stuck staring at the sky?" Seymour said irritably, annoyed that Wakka wasn't paying attention.

"No, it's just, the snow's just so captivating… like little white bunnies hoping gently downwards to fall to their fluffy doom…" said the brilliant poet that is Wakka, then, " sniff sob ."

"Oh, for goodness' sake, what's wrong now? Did a bunny land in your eye!" Seymour quipped, with liberal amounts of sarcasm.

" Sniff It's not that, man. Its just… sob I don't want the poor fluffy bunnies to die!" Wakka wailed in grief.

Seymour sighed, "They're not really bunnies, you know!"

"How can you say that? Of course they're bunnies, look at them! Poor things, they don't even suspect what is going to happen, they just carry on hopping! They're gonna die… sniff and they don't even realise it!"

Seymour, at a loss for words as the broken ginger haired man broke down into tears and dropped to the floor, simply shook his head. 'Well,' he thought, 'This won't last long, surely, I mean, how long can a grown man cry at bunnies- I mean snowflakes! - Falling slowly to their doom… completely unaware of their fate… plunging ever downwards as their death rushes ever closer…'

" Sniff " 'Pull yourself together, man! Wakka needs you to be strong in times like this!" Seymour dabbed his eyes discreetly and spoke to the sobbing wreck that was Wakka. "… There, there?"

"There, there?" Wakka screamed, pulling himself to his feet, "There, there! Is that all you can say? We have to do something! We have to warn them!" Wakka turned away from Seymour and started running around trying to urge the snow- bunnies upwards, "Up, my friends! You must not reach the ground! If you touch it you will surely die! Can't you see the lifeless corpses that once where your fellow bunnies! No! Head back! Go up! Do you hear nothing of what I say!"

'He's so courageous; he doesn't give up, even when they won't listen to him… I wish I was more like him…but we don't have time for heroics…"

As Wakka began to tire and slow down his frenzied activity, Seymour placed a long hand gently on his back and spoke to him softly. "Wakka, there's nothing more you can do, you gave it your best, and now you have to move on, think about your future."

"B- but, they'll die! I can't let that happen!"

"You must, it is what is destined to happen. We all must die; it'll just be a little sooner for them. Come on, let it go. Let it go…"

Our brave ginger haired hero turned away from Seymour. "I wish Hastur had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened!"

"So do all who live to see such times, but it is not for us to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

Wakka dried his tear-blurred eyes and lifted up his head. "Ok. I'm ready."

And with that the two sensitive antiheros headed off up Mt. Gagazet, finally ready to put the horrific death of the snow-bunnies behind them. They quickly reached the crest of the huge mountain, after stopping briefly at the Rhonso camp to steal a few bags of sugar.

"What do we need the sugar for?" asked Wakka, for once right to be confused.

"Well, me and my friend didn't part on the best of terms… the bags of sugar are to give to her as a peace offering."

"Whoa, her! Was she your girlfriend?" Wakka taunted, giggling childishly.

"NO! She was not my girlfriend! Protested Seymour.

"Aww! She was, wasn't she? Is that why you need a peace offering, did you finish her?"

"She was not my girlfriend! I need the peace offering because I forgot to bake her a jam cake."

"Man, you forgot a lot of jam cakes…"

"Are you trying to say that I, I: Maester of Yevon, have a bad memory? I'm affronted at your- what was I saying? Oh no!" Seymour looked at his watch, "Damn! I missed my dental appointment. Now I'll have to ring and explain it all!"

"Oh well, let's go meet this friend of yours first, eh?"

"Yeah." Seymour said despondently, but after a few minutes he couldn't remember why, so he cheered up again to his (almost) normal self.

They headed down the other side of the mountain towards the ancient ruins of Zanarkand. Swarms of pyreflies weaved in and out of each other, their intertwining colours enough to make Joseph ashamed of his Technicolor Dream Coat.

"…Wow…" Wakka whispered in awe.

"…" Seymour didn't say, even he was stunned into silence.

They stood for a while and watched the pyreflies in the vivid orange light of the setting sun. Finally, Wakka spoke "So, this is Zanarkand… beautiful."

"Well, we should probably think about setting up camp soon. If my memory serves me there's a good site somewhere up ahead."

So the two headed off down the steep slopes towards the campsite, they had almost reached it, when…

"What was that, man?" Wakka asked Seymour in a whisper.

"What was what?" said Seymour, irritably, "And don't call me man!"

"Um… ok… Well, there was someone talking up ahead, there it is again! Can't you here it, ma- fine… Seymour."

"Thank you. Why yes, I suppose your right! Wow. Wakka is right… I must write that in my diary!" Seymour began rummaging in the space inside his over-large jacket. "I'm sure it's here somewhere- Wakka, have you seen my diary? Its neon pink, fluffy, with a lighter pink fluffy heart in the middle. No? Oh, well. It'll turn up!"

"Err… yeah…" Wakka said, suspiciously (he had picked it up when Seymour had fell off the peak of Gagazet when defeated by Yuna.) "Anyway, I'll scout ahead! Yeah! Wakka's back on da field!"

"Oh, dear good- sorry, evilness." Seymour whispered, "Well, if you get captured by the enemy, don't tell them that I've been working with you. I couldn't face the embarrassment…"

So Wakka crept along the path towards the sound of the voices. He stopped suddenly as the source of the noise came in to sight. Yuna and her guardians were sat around a campfire, and Tidus was telling a story with much enthusiasm. Wakka considered turning back and telling Seymour what he had seen, but that would be far too sensible for Wakka, so he hid behind a small boulder and hoped they wouldn't see him.

"So I slashed it with my sword once and it died straight away! Reckon it was 'cause it was so scared of me!" Tidus said, with lots of over zealous gestures that almost took Yuna's eye out.

"Actually, Tidus, the badger that you fought knocked you out in the third round." Auron corrected.

"Oh yeah? Well, one more round and I would have had him!" Tidus was starting to get a bit annoyed with Auron's lies. Mind you, his story would explain the fact that Tidus had been in Kilika's infirmary for a week after the fight…

"Well, it's getting late! I think that's enough stories for one night!" Yuna interjected quickly, seeing that a fight was soon to break out, "Oh, and Wakka?"

"Yes? I mean no! I mean, how did you know I was here?"

"Well, your tuft was sticking out above the rock…" explained Lulu.

"…I knew that." Second time today! Wakka, man, you can trick anyone Our 'hero' thought proudly.

"Good for you. Now, I'd be honoured if you wanted to become my guardian again."

"I see! You lured me here to get me back as your guardian, huh? Thought you could trick silly old Wakka into coming back and helping you, eh? Well think again! I know your just trying to make fun of me! Well, I'm not falling for it! I'm not thick, ya!" and Wakka stormed off.

Seymour was sitting on a rock drawing with a stick in the dirt. He was very proud of his ground drawings. He had thought about drawing pictures of snow bunnies, but the pain was still too near…

Instead, he had drawn Yuna, himself, himself and Yuna getting married, himself, himself and Yuna with little Seymour Jr, himself and Yuna having se-

"Nooooo! My picture of Yuna and I having sewing lessons! Ruined! Why? You stupid oaf! You stepped on my art! Now it has imprints of your sandals all over my face!"

"Oh, sorry, man- I mean Seymour! Seymour!" Wakka hastily added. "Anyway, that's not important; Yuna and her guardians are up ahead!"

"Nooooo!"

"What? It's not that bad…"

"You stepped on Yuna, too!"

"Oh, err, don't worry man, you were too good for her" (sure…)

"Your right. Who wouldn't want to marry someone like me?"

"Err, very few people, I'm sure… Anyway. We may as well keep going. We can cut around the campsite."

"Yeah. Ok… She had her chance, but noooo! She had to choose Tedious." Seymour mumbled as he shuffled along.

They reached the cloister of trials just as the light completely faded.

"Man, I hope they got lights in the Trials, ya!"

"Pah, the Trials! Who wants to be stuck in some stupid contraption with annoying tunes playing all night when you can just ring the doorbell?" So Seymour fumbled around in the dark for a while and, after he'd poked Wakka in the eyes several times, he found the doorbell. They waited for what seemed an age (but because they both have the patience of two year olds waiting to buy a new PlayStation game, it was only in reality 30 seconds) and finally there was a huge rumbling sound like thunder. A slice of the rocky wall moved aside and they were faced with a scantly clad woman who had lots of feathery things in her hair.

"Oh. You again." Said a very annoyed Yunalesca…

A/N: Please review, nicely if possible, please don't be too harsh! Constructive criticism welcome, destructive criticism wouldn't be if it didn't have 'destruct' in it, but as it has, it sounds too cool to be banned. By the way, Ansazi Darkmoon, thanks for the idea! As you have probably gathered by the end of the chapter, I will take your advice!