Pathway to Hell

Chapter 13 Conflicting Thoughts

Her feelings she hides,
Her dreams she can't find,
She's losing her mind,
She's falling behind,
She can't find her place,
She's losing her faith,
She's falling from grace,
She's all over the place.

(Avril Lavigne - nobody's home)

AN: These lyrics are just so perfect for Gaia right now so I just thought I'd give them to you just for the sake of it! I don't own the song lyrics or Avril so don't even TRY to sue. Lol. Thank you everyone for the absolutely fabulous reviews I loved them so keep on sending them to me! R&R. Ta much.
Off topic I got holes on Saturday and wow was Shia hot! He's very very nearly naked it's so great! And yes he is a great actor and is very talented not just a nice piece off ass. The film was awesome great story, great characters if you haven't seen it you should check it out! The audio commentary was so funny Shia and a bunch of other kids did it COMICAL! OK well back to the story…

You killed him.
No, Gabriel killed him.
YOU TOLD Gabriel to kill him you bitch! I loved him! I fucking saved him and you fucked it all up! He was what was keeping me sane! When I couldn't sleep coz of the nightmares he was there! He was always there holding onto me and you killed him!
No. I loved him too.
How could you love him? You slept with Murphy!
So did you Gaia. Remember we're the same person.
No, we're not. I could never do anything to hurt Chas.
But you did Gaia. You hurt him by bringing him into your fucked up life. You hurt him the very first day you met him.
I LOVE CHAS!
God you're so pathetic. So what! Love counts for nothing, you made one mistake and he threw you out! He never truly cared for you how could he?
Yes, he did. The way he looked at me, whenever he touched me… He loved me and not even you can take that away.
For fuck sake Gaia go away and die somewhere.
I want to. The thought of living without him… Being all alone in the world again, it terrifies me but I won't let you do this not ever!
Gaia I can end the world! You can't do anything you're a sad pathetic lost little girl just give up!
Make me bitch! This is my life.
NO! This is OUR life I'm apart of you whether you like it or not so just deal! CHAS IS DEAD! No matter what you do there's no bringing him back!
I fell to the ground tears flooding from my dull blue eyes.
"I'm so sorry Chas." I sobbed my head in my hands.
I was fighting a losing battle with myself. I was responsible for murdering Chas. No matter which way I put it this was MY FAULT and it was tearing me apart.
Every smile he had formed with his perfect lips. Every lingering glance. Every soft kiss. Every touch he had placed upon me all of them just a memory.
He would never laugh again. Never make a goofy joke and send me into laughter so hard making my ribs hurt. He would never stare into my eyes and melt my heart, never make me go weak at the knees. He was gone and it was ALL my fault.
"Chas…" I whispered into the silence.
The tears continued to fall and the pain continued to grow.
I had finally accepted the destruction I had caused.

"Chas c'mon kid don't die on me. We gotta get to Gaia before it's too late." John said to the young boy who in return stirred ever so slightly.
"John…?" He asked groggily opening his eyes.
"What happened"
"Gaia saved you she's a mess kid. She thinks you're dead"
Chas' eyes widened and he sat up a little straighter.
"Well, where is she?" He asked.
"She left"
"What? And you didn't stop her"
"I didn't know how bad you were hurt! Besides she'd already left before I knew you were still breathing"
"We gotta find her John"
"I know"
The two men looked at each other the worry could not be concealed in their eyes. Luceria had control and that meant a barrel load of shit for the world.

"You know I fell in love with you the very first time I met you." Chas said stroking my cheek softy.
"Yeah right!" I scoffed hitting him playfully.
"No really! I always thought you were so special Gaia. I love you and no one can ever take that away no matter how much crap we have to deal with"
I smiled somehow I believed him.
"I trust you, Chas."

Back at Midnite's, this place was beginning to become a regular hang out for me.
I sat alone hidden quietly away from the crowd. I couldn't deal with any more shit, not today.
"Luceria"
"Piss off"
"I heard about Gabriel." Aaronaia said sitting down beside me.
"Yeah? Good for you"
"You've lost control you need help before it's too late"
Bullshit. I'd had enough of this crap. How could these god damn half breeds be such fucking interfering assholes.
"IT ALREADY IS TOO LATE!" I shouted in anger rising to my feet.
Aaronaia didn't even flinch she remained seated her eyes fixed on mine.
"How could you have become so lost? How could you have lost the faith you had in the lord"
I smiled. The lord fucking God like he gave a shit.
"Coz he's a fucking asshole! Now get out of my face before you regret it"
People had begun to look their eyes flashing dangerously.
"Gaia The lord loves you"
For Christ sake did she never shut up! Looks like I'd just have to make her.
I stood up again and in a heart beat had the angel by the throat squeezing painfully tight.
"Shut up." I said through gritted teeth.
"You haven't been forgotten"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed but this time I didn't stop myself.
The angel's eye's widened as she felt the flames of hell engulf her body.
"Well, he's forgotten you." I said smugly letting her ashen remains fall through my fingers.
Nobody dared come near me not even Midnite I had fallen from grace. I'd gone off the rails completely and anyone who got in my way would never walk away.

"You gotta be shittin me!" Chas said loudly.
"SHE WHAT?" John asked the witch doctor.
"She murdered Aaronaia in my BAR! John you have no idea what this will do to business. She's lost it. God only knows what the child will do"
"End the bloody world!" Chas cut in kicking a table in frustration.
"Chas." John warned.
"Sorry"
"Midnite where did she go?" He asked carefully.
"Your guess is as good as mine. She was mad John she had no reason for her actions tonight if you can't stop her we're all in trouble"
"Yes I know that Midnite thanks for stating the obvious. If she sees Chas, finds out he's okay I think she'll realise what she's doing but we need to find her first"
The shaman nodded understanding the current predicament all too well.
"John you know what she will do"
"Fuck Midnite I know! She'll end the world and everyone and everything will go to hell. I've heard it before just tell me how to find her." John said shortly.
"Chas. You love this girl"
He nodded.
"Then you alone can save her. You have to think. Look with your heart not your eyes"
"What? Man how am I supposed to do that." Chas asked.
The shaman pulled Chas roughly by the arm bringing him to a stop close beside him.
"Close your eyes"
Chas complied slowly closing his eyes.
"Take deep breaths, in through your nose out through your mouth. Now I want you to clear your mind, what do you see"
Chas stood for a little while thinking just how stupid he probably looked. He couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Finally he quietened his thoughts letting the nothingness flow over him like cool water. That's when he saw her... Well sensed her. She wasn't the girl he knew. She had emptied herself of all emotions all feelings of love and sadness the guilt she had felt all gone all replaced with destruction.
"I know where she is." He said simply.
"Tell me." John commanded.
"At the church in the library the one Gabriel used to hang out in"
John nodded.
"Lets go."