Chapter 27
Over the following months of that first encounter. Silvawen gradually began to recover, it was a slow process, but they all knew it would be. When Kemenhin's second birthday rolled round, she still had steps to take, but she was well on her way. She had her days when she would recede, but everyone would give her the time and space she needed, and by the next day she was usually ok again.
Kemenhin took a great liking to Legolas and Silva. They were always nice to him, they bought and made him things, Legolas played with him (E/N:.....that could be taken very wrong. EWW! O_O OH NO! I'm blaspheming! I'M SORRY! I didn't mean it!!!) and it made him feel happy when Arwen told him that it was him making Silva better. He often went out of his way to make things for her himself and to go and see her.
Legolas decided that the only thing that could make him happier was if Kemenhin knew who they really were, but he knew that couldn't happen, so he was content with the close relationship they had anyway. He was extraordinarily happy about the effect was having on Silva. Whenever he was around, she lit up, her aura visibly glowed, and she didn't stop smiling until long after he was gone. And it appeared that Kemenhin liked their company too because he was always coming to see them. He often found himself wishing he could tell the young boy who they really were, as Kemenhin often spoke of his parents and questioned if they knew them. It was hard when that subject came about. But it was faced and gradually the pain lessened and was eventually a dull ache that was bearable.
It was three years after that first encounter with her son; Silva was a reflective day. At that moment, she was reflecting on the time during her depression. She remembered feeling as though she'd been cornered in her own mind and something dark and overpowering prevented her from regaining self- control. Her only link to the outside world had been the poem. The sane part of her mind prayed that Rath would work it out.
It made her do things she didn't want to do. It made her feel loveless, lonely and cold. It constantly told her she'd done an evil deed by leaving her son; it made her feel worthless. Eventually even the sane part of her was losing hope and reason. Her body had been wracked with the pain of guilt and she convinced herself that physical pain would relieve the mental one. It didn't. She felt completely guilt ridden. She'd deserted her son. She'd driven away her lover. She made her sisters upset from what she did. Death was the only option, but she had no way of even relieving everyone of the burden that was her in that way, for Rath had stripped her room of anything she might harm herself on after the first attempt.
Then Legolas came back. He was her light in the darkness, a glimmer of hope. But she couldn't bring herself to believe it. Yes he was back, for now, but he'd soon be gone again. She was too far lost in the darkness for a speck of light in the unreachable distance to make a distance. Then suddenly, arms lifted her and she didn't protest. She briefly remembered a long journey, still held by those same safe, strong, loving arms. Voices were all around her, muffled, not loud enough to hear, and then a giggle. A beacon in the blackness, music in the silence, a guiding hand. It was enlightening. It reminded her of her purpose. The tiny part of her mind that had kept a hold of reality, but had given up trying, suddenly had strength. It fought and battled its way to the forefront of her mind. It screamed and yelled and demanded control. The evil on her head was overthrown and she then became determined to better herself. For his sake. For their sake. A tear slowly ran down her cheek.
As she wiped the tear away, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and she smiled. She lifted her own hand to meet it and stroked it lovingly.
"Manen nar lle sina aurë, meleth nin1?" asked a melodic Elven voice.
"Amin naa quell2," she replied. Legolas knelt in front of her and looked her in the eye. She could feel his eyes boring into her soul as he searched for himself the truth of her words. He smiled.
"Good," he said. He placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you, you know." He made sure now that he told her as often as possible. She never tired of hearing it.
"I know you do," she said. "And I love you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything. Not many people would stick by me the way you have. I was, and still am, a liability."
"Don't be silly. I love you with all my heart, and everything that you have been thought only makes me love you more. I want to protect you and love you and heal you all at the same time."
"I don't deserve the love of such a good man."
"No, you deserve it of someone much better than I. I have never considered myself worthy of your love, that's why I value it so much. It was folly of me to ever think otherwise. I should never have rejected you the way I did." Silence hung in the air as the two held one another.
"Legolas?" she eventually said. "Do you ever think of Fëa?" The question had been toying in her mind for a few days but she never felt the need to voice it. Now, however, seemed to be the right moment.
"Yes," he said. "But I never think of times we enjoyed together. In fact I am sometimes quite bitter, for I think she came between us. Then I rebuke myself, for it was not her, it was me. Me and my stubbornness. I used her as a rebound. She seemed the easiest option since she was the closest to me. I feel bad for using her the way I did and then leaving without so much as a goodbye, but I do not regret it." He sighed. "When you walked through that door, it was like my vision clouded over. I looked at you and then I looked at her. Half of me demanded I run over to you and take you in my arms, whilst eh other half reminded me of the pain. Unfortunately my pride won the battle. I am so sorry." She softly chuckled.
"We could both sit here and apologise all day for the wrongs we have done each other. But we are still together, are we not? None of it has affected our love for each other, unless it be it has made it stronger. We should forget what has happened and just focus on our future. Together." She pulled back and kissed him, slowly at first but it gradually grew more urgent. But they were interrupted by a loud:
"EEUURRGGHH!!!" They started to laugh as they turned at looked at Kemenhin. His nose was wrinkled in distaste.
"Good morning, Kemen," giggled Silva.
"Can I hide here please?" Kemenhin asked urgently.
"Why?" asked Legolas.
"I made Haldir angry," said the four-year-old guiltily.
"What did you do?" queried Silva.
"I... well.... got all his clothes dirty."
"How?"
"I put big blobs of mud all over them." He showed his hands and, sure enough, they were covered in mud. Silva and Legolas burst out laughing. Oh, how they loved that child.
"Of course we'll hide you," said Legolas. "Come with me." Legolas picked Kemenhin up and quickly climbed up the nearest tree. Soon after, Haldir came running into the small clearing, also muddy.
"Where is he?!" he growled angrily. Silva tried her hardest not to laugh.
"Whoever do you mean, Haldir?" she asked, innocently.
"You know full well who! Kemenhin, of course!"
"I'm sorry, I haven't seen him since yesterday." Haldir narrowed his eyes on the Istari.
"Do you know what he did?"
"I haven't the faintest idea, but I'm sure your going to tell me."
"He has covered my entire wardrobe in mud and slime. There are all sorts of insects and things crawling about in there! He also took it upon himself to spill wine all over my bed linen. Wine that will not come out."
"Oh my, what a shame. Well, I'll make sure that the next time I see Kemenhin I'll give him a good talking to and I'll send him directly to you then for some form of punishment, which of course he deserves."
"Don't patronise me, Silvawen."
"I do believe that's LADY Silvawen to you, my dear Haldir."
"I'm still intrigued as to how on earth anybody can consider you as a Lady."
"Just because I'm ill, Haldir, does not mean I'm powerless. I suggest you leave quickly before I get annoyed. You made such a nice pot plant last time, as far as I recall."
"Is that a threat?"
"No, it's a promise." Haldir scowled at the grinning Earth Spirit and stalked away. "Pompous git." Legolas and Kemenhin rejoined her, both laughing.
"Well done, Silva, I see you haven't lost your touch," said Legolas, setting Kemenhin on the ground. Silva smiled.
"Of course not."
"Thank you!!" cried the child and he ran to her. He hugged her tightly. "But Haldir will tell on me. Arwen's going to be angry now. And Auntie Gladriel."
"I think you'll be alright," said Silva. "I'll talk to them for you."
"Thank you, Silva!" He then turned to Legolas. "Legolas? Can you teach me to climb trees like that? That was cool!"
"Of course I can," he replied. Silva's eyes widened and she glared at her lover. He simply grinned cheekily back.
"You're a little bit too young at the moment to climb trees recklessly like he does, Kemen," said Silva. "But I'm sure he'll teach you when you're a little bit older." Kemenhin frowned.
"Everyone says I'm too little to do stuff, but I'm not. I'm grown up. I can climb trees and stuff."
"Yes, Silva, why are trying to spoil his fun?" asked Legolas. 'Legolas, you dare teach him how to climb trees!' she warned him via a mind link. 'You'll never live your life as an Elf again!'
"Why don't we go and find some good trees to practice on?" said Legolas, taking Kemenhin's hand. They turned to leave the clearing. Silva stood up abruptly.
"Legolas!" she said, louder than she actually intended to, making both father and son jump. "I will take Kemenhin back to Arwen now and explain what has happened with Haldir. Kemenhin, I'm afraid your tree-climbing lesson will have to wait, I'm very sorry." Kemenhin sighed but nodded his head. However much he wanted to climb trees, he always did as Silva said he should.
"Ok, Silva." She smiled at him and walked over, taking his other hand. She looked at Legolas and scowled.
"I'll speak with you later," she growled and led Kemenhin out of the clearing, leaving Legolas laughing. He loved winding her up.
*****
1How are you today, my love? 2I am well.
Over the following months of that first encounter. Silvawen gradually began to recover, it was a slow process, but they all knew it would be. When Kemenhin's second birthday rolled round, she still had steps to take, but she was well on her way. She had her days when she would recede, but everyone would give her the time and space she needed, and by the next day she was usually ok again.
Kemenhin took a great liking to Legolas and Silva. They were always nice to him, they bought and made him things, Legolas played with him (E/N:.....that could be taken very wrong. EWW! O_O OH NO! I'm blaspheming! I'M SORRY! I didn't mean it!!!) and it made him feel happy when Arwen told him that it was him making Silva better. He often went out of his way to make things for her himself and to go and see her.
Legolas decided that the only thing that could make him happier was if Kemenhin knew who they really were, but he knew that couldn't happen, so he was content with the close relationship they had anyway. He was extraordinarily happy about the effect was having on Silva. Whenever he was around, she lit up, her aura visibly glowed, and she didn't stop smiling until long after he was gone. And it appeared that Kemenhin liked their company too because he was always coming to see them. He often found himself wishing he could tell the young boy who they really were, as Kemenhin often spoke of his parents and questioned if they knew them. It was hard when that subject came about. But it was faced and gradually the pain lessened and was eventually a dull ache that was bearable.
It was three years after that first encounter with her son; Silva was a reflective day. At that moment, she was reflecting on the time during her depression. She remembered feeling as though she'd been cornered in her own mind and something dark and overpowering prevented her from regaining self- control. Her only link to the outside world had been the poem. The sane part of her mind prayed that Rath would work it out.
It made her do things she didn't want to do. It made her feel loveless, lonely and cold. It constantly told her she'd done an evil deed by leaving her son; it made her feel worthless. Eventually even the sane part of her was losing hope and reason. Her body had been wracked with the pain of guilt and she convinced herself that physical pain would relieve the mental one. It didn't. She felt completely guilt ridden. She'd deserted her son. She'd driven away her lover. She made her sisters upset from what she did. Death was the only option, but she had no way of even relieving everyone of the burden that was her in that way, for Rath had stripped her room of anything she might harm herself on after the first attempt.
Then Legolas came back. He was her light in the darkness, a glimmer of hope. But she couldn't bring herself to believe it. Yes he was back, for now, but he'd soon be gone again. She was too far lost in the darkness for a speck of light in the unreachable distance to make a distance. Then suddenly, arms lifted her and she didn't protest. She briefly remembered a long journey, still held by those same safe, strong, loving arms. Voices were all around her, muffled, not loud enough to hear, and then a giggle. A beacon in the blackness, music in the silence, a guiding hand. It was enlightening. It reminded her of her purpose. The tiny part of her mind that had kept a hold of reality, but had given up trying, suddenly had strength. It fought and battled its way to the forefront of her mind. It screamed and yelled and demanded control. The evil on her head was overthrown and she then became determined to better herself. For his sake. For their sake. A tear slowly ran down her cheek.
As she wiped the tear away, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and she smiled. She lifted her own hand to meet it and stroked it lovingly.
"Manen nar lle sina aurë, meleth nin1?" asked a melodic Elven voice.
"Amin naa quell2," she replied. Legolas knelt in front of her and looked her in the eye. She could feel his eyes boring into her soul as he searched for himself the truth of her words. He smiled.
"Good," he said. He placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you, you know." He made sure now that he told her as often as possible. She never tired of hearing it.
"I know you do," she said. "And I love you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything. Not many people would stick by me the way you have. I was, and still am, a liability."
"Don't be silly. I love you with all my heart, and everything that you have been thought only makes me love you more. I want to protect you and love you and heal you all at the same time."
"I don't deserve the love of such a good man."
"No, you deserve it of someone much better than I. I have never considered myself worthy of your love, that's why I value it so much. It was folly of me to ever think otherwise. I should never have rejected you the way I did." Silence hung in the air as the two held one another.
"Legolas?" she eventually said. "Do you ever think of Fëa?" The question had been toying in her mind for a few days but she never felt the need to voice it. Now, however, seemed to be the right moment.
"Yes," he said. "But I never think of times we enjoyed together. In fact I am sometimes quite bitter, for I think she came between us. Then I rebuke myself, for it was not her, it was me. Me and my stubbornness. I used her as a rebound. She seemed the easiest option since she was the closest to me. I feel bad for using her the way I did and then leaving without so much as a goodbye, but I do not regret it." He sighed. "When you walked through that door, it was like my vision clouded over. I looked at you and then I looked at her. Half of me demanded I run over to you and take you in my arms, whilst eh other half reminded me of the pain. Unfortunately my pride won the battle. I am so sorry." She softly chuckled.
"We could both sit here and apologise all day for the wrongs we have done each other. But we are still together, are we not? None of it has affected our love for each other, unless it be it has made it stronger. We should forget what has happened and just focus on our future. Together." She pulled back and kissed him, slowly at first but it gradually grew more urgent. But they were interrupted by a loud:
"EEUURRGGHH!!!" They started to laugh as they turned at looked at Kemenhin. His nose was wrinkled in distaste.
"Good morning, Kemen," giggled Silva.
"Can I hide here please?" Kemenhin asked urgently.
"Why?" asked Legolas.
"I made Haldir angry," said the four-year-old guiltily.
"What did you do?" queried Silva.
"I... well.... got all his clothes dirty."
"How?"
"I put big blobs of mud all over them." He showed his hands and, sure enough, they were covered in mud. Silva and Legolas burst out laughing. Oh, how they loved that child.
"Of course we'll hide you," said Legolas. "Come with me." Legolas picked Kemenhin up and quickly climbed up the nearest tree. Soon after, Haldir came running into the small clearing, also muddy.
"Where is he?!" he growled angrily. Silva tried her hardest not to laugh.
"Whoever do you mean, Haldir?" she asked, innocently.
"You know full well who! Kemenhin, of course!"
"I'm sorry, I haven't seen him since yesterday." Haldir narrowed his eyes on the Istari.
"Do you know what he did?"
"I haven't the faintest idea, but I'm sure your going to tell me."
"He has covered my entire wardrobe in mud and slime. There are all sorts of insects and things crawling about in there! He also took it upon himself to spill wine all over my bed linen. Wine that will not come out."
"Oh my, what a shame. Well, I'll make sure that the next time I see Kemenhin I'll give him a good talking to and I'll send him directly to you then for some form of punishment, which of course he deserves."
"Don't patronise me, Silvawen."
"I do believe that's LADY Silvawen to you, my dear Haldir."
"I'm still intrigued as to how on earth anybody can consider you as a Lady."
"Just because I'm ill, Haldir, does not mean I'm powerless. I suggest you leave quickly before I get annoyed. You made such a nice pot plant last time, as far as I recall."
"Is that a threat?"
"No, it's a promise." Haldir scowled at the grinning Earth Spirit and stalked away. "Pompous git." Legolas and Kemenhin rejoined her, both laughing.
"Well done, Silva, I see you haven't lost your touch," said Legolas, setting Kemenhin on the ground. Silva smiled.
"Of course not."
"Thank you!!" cried the child and he ran to her. He hugged her tightly. "But Haldir will tell on me. Arwen's going to be angry now. And Auntie Gladriel."
"I think you'll be alright," said Silva. "I'll talk to them for you."
"Thank you, Silva!" He then turned to Legolas. "Legolas? Can you teach me to climb trees like that? That was cool!"
"Of course I can," he replied. Silva's eyes widened and she glared at her lover. He simply grinned cheekily back.
"You're a little bit too young at the moment to climb trees recklessly like he does, Kemen," said Silva. "But I'm sure he'll teach you when you're a little bit older." Kemenhin frowned.
"Everyone says I'm too little to do stuff, but I'm not. I'm grown up. I can climb trees and stuff."
"Yes, Silva, why are trying to spoil his fun?" asked Legolas. 'Legolas, you dare teach him how to climb trees!' she warned him via a mind link. 'You'll never live your life as an Elf again!'
"Why don't we go and find some good trees to practice on?" said Legolas, taking Kemenhin's hand. They turned to leave the clearing. Silva stood up abruptly.
"Legolas!" she said, louder than she actually intended to, making both father and son jump. "I will take Kemenhin back to Arwen now and explain what has happened with Haldir. Kemenhin, I'm afraid your tree-climbing lesson will have to wait, I'm very sorry." Kemenhin sighed but nodded his head. However much he wanted to climb trees, he always did as Silva said he should.
"Ok, Silva." She smiled at him and walked over, taking his other hand. She looked at Legolas and scowled.
"I'll speak with you later," she growled and led Kemenhin out of the clearing, leaving Legolas laughing. He loved winding her up.
*****
1How are you today, my love? 2I am well.