E/N: Thandwik is Thin-dick with a lisp. And if Thranduil was a knight of
the round table, would he be Sir Choc-a-lot? Oh yeah, did I mention
chocolarte-the-chocolate-fart?
I'm doing the randomy light comic relief thing again! Sorry, but I love making these usually serious characters look like complete prats!! IT'S FUN!!!! (",)
Right, I have a couple of things to answer as in reviews and other random things that have to be said. 1) This is the last update before I am holidaying! Doody! But don't worry, it's only a week. And I'll probably hand write the next chapter whilst I'm away - however, saying that, my priority whilst in Lanzarote is Harry Potter V! WOO HOO! But my mom is being uber-bitch with that and says I can't have till I get there! NOOOOO! But I'm gonna try and twist her arm to let me have it on the plane. I mean, it is a 4 hour flight after all. ^_^ 2) Yes, I did write the song that Silva sung to Legolas in the last chapter. It took me ages but I don't think it's all that good. One of my best friends is going to try and put music to it though, so maybe I'll like it more then. 3) Bekky, don't stress, hunni. I hear what your saying. Just wait and see what happens, k sweetie? 4) Er.... actually, I think that's all. Oh well, hope you enjoy this TOTALLY random chapter!
Translations: Namárië, ada = goodbye, father
Chapter 35
"And you're sure he doesn't know?" Thranduil asked for a fourth time. Silva sighed, though she was smiling.
"Thranduil, has he left our chamber since yesterday?" she asked. He shook his head. "And has anyone been to see him other than me or you?" He shook his head again. "Have you told him?" A third decline. "And neither have I. Stop worrying. I told him that I made you see sense. That you shouldn't waste our strength on a pathetic little city. It doesn't matter if you told him anything different, because he knows you'll never admit to being talked round by me." She grinned cheekily. "And I wouldn't have you any other way."
"You would say that. So what has been decided? What are you going to do when you get there?"
"Well, I'm taking two hundred men with me, so the combat is one on one, if it gets that far. They will circle the city, to prevent any escape. I will go into the city, taking 5 Elites with me. I'll inform the leader what is happening and put forward your demands. If they refuse, we strike the city, sparing none."
Thranduil nodded his head, though he was a little skeptical. 'Sparing none?' he thought. This was not the Silva he had known for the time she'd been living in Mirkwood. The other Silva would have been the one telling the men not kill the innocent, defenseless, elderly, children etc. But this was Silva in military mode. Powerful and severe. She was dressed in her personal armour, that did not look like anything other than ordinary fabric, but he knew there was Valar magic woven into every thread that made it stronger than anything in Middle Earth. Her sword, Tailltui, hung at her side and she held a helm that the elves had forged for her (unbeknown to him) that she was about to put on.
"You know, I'm glad I don't live in Esgaroth," Thranduil said. "You look very authoritative, dressed like that."
"Are you scared?" she asked, jokingly.
"I am a bit, actually. I think it's part of the uncertainty. Nobody really knows exactly what your capable of, and it's probably a comfort to think 'Oh, she's only a woman, she can't do anything'. But like that, it sends you into a sort of 'Oh bugger, I'm terrified, I want to run away' mode." Silva laughed aloud.
"Bless your heart!" she giggled. "You've got no reason to be scared of me. Well, unless you've done something I don't know about."
"Would I ever?"
"Well, I know you wouldn't now."
"My Lady," said one of the captains, "we must go now." She nodded and turned back to the Elf King.
"I'll see you in a few days when Esgaroth has either surrendered to us or is a pile of cinders." She hugged him. "Namárië, ada," she whispered. "Don't worry about me. Just you make sure we're long gone before Legolas decides he wants to follow." Thranduil smiled.
"I will see you soon, my daughter." He turned to the gathered crowd. "Until you return, your leader is Lady Silvawen. You will do as she asks or commands. Anyone who does not comply to her wishes will face the consequences on their return. I bid you well on your journey and success in your pursuit. Go kick human ass!" Silva burst out laughing at both the huge cheer that followed and the look on Thranduil's face.
Silva walked to the front of the gathering and mounted Midnight. This only added to the fear that everyone felt because Midnight was enormously scary looking as well. She looked like some kind of ancient war goddess that had been long forgotten by all. She sat straight-backed and proud as she rode, fierce and stern. There were none who would stand in her path. 'I'm going to do you proud, Rath,' she thought. (E/N: Aww but cool, indeed, Cra!)
**
When being awoken with a start, most normal people would sit bolt upright. However, since being in a relationship with Silva had made Legolas no longer remotely normal, he stood bolt upright. But since, whilst sleeping, he'd managed to wriggle his way down the bed a little, he was standing on the very bottom edge. With a few sways, wavy arms and cries of unbalance, he crumpled to the floor of the end of the bed. (E/N: Think Miss Congeniality type falling)
"Owie," he whimpered. He eventually stood up (awkwardly). "That was strange. Now, why did I stand up too quickly? Oh yeah... wait... oh yeah! What the hell was that cheer?!" He went to the door and opened it, then realised he was naked, so quickly shut it again. "Better get dressed first."
Ten minutes later he was walking down the totally isolated corridors of the Elvenking's Halls.
"This is too strange," he muttered. "Perhaps it had something to do with that cheer. Wait. Did I actually hear that cheer? I might have dreamt it. I have weird dreams like that. Hmmm, what if I didn't hear it? I don't think I can have. I don't even know where it came from. No, I must have dreamt it." He carried on walking. "So where is everyone? I'll have to ask father."
He was most alarmed when he reached the doors of the Throne room and there was no Royal guard outside.
"Curiouser and curiouser." (E/N: Hehehe! Just call him Alice) He went in and his jaw fell open. "What the hell....?" The Throne Room was completely empty. This had not been the case since his mother had given birth to him. Thranduil had been at his mother's side and every other Mirkwood Elf sat in the Great Hall, awaiting the birth of their King's first child. "Unless father has something to tell me, I'm really confused."
He stood in the empty room, on his own, totally bewildered. It made no sense that nobody was around. There was always somebody somewhere, but EVERYONE had gone.
"Maybe they're all dead and I'm the only one left alive. Perhaps because I was in bed, nobody knew I was there. Wow, I'm the only person left in the whole world.... WOW! Hmmm, what can I do?" He stood thinking for quite a while and soon got bored.
To bide his time of boredom, Legolas decided to be daring and sit on the throne. 'Hehehe! I've never done this before! It's quite comfortable actually.' He shuffled into it more. 'Hell yeah! Now this is the life!' He stretched his arms out and the arm rest of the throne flipped open.
"What the hell....?" The inside of the arm rest was hollow. "He has a secret stash of chocolate?" Sure enough, the whole arm rest was stuffed full of several bars of chocolate. "Wow. Perhaps I should hide it. If he's not dead, it'll really piss him off." He grinned and picked up one, peeled the wrapper off, then began eating it. As he did so, he had a thought. 'If everyone's dead, that means I can run round the castle naked.' His smile broadened and he started to unbutton his tunic casually as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do whilst sitting on a throne, eating your father's secret stash of chocolate. 'Ooh yeah!' He picked up a handful of chocolate in one hand as he undid the third button.
Just then, Thranduil walked in, looking rather stressed. He looked up and stared at his only son. With his face stuffed with chocolate, Legolas made a muffled cry of "Meep!" and he quickly buttoned his tunic again.
"Legolas, what on earth are you doing?" Thranduil asked as his son sat on the other handful of goodies. A loud squelch was heard. "What was that?" Legolas looked panic stricken. 'I can't tell him it's his chocolate, he'll flip! Oh crap, what can I say?! Er..... daddy I pooped my panties?' There was a brief second of fear on the Crown Prince's face, then he was roaring with laughter, so much so he fell off the throne.
"You killed my chocolate!" Thranduil cried. "You.... you.... chocolate killer! And what the hell is so funny?!" Legolas was clutching his sides, he was barely able to breathe and his face was almost purple.
"You said..... and then..... but I thought..... because it could look....." he gasped amidst gales of laughter. "Da..... I thou..... dad..... po....." He couldn't finish - or even begin - what he was laughing. Thranduil sighed as he realised he wasn't going to get an explanation anytime soon from his son.
"Legolas, why were you sitting on my throne?" he asked, exasperatedly. "And why were you unbuttoning your shirt?" That made him stop laughing instantly. He looked sharply up at his father.
"I was.... er.... hot," he stumbled.
"Silva would agree with that." Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Ok, that could also sound like I agree with Silva. But I don't. You're my son. But I don't mean your not good looking. Because you are. But I don't mean that in a dodgy way. That's just wrong.... EW! No, that's wrong! That's really wrong! That's like, incestuous thoughts! Oh gods, I'm committing crimes just saying all this! ACK!!!"
"Calm down, dad," Legolas said, though he was a little freaked out. Thranduil's eyes suddenly widened.
"You sat on my baton... I mean throne!" He giggled at himself slightly. "Hehe! That rhymes!" Then he went back to being panicky. "You sat on my throne!" He rushed over to it and opened and closed his mouth a few times - largely resembling a fish - then cried "Bubba!" and hugged his throne. Legolas backed away from the throne-hugging freak.
"Dad, have you been on the wine again?"
"No!" There was a brief pause.
"You've been on the chocolate, haven't you?"
"......maybe. And anyway, so were you."
"That's not the point. We're not talking about me."
"You were literally on it. You killed it!!" Thranduil started to cry.
"Now that's just odd."
"Well, you did kill my chocolate." Legolas decided it was probably best to change the subject RIGHT now.
"Dad, where is everyone?" Thranduil's face dropped again. How the hell did he answer that one without getting himself into - to put it bluntly- a shit load of trouble?
"They..... er..... went for a walk." Legolas looked confused.
"All of them?"
"Yeah. Um, it's, er, a nice day?" Legolas looked suspicious.
"Really." (E/N: No, that should not be a question. It's a statement. And a sarcastic one at that.)
"Yeah, really really."
"And just where exactly are all 2 million (E/N: That's a random number, y the way) residents of Mirkwood going?"
"Well, two of them are going no where because they're standing right here. And only two hundred of them have gone tatty bye."
"Tatty bye?"
"Yeah. Tatty bye. As in bye bye. You know. Tatty bye." Legolas looked totally bewildered and took a large breath.
"Tatty bye." He turned to walk out the room and then he had a thought. "Wait, one more thing. Where's Silva?"
"She definitely did NOT go with the two hundred warrior Elves I sent to Esgaroth - oops. TATTY BYE!" Thranduil made a bid for escape and tried to leg it out of the room. Legolas grabbed his collar as he passed.
"And just where do you think you're going? You've got some serious explaining to do, young man."
"Well - wait. Young man? What the hell...? I'm older than you. WAY older than you. I'm you're dad." Legolas was glaring at him intensely. "I'm in trouble, aren't I? You're really cross, aren't you? I sowwy, pwease don't hurt me."
"Go to your room."
"Er......... slight problem."
"What?"
"I forgot where it is. I slept on my throne the passed few nights."
"What the...? Why?"
"I like it. It's comfy. It's my friend. And it's got chocolate."
"Just..... go to your room! Get chocolate in your room!"
"I can't."
"Why the hell not?!?!"
"Blankie is on the throne."
"Blankie?"
"Yeah, blankie! Come and say hello to blankie!" Thranduil grabbed his hand and pulled him to the throne that was set in the middle of the room. Behind it, an EXTREMELY old, smelly and just plain foul looking rag hung on a peg, a sign was above it saying "BLANKIE'S PEG". "It was my granddad's and then my dad's and now it's mine. And one day, lad, it will all be yours."
"Yuck."
"Don't knock it, it's lovely." He stroked it tenderly. (E/N: THE BLANKIE! Nothing else!) "Well, I really ought to be going now. Come one, blankie. Let's go for a walk." Legolas' mind jolted again as he thought again on the "She definitely did NOT go with the two hundred warrior Elves I sent to Esgaroth - oops" sentence. He put his arm out to stop his father leaving.
"You're not going anywhere until you've told me about Silva." Thranduil looked scared.
"What about her?"
"Where is she?"
"She went for a walk."
"Where?"
"Um, I don't know."
"And what about the two hundred Elves going to Esgaroth."
"Esgaroth? Who said anything about Esgaroth? I don't know anything about Esgaroth. And I most definitely didn't send Silva leading an army of Elves off to battle the humans- whoopsie!" Thranduil tried to run again, Legolas prevented him from doing so. "What now?"
"Tell me about battles and armies."
"Armies? What armies? There's no armies." He pulled his arms inside his tunic. "See, no armies." Legolas raised an eyebrow.
"That's not right. You've got to stop with the chocolate, Dad, it's sending you doo-lally."
"Actually, I have got armies. You need armies to write things." His arms re-appeared. "Hello armies.... but I have advisors to do all paperwork." His arms disappeared again. "Bye bye armies.... but I have to eat chocolate with my armies." Once more, they returned. "Hello armies.... but I can make people feed me chocolate." His arms disappeared inside the tunic quicker than before. "Bye bye armies!!!!" Legolas grabbed his father's shoulders firmly.
"Why the heck did you send Silva leading our army to Esgaroth and lie to me saying no one was going?!?!?!?!?!?!" he yelled.
"MEEP!" Thranduil squinted his eyes shut and tried to shy away from his angry son. "She was all scary and mean and demanding and scary and controlling and scary. And the horse didn't make it any easier. She looked really, REALLY scary on the horse!"
"But why?! You shouldn't have sent her!! What if something happens to her?!?"
"This is Silva."
"THAT'S NOT THE BLOODY POINT!!!!!!"
"ACK!" The King jumped and pulled away from his son, ran up the dais and hid behind his throne. "She made me," came a wimpy call of defense. "It was her idea."
"But you allowed her to go!!"
"I didn't have much choice. You now what she's like. And she was scary."
"So you keep saying!"
"If you'd have seen her, you'd have been scared."
"When are they getting back?!"
"I don't know. As soon as Silva has got what she wants. You know she has to have her own way."
"Damn the woman. And damn you for being so weak-willed when it comes to her."
"So are you!"
"That's not the point."
"That's exactly the point." Thranduil came out from behind the throne and walked nervously towards the prince. "Look, we are both worried out of our minds for her-"
"Oh, so that's why you're so dodgy right now."
"-We're both worried out of our minds for her," he repeated more forcefully, "so why don't we both just sit in here and worry together, eating chocolate, awaiting news."
"Sounds good to me." Legolas plonked himself on the floor. "Right then, where does worrying start?"
**
E/N: *looks sheepishly around a corner that is placed conveniently several miles away from all reviewers* I didn't mean to go that mad. Honest. *shuffles out guiltily* I only meant it a little bit. But it's funny, isn't it? I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean that much. Luvs a shame-faced Elfie (unless her reviewers absolutely love it, in which case she's ecstatically happy) xXxXx
I'm doing the randomy light comic relief thing again! Sorry, but I love making these usually serious characters look like complete prats!! IT'S FUN!!!! (",)
Right, I have a couple of things to answer as in reviews and other random things that have to be said. 1) This is the last update before I am holidaying! Doody! But don't worry, it's only a week. And I'll probably hand write the next chapter whilst I'm away - however, saying that, my priority whilst in Lanzarote is Harry Potter V! WOO HOO! But my mom is being uber-bitch with that and says I can't have till I get there! NOOOOO! But I'm gonna try and twist her arm to let me have it on the plane. I mean, it is a 4 hour flight after all. ^_^ 2) Yes, I did write the song that Silva sung to Legolas in the last chapter. It took me ages but I don't think it's all that good. One of my best friends is going to try and put music to it though, so maybe I'll like it more then. 3) Bekky, don't stress, hunni. I hear what your saying. Just wait and see what happens, k sweetie? 4) Er.... actually, I think that's all. Oh well, hope you enjoy this TOTALLY random chapter!
Translations: Namárië, ada = goodbye, father
Chapter 35
"And you're sure he doesn't know?" Thranduil asked for a fourth time. Silva sighed, though she was smiling.
"Thranduil, has he left our chamber since yesterday?" she asked. He shook his head. "And has anyone been to see him other than me or you?" He shook his head again. "Have you told him?" A third decline. "And neither have I. Stop worrying. I told him that I made you see sense. That you shouldn't waste our strength on a pathetic little city. It doesn't matter if you told him anything different, because he knows you'll never admit to being talked round by me." She grinned cheekily. "And I wouldn't have you any other way."
"You would say that. So what has been decided? What are you going to do when you get there?"
"Well, I'm taking two hundred men with me, so the combat is one on one, if it gets that far. They will circle the city, to prevent any escape. I will go into the city, taking 5 Elites with me. I'll inform the leader what is happening and put forward your demands. If they refuse, we strike the city, sparing none."
Thranduil nodded his head, though he was a little skeptical. 'Sparing none?' he thought. This was not the Silva he had known for the time she'd been living in Mirkwood. The other Silva would have been the one telling the men not kill the innocent, defenseless, elderly, children etc. But this was Silva in military mode. Powerful and severe. She was dressed in her personal armour, that did not look like anything other than ordinary fabric, but he knew there was Valar magic woven into every thread that made it stronger than anything in Middle Earth. Her sword, Tailltui, hung at her side and she held a helm that the elves had forged for her (unbeknown to him) that she was about to put on.
"You know, I'm glad I don't live in Esgaroth," Thranduil said. "You look very authoritative, dressed like that."
"Are you scared?" she asked, jokingly.
"I am a bit, actually. I think it's part of the uncertainty. Nobody really knows exactly what your capable of, and it's probably a comfort to think 'Oh, she's only a woman, she can't do anything'. But like that, it sends you into a sort of 'Oh bugger, I'm terrified, I want to run away' mode." Silva laughed aloud.
"Bless your heart!" she giggled. "You've got no reason to be scared of me. Well, unless you've done something I don't know about."
"Would I ever?"
"Well, I know you wouldn't now."
"My Lady," said one of the captains, "we must go now." She nodded and turned back to the Elf King.
"I'll see you in a few days when Esgaroth has either surrendered to us or is a pile of cinders." She hugged him. "Namárië, ada," she whispered. "Don't worry about me. Just you make sure we're long gone before Legolas decides he wants to follow." Thranduil smiled.
"I will see you soon, my daughter." He turned to the gathered crowd. "Until you return, your leader is Lady Silvawen. You will do as she asks or commands. Anyone who does not comply to her wishes will face the consequences on their return. I bid you well on your journey and success in your pursuit. Go kick human ass!" Silva burst out laughing at both the huge cheer that followed and the look on Thranduil's face.
Silva walked to the front of the gathering and mounted Midnight. This only added to the fear that everyone felt because Midnight was enormously scary looking as well. She looked like some kind of ancient war goddess that had been long forgotten by all. She sat straight-backed and proud as she rode, fierce and stern. There were none who would stand in her path. 'I'm going to do you proud, Rath,' she thought. (E/N: Aww but cool, indeed, Cra!)
**
When being awoken with a start, most normal people would sit bolt upright. However, since being in a relationship with Silva had made Legolas no longer remotely normal, he stood bolt upright. But since, whilst sleeping, he'd managed to wriggle his way down the bed a little, he was standing on the very bottom edge. With a few sways, wavy arms and cries of unbalance, he crumpled to the floor of the end of the bed. (E/N: Think Miss Congeniality type falling)
"Owie," he whimpered. He eventually stood up (awkwardly). "That was strange. Now, why did I stand up too quickly? Oh yeah... wait... oh yeah! What the hell was that cheer?!" He went to the door and opened it, then realised he was naked, so quickly shut it again. "Better get dressed first."
Ten minutes later he was walking down the totally isolated corridors of the Elvenking's Halls.
"This is too strange," he muttered. "Perhaps it had something to do with that cheer. Wait. Did I actually hear that cheer? I might have dreamt it. I have weird dreams like that. Hmmm, what if I didn't hear it? I don't think I can have. I don't even know where it came from. No, I must have dreamt it." He carried on walking. "So where is everyone? I'll have to ask father."
He was most alarmed when he reached the doors of the Throne room and there was no Royal guard outside.
"Curiouser and curiouser." (E/N: Hehehe! Just call him Alice) He went in and his jaw fell open. "What the hell....?" The Throne Room was completely empty. This had not been the case since his mother had given birth to him. Thranduil had been at his mother's side and every other Mirkwood Elf sat in the Great Hall, awaiting the birth of their King's first child. "Unless father has something to tell me, I'm really confused."
He stood in the empty room, on his own, totally bewildered. It made no sense that nobody was around. There was always somebody somewhere, but EVERYONE had gone.
"Maybe they're all dead and I'm the only one left alive. Perhaps because I was in bed, nobody knew I was there. Wow, I'm the only person left in the whole world.... WOW! Hmmm, what can I do?" He stood thinking for quite a while and soon got bored.
To bide his time of boredom, Legolas decided to be daring and sit on the throne. 'Hehehe! I've never done this before! It's quite comfortable actually.' He shuffled into it more. 'Hell yeah! Now this is the life!' He stretched his arms out and the arm rest of the throne flipped open.
"What the hell....?" The inside of the arm rest was hollow. "He has a secret stash of chocolate?" Sure enough, the whole arm rest was stuffed full of several bars of chocolate. "Wow. Perhaps I should hide it. If he's not dead, it'll really piss him off." He grinned and picked up one, peeled the wrapper off, then began eating it. As he did so, he had a thought. 'If everyone's dead, that means I can run round the castle naked.' His smile broadened and he started to unbutton his tunic casually as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do whilst sitting on a throne, eating your father's secret stash of chocolate. 'Ooh yeah!' He picked up a handful of chocolate in one hand as he undid the third button.
Just then, Thranduil walked in, looking rather stressed. He looked up and stared at his only son. With his face stuffed with chocolate, Legolas made a muffled cry of "Meep!" and he quickly buttoned his tunic again.
"Legolas, what on earth are you doing?" Thranduil asked as his son sat on the other handful of goodies. A loud squelch was heard. "What was that?" Legolas looked panic stricken. 'I can't tell him it's his chocolate, he'll flip! Oh crap, what can I say?! Er..... daddy I pooped my panties?' There was a brief second of fear on the Crown Prince's face, then he was roaring with laughter, so much so he fell off the throne.
"You killed my chocolate!" Thranduil cried. "You.... you.... chocolate killer! And what the hell is so funny?!" Legolas was clutching his sides, he was barely able to breathe and his face was almost purple.
"You said..... and then..... but I thought..... because it could look....." he gasped amidst gales of laughter. "Da..... I thou..... dad..... po....." He couldn't finish - or even begin - what he was laughing. Thranduil sighed as he realised he wasn't going to get an explanation anytime soon from his son.
"Legolas, why were you sitting on my throne?" he asked, exasperatedly. "And why were you unbuttoning your shirt?" That made him stop laughing instantly. He looked sharply up at his father.
"I was.... er.... hot," he stumbled.
"Silva would agree with that." Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Ok, that could also sound like I agree with Silva. But I don't. You're my son. But I don't mean your not good looking. Because you are. But I don't mean that in a dodgy way. That's just wrong.... EW! No, that's wrong! That's really wrong! That's like, incestuous thoughts! Oh gods, I'm committing crimes just saying all this! ACK!!!"
"Calm down, dad," Legolas said, though he was a little freaked out. Thranduil's eyes suddenly widened.
"You sat on my baton... I mean throne!" He giggled at himself slightly. "Hehe! That rhymes!" Then he went back to being panicky. "You sat on my throne!" He rushed over to it and opened and closed his mouth a few times - largely resembling a fish - then cried "Bubba!" and hugged his throne. Legolas backed away from the throne-hugging freak.
"Dad, have you been on the wine again?"
"No!" There was a brief pause.
"You've been on the chocolate, haven't you?"
"......maybe. And anyway, so were you."
"That's not the point. We're not talking about me."
"You were literally on it. You killed it!!" Thranduil started to cry.
"Now that's just odd."
"Well, you did kill my chocolate." Legolas decided it was probably best to change the subject RIGHT now.
"Dad, where is everyone?" Thranduil's face dropped again. How the hell did he answer that one without getting himself into - to put it bluntly- a shit load of trouble?
"They..... er..... went for a walk." Legolas looked confused.
"All of them?"
"Yeah. Um, it's, er, a nice day?" Legolas looked suspicious.
"Really." (E/N: No, that should not be a question. It's a statement. And a sarcastic one at that.)
"Yeah, really really."
"And just where exactly are all 2 million (E/N: That's a random number, y the way) residents of Mirkwood going?"
"Well, two of them are going no where because they're standing right here. And only two hundred of them have gone tatty bye."
"Tatty bye?"
"Yeah. Tatty bye. As in bye bye. You know. Tatty bye." Legolas looked totally bewildered and took a large breath.
"Tatty bye." He turned to walk out the room and then he had a thought. "Wait, one more thing. Where's Silva?"
"She definitely did NOT go with the two hundred warrior Elves I sent to Esgaroth - oops. TATTY BYE!" Thranduil made a bid for escape and tried to leg it out of the room. Legolas grabbed his collar as he passed.
"And just where do you think you're going? You've got some serious explaining to do, young man."
"Well - wait. Young man? What the hell...? I'm older than you. WAY older than you. I'm you're dad." Legolas was glaring at him intensely. "I'm in trouble, aren't I? You're really cross, aren't you? I sowwy, pwease don't hurt me."
"Go to your room."
"Er......... slight problem."
"What?"
"I forgot where it is. I slept on my throne the passed few nights."
"What the...? Why?"
"I like it. It's comfy. It's my friend. And it's got chocolate."
"Just..... go to your room! Get chocolate in your room!"
"I can't."
"Why the hell not?!?!"
"Blankie is on the throne."
"Blankie?"
"Yeah, blankie! Come and say hello to blankie!" Thranduil grabbed his hand and pulled him to the throne that was set in the middle of the room. Behind it, an EXTREMELY old, smelly and just plain foul looking rag hung on a peg, a sign was above it saying "BLANKIE'S PEG". "It was my granddad's and then my dad's and now it's mine. And one day, lad, it will all be yours."
"Yuck."
"Don't knock it, it's lovely." He stroked it tenderly. (E/N: THE BLANKIE! Nothing else!) "Well, I really ought to be going now. Come one, blankie. Let's go for a walk." Legolas' mind jolted again as he thought again on the "She definitely did NOT go with the two hundred warrior Elves I sent to Esgaroth - oops" sentence. He put his arm out to stop his father leaving.
"You're not going anywhere until you've told me about Silva." Thranduil looked scared.
"What about her?"
"Where is she?"
"She went for a walk."
"Where?"
"Um, I don't know."
"And what about the two hundred Elves going to Esgaroth."
"Esgaroth? Who said anything about Esgaroth? I don't know anything about Esgaroth. And I most definitely didn't send Silva leading an army of Elves off to battle the humans- whoopsie!" Thranduil tried to run again, Legolas prevented him from doing so. "What now?"
"Tell me about battles and armies."
"Armies? What armies? There's no armies." He pulled his arms inside his tunic. "See, no armies." Legolas raised an eyebrow.
"That's not right. You've got to stop with the chocolate, Dad, it's sending you doo-lally."
"Actually, I have got armies. You need armies to write things." His arms re-appeared. "Hello armies.... but I have advisors to do all paperwork." His arms disappeared again. "Bye bye armies.... but I have to eat chocolate with my armies." Once more, they returned. "Hello armies.... but I can make people feed me chocolate." His arms disappeared inside the tunic quicker than before. "Bye bye armies!!!!" Legolas grabbed his father's shoulders firmly.
"Why the heck did you send Silva leading our army to Esgaroth and lie to me saying no one was going?!?!?!?!?!?!" he yelled.
"MEEP!" Thranduil squinted his eyes shut and tried to shy away from his angry son. "She was all scary and mean and demanding and scary and controlling and scary. And the horse didn't make it any easier. She looked really, REALLY scary on the horse!"
"But why?! You shouldn't have sent her!! What if something happens to her?!?"
"This is Silva."
"THAT'S NOT THE BLOODY POINT!!!!!!"
"ACK!" The King jumped and pulled away from his son, ran up the dais and hid behind his throne. "She made me," came a wimpy call of defense. "It was her idea."
"But you allowed her to go!!"
"I didn't have much choice. You now what she's like. And she was scary."
"So you keep saying!"
"If you'd have seen her, you'd have been scared."
"When are they getting back?!"
"I don't know. As soon as Silva has got what she wants. You know she has to have her own way."
"Damn the woman. And damn you for being so weak-willed when it comes to her."
"So are you!"
"That's not the point."
"That's exactly the point." Thranduil came out from behind the throne and walked nervously towards the prince. "Look, we are both worried out of our minds for her-"
"Oh, so that's why you're so dodgy right now."
"-We're both worried out of our minds for her," he repeated more forcefully, "so why don't we both just sit in here and worry together, eating chocolate, awaiting news."
"Sounds good to me." Legolas plonked himself on the floor. "Right then, where does worrying start?"
**
E/N: *looks sheepishly around a corner that is placed conveniently several miles away from all reviewers* I didn't mean to go that mad. Honest. *shuffles out guiltily* I only meant it a little bit. But it's funny, isn't it? I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean that much. Luvs a shame-faced Elfie (unless her reviewers absolutely love it, in which case she's ecstatically happy) xXxXx