Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, even though I am working on keeping Horatio for my self! I promise to treat them well and return them in good shape.
Timeline: This is placed before season 3, everything happening in season 3 has not yet happened here, and I don't even promise to ever let it happen. Even though spoilers have hit Norway and I know about what happens in Lost Son – Speed will never die in my universe…. (Well, at least not in this series)
Sequel: This story is the first in a series….
Rating: It is pretty innocent written, but it will be slash later on in the series…
Language: I am writing in a foreign language for me, so please help me perfect my English! Thank you Welly for proofreading! The words are mine, Welly have just made sure they are written correctly!
I had to change the title of the story – it was originally called "Tussilago Farfara", which is the latin name for colt's feet. I was making a mistake when I tried to find the English name for the flower I wanted to describe. The Norwegian name is" Løvetann", and on my way to the English name I stumbled upon a latin name "tussilago fanfara" and found the English name for that plant! Unfortunately I had found the wrong latin name! So I ended up naming the flower Colt's feet (no: hestehov) rather than dandelion (Løvetann) .
Sorry for the error – I am really no flower expert!
Taraxacum officinale
It was dark as Lieutenant Caine locked himself into the house, after working long hours, and having no time to relax. The weekend would give him two days off and nothing more challenging than finding the right blend for the coffee; he could surely manage with that! As he walked into the hall he caught the red light blinking on the answering machine, indication that there was a message for him. A little curious he reflected about how no one usually leaves him messages at home, most people called him on the cell phone, knowing that he is most likely to be reached that way. He wanted to lift the hook and listen to the message straight away, but restrained his hesitation to wait until he had removed the jacket. He was a man that took pride in controlling his impulse and an answering machine was not about to change that.
"Horatio, this is Susie."
Susie, a woman his brother once had an affair with came into his life 2 years ago on one of those odd days at work. Most days were odd, but this one in particular. It was one of those days he still had to process in his mind now and then, and he could only hope he one day could truly put it behind him.
"I am sorry to disturb you at home."
Her gentle and slightly shivering voice continued.
"I didn't want to call you at the police station or stop by; I didn't want to disrupt your work. I just wondered, well, it's my birthday tomorrow, and I don't want to celebrate, but it would be nice not to sit alone all day. Could I invite you over for dinner?"
A silence filled the tape, like she was thinking of saying something else, and then the click telling him she hung up the phone.
Dinner? That would be something new. Dinner…. He tasted the word and found it satisfactory.
Without even putting the hook down, he dialled her phone number. He has to wait three rings before she answered.
"Yes?"
"Susie, Horatio. When do you want me to come?"
"Oh, well, is seven ok?"
"Seven is good."
"Are you sure? I don't want to cause you any trouble."
"No trouble. And Susie, anything you wish for?"
"No need for a gift, Horatio."
"That's ok. It's your birthday."
Stopping outside her apartment he paused for a minute; feeling content for having her here in this apartment, which he helps pay for. She couldn't afford it on her own, and he couldn't afford worrying about her and her daughter living somewhere else. He wanted to know that Madison was safe, and if he shall be completely honest to himself, he would like to see Susie safe as well.
She opened the door quickly by his knock. Her eyes didn't meet his for long; rather she turned her head away and looked at the room like she wanted to see what he might see when he walked in. He knew it was because she was shy, and that she felt a bit embarrassed by him supporting her, and she always let him know grateful she is. He however felt he came short in letting her know that he is grateful as well. More so than she can ever understand.
"Come on in."
She stepped aside to let him enter, and paused before she found the words to fill the gap.
"Madison has been waiting for you."
As if on cue, the girl came in, smiling, just as shy as her mother and with the same burning colours as his late brother. He could never look at this child without the question of why and what if turns up in his head. He always represses them immediately, but every time they still manage to sting him, and keep that open wound aching. The presence of these two ladies should have given him grief, knowing that they are in his life because his brother chose to violate his holy vow to his wife; a woman Horatio cares deeply about. But the presence of these two ladies has given him so much healing, and answers to so such a great and difficult question, that he would never have preferred not to know about them. And when it comes down to it, blood is thicker than water, and Madison is his blood relative. He can never deny that.
"I have been waiting to see her too."
He says while turning towards Madison, lowering him self down to her level.
"How are you doing today?"
"Fine."
She is giving him another smile, looking straight into his eyes. Shy she may be, but not embarrassed.
"Have you given your mom a birthday present?"
"Yes."
She did not elaborate more, already being conscious about not being able to get her mom a big gift like her peers, which have rich dads to buy them. On this she was embarrassed.
"She gave me a beautiful necklace she made in school."
Susie filled in Madison's silence, forcing Horatio to turn his attention to Susie's neck decorated by the shell and fish line.
"It is beautiful."
The relief in Madison's eyes filled the room and the little girl reached out for Horatio's hand. Surprised he took her hand and let her guide him in to the dining table. A light table cloth was covering the marks on the second hand table and a single candle was lit. Three plates covered most of the space on the rather small table, and Susie covered the rest of the space with a large bowl of spaghetti Bolognese.
"I hope you like spaghetti, both mine and Madison's favourite, and we found it fit as a birthday dinner, right sweetheart?"
Madison only nodded at this, as she was already concentrating on sitting down by the table and ready to eat. The shy, and very polite little girl, was blissfully vivid and childlike at the anticipation of her favourite food.
"I love spaghetti."
Horatio through a tiny lie without even a hint of bad conscious; It is not that he doesn't like spaghetti, but he doesn't actually love it, it is purely nutrition and nothing more than that. This meal however was much more than food. This meal was quality time.
"She's tucked in and finally asleep."
Susie handed him a cup of coffee while he could sense her curling up in the basket chair on the porch. The evening had gone black and a candle lit up the air with its flickering flame. Standing in shield from the gentle breeze the light would burn for hours still. Horatio could not resist looking into the hypnotizing warmth.
"Long day for her today?"
He finally turned his focus to Susie again.
"Yes, she has been exited about you coming to visit all day. She likes you."
"I like her too."
"That means a lot to me."
"I haven't given you your gift yet."
Horatio stared at the light again, but turned his head towards her at the end of the sentence.
"No need for that Horatio. You give us so much."
"It is no problem."
"I have told you, you shouldn't feel obligated to take care of us because I slept with your brother."
"I know. But I have told you, it makes you my family. And I care about you Susie. You, not only Madison. I want you to be okay."
"I am okay."
"I can see that."
He truly looked at her now, kept his eyes on her for a while.
"You look okay."
"Remember the first time we met?"
Susie asked, almost without a sound The only noise to be heard was the clinging from a dream catcher moving in the wind, and Horatio wondered whether her bad dreams were filtered out, and good ones collected to give her happiness for the rest of her life. He remembered the first meeting all too well. His bad dreams were still captured deep inside him. He remembered anger and frustration from that day. He remembers fury and overwhelming feelings, and having to keep it all locked up. All until he met this little bird, a woman, a scared shell of something once blooming. He was totally unprepared for when he walked into the crime scene that day that the name of his brother should be written all over it. A barn blew up that day, nearly killing him, but the real explosion, the one that still hurt, happened silently inside him. It was the accusations he had to listen to from Chaz, a gentleman so far from gentle that Horatio had to use all his power to not ruin his reputation that day. He told accusations about his brother's drug abuse and accusations about his brother being a dirty cop, and what really did sting was not the word coming out of his mouth. It was hearing the words inside his own head and not being completely sure he could dismiss them. He wanted to take it out on someone, and Raymond is not around anymore to take the blame, that day he came dangerously close to taking it out on Chaz.
It was then this little woman appeared. She was so tiny, shivering, in such a need of help. Trapped, both physically; in a dog house, and mentally; in desperately need of some amphetamines to run away from a world she couldn't handle. And although he could help her get away from there, she could help him just as much by telling him that she, who knew his brother well in those days, she had never seen him take drugs. She was holding the single key to his mental prison. He didn't care so much about what others say, but the doubt within himself was burning. And it was burning hard.
"I remember."
He said, not revealing how well he remembered, wondering where she was heading.
"You told me I was beautiful."
"You are."
And she always is.
He remembered that also; Talking to her, knowing that this was not just another witness to a horrible crime. Knowing that this woman, almost girl, had access to a part of his life, his brother's life, that he had not. He remembered seeing a tired girl, a sad person behind the worn down body. All she needed was a shower, some new cloths, some rest, and a break from drugs. He believed that, but he was not so sure she believed that, and that was all that mattered.
"So you said. I didn't believe you." Tears filled her eyes.
"I believe you now." She continued while one drop fell.
"So you should." He answered.
"No, I mean, I really believe you. Not beautiful to look at I mean. But I feel beautiful. I feel like I am a human again. You saw that inside me, didn't you? You do that. You always see the person behind the destiny, and you talk to that person. I didn't even know that person lived at that point, but when I look in the mirror now, I see her. You know, I never thought I'd live to see this birthday, and I do. I don't just exist anymore, I live! And that is because you once spoke to me, not to the 'tweaker' but to me. And I wanted to live."
He looked back into the light, feeling tears in his own eyes. He couldn't remember the last time that had occurred. He felt a need to gain control again.
"Time to give you your gift." He handed her a single envelope.
She opened it, looking down on a single card. A white cardboard with a flower painted on it; a dandelion.
"Thank you" She said, not quite sure what to make of it.
"That is your beauty" He said, pointing at the flower.
She looked at him with a question in her eyes.
"Taraxacum officinale, dandelion,. It is not the most stunning flowers in appearance, but did you know they can break through concrete? Most people would have gone back to the meth. You didn't. I saw you back then Susie; You needed the drugs so much, but you quit. It wasn't your therapist, it wasn't me, it was you! You did it all by your self, and you have grown into the most caring mother to Madison. There are so many aspects to you, just like this flower. Such a great depth that we can't grasp just by judging from appearance"
He paused and she did nothing to fill the empty space in the air.
"You may have done mistakes in the past, I know that. You may have messed up your life more than most people. I might even have been angry at you for committing adultery with my brother, but most of all I am angry at him. He was the grown up, he was the sober, and he was the married one. I was angry at you at first, I admit to that now, but I am not anymore. It's not you anymore, is it?"
She looked up on him now, confirming his words.
"You are finally standing on your own, being strong enough without help from any synthetic stimuli. If there is anyone I would trust today, it is you, because I know you are willing to try everything in your power to do things right."
"No more trust but verify? "
She asked, referring to him testing her for drugs, and taking Madison's DNA. He trusted her, but had to verify the truth.
"No more trust but verify. If there is anyone I admire for who they are today, it is you, because I know you have made who you are, with blood, sweat and tears. You didn't end up in this place because everything was handed to you. It is your strength that has brought you here, and that,Susie, is beauty. And I can only admire that. Happy birthday and thank you for being part of my life."
The silence was gently disrupted by Susie wiping her tears.
"Thank you."
She took his hand, held it, and he let her at first, and slowly he held on to her as well; Family felt right.