Well, erm.. I was bored out of my flippin' mind one day in the school library, for some reason I cannot comprehend; this fic was born while doing math homework, I immediately pulled out my trusty note-book and started writing it down.
Inspired by an incident that a friend told me happened to her, I'm not going into the details though, let's just say I'll never call a bishie a very bad name in front of obsessed fan girls.
This is a two-part fic. I will be posting the next one in a few days.
disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist But I do own these cool FMA trading cards!
Words will hurt me
Edward Elric was busy enjoying his lunch one day; a tray of pasta and bread. After a long exhaustfull night and morning of research, he would have gladly eaten several plates, but alas! One plate per person. Everyone was having their lunch break so it was crowded and noisy all throughout the mess hall. Once Ed found a suitable table he sat down and happily devoured the food, savoring the delectable flavor of tomato sauce and Parmesan, but completely ignoring the small bottle of milk that came along with it.
"Not drinking your milk again Full metal?"
Ed nearly chocked on a piece of noodle once he heard the mocking voice of Colonel Mustang himself, his hands folded across his chest, an evil smirk painted on his face. Ed glared.
"So what if I don't?" said Ed. "I hate milk!"
"Seriously, Full metal if you don't drink your milk you're going to be short for the rest of your life."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT BECAUSE THEY DON'T DRINK THEIR MILK?".
Roy smirked, this is going to be fun.
"Sorry Full metal, I couldn't hear you from down there."
"THAT'S IT!" yelled Ed, jumping up and slamming his fist on the table spilling the bottle of milk all over the place. "Come here and let's settle this man-to-man!"
The whole mess hall became as silent as a funeral, all eyes were watching Edward and Roy, everyone was waiting for the older man to reply. Roy was still smirking.
"Man-to-man?" said Roy, in a rather playful tone, "where's the other man, Full metal?"
He said it while looking from left to right, as if he was looking for someone. Edward was growling like a dog that had their food stolen. Roy continued on.
"Sorry, there's no other man that wants to challenge the Flame Alchemist ("Hey! We're men!" Someone from the crowd said. "Shut up, Bob!"), maybe you could tell this 'man' to challenge me when he's a bit more visible."
With that Roy Mustang turned around and started to leave the mess hall in contempt, that he had a sense of accomplishment that day, he mentally gave himself a pat on the back. Until...
"ROY MUSTANG DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT A MAN BECAUSE HE'S A GIRLY MAN!" Yea, you guessed it, it was Ed who said it. (Don't kill me Roy fangirls.)
An enormous gasp erupted from the mess hall as they stare at the soon-to-be-dead shor-erm, young alchemist.
"What did you just say?" said Roy, his voice shaking slightly from anger, veins were appearing from his forehead.
"I said 'ROY MUSTANG IS A GIRLY MAN!'"
A death-filled silence engulfed the whole mess hall as every soldier mourn in advanced for Edward. One thing every one knows in headquarters, apparently excluding Ed, never, ever call the Colonel a 'girly man'.
Flames of anger can be seen on the Colonel's eyes as he slipped in his embroidered glove, preparing to cremate Edward alive. Ed on the other hand was the one smirking this time he was proud of himself for finally finding a weakness to the great Flame Alchemist.
"You know Full metal you're going to pay for that insult." said Roy preparing his fingers in a snapping position. Soldiers cowered behind anything solid enough to protect them.
"Yeah, right. Like how?" Ed taunted. "Burn me to a crisp? Ha!"
"Something far more worse."
Ed scoffed, preparing to fight too. "Go ahead, I can take you!"
Mustang chuckled menacingly retreating his hands, several soldiers gave a sigh of relief.
"Oh no, I'm not going to attack you right now Full metal."
"Eh?"
"I'm not going to attack you right now, oh no, not right now, maybe later...maybe tomorrow...maybe even next week. Be prepared, Full metal, because when you least expect it. I'll attack." Roy started to head to the exit. Soldiers were reappearing again.
"Maybe now!" Roy turned around abruptly, making every one scream like little girls, excluding Ed. Roy continued walking.
"OR NOW!"
"RIGHT NOW!"
"OR MAYBE NOW!"
He finally reached the exit, and left, leaving behind a room full of people about to get a heart attack.
"OR NOW!" He yelled abruptly poking his head in the room making everyone, and again excluding Ed, scream like girls.
"What a moron." said Ed continuing on with is meal. "Mmm... spaghetti!"
"Have you heard?"
"What?"
"Full metal called the Colonel a - you know..."
"A what?"
-squint-"Full metal called the Colonel...a girly man!"BOOM!
"Colonel, don't blow up the soldiers!" scolded Hawkeye.
"They started it!" whined Roy.
"..."
Everyone in headquarters was looking at Edward rather gravely the rest of the day. Rumors were spreading that Ed's going to die soon. And Alphonse was wondering why were there funeral flowers in their dormitory, which Edward completely annihilated on sight.
"Why did you do that, brother?" asked Al watching his older brother chop the poor innocent flowers to pieces.
"I am not going to die!"
"Who says you're going to die?-" Al paused "you insulted the Colonel again didn't you?"
"So what if I did?"
"What did you call him this time?"
"I just called him a freakin' girly man! What the heck's wrong with that?"
"...you did?"
"So what if I did?"
Al went silent for a few seconds before he started laughing his head off. Well literally, he laughed too much that the helmet on his armor fell off.
"No wonder the Colonel's going to kill you!"
Too bad for the Elrics, the Colonel was eavesdropping just outside their room. Roy took out a little black note book. (To anyone who doesn't know about this note book, this is where he keeps a list of all the people who called him-that-) He opened a page and wrote down:
Note:
New target: Alphonse Elric.
Type of revenge: Not saying...
"Watch out Alphonse... your first!" insert crazy chuckle here
"BROTHER! HELP ME!"
Al's pleading yells can be heard all through out headquarters, perhaps even the whole city; along with raging yowls and hisses. 'Yowls and hisses'?
"Could ya please be quiet out there!" Havoc came out of his office and yelled. "I'm trying to-OH MY GOD!"
"Lieutenant Havoc, help me!"
A tsunami of cats were right behind Al, meowing and yowling after the poor suit of armor, and the poor second lieutenant. Desperate to run for their lives they turned on every corner they can; left, right, left, left, right, right-Oops! A dead end, poor guys...
Havoc: "What the hell did you do?"
Al: "I don't know they just started chasing me!"
Mob of psycho cats: "YEOWRRLL!"
Both Havoc and Al: "AARRGGHH!"
Roy Mustang was chuckling to himself when First Lieutenant Hawkeye entered his office. Knowing immediately the Colonel was at fault here she still said.
"Sir I'm very sorry to interrupt your work but Alphonse and Lieutenant Havoc are being, well... chased by cats."
Roy started to laugh. "Please let Full metal handle this problem for me, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir." and reluctantly she left and looked for Edward.
Immediately when Hawkeye left, Mustang brought out his little black book again and checked out Al's name on the list.
"Next target: Full metal" he smiled to himself placing his book back under his desk along with and empty bag of cat-nip.
"Watch out Ed you're next." -insert maniacal laughter here-
And the whole scene blacks out; end of part one.
Well, hope you guys like it.
Part two will be coming soon if I get a good response on this one!
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