E/N: Ha ha, Thranduil! I have mini chocolate muffins and you don't!
In case you were wondering about the orcs and trolls, they've been tamed for fic purposes! (",)
Ok, currently, my excuse is tiredness. I don't know who was in charge of the Dwarves in Erebor at this point, so I'm just going to state the first name I can think of. I'm sure you don't mind. Oh yeah, and I have to make a pathetic plea of poetic license (for, like, the millionth time!) for who the lucky dwarf is. Hey, it makes life interesting later!
Chapter 42
It took the fifty seven travellers (E/N: that's right, I counted them) five days to reach Erebor, in which time Silva managed to cause each and every one of the other fifty six, even Arian, to shout some obscenity of dismissal at her because she was moaning so much.
"So, who is this extremely lucky Dwarf that I have to kiss?" she asked her lover glumly, the day before they got there.
"Well, I tried to choose the best lucking dwarf for you," replied Legolas, "but they were all as offensively ugly as each other, so I asked for a volunteer instead. There were, actually, a lot of them."
"Who did you choose then?"
"Well, there was this one dwarf that was really, REALLY enthusiastic. He was jumping up and down, shouting "ME! ME! PICK ME!" at the top of his voice. He was waving his arms at me, his legs, his beard, all sorts - some of which has left me quite traumatised - and he seemed extraordinarily keen. So I picked the one behind him." She smiled in spite of herself. It was typical of him to do something like that.
"I shouldn't have expected any better of you."
"So, are you looking forward to this?" He smirked victoriously as he saw hers wiped away.
"No, I'm not as you damn well know! I'll be glad when this whole bloody thing is over."
"I'll be quite sad actually."
"You would say that."
"Look, Silva, you know that this is only a bit of fun, don't you?"
"Hmmm, yeah, because being forced to snog a dwarf is so much fun."
"You know what I mean."
"No, Legolas, I do not. How, in the name of wonder, can this situation be considered funny?" Legolas was silent for a moment and then shrugged.
"Well, I think it is." She growled irritably and stalked away. Legolas couldn't help but laugh.
The next day, Silva tried several scams to try and get out of her 'condemnation'. The list included: fainting, stomach-aches, seizures, panic attacks, amnesia, various physical ailments, blackmail, bribery, swearing loudly, intimidation, sitting down and refusing to move, jealousy techniques (aimed at Legolas), guilt trips, threats of chocolate deprivation (to Thranduil), threats of returning to the Valinor, accusations of treason (against the Lothlórien Elves), rivalry between the Elves, causing Midnight to rear and bolt whilst she was on him, making everyone else's horses rear and bolt, instigating a battle between the Orcs and Trolls and setting the Oliphaunt free.
"Look, Silvawen, face it, you're going to have to do this, no matter what," said Rath, strictly, once all the commotion had been sorted. "Now, stop all this childishness and just get your earth-loving ass into that mountain!!!" Silva sighed in absolute exhaustion and resignation. There was nothing for it, she was going to have to kiss the stupid, horrid, smelly dwarf.
They were greeted by Thror, Lord of Erebor, and what looked like the whole population of the mountain.
"Greetings, King Thranduil," he said gruffly. "You have brought many guests with you. We were not expecting so many to turn up."
"Yes, sorry about that," replied Thranduil, haughtily, "but everyone does love Silva-" the Lórien Elves snorted "-and everyone wanted to see her make a fool out of herself, bless her. Do not worry, however, for we shall only stay the day. We don't wish to encroach on your home." Silva leant closer to Arwen.
"But what he actually means is 'I wouldn't stay here if you paid me'," she whispered. The two of them started giggling.
"Shall we get this over with straight away then?" asked Thror. "If you're so sure you aren't going to linger here."
"And that was a blatant, 'We don't want you here anyway'," Arwen whispered back. They giggled once more.
"Lady Silvawen, if you could come forward please," Thranduil said, abruptly stopping her moment of enjoyment. "Might as well do this quickly." She groaned and stepped forward very unenthusiastically. "I'm sure he only means a quick peck, so don't drag it out any longer than it has to be, sweetheart," he whispered. "Good luck."
She stood waiting for the dwarven volunteer who was currently being fetched. She could feel fifty six pairs of eyes behind her watching and could see hundreds of others watching her. It was rather off-putting, especially when you REALLY didn't want to do what they were here to watch.
"Lady Silvawen," said Thror, snapping her out of her worried trance, "this is Gimli son of Gloin. He will be your subject for...... well, whatever it is you have to do." She stared down incredulously at the chest height, grinning dwarf before her.
"Pleased to meet you," Gimli said happily. "So, come on then."
"Oh gods," she said, audibly. "Yavanna, you are an evil witch!" She looked down at him again and groaned exasperatedly again. "Can you at least get him a stool of some kind? I'm not going to do my back in as well." This was done and Gimli was soon standing at her level.
"Wait!" Legolas suddenly said as she started to lean forward. 'Please say you've changed your mind! Please, PLEASE say you've changed your mind!!' "Silva, turn sideways on, we all want to make sure you ACTUALLY kiss him. And it has to be a proper kiss, not a peck, a full kiss, on the lips for...... five seconds."
"FIVE SECONDS?!?!?!"
"Uh-huh. And I'll be counting, remember!" She officially hated her lover now, but she did as she was told because she knew that the more she refused, the longer the torture would last. "Ok, go." She went straight for it, else otherwise, she knew she'd wimp out.
"1." 'OH GODS!!!'
"2." 'Please help me!!!'
"3." 'This is REALLY gross!!!'
"4." 'One more second! Only one more second! One more second of hell........................................... COME ON AND END YOU STUPID DAMN SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
".............5." She pulled away so fast, she was almost a blur, and ran out of the mountain as quickly as possible.
When outside, she was spitting repeatedly and occasionally retching. She could hear raucous laughter emanating from within, which angered her, but she was too busy feeling sick right now to concentrate on anger.
"You bending over like that is very distracting," a voice behind her suddenly said. She straightened up curiously and began to turn. That didn't sound like...
"OH MY ERU!!!!!!!!!!!"
**
E/N: Dun dun dun!!! So, whoever said that obviously isn't Legolas. Who do you think it is? I'm not going to update until I've had......... six guesses. Or maybe five. Depends on my mood when I check my reviews. But I expect loyal reviewers to all make guesses, please. THAT INCLUDES YOU, MARY- JO!!! (And no I won't tell you who it is!) And it's only one guess per person, so there's no point in one person writing five guesses just for a quicker up date! (",) You'll probably all either not care or call me evil, but hey! This is me, I'm a freak!
In case you were wondering about the orcs and trolls, they've been tamed for fic purposes! (",)
Ok, currently, my excuse is tiredness. I don't know who was in charge of the Dwarves in Erebor at this point, so I'm just going to state the first name I can think of. I'm sure you don't mind. Oh yeah, and I have to make a pathetic plea of poetic license (for, like, the millionth time!) for who the lucky dwarf is. Hey, it makes life interesting later!
Chapter 42
It took the fifty seven travellers (E/N: that's right, I counted them) five days to reach Erebor, in which time Silva managed to cause each and every one of the other fifty six, even Arian, to shout some obscenity of dismissal at her because she was moaning so much.
"So, who is this extremely lucky Dwarf that I have to kiss?" she asked her lover glumly, the day before they got there.
"Well, I tried to choose the best lucking dwarf for you," replied Legolas, "but they were all as offensively ugly as each other, so I asked for a volunteer instead. There were, actually, a lot of them."
"Who did you choose then?"
"Well, there was this one dwarf that was really, REALLY enthusiastic. He was jumping up and down, shouting "ME! ME! PICK ME!" at the top of his voice. He was waving his arms at me, his legs, his beard, all sorts - some of which has left me quite traumatised - and he seemed extraordinarily keen. So I picked the one behind him." She smiled in spite of herself. It was typical of him to do something like that.
"I shouldn't have expected any better of you."
"So, are you looking forward to this?" He smirked victoriously as he saw hers wiped away.
"No, I'm not as you damn well know! I'll be glad when this whole bloody thing is over."
"I'll be quite sad actually."
"You would say that."
"Look, Silva, you know that this is only a bit of fun, don't you?"
"Hmmm, yeah, because being forced to snog a dwarf is so much fun."
"You know what I mean."
"No, Legolas, I do not. How, in the name of wonder, can this situation be considered funny?" Legolas was silent for a moment and then shrugged.
"Well, I think it is." She growled irritably and stalked away. Legolas couldn't help but laugh.
The next day, Silva tried several scams to try and get out of her 'condemnation'. The list included: fainting, stomach-aches, seizures, panic attacks, amnesia, various physical ailments, blackmail, bribery, swearing loudly, intimidation, sitting down and refusing to move, jealousy techniques (aimed at Legolas), guilt trips, threats of chocolate deprivation (to Thranduil), threats of returning to the Valinor, accusations of treason (against the Lothlórien Elves), rivalry between the Elves, causing Midnight to rear and bolt whilst she was on him, making everyone else's horses rear and bolt, instigating a battle between the Orcs and Trolls and setting the Oliphaunt free.
"Look, Silvawen, face it, you're going to have to do this, no matter what," said Rath, strictly, once all the commotion had been sorted. "Now, stop all this childishness and just get your earth-loving ass into that mountain!!!" Silva sighed in absolute exhaustion and resignation. There was nothing for it, she was going to have to kiss the stupid, horrid, smelly dwarf.
They were greeted by Thror, Lord of Erebor, and what looked like the whole population of the mountain.
"Greetings, King Thranduil," he said gruffly. "You have brought many guests with you. We were not expecting so many to turn up."
"Yes, sorry about that," replied Thranduil, haughtily, "but everyone does love Silva-" the Lórien Elves snorted "-and everyone wanted to see her make a fool out of herself, bless her. Do not worry, however, for we shall only stay the day. We don't wish to encroach on your home." Silva leant closer to Arwen.
"But what he actually means is 'I wouldn't stay here if you paid me'," she whispered. The two of them started giggling.
"Shall we get this over with straight away then?" asked Thror. "If you're so sure you aren't going to linger here."
"And that was a blatant, 'We don't want you here anyway'," Arwen whispered back. They giggled once more.
"Lady Silvawen, if you could come forward please," Thranduil said, abruptly stopping her moment of enjoyment. "Might as well do this quickly." She groaned and stepped forward very unenthusiastically. "I'm sure he only means a quick peck, so don't drag it out any longer than it has to be, sweetheart," he whispered. "Good luck."
She stood waiting for the dwarven volunteer who was currently being fetched. She could feel fifty six pairs of eyes behind her watching and could see hundreds of others watching her. It was rather off-putting, especially when you REALLY didn't want to do what they were here to watch.
"Lady Silvawen," said Thror, snapping her out of her worried trance, "this is Gimli son of Gloin. He will be your subject for...... well, whatever it is you have to do." She stared down incredulously at the chest height, grinning dwarf before her.
"Pleased to meet you," Gimli said happily. "So, come on then."
"Oh gods," she said, audibly. "Yavanna, you are an evil witch!" She looked down at him again and groaned exasperatedly again. "Can you at least get him a stool of some kind? I'm not going to do my back in as well." This was done and Gimli was soon standing at her level.
"Wait!" Legolas suddenly said as she started to lean forward. 'Please say you've changed your mind! Please, PLEASE say you've changed your mind!!' "Silva, turn sideways on, we all want to make sure you ACTUALLY kiss him. And it has to be a proper kiss, not a peck, a full kiss, on the lips for...... five seconds."
"FIVE SECONDS?!?!?!"
"Uh-huh. And I'll be counting, remember!" She officially hated her lover now, but she did as she was told because she knew that the more she refused, the longer the torture would last. "Ok, go." She went straight for it, else otherwise, she knew she'd wimp out.
"1." 'OH GODS!!!'
"2." 'Please help me!!!'
"3." 'This is REALLY gross!!!'
"4." 'One more second! Only one more second! One more second of hell........................................... COME ON AND END YOU STUPID DAMN SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
".............5." She pulled away so fast, she was almost a blur, and ran out of the mountain as quickly as possible.
When outside, she was spitting repeatedly and occasionally retching. She could hear raucous laughter emanating from within, which angered her, but she was too busy feeling sick right now to concentrate on anger.
"You bending over like that is very distracting," a voice behind her suddenly said. She straightened up curiously and began to turn. That didn't sound like...
"OH MY ERU!!!!!!!!!!!"
**
E/N: Dun dun dun!!! So, whoever said that obviously isn't Legolas. Who do you think it is? I'm not going to update until I've had......... six guesses. Or maybe five. Depends on my mood when I check my reviews. But I expect loyal reviewers to all make guesses, please. THAT INCLUDES YOU, MARY- JO!!! (And no I won't tell you who it is!) And it's only one guess per person, so there's no point in one person writing five guesses just for a quicker up date! (",) You'll probably all either not care or call me evil, but hey! This is me, I'm a freak!