Translations:
Meleth-nin = my love
Nissëamin = my sweet
Nissëhon = sweetheart
Chapter 50
Kemen sat on one of the topmost branches of a tree as he practically devoured Silva's book. He had almost finished it, and was anxious to do so. He'd been thoroughly gripped right the way through and longed to know how it ended. She'd been through so much strife and horror and torment, he wished and hoped and prayed for a joyful ending. She'd already told him she'd ended the book around about his fourth or fifth birthday, because from then on he'd be - and been - more than an active part and memory in her life. It didn't need to be written down for he'd know himself.
He'd reached the part where she was introducing Legolas to her sisters as her lover. It was currently in the middle of the argument between Silva, Arian and Nilia. Having read about, throughout the book, the law against Maia-Elf relationships being as good as pounded into them, he could understand why the sisters were so angry, but he still had over-whelming sympathy for both Silva and Legolas. He knew it must have been hard for them, for they were (and are) the ones breaking the law.
His stomach started growling. 'Only a couple of pages left of this chapter, then I'll eat,' he thought. However when he reached the end of the chapter, he was thrown into turmoil. Silva had runaway with no explanation of why or where she'd gone. The sisters and Legolas were panicking. So was he. He so desperately wanted to continue reading, but he was so very hungry too. 'I'll run back, get a quick bite to eat and then I can carry on. And if I catch Silva in a good mood - which is very doubtful, these days - she may tell me herself.' He sprung lightly from branch to branch, barely causing a rustle in the leaves, then dropped silently to the ground. He sprinted off towards the prospect of food.
**
*~Legolas' POV~*
Silva has been so jumpy of late. She's snappy and irritable and is often to be found day-dreaming, more frequently than usual. I try to comfort her, I try to ease her hidden worries but she shies away from me as though I am - or should be - angry at her. I don't understand why she is suddenly so hostile, mainly towards me, but to everyone. Even Kemen. And he seems to get happier with every scrap of information about her he gains, seemingly unaware of her change in behaviour.
I wish she'd let me help her, but she will not. Although I know our relationship is built on more than this, we haven't made love for nigh on month. She denies me advances, shies away from my caresses, hastens my kisses - as though anytime she does respond slightly, it's out of duty, not out of shared want or need.
Have I done something? Am I to blame? Or is she preparing herself for what is needed when I find out something she has done? But what could be so bad that it warrants her no longer sleeping on our talan - if indeed she is sleeping at all, which I'm sure she isn't.
Oh, Silva, my darling, why are you being like this? Why will you not let me help you as I long to? Do you love me no longer?
**
"Hiya Silva," Kemen said chirpily. She jumped from shock.
"Don't do that, Kemen," she scolded, fully intending her words, not using the playful tone she'd always used when he was younger. His smile evaporated.
"I'm sorry, Silva, I didn't mean to startle you."
"Oh, it doesn't matter." The silence was awkward, so Kemen brought up the first topic he could think of.
"I'm really, really enjoying the book, by the way! I can't believe you've been through so much and yet you're still so strong." She blushed a little.
"Don't be silly."
"I'm not. Would I lie to you? No, make that could I lie to you?" She chuckled slightly. "Now that's what we like to see and haven't seen enough of, of late. Anyway, you're so brave, Silva. I look up to you so much! Even more so now I know all this!"
"That's very sweet of you, Kemen."
"Only the truth. I can't believe Arian and Nilia were so narrow-minded about you and Legolas. I mean, I understand, but I think they took it a little too far."
"They still feel the same. They have never approved and I don't think they ever will."
"Are they the reason you ran away?" Silva tensed up.
"You'll have to wait and see. I must be going now, Kemen. I shall see you at dinner this evening."
"Ok, Silva. I'll see you later."
She almost ran away from her son. She was shaking again. 'Dammit, this has to stop. I can't carry on like this.'
'Legolas, where are you?' she called out telepathically.
'I'm at our talan, meleth-nin. What's wrong?'
'Stay there. Don't go anywhere. I must speak with you. I'll be there soon.'
This time, she did run. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She scurried up the rope ladder, when she reached it, and fell into her lover's arms when she reached the top.
"What's wrong, nissëamin?" he asked, worriedly, kissing her forehead.
"You may hate me or you may not," she panted, still short of breath, "but you should know that, very soon, Kemen will know who his parents are." He froze and stared at her.
"What?" he eventually said.
"I wrote it into the book. I did not state that Kemenhin is our son, just in case someone unauthorised reads it, but I made it very obvious. He is a chapter away from finding out. I'm now regretting writing it, deeply, but there is nothing to be done."
"Why? Why put it in? We've been happy for 21 years. Why tell him?"
"I felt he has a right to know that his parents visit him three times a year. That's no mean feat when you're supposed to be dead."
"You should have asked me first. It's my decision too."
"I know you're angry, Legolas, but I-"
"No I'm not. I'm shocked and a little disappointed, but not angry." He sighed and held her tightly. "I understand that you would want him to know, even if I think your timing is a little off."
"He's going to hate us for lying to him," she sobbed quietly. "I should have kept him from the beginning. I'd have been all right. Yavanna would have supported me after some persuasion. But now……… now it's all just falling to pieces."
"Hush, meleth nin, don't cry. It'll be alright, don't worry. Even though I have not read it, I know you well enough to know that you'll have explained everything leading up to his birth, showing him, making him understand that you could not keep him, for his own sake, not because you didn't want him or love."
"I did make sure of that………"
"Then he will understand, nissëhon. It will hurt him, but, think about it, Sil, think about how much he loves you-"
"Us."
"-Us then. We've been parents to him anyway. He will realise, in time, that we love him still, possibly even more because of the restrictions held against us."
"I hope you're right………"
**
Kemen read the last two pages of the chapter 3………4………5 times over. It couldn't mean what he thought it meant……… could it? Was it possible?
"Don't be ridiculous," he scolded himself. "Of course it's not possible. It's just coincidence……… but there are no other orphans and I'm the youngest living elf………" He stared at the book with unseeing eyes. "………I'm their son."
Many emotions surged through him. Anger. Confusion. Joy. Relief. Hurt. Concern. A sense of fulfillment. But his anger over-ruled everything else. He leapt to his feet and left the book at the foot of the tree he'd been leaning against. His anger radiated from him like a pulsating wave - having a similar reaction on the surrounding plant life as his mother, only to a lesser degree. He wanted answers.
Legolas and Silva were walking through the fairest part of Lórien. He had finally managed to calm her down and make her put her fear to the back of her mind. For now.
Her steps faltered and the fear returned in her eyes.
"He knows," she whispered. "He's coming to find us. Legolas, he's angry. Really angry."
"That's understandable. Just wait. He will find us here. We have to listen to what he wants to say and answer his questions."
As the tall, dark Elf strode purposefully, angrily, towards them, Silva thought exactly how much he looked like her and was surprised that many, many people - especially Kemen himself - had not worked it out. She also recognised how his temper matched both of theirs. She awaited the stream of curses and questions to erupt from him, worriedly. So worried was she that she barely had time to register the hand striking her across the face.
"KEMENHIN!!" Legolas shouted, as he stopped Silva from stumbling to the ground.
"How could you keep it from me?!" he yelled back.
"You had no right to hit her!"
"You should have told me!"
"How could we, Kemenhin? You could have been taken from us, killed maybe. We'd have been separated! All of our lives would have been destroyed! You should know that already!"
"Did you ever stop to think that perhaps you had already destroyed mine?"
"How so?!"
"All my life I have longed for two people to call my real parents. I had Galadriel, I had Celeborn, I had Arwen and you two, but my real parents were dead, that's what I was told. You've been as good as parents to me."
"So why are you so hateful about finding out the truth?"
"Every birthday for the first 15 years of my life, I have only dreamed of one present. I had one secret desire that I never told anyone and I scolded myself, because it was foolish to think it. Of course it was, it couldn't be possible. But all I really ever wanted was for you two to be my parents. I loved you so much and respected you as words will never be able to express. You were my idols and my role models. You were gods to me.
"I've been through so much torture and torment. All my life I've felt on the edge. People welcomed me and took me into their homes, but I never felt like I belonged. Unless you two were here. Only then did I feel truly needed and wanted and loved."
"Why is it different now?"
"You've lied to me for the past 21 years! I've felt so alone! You deprived me of what I had a right to!"
"We didn't exactly have a choice!"
"You should have made the choice to try and keep your son! You should have fought for me! That's what real parents would have done!"
"……… you hit me………" Silva interrupted quietly, her hand still on her cheek, staring at the ground. "You actually hit me."
"We're well past that now, love," Legolas said irritably. Her hand fell to her side and she raised her eyes defiantly to meet her son's, outrage boiling dangerously within her.
"You ungrateful, obnoxious brat!" she suddenly erupted. Both Kemen and Legolas flinched slightly and were completely dumbstruck. Silva had never ever lost her temper with Kemen. "How dare you accuse us of not being proper parents?! We lived here with you for four years! We've visited you twice, sometimes three times, every single year since we left! We've bought you gifts and spent time with you and loved you like nothing else on this earth, even though we weren't meant to! We've taught you all we know! We've done as much as is physically possibly and yet you still expect more of us! What do you want of us, Kemenhin? What more can we possibly give you?!"
"My only wish is for the 21 years that I've lost! I want my childhood back and be able to live it with parents at my side!"
"We can't turn back time, we can't live your childhood again."
"Then you have nothing I want. I don't want anything from you."
"I thought you just said all you want is parents? And now you've got them, you're throwing them away?" said Legolas, harshly. "A little indecisive aren't we, Kemenhin?"
"If you'd been listening close enough, you'd have taken heed of the past tenses! I don't want anything to do with you! You made an orphan out of me, unnecessarily! How can you justify that?!"
"What would you have done in her situation? Knowing that by keeping your baby, you could be risking not only your own life but that of your child and your partner also. Would you have been so brave and righteous?"
"I'd have tried!" he hissed. "I'd rather have dies than rejected my child as soon as it was born!"
"I stayed with you till you were ten months old!" Silva cried. "I was in hiding for 18 months! When I finally forced myself to leave you, I was rejected by the one who loves me and suffered from severe post-natal depression. You haven't read that far yet, have you, Kemen? You just thought you'd come running with your accusations before you know all the facts! I cried non-stop for almost two months. I wanted to be allowed to be a mother to my son as I knew I could and should! I tried to kill myself because I'd been separated from both of you, and even when Legolas finally came to me, it was not within his power to bring me back from the darkness that had consumed me. I wanted and needed so much to be reunited with you, but I couldn't. And then, when I was brought to you, I was eventually healed. Is that neglectful? Is that uncaring?" Kemen stayed silent. She stared deep into his eyes with a burning, searching intensity. He could feel her probing the into the deepest, darkest parts of his mind, testing the sincerity of his words. All three knew what she would find, but she had to be sure.
Gradually, her expression softened to one of sorrow. All he could do was wrap his arms around her.
"Never hit me again," she said warmly, "or you will seriously rue the day you were born."
"I'm so sorry, Silva. I don't know what came over me."
"Forget about it. It's not like you hurt me. You just shocked me. A lot."
"I could say the same for you."
"I didn't know how else to tell you. I thought you might accept it better if I explained about everything first, rather than just turning round to you and saying 'Kemen, I'm your mother'. But seemingly, I was wrong."
"Actually, I think that probably was a reasonably calm reaction, if you think about how mad I could have gone."
"Let's just be glad that's all we got then, shall we?" Legolas said.
"I'm really sorry," he said again. "I shouldn't have over-reacted the way I did."
"It's perfectly understandable, nissëhon," said Silva.
"It's just strange to think that, after all those years of wishing, you really are my mother."
"I just wish I could be a proper one."
"Well, we can do something about it now, can't we?"