I had avoided him two days. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. We were all busy. Another battle, and a quest to find an heirloom of the royal family of Bern. I scooted behind Merlinus's wagon, and waited for Hector to walk by with Oswin. He hadn't told anyone else, and I thought he'd forgotten. Even if he had I wasn't taking any chances. I found myself walking alone finally, knowing that it would only be an hour until we stopped, and made camp.
Priscillia, and Erk walked by talking, their voices quite. I watched them go, and felt a frown trying to break onto my face. I shoved it back, and hunched my back against the chilling wind.
After we stopped I moved off to the people who I didn't know well. I was helping Guy, Heath, and Rath pitch tents. None of them talked, and I was glad for the silence. It gave me time to think, and they wouldn't notice the slight frown on my face. They weren't, they wouldn't.......
I jerked my head up, and scooted behind a tent. Hector walked by, talking happily to Oswin about something. Both of them laughed, and I clenched my hands. And turned back to my work after they left. I bit my lip, trying to keep my mind on the task at hand. Something was bothering me again, a longing to be known. I fought it down, remembering what it had brought me before.
I finished my work, and walked off into the biting wind. I stood outside, feeling the wind whip my hair around wildly, force my breath back into my mouth. I closed my eyes, remembering the hard winter winds of Pheare. I could see the city walls, and clearly remember being there, sitting in the wind. My legs hanging dangerously over the edge off the wall, my arms spread, fingers feeling the strong air current moving between them. I pulled on glove off, and let the wind run over my fingers, biting at them with it's bitter cold.
I had been all alone on the wall, but here I was surrounded by people. Even though that was different, some things didn't change. Some things never changed. I couldn't change.
"I though it would be too cold for most people today." A soft, melodious voice spoke from beside me. It sent tingled up my spine for some reason, and I felt a small smile slide into place.
"I used to go outside on days like this just to be in the wind." I explained. "Mind you they weren't as cold as these."
"I see." Ninian smiled. It was a soft smile, and it seemed to hold an amount of sadness that shouldn't be in a smile. Even though it was so cold Ninian was only wearing a light wrap. It would seem that such a delicate looking person would be bundled up, but she seemed comfortable. The winds played her hair around her face, but it didn't seem to be blowing around wildly. It seemed to play with the wind, dancing in the frigid currents.......
"If you'll excuse me Ninian, I need to be going." I excused myself.
"Good day to you, Lord Eliwood." She bowed. I hurried off, my mind a jumble of thoughts. Most everyone had retreated to the relative warmth of their tents, but I saw a few people walking quickly to a sheltered place. I pushed into my tent relieved to be out of the wind, my ears aching, and froze when I saw who was there. It was Hector. He had been polishing his axe, and looked up when I came in. He seemed just as surprised as I was. I took a hurried step back, and had almost push back outside when Hector jumped to his feet, and caught my arm.
"Wait Eliwood, we need to talk." He said, but he knew we both knew that. His eyes portrayed a mix of determination, and hurt. I stood looking at his hand wrapped around my wrist. I couldn't break his hold on my wrist easily, and he wasn't going to be surprised like he was last time. I decided to feign ignorance.
"We do?" I looked up innocently, eyes widely curious. "About what?"
"Eliwood, stop it, you know what we need to talk about." Hector spoke firmly, his voice holding a cold authoritative ring he must have learned from his brother.
"I can't say I do." I smiled. "Will you let go of my arm?"
"Not until we talk."
"Fine." I didn't let the tone of my voice waver, and I twisted my arm. It was a sharp twist, and Hector didn't expect it. I freed my arm, leaving Hector with a glove in his hand, and dashed out into the cold. I heard Hector behind me, running as well. I had one thing over Hector, I was faster. I ran out of camp, and began looking for a place to hide It was rather mountainous country, and I soon found a small gorge. I slowed down, and pressed a hand to my aching chest. The wind howled over the gorge, and I started running again.
I couldn't hide here, I had to keep going. I rounded a corner, and started walking again. My throat burned from breathing the cold air, and I couldn't run any farther. I paused, looking around at the snow dusted place, and something caught my arm. I whipped around, my keyed up nerves acting before my mind could, and drew the dagger from my sleeve, ready to attack whatever it was.
It was Hector.
I tested his grip on my arm, wincing under its pressure. "Let go."
"No, I'm not letting you go until we talk." Hector told me.
I looked up, steadily meeting his gaze. "We have nothing to talk about."
"Oh yes, we do."Hector gave me a stern look that reminded me of a teacher reprimanding a pupil.
"Nothing I can think of." I leaned back against his hold.
"Eliwood, stop it. I'm you friend you can tell me if something's bothering you." Hector was trying a different approach to get me to talk. There sympathy in his voice. I tensed; I hated sympathy. I hated him talking like he knew how to make things better for me. The dagger was clenched in my hand, and thought unbidden flashed through my mind. They were strangely appealing, and appalling at the same time. I couldn't kill him, could I?
"Let go." My voice was low, and I was trying not to look at him. "Just let me go."
"So you can do what?" Hector's voice had lost all the sympathy it had held. He was getting angry. I was already angry. My thoughts a muddle of anger, hate, and pain.
"You care what I do?" I asked. Up until then I had kept my voice under control, not letting anything slide through, but my mask dropped with a crack. My voice was cold, and biting even to my own ears.
Hector didn't look surprised. " Yes, I do." I twisted my arm, but he still held it tight.
"Funny time to start caring." I snapped, looking at him again. A strange smile twisted its way onto my face.
"I've always care-" Hector started.
"Oh, yes of course you have." I interrupted sarcastically. "You my good friend aren't you? The valiant helper of our group, and what am I? A clown, a small splash of red humor in everyone's days."
Hector seemed to catch the 'red splash of humor' more then anything else, and looked to the knife my hand. "Eliwood listen your making this a lot harder then it has to be. I'm trying to help you."
"Who said I needed your help, or any one else's for that matter." I asked. The metal of the knife was still cold in my hand.
"Do you not need help, or would it just be easier not to get any help?" Hector asked. I paused. I had thought that before, wondering if I really didn't want someone to find out. Wondering if I really was so different that no could understand me. Maybe he did know, but why didn't he try to help me before? Why didn't he see? Why hadn't he? I felt sick, dizzy, and weak. My mind was fighting over itself, each part trying to gain control.
What did I want? I didn't know. Everything was confusing, so hard, but it didn't have to be. I could end it all. Everything could be over in a few short moments. I had the escape in my hand. My free hand. I could get away, and I could stop this. It could all be over.......
I moved, flipping the dagger in my hand.
"Eliwood!" There was a surprised cry, and a hand grabbed my other wrist. I glared at Hector. His other hand was now wrapped firmly around my wrist, and he wasn't about to let go. He twisted my hand to a painful angle, making me gasp, and drop the knife. "What is wrong with you?"
I twisted against his tight hold, not wanting to answer, because I didn't know. Or maybe I did, and I just didn't want to. "Let me go." I insisted. Leaning aback against his hands, fighting his grip like a child fighting the grip of an accusing peer. I didn't want to be there.
"No." Hector sounded shaken. "Eliwood-"
"Stop talking to me! Leave me alone!" I yelled angrily. I was desperate. "Just go away, and stop acting like you care."
"I'm not acting." Hector tried to stop my struggling, but I wrenched one arm free.
"Then why haven't you known? Why weren't you ever there!" My voice cracked, my mouth making words on its own. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Why wasn't I where?" His voice held a tone of relief I nearly missed.
I looked at him, fighting desperately. "Go away!" My mind was now jumbled with panic, anger. All I knew was there was something holding me, and I needed to escape. "Let go!" I pulled my other arm, trying to break his hold. "Let me go!"
"Eliwood stop it!" Hector reached forward, grabbing for my free arm. My feet slipped out from under me, and I hit the ground roughly. My free hand landed on my knife, the keen edge sliced through my palm easily, leaving a crimson streak across the light dusting of snow. I grabbed the dagger in my hand, and Hector visibly stiffened. The pain in my hand was overriding the emotional pain that swirled around in my mind.
"Lord Hector! Lord Eliwood!" A breathless yell echoed down the gorge. I yanked my hand from Hector's hold, falling back, and glaring at him murderously. I stood up quickly, watching Hector warily, the dagger positioned awkwardly across the wrist of the hand it was in. I watched him, and slid my hand behind my back when Matthew came running up.
"Finally... I found you..." Matthew leaned his hands against his knees. "The....Tactician... wants both of you, something about.. the Fire Emblem, and the............" Matthew looked at us, and frowned. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, Hector and I are finished talking." I stepped forward, my hands behind my back. "Thank you for telling us, we'll be going." Matthew nodded, and trotted back towards camp. I followed, and Hector caught me roughly be the shoulder.
"We're not done." He hissed.
"Oh yes, we are." I smiled innocently back at him. "Aren't we." He glanced at my hands, catching my threat, and his frown deepened.
"Eliwood listen, you can't-" Hector looked more disturbed then he had before.
"Can not, or may not?" I asked sweetly.
"Listen, I'm you friend-" I laughed softly.
"I'm afraid I don't know what that means, you'll have to explain it to someone who cares." I smiled at the look on his face. Blood dripped off my hand, and I held it up to examine it. I looked from my hand to Hector. In an act purely off defiance, to prove he had no control over me, I licked some of the blood off my hand.
/Third Person/
Eliwood gave Hector a sickening grin, and walked off. Hector grimaced, and looked at the bright red blotches on the snow. He needed help with this, but know he couldn't tell anyone. Eliwood's threat had been vague, but Hector though he knew what it was. 'Tell anyone what I'm doing, and I'll kill myself.' After what Eliwood had said it might be a relief to die, but Hector wasn't about to lose him. After all they'd been through battling the Black Fang Hector wasn't about to let Eliwood kill himself.
If only Matthew hadn't come by with a message from the tactician Hector might have been able to get across to his slipping friend. If it was the last thing he would did he collar the boy, and set him right even if it meant dragging the entire camp into it. Eliwood wouldn't appreciate it, but if it was the only way the so be it. Now it as only a matter of getting Eliwood away from any sharp objects, and talking to him for an long time. Hector thought of the fact they were traveling with a small army, and the only thing that wasn't sharp was heavy enough to knock someone's head in. Hector groaned, and trudged hurriedly up the hill.
Hector jogged past Eliwood, and caught up to Matthew. "Hey Matthew, can you ask the tactician to wait a second?"
Matthew shook his head. "Nope, tactician said that we were about to launch an attack on the Black Fang's stronghold in the mountains to get the Fire Emblem back, and every needed to come, especially all the Lords." Hector sighed, and fell back behind Eliwood again. If he couldn't talk to him, he'd just have to watch him very, very carefully.
A/N: O---okay, Eliwood got a little out of hand there, and a little icky, okay alot icky . . Need I mention again this is AU? Thanks for all the reviews! R&R, Jaa ne!