The soft playing woke me, pushing me from my thoughts of sleep, and guiding me awake. I blinked at the ceiling, and rolled my head sideways to see who was playing. The answer was evident before I saw Nils. No one else knew how to play the flute to my knowledge. I watched the boy play, his face a perfect picture of joy, and peace. Not a touch of sadness was evident It made me sick.
The music was sweet, soft, and happy in a subdued way. I clenched my hands, and grappled for my mask. Awkwardly forcing the perfect appreciative smile onto my face. I shut my eyes willing them to portray the same emotion. When I looked back to Nils he had stopped playing, and smiled widely at me.
"Good Morning Lord Eliwood, or actually it's afternoon." Nils nodded to himself, and placed the flute in his lap. "Lady Lyndis, and Lord Hector have been worried about you. You're lucky to have such friends."
I wanted to laugh. Hector, a friend? I hated him more then any one, that was hardly what most people called a friend. Lyndis was no better. She had tittered away with the rest of them, and assumed I had fallen for her looks. I forced down the twisted smile, and nodded stiffly. "Am I bed bound, or may I go to the kitchens?"
"Lady Lyndis didn't say anything about you not leaving , so I guess so. As long as you're well enough to make it down there." Nils reasoned, tapping his flute to his chin.
I nodded, and pushed myself up. My head didn't spin as much as it did yesterday, but it was still painful. "What happened to the bandits?"
"There weren't nearly as many as there were, and so Lord Hector, and Mark took about twenty of our forces, and defeated them." Nils explained. "They said it was an unusually easy battle."
"That's good to hear." I replied, surprised to know it really was. I should have been happy if Hector died. "Thank you Nils."
Nils looked puzzled. "Your...welcome, but I haven't done anything Lord Eliwood."
I chuckled closing my eyes to keep from getting dizzy. "You've told me what has happened, and for that I am thankful. You may go now." I smiled at him, still keeping my eyes closed.
"Alright, I need to check on Ninian anyway. The battle really drained her." Nils rambled as he stood up. "Are you sure you don't want me to get one of the healers Lord Eliwood? You have been very sick." My head snapped up, and I gave Nils' imploring face a wide eyed stare. He couldn't know, he wouldn't....
Unless Hector had told him.
I couldn't stop my hands from knotting around the sheets, and barely kept my lips from twisting into a snarl. "N-no, I'm alright. I'm feeling much better actual." 'Much' might have been an exaggeration, but I felt better.
"I'll be going then." Nils bowed jerkily, a newly acquired sign of respect, and left. I groaned, and rubbed my head. Over all I felt like crap, and Hector had said I looked it to. I didn't doubt it. I scrubbed a hand through my hair, and pushed my legs over the side of the bed. The floor was mercifully warm, but as soon as I stood the world spun. I clutched at the chair Nils had left by the bed, and leaned heavily on it. The room darkened, stopped spinning, and came back to normal brightness. First things first-clothes. The room was colder then it had been under the covers, and I was beginning to shiver. The feverish, aching feeling that was brought on by the fever returning, and I wished my under tunic was thicker.
I found my tunic, and other clothes quickly. The fine, thick fabric was cold, but I forced myself into it. I dressed slowly, having to stop and wait for my vision to clear, and nearly losing my balance twice. I was finally dressed, and carefully looked around outside to make sure there was no one in the hallway. It was deserted.
I slipped carefully down it, my thoughts focused on staying up right. I paused, catching voices I knew through the door of one room. I couldn't make out the words, so I cracked the door open, and found no one there. The voices continued, one outraged, and one resigned. It was Hector and Lyndis. I closed the door softly, and looked to the other door. I moved closer to that door, and could hear everything that was being said.
"I don't know honestly, I thought it had something to do with Lord Elbert dying, but now I'm not sure." Hector explained wearily. I tensed, my stomach twisting itself, and my head pounding with renewed fury.
"What made you think you could help him by yourself? Your no older then he is." Lyndis snapped, her voice edged with a fury only women could posses. I clenched my hands on my tunic, and realized I had no weapons. The dagger I kept in my boot was gone. My rapier was in my room, and I had lost the other dagger.
I had also lost my circlet. I felt my forehead, pressing my fingers to where the metal used to rest. I could almost feel it there, and ghostly feeling of metal, pressing softly against my head. Reminding me of what I was.
"I was trying to gain his trust back." Hector's voice gained a sharp edge. I grinned bemusedly, and caught a chair for balance. He was doing a wonderful job of that. "Lyn, you don't know what it's like having your best friend-"
"Hector! Listen to me! I'm trying to help. I want to help! I want to know what's going on." Lyndis cut Hector off, and I heard her foot hit the ground with more force then was necessary. My lips twisted into a sick parody of a smile, and I clenched my hands around the chair's smooth seat. She wanted to help, did she? How could she help? How could she know what was wrong, what it was like? How could she expect to help me, when I didn't want help myself. If I really didn't want help.
I swore silently, and vehemently. Hector was finally getting to me, cracking through the mask that I had so painstakingly fixed. "Lyn! Quiet! You're too loud." Their voices dropped, and I couldn't hear what they were saying. I ground me teeth together, and stood up carefully. It was a small private dining room. Hector's weapons were lying in a small pile in one corner. They had been used recently, the axe just cleaned. I spied a small dagger lying by them, and pounced on it. I wrapped my finger triumphantly around the treasure, shooting a look at the closed door.
Hector was a liar, and he had been one of the soul objects of my hate for as long as it had been around. When things got unbearable he seemed to be around all the times I wanted to be alone. Now Lyndis would share it. Now she was trying to help him. I growled something under my breath, surprising myself, and slipped the dagger into my boot. It fit perfectly, not showing anywhere. I steadied myself with a hand on the floor to keep from falling. I slipped the blade out, examining the edge. I ran a hesitant finger down the blade, and felt it just barely cut the skin. Blood welled up on the cut, and I looked broodingly at it.
The blade came to rest on my wrist, easily pressed there, thoughts supressed as I looked at it. It would be simple, and easy.
Wrist or neck, and it would be over.
I pressed harder, and the keen blade made a small cut. Footsteps sounded for the door, and I quickly jammed the dagger away in my boot. I started to stand as the door knob jiggled, and slammed my head into the table. Everything went white, then black.
"Eliwood!" Hector's suprised vioce was unbearably loud. I winced, and he carefully propped me up. Everything was spinning, and I felt as if my head had split in two. I didn't even notice the fact he was holding me us, handling me like I was made of glass.
"Eliwood, you shouldn't be out of bed." Lyndis said in a soothing vioce. Hate boiled past the pain, and I looked at her with innocent curiousity.
"I was going to get something to eat, but I forgot I didn't know where the kitchen was." I lied sweetly. I never planend to go to the kitchen, though I was hungry. I wanted out.
"You should have asked someone to get it for you. Nils was in your room earlier, and I thought he still was." Lyndis frowned at Hector, and I wanted to scream. I was suprised to find I hated her almost as much as Hector. The pity in her vioce wasn't veiled, and it was all directed at me. There was curiousity as well, and apprehension. She was beginning to doubt what I had done. What Hector had told her I had done.
"He was worried about Ninian, so I told him to go see to her." I lied carefully. I smiled slightly, dizzy, and sick.
"You still shouldn't be up, and know you've hurt yourself." Lyndis' vioce was soothing. Poor Eliwood gotta booboo and needs Lady Lyndis to make it all bedder for him, doesn't he? I laughed. Hector tensed, and Lyndis jerked back. It was mixed laughter. Mirth, anger, and things I couldn't understand vented through the cackling laughter.
"Maybe you hit your head harder then I thought." Lyndis suggested shakily. Hector placed me in two chairs scooted together, and I laughed still. Tears ran down my face, and my stomach muscles began to cramp. I finally stopped, gasping for breath, and grinning like an idiot. Hector hadn't spoken to me yet. I smiled widely at him, and giggled slightly. His face was tense, he knew I wasn't amused.
"Eliwood, how long have you been out of bed?" Hector asked.
I smiled still, and gave him a blisfully cheerful look from under my bangs. "Good old Hector, always finding out what's important, isn't he? Lady Lyndis as well, just so full of concern for llittle old me." I rambled simply. Lyndis gave Hectot a disturbed look over my head. Over My Head!
"Eliwood, how long have you been in here." Hetcor asked sternly. I couldn't fool him any more.
"What would it matter to good Lord Hetcor? Poor little me is just to below him to understand anything he does." I kept my vioce cheerful, battling down the hate, and anger. "Lady Lyndis as well, they're both so wonderful, and caring."
"Eliwood." Hetcor's tone carried a vague threat.
I pulled a leg onto the chair, and rested my chin on my knees. I clasped my hands around my leg, resting them comftrably near my newly aquired dagger, and looked at Hector sweetly. "I have no idea what you're trying to say. I've never had one actually. I suppose it's for the best, two heads are better then one. So they say, but who are they anyway?"
Hetcor now looked slightly concerned. He reached out, and touched my forehead. I forced myself not to flinch, and met his gaze streadily. He was finally unhorsed. Not knowing whether I had snapped or not.
Lyndis didn't know if I had either. "Eliwood, you really should go back to bed. I'll go find one of the healers."
I laughed, a short barking laugh, and shot Hector a hateful look. "You didn't tell anyone did you? No, of course you didn't." I looked at Lyndis, and let my lips twist into a sneer. "Or did you figure it you all one your own?"
Lyndis looked startled, and then she regained herself. She gave me a hard Sacean look, and crossed her arms. "I did, Hector didn't tell me anything. You shouldn't blame him for my finding out. You tried to kill yourself; did you think no one would find out?"
I laughed again, a soft chuckle. "Aah, no, I expected to die my good Lady. I expected to leave this place, and for everyone to know. I have Lord Hector to thank for that though. He saved me from the brink of Hell, and brought me back here."
Lyndis bit her lip, looking at Hector for help. Hector sighed, and swung a chair around to face my two. "Eliwood, listen. We are trying to help you."
"Who said I wanted you darn help?" I asked testily.
"Eliwood, were your friends-" Lyndis started.
"Of course you are, everyone hates there friends I suppose." I answered smoothly, mixing my mask with my real emotions. I could hold it against her, I could twist her around, and break her so badly she'd never want to see me again. I could scare her, unnerve her. I could make her leave me alone. Why wouldn't Hector, I had given him reason, I had played with his emotions, taunted him, ridiculed him, but he wouldn't leave me alone. What would it take to make him leave me alone?
"Dangit, Eliwood, we are trying to help you. Get that through your thick head! Can't you just be obliging for once?" Hector asked angrily. I smiled easily at him, an infuriating smile.
"What are you going to do if I don't?" What could you do that you haven't already done to me?
"Hector muttered something under his breath, and Lyndis glared at him quickly. "Eliwood we're trying to help you, if you'd just tell us what's wrong then you'd feel better." Her voice was still soft, sympathetic, and urging. I knew what she was trying to do. Trying to make me believe what she was saying.
I gave her a hateful look, no longer seeing the strange Sacean beauty, but an enemy. "How the heck do you know what would make me feel better?" I spat out, my voice taking on a soft tone that I had rarely used before. "How do you expect to feel something you don't understand?" I asked softly, keeping a steady gaze on her.
"How am I supposed to answer that when I don't know what you're talking about." Lyndis countered. She didn't raise her voice, and it wasn't as fun to play with as it was Hector any more. She was adapting to the situation, feeling what it needed to be overcome. Finding out what she needed to overcome me.
"If you're as smart as you act then it should be no problem for you to figure it out." I replied sweetly, grinning innocently. I slipped from face to face, falling and sliding into another as it suited my whim.
"Making conclusions from physical evidence is easier then making conclusions from mental ones." Lyndis told me soothingly. She sat down in another chair, leaning forward slightly. I felt like a child; a simple box she was trying to unlock. I hated her meddling more then Hector's. That surprised me. She had no right to bother me, to pick at what she had only helped create.
"The you'd best get to work." I slipped back into the soft tone, and listened as it smoldered with anger, and contempt. "I don't have all day. I have other.... things to attend to." One hand rubbed the scar on the other's wrist; the shallow stinging cut on it twinging as my finger ran across it. Hector froze. He was getting very good at picking up my subtle threats, and hints. I smiled thinly at Hector.
"No you don't you're staying here until we get to the bottom of this, no matter how long it takes." Hector snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. He made it clear he was ready for a long wait. I smiled at him, trying to unnerve him again, but his face didn't change.
"Eliwood we really do want to help. You are our friend, and we don't like seeing you this way." Lyndis coaxed softly. Her voice held a motherly tone that reminded me uncomfortably of me mother trying to get me to confess to something naughty I had done. My mother, the woman who had spent her life caring for me when she could.
I clenched my hands tightly, but Lyndis was looking at my face, She didn't see the frustration expressed through the tightening muscles, or the crescent moon makes appearing on my skin under my nails. The small cut on my finger throbbed, reminding me how short of a reach it was to the knife in my boot. No, not yet. If Hector knew of the knife he would take it away. He would deprive me of my escape again.
Hector saw my hands, and tensed. He was ready to react, though he didn't know what I planned to do. What could I do when I could barely stand? I couldn't run away. I kept looking at Lyndis, glancing at Hector now, and again.
"Of course, how silly of me." I smiled easily, releasing the tension in my hands with an effort. There were ten slightly bloody marks on them. "Of course telling you what I feel will magically make it better. It'll make everything go away, and everything will be right I suppose?" My voice grew with hate, my shoulders going taut. "Heckuva chance of that, now isn't there?" I snapped up right suddenly, starling both Hector, and Lyndis. Using this to my advantage I shakily swung over the table, and hit the floor shakily. Hector grabbed me before I could fall, or get any farther away.
I looked at his hand wrapped around my arm, and slowly followed it up to his face. He looked at me carefully, a gauging look. "Why're you still doing this?" I asked. "You know I'm not going to say anything else, and that I don't want your help."
"But you can't go on living like this." Lyndis protested.
"How can you tell me how I can live when you don't know?" I turned to face her again, pulling uselessly at Hector's hold on my arm. Why did he always end up trapping my physically?
Lyndis paused, and frowned slightly. Hector let out half a sigh as she spoke. "I don't have to know everything, but it's not good to bottle everything up till it drives you off the edge." She protested.
"Why won't you just come out and say it? I tried to commit suicide, and I'm not sorry about it. I'm screwed up, possibly more then you think, and the fact that you thought I was something I'm not frightens you. You're starting to wonder what I'll do next, what I'm capable of. That's why you still have the Mani Katti with you when Hector left his axe over in the corner." I smiled at her sympathetically. "Poor girl, you really don't have to be here. What will happen will happen wether you're here or not." Hector's grip tightened painfully on my arm, and I had a hard time not wincing.
Lyndis didn't say anything. She glanced away from me and looked at Hector . Her eyes gave away her apprehension, and the tense way she picked at a frayed spot on her arm guard spoke of anger. She didn't like being figured out so easily. I had, evidently, gotten it perfectly right.
Hector roughly pushed me into another chair, making me yelp as his fingers tightened around my arm. "Stop it. Stop trying to manipulate her, and stop saying you don't want help. You said you hated the pain, and that they loved you. 'They' are your parents."
I tensed glaring at him, and pulled at my arm. "Let go." I knew I was starting to sound like a child, my voice going shaky.
"No, I'm not letting go of you." Hector snapped.
"Let go! It was them. I don't want your help, and I don't want your pity. You can't help me."
"Can not, or may not?" He asked me softly.
I tensed, my lips turned up in a snarl, and jerked my arm viciously. It did nothing but dump me from the chair. "Stop it." I hissed. My arm was pulled up at an uncomfortable angle. I was tired, frustrated, and had something building in my throat. It was either a scream, or a sob.
Hector kneeled down on the floor, lessening the strain on my arm. "I'm not going to leave you alone till you tell me what's wrong, and until then I'll keep trying." I studied him carefully. Maybe, just maybe he could....
There was a sharp knock on the door, and Marcus opened it. "Forgive me Lord Eliwood, Lord Hector, and Lady Lyndis, Lord Athos has appeared, and needs to speak to you right away. He says it is most urgent." I pulled myself off the floor, and Hector helped me up. Lyndis glanced at us nervously, and then smiled at Marcus.
"Thank you for telling us Sir Marcus." Lyndis smiled in a charming way. I jerked my arm out of Hector's hold, and glared at him.
"Marcus, wait a moment." I trotted to catch up with the paladin. "I need to ask you something." I could almost feel Hector tense. I smiled easily at the paladin, and left the two conspirators to their ways.
A/N: I promise this is the very last time a chapter will end like this! Promise! I'm still not very happy with the ending, but it'll have to work. Sorry for the long wait, and only for a chapter I am not happy with. --; Review if you please. Jaa ne.