"How is he?"
"I don't know, I haven't been in yet."
"It's awful.....Nils won't even say anything. Sain's been trying to get him to talk, but it's not working. I...." The words were caught off with a teary sigh. "It's not fair........"
"Life isn't fair sometimes."
"How can you just stand there and say that! She just died! He killed her! She loved him Hector! Do you have any idea what it was like for her? Being killed by the person she loved?" The words stopped again, sobs replaced them. "He didn't mean to..........did he?"
"No, I........." There was a tense sigh. "I don't think so Lyndis. I think it was the sword, not Eliwood. I don't think he would......."
"Who knows, Hector, I don't know any more.......... He didn't cry."
"No, he didn't cry, but sometimes it hurts too much to cry."
"If it hurts at all." The was a deep breath, and a re-forming of the her voice. "I.... I also want to say I think you should talk to him alone."
"What made you decide this?"
"This is something you and Eliwood have to do. You have to decide what we have to do, and he hates me anyway."
"He hates me as well Lyn."
"I'm not so sure he does....." The words trailed off. "I'm going to see Nils. I have to get some broth before hand, so I'd better go. I wish you luck."
"You make it sound like I'm going to fight some beast."
"I wish you luck all the same." She walked away, her feet loud in the stillness. Hector sighed, and pushed the tent flap back. He found me the way I had been for hours, staring at the opposite wall, my knees hugged to my chest. I didn't even looked at him as he came in. My throat was tight, and my mind fell over itself to run in circles.
She deserved to die, she was a dragon....but did you have to kill her, she loved you, there's no denying that......She was just like everyone else, only worse...but she loved you........She loved you.....
"Eliwood..."Hector voice was hesitant. I didn't know what to think of him. My mind was numb, unable to process more thought then the circles it had been going in for hours. My feelings had dropped somewhere out of touch since my blade had rent her open from shoulder to hip. The horrid gash flashed in my mind, her ribs exposed, organs visible through the blood.
The blood.
The wild, and sickening tang of blood still rolled in my mouth. The feel of the thick liquid as it rolled over my arms, showering me in a deadly bath of dragon's blood. It had burned after a while, leaving a tender rash across my cheeks, and over my right hand. My right hand hurt the most. It had burned viciously for hours, and was now tender to the touch. I had been rubbing it before Hector came in. Aggravating the raw skin, and trying to distract myself from the mind numbing circles.
You killed an innocent girl who loved you.............but she was a dragon, and lied about it. She deserved to get whatever death was served to her..........but she loved you, and she helped everyone........She was a dragon, a beast that you should kill, a horrid creature that nearly wiped out the human race......but she had a brother, everyone liked her, and she loved you. You killed the girl who loved you...........but you killed the dragon, you saved everyone.......You killed Ninian.....
"Eliwood, you're making your hand worse." Hector intoned softly. I winced as my left hand clenched around my right eliciting a slight whimper from my tightly clenched mouth. I didn't let go. I twisted my hand, trying to drive away the thoughts, trying to make them end. I wanted to stop thinking, to stop chasing myself in circles about what I didn't want to think about.
Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him..............
"No!" I yelled, my head came up, and I gasped as my fingernails dug into the back of my right hand. Blood, and other fluids welled up in the shallow grooves.
"Stop it." Hector pulled my hands apart, holding my left securely. He was sitting on my bed, looking at my bedraggled appearance. My hair fell into my face, and stuck up in odd places, and a few strands were stuck to my cheek. I tried to flick some of by bangs out of my face, realizing they needed a cut. I wondered why I hadn't noticed before.
"Eliwood are you alright?" Hector shook his head. "No you're not, I can see that. You look like death warmed over."
"And what does Death look like Hector? Have you ever seen Death?" I asked, and smirk trying to twist onto my face, but my stiff cheeks prohibited it.
Hector frowned, and look at my face. "One of the healers could take care of that easily." He murmured. "Why don't I go get one of them when we're done." I could almost feel the blood splashing on my face again, sliding down my neck, and settling in my clothes.
"Some people say that Death is a beautiful woman, and some say that Death's a man in a black cloak. Everyone says that Death is terrible, frightening beyond reason, and yet.....alluring." I unconsciously tested Hector's grip on my arm. It was solid as always. "So, have you seen Death Hector?"
"What are you talking about? How can you see death?" Hector asked. His forehead creased as he thought. "You're not delirious are you?"
"Hmm? Oh, who can say if I am." I forced more words out, blocking out the thoughts.
Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him..............
"You can see Death Hector, though not many see Death, and live to tell the tale. Death is Death after all. A sweet rest after the hard toils of life." I winced away from the subject as it focused on my thoughts more strongly.
Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him..............
Hector's hand reached out, and found my forehead. He pulled a few hairs off my cheek, making me wince. His hand was warm. Blessedly different from the cold that had wrapped itself around me, and refused to dissipate. I unintentionally leaned into his hand, resting my head on his palm, leaning on the warm human touch.
"You're freezing Eliwood." Hector said softly. His grip on my hand slackened, and he wrapped his hand around my hand fingers. I was surprised to see his hand covered mine.
"You think I don't know?" I whispered. I turned my head, looking at him flatly. I couldn't muster anything else. The hate I usually felt was gone, buried under the cold void that had covered me.
"I suppose you do." Hector sighed, and removed his hands from me. He stood up, and grabbed something off the other bed in the tent. I grabbed my right wrist, and hugged my knees to my chest. I shivered, and propped my chin on my knees. Hector dropped a blanket around my shoulders, and pulled it around them when I didn't move. He sat down opposite me again. We sat in silence, I was trying to chase my thoughts away, and he looked lost in thought as well.
"Why do you keep doing this?" I asked softly, forcing myself to raise my head, and look at him.
"Doing what?" Hector asked with a little more volume to his voice.
"Why do you keep coming to talk to me after I've said I hate you so many times? After all the times I've yelled at you........ Why don't you just give up and go away, and leave me alone?" I tried to force my voice over a whisper, but gave up. The effort was wasted on breathing. I shivered, and wrapped my arms tighter around my legs. "Why didn't you just give up?"
"Because I'm stubborn." Hector replied. He reached forward, and grabbed the blanket, which had begun to slide off my shoulders. "Everyone's told me that all my life, and I stand on no ground to deny it. Heck, I know I'm stuborn, but that's not all of it. I wanted to help you because you're my friend, whether you thought of it that way or not I did, and I still do. I've thought of you as a friend since we first met, at that council meeting."
I cast my memory back, falling away from the repudiative circles, and into a time I had almost forgotten. "We swore oaths, and shook hands to be bound my blood to those oaths. I turned my left hand up, and looked across it. "I still have the scar after all these years."
"Eh, mine got covered up when I broke a window." Hector looked at his own right hand. "You remember that?"
"You pushed Luke out the window and got beaten raw for it by Uther, how could I forget?" I asked softly. That day was burned into my memory for other reasons as well. Other reasons that pulled my mind back around, taunting me.
Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him..............
My hand inched down to my boot, and I talked on, keeping Hector's eyes on my face. "You think I would forget it?"
"I wondered if you would. You hardly seem to be the boy I befriended, or were you always like this?" Hector asked, looking intently at my face.
"No, I wasn't. I loved people just for the sake of loving, and held things dear because they were there. My mother would laugh at me, and say I was the best thing about her life. She would catch me in her arms, and tell me to never stop laughing, to never stop being me." My hand slipped into my boot, and a cold metal hilt met it. It sent a cold shock up my arm, and I winced. I covered it with a shiver.
"You used to like butterflies." Hector remembered softly. He inched across the bed, and pulled one knee up to his chest."
That was true, I had done those things. I could remember crying over a butterfly I found dead in my window sill. It's wings were broken, and it shivered in the wind from my breath. "Butterflies are worthless creatures to cry over. They die everyday, and live only a few days. It's just a bug, not a person. A worthless bug..... Worthless, good for nothing bug!" I snapped, my face twisted, in a grimace of pain, and anger. "If something has no worth does it deserve to live?"
Hector looked surprised. I snapped my hand up, and tucked it to my chest. "If something is useless should it linger around?" I asked. My heart beat faster, and I couldn't help the apprehension creeping past the cold wrap around my feelings.
"It depends on what you're talking about." Hector put a hand to my forehead. "'If something is no longer of any use it should be discarded.' Our weapon master told us that when we were just learning how to take acre of weapons."
"Then you agree?" I asked. My head leaned against his hand, my body tired.
"If something has no more use then it should be discarded." Hector nodded. Worthless, worthless, worthless, worthless.... Worthless things should be disposed of.
"I thought you would." I winced as I gingerly felt one of my cheeks. "Maybe I will let one of the healers look at this." I murmured.
"I'll go find one, you should rest some more." Hector stood up, and looked down at me. "Stay here okay?"
"Sure." I looked at him, and then looked at my knees. "I'm sorry Hector."
He tensed. "Sorry for what?"
"For saying you lied. You......you were telling the truth after all." I smiled slightly. "I was just trying to blame you so I wouldn't have to face it."
"After one of the healers looks at your cheeks, and hand we'll talk alright?" Hector's voice was gruff, trying to be comforting, but not truly knowing how.
"Alright." I watched him go, and counted to thirty. I slipped off the bed, and rolled under the tent flap. I stood on shaky legs, and walked quickly into the woods. I slowly gained speed on my unsteady legs, and ran through the underbrush. I tripped, and fell onto the ground. I sat up, and looked around. I was lost, but that didn't matter. I sighed, and laughed a little. It was true, every thing that I had denied was true. Hector hadn't been lying, I was the one who had lied. Hector had been telling the truth all along.
I found it hurt. Something hurt deep inside. Something had been betrayed, hurt deeply by what Hector had said. Something ached enough to escpe the cold blanket wrapped around my feelings.
I was shaken to my core, feeling lost, and stranded in a new place that was more treacherous then any place I had ever been before. I reached into my boot, and pulled out the cold dagger. The emblem of Ostia rested on it, and I smiled at the irony. I ran my fingers down the blade drawing blood that fell onto the blade. I rolled up my sleeve a drew a fine line along it. It stung, but didn't draw blood. I guided the blade carefully, my mind losing itself in pain, and a feeling I couldn't describe. It was a pungent mix of sorrow, and loneliness. Blood flowed freely from my arm, but my wrist remained untouched.
My stomach suddenly turned, and I doubled over. I retched, my mind reeling, and protesting. I wasn't! It was lies again! I looked at my arm, blood poured off it, falling to the ground. I clutched the dagger, and pressed my hand to the ground. I didn't know what I wanted. The pain wouldn't drive away my thoughts. I wanted to stop thinking about everything. I wanted, I wanted............
With a shaky hand I undid the ties of my tunic, and bared my chest. The brisk air made me suck in a quick breath. I placed the dagger point on my skin, the cold metal sending shivers down my spine. I balanced my hand on the dagger's hilt, and bowed my head. One quick thrust was all it would take, one bone cracking blow would give me what I wanted.........
"That's not what you really want though." A hollow voice rang behind me. "Is it."
A/N:Please don't kill me, though I utterly deserve it! Sorry, it's repadative....still, and Hector was very bland! He didn't have much character, but maybe he's just too sad to be very Hector-ish. We're almost done! Two or three more chapters and an eppilouge! I feel bad about the long wait..... Oh, and incase you couldn't tell Ninian died, and Eliwood's trying to not blame himself for it. ;;;;;; Sorry, I hope to have the next chapter up soon, and please review.