Chapter 4

Two days later

Severus Snape hurried through the hall of hogwarts, black robes billowing like a cloud of smoke behind his twitching frame. The after-affects of the cruciatus curse still leaving a definate mark on his wiry body.

"Headmaster" he called, catching sight of the Mugwump.wandering down a corridor in bright purple, rather gaudy robes. "I must speak with you."

"Very well" replied Dumbledore, turning. Despite the lingering pain flowing through all his joints, and all his efforts to remain permanently emotionless, Severus gaped. A huge ugly gold and pink squiggle was drawn on the front of his robes.

"Err, yes... sorry about the robes," muttered Dumbledore, "Have you never seen me in my ICW dress before?"

"No, thank Merlin." Severus muttered. "Anyway Albus, can we go to your office? It's quite a strange subject."

"Yes, yes, of course. We're nearly at it already. Humbugs" The gargoyles leapt out of their way.

When they were sure they would not be overheard, Dumbledore offered one of his trademark sherbet lemons, and a cup of tea, both of which severus declined in his usual brusque manner.

"Headmaster, I know you explained your theories on whether we can postpone voldemort long enough to create a solution to our problem relating to prophecies, maybe involving the Longbottom boy" here, severus shuddered, "but it appears we have a little help. I am sure you have noticed that Riddle is not celebrating his 'victory' over the wizarding world. He knew enough of the prophecy to know this is a very major victory at least, and yet he is not celebrating, he is not organising attacks, but he is starting to become paranoid. I can offer no explanation for this behaviour, but he is rather than mindlessly killing muggles, he is crucioing and occasionally killing supporters." 'Good riddance though' thought severus. He always hated Mulciber and Avery. "Voldemort is starting to self destruct."

'Hmm... something scares Voldemort so much that he does not see that he could have the wizarding world at his feet in days despite the opposition?'

"Interesting, see if you can find out why he is scared."

"If its any help Albus, i noticed him starting at sudden noises, and the occasional strange happening is occuring. He keeps being pickpocketed by no-one i can see, then finding the object on top of chandeliers, or once even waaving in front of his nose. The thing is, he even has a small protection field around him. No death eater could breach that and live. Nobody could pickpocket him."

'Perhaps he has a poltergeist. But surely the Dark Lord would know a minor Exorcism ritual. Why can he not get rid of this problem?' Albus mused silently to himself.

Many miles away

Harry sniggered. "There's something quite appealing about hitting a psycho mass-murderer with a brick," he announced to Cedric, who was throwing candles at death eaters. "It's a bit cliched, but fitting considering its a muggle thing."

They'd worked out how to stay invisible, shortly after the graveyard conversation. It seemed to come quite naturally, since there were a few things that ghost instinctually knew how to do, invisibility being one of them. Ghosts could always see each other, due to their stonger understanding of their innate magic. A ghost was formed of magic, and thus could become tangiible, intangible, any shape they so desired, and there was also a few other talents. Mostly keyed towards haunting, such as making lights flicker, sudden noises, etc. Ghosts have a stronger control of illusory magic than wizards, and Harry had more power than the average wizard. Considering he was dead, his power had been unlocked, and he could cast constantly for hours on end.

While he never thoguht he'd believe this, death was liberating.

Harry was roused out his thoughts, when a silver blond 'Eater entered the chamber where the dark lord was spinning in circles looking for whoever threw the brick at him. Voldemort snapped out of his paranoid search, and growled at the Death Eater.

"What, What is it now?", Malfoy bowed and kissed the hem of Voldemorts robe. "Milord, some of the troops are confused. They do not understand why you are not celebrating your return to power, and your momentous victory against Potter. I must profess to some minor confusion on my part also. Perhaps an explanation would lighten the troops spirits and alleviate their worries."

"What...erm...How dare you make demands!" Voldemort whipped out the thin wooden rod from his robe. "Crucio!"

Lucius just stayed knelt. Voldemort growled in fury. What in the world is going on?

Lucius slowly raised his head. "Err... Milord? Why didn't the curse work? Wait a second, thats not a wand... is that, a MUGGLE PENCIL!" Lucius bellowed "You carry a muggle pencil!"

"Erm...no you fool, this is a brand new AllPurposePrecisionTargetingTM Duelling wand, Gregorovitches finest. Evidently its developed a fault. Now get out of my sight you pathetic wretch. I shall give you you're punishment in a few hours."

Voldemort breathed a sigh of relief as the door clicked shut behind Lucius...

Then something occcured to him...

"WHY IN THE HELL AM I CARRYING A MUGGLE PENCIL!".

Voldemort threw the pencil at the wall...

Something else occurred to him...

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY WAND!"...

Snap

Voldemort span around. Just in time to see two bits of ex-wand clatter to the floor.

"Bollocks."

AN – There isn't a huge amount that is funnier than a floundering Voldemort. Not many fics work that way, rather having a very unflappable Voldemort. Whereas, me... I'm leading him to a nervous breakdown. It would be a strange concept, but so is this whole fic, so what the hey! Ill just do it anyway.