She was doing it again.

The damn woman was going to drive me nuts.

She couldn't cook to save her life, the woman could screw up scrambled eggs for Christ's sake, but God she could be so oblivious sometimes.

I watched her prance around the kitchen in nothing more then a pair of men's boxer shorts with palm trees on them. A pair of stupid-ass pink slippers with a crown on them, but to top that ensemble off she'd stolen a "Big Johnson" t-shirt from my dresser.

The woman looked irresistible.

If her father hadn't been in the other room I would have jumped her then and there and let whatever she was burning in the oven catch on fire.

To make things worse she began to play with her hair.

Then she wanted me to pick out a chapel from the pile she had found. She could have asked me what my name was and I couldn't have told her. Thank God there were pictures on the papers.

When the smoke detector began to buzz I looked to the pile.

Trying hard not to notice as she hopped all around the kitchen swearing at what was apparently lasagna.

"Darlin, Which one you like?" I asked, looking over what looked like an old fashioned gas station, not likely. I put that one on the counter, followed by one that was named after Elvis. If I was gonna get married I was gonna do it right.

McKnight wandered into the kitchen, either after the black smoke that billowed out of the oven of the smoke alarm. His nose scrunched at the black smoke but he remained silent, a truly wise man.

Diana swore like a sailor while she attempted to save dinner.

I looked at the next chapel in the pile.

It didn't look that bad…..if she were seven months pregnant and McKnight had a gun in my back. The perfect chapel for a shotgun wedding. It even had a Midwife on call for those late weddings.

I put that one on the pile, McKnight took a spot beside me and leant on the counter, looking into the kitchen while a safe distance away, just incase she

decided to throw something. "Diana, sweetheart, would you want me to pick up a pizza?"

I remained silent.

Taking a look at the nest chapel, hell no, The Chapel of never ending love and peace, complete with a self proclaimed Reverend hippie.

"Ok, daddy, but no anchovies this time. And get me some wings….with blue cheese and ranch." Diana sighed, looking sadly at the black tin that puffed clouds of black smoke. I made a face, "Is that thing gonna explode?"

Diana took a spatula from the counter and smacked the top of it, it was solid.

She then turned to me and dared me to say something with those stunning eyes.

McKnight spoke up, "Go put that in my car….I know what to do with it."

What the hell he was gonna do with it I didn't even want to know, I looked back at the pile while he went in the kitchen to help. The next chapel looked like a fucking arcade.

With a sigh I added that one to the pile.

It could not be this damn hard to get married. The two of them headed out into the garage, I took a look at the next chapel , which was actually St. John, the Baptist Cathedral in Savannah. I scanned over the hours and shit. This one had potential. It was a actual church.

The phone rang, without looking up from the paper I grabbed it and answered it, all without looking up, "Yeah?"

"What the fuck is your problem!"

It took me a moment to recognize the caller, "Which problem you talking bout Albert?"

"Hitting our damn father in his damn face! How dare you! Of all the fucking times I had to suffer through him and you go and hit him! I hate you! Next damn time you go I wanna come, why do you get to hit'im and I don't?"

I sighed, then turned to page two of the computer printout, looking over the information, looking for marriage information, "Next time I plan to hit someone I'll be sure to call you first."

"Don't be a smartass…hold on, I'm on the phone with Hoot. I'll take out the

trash in a second sugar,I promise. I love you, baby. Ok, listen up Rocky, what tha hell were you doin associatin with those bastards?"

Marriage silence, witnesses, all the good shit was needed for a Catholic Elopement, didn't anyone just run off and get married anymore?

"I had to drive our brother home. You may want to take out the trash before your woman pulls out her whip."

Albert immediately spat, "I am not whipped. I am my own man, I take orders from no one."

In the background I heard his wife scream, "What was that?"

"Nothin baby, I love you….anyway, we got another brother?"

"Apparently, you know if momma has anything against Catholics?"

Albert sighed, "Catholics? What the fuck is a Catholic?"

Again Albert's beautiful wife screamed from across the house, "Don't swear around the children!"

I grinned, as he shouted back, "I ain't swearin baby."

"Whipped like the family pig," I smirked.

"Fuck you," Albert spat, "Anyway, Catholic? Is that a perfume?"

"No shithead, it's a fucking religion, you know the Pope?" I set the Cathedral aside in it's own pile. Then saw the next chapel had its sign in neon lights, it was misspelled. Chapel of Mounten Love.

"OH! Yeah yeah, momma thinks their idol worshippers," Albert told me, I already knew that but I was hoping she had lightened up on that. "Why?"

I put that chapel aside and looked at the next, "You think she'll notice if I git married in a Catholic Cathedral?"

"What the fuck for? Diana? She's Catholic? You're marring her? Is she pregnant?"

I shook my head, "No she ain't pregnant. Sanderson's wife is pregnant with a son." Albert laughed, "The stud got through three pills, was there any doubt?"

Then came Albert's wife, "ALBIE!"

I grinned, "Albie?"

"Hold on, What? Sugar! I'm on the phone!"

"Dinners done!"

"Aight! Ok man, look why don't you bring your woman and the General down for a visit?"

I shook my head, "Naw man, got too much shit going on here. But I wanted to let you know Diana and I are lookin at chapels and shit. Plus, you know who is over yonder."

"Aight man, give me a date and we'll get togetha a lil sooner, call momma so she ain't stunned shitless."

"Love ya," I told my brother.

"Hey man, if he gets too ornery give me a call, I know some cops up there that can hold things togetha while I race up the interstate to you."

"Aight."

"Love ya dipstick," Albert told me before I hung up, a hung grin on my face. I looked at the picture of the next chapel and saw a remake of some "Gone with the Wind" house. Fuck no.

The garage door slammed and Diana came in, then she opened it to let the smoke out of the kitchen. "Sweetie, were you going to tell me about that piece of scrap metal in the garage?"

Damn, I had forgotten to tell her.

I looked into her beautiful eyes and saw she was more curious then mad, and I repeated words I had heard moments earlier, "I love you, baby."

She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and then walked out of the kitchen and around the counter to me. Looking at the chapels too, she noticed the three piles I had made, "You like the Cathedral?"

I nodded, "Some of these are for shotgun weddins. Others are a lil too….neony for me."

She smiled and kissed my arm, "Have you got to the nudist one yet?"

Nudist? No! I quickly flipped through the pile , which made her laugh. She kissed my arm again and headed down the hall, "I'm going to go take a shower. Dad should be gone for about a hour."

"Aight," I told her, still flipping through for the nudist chapel until I realized what she had told me.