Sameo and Ainsleyet
'The Greatest Love Story of All Time'
(discounting any other love stories ever writen, anywhere and Jaws.)
Aries Zodiac
This piece of madness was inspired by…um, tidying my room. Yeah, that makes sense, doesn't it..
Anyways… Don't own Romeo and Juliet, don't own West Wing, don't own (very) brief bit of Hitchhiker's Guide.
Sooo;
Curtain up and enjoy the show!
Voice:
Two political camps, both alike in dignity (which ain't saying much for either of them)
In moderately fair Washington, where we lay our scene (Rain in the afternoon, some snow)
From ancient grudge (don't mention the war), break forth to new mutiny
Where uncivil shouting makes for civil action (house full of lawyers, must be some use for 'em)
From forth the fatal bowels of the White House (near the steam pipe distribution venue)
A pair of (could have been star-crossed lovers if she hadn't vanished off the face ofthe earth in Season Two)
Take their scripts
Whose misadventur'd piteous overtures
Do with their complete failure confuse people (confused me anyway)
The fearful passage of their general giving-out
And the continuance of the electorate to vote in halves (as in 50:50)
Which absolutely nothing will remove (which is why people get excited at American elections- you actually don't know what will happen)
It is now stuck in traffic we meet the first
Of minor bit characters (to increase tension and do exposition)
Who here will moan and bluster in an irritated fashion. (because what else are they for?)
ACT ONE
Scene One- A public place
Enter Lional Tribbey and…whathisface- that prat that Ainsley was on a team with- the Republican who lasted all of one episode- you know who I mean)- in cars stuck in a traffic jam
(Yeah, it lasted longer in the play but I don't have enough Republicans to go round)
Tribbey:
What, art thou parked or what? Thou'rt taking up the whole damn street! Turn, then Republican dude, and look upon thy political nemesis! (excitable chap isn't he)
Rep. dude:I have but stalled, sit back in your car. Or come over here and give me a hand.
Tribbey:
What! Election year and talk of peace! I hate the word! As I hate hell and thy Republican Leaderdude! Have at thee with my trusty hurley! (large stick)
They fight.
Enter several other victims of traffic jams and road rage- Rentacrowd gathersRentacrowd:
The chair! Use the chair! Um… oh yeah- Down with the Republicans! Down with the Democrats!
Enter Neutral President with Random Aides (He's neither Rep. nor Dem. for this, okay? Don't ask me how he got into Government.)
NP:
Rebellious electorate, enemies to peace
Are you lot listening! OY!
Shut up and stop fighting
On pain of….um pain, drop the blasted weaponry (New gun control bill is going to have a hurley clause attached)
And listen to me for once, okay?
Three bloody campaign brawls, your faults
Yes you, Tribbey and random Republican dude.
No, I don't know your name
Shut up and let me finish
Um….have thrice disturbed Washingtons noble streets
And caused the Press to have a flippin' field-day
They're going to bring back a monarchy if you aren't careful
If you ever disturb the people again
I will…give a three hour lecture on National Parks and Cabbage (Crowd disperses speedily)
You- Democrat, back to the White House
And you Republican- I don't hold grudges- that's what I pay Josh Lyman for,
Talk to him later
Republican:Aw…No fair!
NP:
Once more, all men…oh…where is everyone?
General Exeunt
Enter Lord and Lady Neutral President (i.e. Jed & Abbey Bartlett) with Charlie
Lady NP:
Where is Sam?- saw you him tonight? (well actually it's day but she's got
unpoetic licence)
At least someone wasn't in this fight
Charlie:
Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun
Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,
A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;
Where, underneath the grove of sycamore
That westward rooteth from the White House
So early walking did I see him with Toby in furious altercation
And as I approached he cast up his hands and waxed most wroth
And not a minute after had departed the scene with heavy brow
Figuring that I was already in a bad mood I let him get on with it
Lady NPYa' wha?
Lord NP This morning he had a fight with Toby and is sulking somewhere. It happens.
Lady NP: Oh. Find out what's up with him would you? Or have you already tried?
Charlie:
Both by myself and many other friends
But he, his own affection' councillor…
Lady NP: Yes, yes. More matter with less art. (Hey, if I have to do Hamlet for school, then I'm gonna spread the misery)
Charlie:Oh. Haven't a clue.
More Exuenting.
Charlie: Yeesh, it's not like I get much to say normally anyway.
Enter Sam
Charlie: Good morrow, cousin!
Sam looks hunted): Is it? Um…was that the President?
Charlie: Yup. Why are you depressed?
Sam: Ah me, for it is that I love a woman.
Charlie: Not again. Who is it this time?
Sam: She…um…er is not sworn to chastities…um…swear.
Charlie:O, not another one. You're gonna try and reform her again aren't you?
Sam: No! Um…
Charlie: Exeunting now…
Charlie, um…exeuntsSam: I wish people would quit saying that. It's not like I knew beforehand.
Exe…wanders off sulking
Enter Great Republican Leaderdude (TM) and Cliff
Mystified Audience: Who?
Voice: That guy with Donna's diary
Demystified Audience: Oh
GRLd:
But McGarry is bound as well as I
For penalty alike; and 'tis not hard I think
For us not to try kill each other for a week.
Bartlett'll have forgotten it by then.
Cliff:Oh right, yeah…
GRLd:
Fine, you young are so selfish
You want to go after Ainsley Hayes, is it?
Well, good luck, that's all I'm saying
But woo her, gentle… whatever-your-surname-is, get her heart
Keep a chocolate muffin with you at all times
And it shouldn't be too hard
This night I hold an old accustom'd fundraiser
Whereto I have invited many a guest
Such as I love (and need to suck up to)
So if you're there it'll be one less.
And I will talk at you in a lofty and annoying manner
Full of thees and hithertothous
And Ainsley will find it necessary to rescue you.
Therefore make your acquaintance
Cliff: You what?
Exuent
Enter Josh and Sam
Josh:Hey Sam, want to gatecrash a Republican fundraiser.?
Sam: Um….
Josh:I think Laurie might be there
Sam: O! Okay!
Wander off
Okay, not going into the next bit. Ainsley; Cliff, Cliff; Ainsley. What do you think?
Sam, Josh and random other would-be gatecrashers talk. Sam is depressed etc. Movin' on.
ACT TWO
Scene One
-Deep within Republican Territory, the lone Democrat ventures, hearing behind every tree, the sound off the ravenous Bug-Blatter Reporter of Trall ready to pounce. He approaches his prey…
'Click'
Okaaaay…Scene One: Republican House. Spoilsport.
Sam: Can I do anything but moodily eat a sandwich while Laurie is here with him!
Josh: Sam? Where's your true love, fair Laurie? (yaddayaddayadda-sorry Josh)
Josh exeunts to boogie on the dancefloor, and scares quite a lot of people.
Sam Git.
Ainsley appears above at a windowSam
Um…what light through yonder window breaks?
O, it is a powercut and there's the fair torch
Ainsley sighs pointedly. Sam notices her
Sam:
Wow! New face in these parts.
Wonder was she hired because she's small and skinny with long blonde hair?
I mean…um- not allowed say things like that am I?
It is my lady; O, it is my love! (Told you he was fickle. Watch this-)
Voice: Hey Sam, what happened to fair Laurie?
Sam: Who? Hey! I'm having a moment here! Ahem!
Sam: O, that she knew she were
She munches, on an apple, what of that?
She's still pretty damn cute.
Ainsley Ah me!
Sam:
She speaks!
O, speak again, person dressed in what appears to be a muffin-outfit.
For I cannot- I am disguised as an onion.
Ainsley:
Sam, Sam! Wherefore art thou, Sam.
I think I can hear your tones
And sense a pungent smell of onions
Deny thy Democratness, and forswear your party
Or, if thou wilt not, I'll no longer be a Republican….O!
Sam panics and falls into the swimming pool. And drowns.
Ainsley marries Cliff then weird shit happens and they all die tragically.
The End
Voice There was never a tale so totally unglued
As that of yer wan… and the other dude.
Bet you're glad that's over.
Haven't gotten to write a really weird one in a while. If you liked that then my other strange stuff is under the name Annere in the Stargate section. (hint hint)
You know what I'm gonna say so…I'll say it anyway- PLEASE review!
Aries